Part 12
|FLASHBACK- Cont|
I looked at my phone.. and saw another 5 missed calls and 2 messages from Twinkle.. and the guilt in me grew even more.. I felt tension rising again in my head...
How could I be so mean to her.. ? how could I not respond to her calls.. ? she had been there for me in everything... but...
But why did she betray me??
Why did Twinkle tell all that to sarika when she was already so messed up?
But why will she lie to me? Did she?
But why will Sarika lie to me ?
The last two months have been not easy.. Every moment passes slowly and is filled with multiple questions...
Twinkle's absence and presence both make me feel worse..
I felt guilty for not responding to her calls...and even more horrible when I talked to her while doubting her..
It was too difficult.. and letting go and shutting everything off felt better.. but somehow I was not able to do that.. I always ended up picking her 6th call or replying..after all she was my closest friend...
I wish I could just end it all and get my friend back..
But...why ?
why did she betray me?? If she didn't want to go she would not have gone..
These questions bothered me daily.. and I didn't know how to handle this anymore ..
I looked at the mirror.. my frustrated self looked back ..
I looked at reflection of the watch I was wearing...Twinkle's gift..of last birthday...I missed our long talks.. our study sessions.. I missed her..
But then Sarika's image floated in..
She had been in hospital for a week and I had sneaked ...
She was just week apparently.. that is what the doctors said..
I didn't know what to do anymore.. it didn't even feel like a relationship anymore with sarika.. we hardly talked we hardly met.. but she had suffered a lot because of me..
Her parents had become a little less strict because of which I talked to her yesterday,, and all she talked about was how much she missed me..
I didn't want to hurt her..
my mind drifted back to Twinkle..but all I could think was why Twinkle had told her to stay away from me.. why would she.. she was happy and supportive why suddenly this..
I wanted to talk to her..
I picked up the cell and called her
...
"Twinkle?"
"yeah?"
"Can we go for movies.. not able to study..!"
I heard his desperate voice.. It seemed like he was really troubled.. My million questions my attempts to make everything clear rushed through my mind.. but he had once made it clear to not bother him..about that particular topic
But he doesn't trust me?!
My mind said revoltingly..
If he didn't care he would not call or reply to my messages even if that is once in 10 times...
Not fair my mind screamed grumpily..
But him and his affect like always made logic look useless ...
"Yeah sure...where"
"PVR near my place?"
"Ok.."
" See you in an hour then ?"
I kept the phone happily... I realized how happy I felt suddenly.. . yeah he had that affect on me...
And nothing else made sense.. just he did...and I needed him.. I needed my friend back...
And with hope of reconciling my friendship to him .. I headed to the cinemas...
...
I looked at the screen of the theater.. Twinkle had been quiet too quiet.. as if she was scared..
Scared of me?
I looked at her..how readily she had come on my one call
How could this girl betray me?
No my heart said again.. but then Sarika?
I started talking and she followed.. I could see she was using words carefully..
And every now and then thoughts erupted..
Wrong ... bad ... thoughts...
" Is she jealous of sarika?"
No my heart said strongly
" Did she lie to me?"
My heart again said... no but in a lighter tone
As sarika's image flashed in my mind
" Can I trust her.."
My heart fell silent .. though I could hear a whisper saying yes...
I wanted our friendship back.. I decided to let go off this and start our friendship.. she had not let go off either then why should I..?
...
Our abrupt conversations landed on a smooth road by the end of the movie I was glad to have my friend Kunj back.. I honestly felt I had him back..
As if all was sorted... even though my mind was still saying though just in whispers
"He does not trust you"
But I wasn't paying attention.. as the craving of my heart had conquered it all...and I stared at him with relief that he was back..
Or was he...??
...
" My parents have finally agreed that we can date Kunj.. I am so happy.. love you.."
I received a text as soon as I dropped Twinkle at her place...
I felt happy at first but then sad.. and a bit scared too
I could not understand my mixed emotions..
I should be happy right ? that I have Sarika back?
But Twinkle.. I feared Sarika will not like I being with Twinkle...
But Twinkle is so important to me and just when all has been sorted.. how can I ignore her..?
No I won't I will handle both..My friendship and Sarika...I can and I will..
I have forgiven Twinkle and want it to remain that way...
...
|Three months later|
Dear Diary..
The last three months had been amazing.. so amazing that I forgot to write..Okay not that amazing.. but from my perspective and hope..from almost losing Kunj to almost having my old friendship back.. well that is amazing..
Though his absence is more than before.. and we do not talk that often.. but I know he looks out for me..and doesn't ignore my call.. makes sure he replies..
Though...I do miss our good morning good night messages.. but I can't expect him to.. he is back with Sarika... I do not want to be the cause of any kind of trouble.. I do not want to come in between... I just want my friendship with him..his love life is none of my business...or is it?
Aah... well.. Sarika.. the reason I am writing in my diary and something I don't want to tell even my reflection...is...
I saw her that day... with this other guy and she saw me too.. and well he could be a friend too.. but they were holding hands..And she hurried off after seeing me.. I could sense guilt...I hope I am not over thinking like I always do..or maybe I am
Kunj is so happy with her.. but isn't it my obligation to tell him..?
But he doesn't trust me..in the last three months he has never mentioned sarika even once. He just told me they are going strong and are together.. that is all .. nothing more..
He has separated that part of his life from our friendship...he doesn't ask for advice.. or for gift selection... nothing..
But shouldn't I tell him?
But what if Sarika is not cheating and worse things could happen..
I can't lose Kunj.. the last 6 months have been very tough.. from that farewell's day.. I pretty much lost everything and have gained only some bits back..
And only now my life has started to feel normal...
But I should tell him? But I am not sure either..
College finishes in the next 2 months.. and Farewell is next month...I can't mess it up..with Kunj..But he needs to know .. he has the right to know.. but I have to make sure.. that I am not assuming anything...
Yeah he does.. yes he does..need to know... I will find a way ...
...
|PRESENT|
Pieces of memories... lied around me.. as I stared on his sad and disappointed face.. I had forgiven him.. but the past was too strong to let me go.. I didn't want to hold on.. I wanted my best friend back.. I was always this kind of person.. someone who forgave even if that person had ripped my heart out..
But did I not promise to change.. did I know bind my heart to my brain.. so that I would not let people run over me.. The years of loss the years.. of pain after he left me.. Were they for nothing? How I had struggled to be in one piece...
I pondered .. I wanted him back.. I even now had no control over that wish.. I always had wanted him.. as a friend.. or maybe more..
But on what conditions?
Conditions?
Wasn't this a selfless friendship??
But hadn't this selfless friendship let my heart bleed and ache for years..
And now that I had run out of tears .. and my wounds had healed a bit..
Did I want them to suffer the same trauma again?
It was time I respected my heart..
I know his heart was pure and so were his intentions.. I know he really wanted me back and I wanted the same..
But could a cup of coffee.. a few hours of chat could maybe heal things for a day or two but maybe not forever..?
For it to last the healing had to be slow...
Then only it could be completely healed...
...
Hope you all liked this part..
Please like and share your views... means a lot to me..
Cheers
Griffy
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