Arshi FF : Merger Thrd #3 Chp 34 - Pg 86 - 2 Posts - Page 49

Missed reading the last two chapters ... will be back ...

A/N: I can't be more sorry for this delayed update. There were several reasons, the foremost being that the most important person in my life is not keeping well. It isn't anything serious, but at the same time not knowing the reason' for repeatedly falling sick has kept me very worried. I am just praying that over a period of time it does get resolved. All I can do at the moment is to keep doing the right thing every moment. And hopefully the solution shows itself one day!

I will be honest that I DID find time in between to write the update. But anytime I wrote, the entire chapter was SAD, SAD, SAD!! But at this juncture of their lives, they are anything but SAD! So, I had to hold the update off till I had the right narrative to put across (Though I am still not sure if this is what is the right narrative!)

And there have been things in AD where I had to take a call. And these few months have been about that as well.

The last and the most relevant of the reasons is that I had to rearrange my thoughts as to how I would be taking the story forward. Split it to a sequel or move it to a blog (given that it would have some intimate interaction between Arnav and Khushi) or convert it to a series of OSs (which will help me take up one issue at a time). I am not decided about that as yet. I will keep you all in the loop as I progress.

As and when I found some peaceful time when I could do justice to my Arnav and Khushi, I have written the update. This chapter, however short, is what I have been able to come up with.

I hope you find it in you to bear with my delay and be with me and the story.

And thankyou all for showering such wonderful comments in the previous chapter. I truly feel blessed when I read them.

Do let me know how you felt about it...

CHAPTER 34

Khushi woke up with a start, suddenly remembering that she had forgotten the most important thing after their wedding. The one thing that she had reminded herself several times over to be the absolute "must-do" after the wedding ceremony. Arnavji's wedding gift! She lifted her head up feeling partly guilty and partly anxious only to find her not even a day old husband fast asleep. Wanting to see more of his face she raised up further. And she fell in love with him all over again. The light stubble, the tired oily eyes, the thin lips, the unruly hair. Who would believe her when she would say that the stern and sometimes harsh Arnav Singh Raizada was probably the most gentle person they would ever know in their lifetime. Her affection made way into a smile and sleep was a forgotten necessity.

She combed his hair with her fingers and stilled. His eyeballs moved under the thin eyelids and he left a long breath. Moments later she felt him drifting back to sleep again. Balancing herself on her elbow beside his head, she pushed herself up, sliding above his arm under her. His head cushioned just above her bosom. She kept caressing his hair and he seemed to relax and nuzzle into her chest.

She was taken aback with the overwhelming love she felt for him. She had this uncontrollable need to hold him tight to herself. But she couldn't. Lest he would wake up and that would disturb his sleep. She felt this sudden surge of irritation. No, she didn't want to be the responsible one anymore. She wanted to be unreasonable and greedy and carefree. She frowned. And looked at him, slightly mad at him for sleeping. And just like that, she lost her trantrum and smiled gently.

Sighing and chuckling at her own silly thoughts, she slowly phased out. Minutes passed, without any thoughts in her mind. Just the sight of her dear dear Arnavji so close to her. Without any barriers of any sorts - the society or self-imposed.

She left a long breath again. After months... many many months, she finally had a moment to herself. And the surprise of all was that this moment did not entail any worries. It was a calm and serene one. A gift her Arnavji had given her.

Her breaths came in long and heavy as she mused on her life. The past and the present. What had her life been all along? Nothing but pure torture. A life she had dealt with alone'. She closed her eyes trying to let go of the fatigue of the last several months. Lot of incidents and people flashed in front of her eyes. And none of them were happy ones... Her Babuji's betrayal, Shyamji's toruture, Amma's cruel words, Chutki's care free behaviour. Her eyes misted, she fluttered them open controlling her tears. Tch why was she even remembering those bad events. She should have happy thoughts, cherish this big day of her life.

She left a long breath again and looked at the peaceful face of her Arnavji. Much against her will, her eyebrows peaked in melancholy. She could not lie to herself. She wanted to share it all with him. She felt that mountainous need seed and sprout in her innermost senses. The need to have someone at the closest quarters and share with him her absolute need for support. To tell him that she was not strong, she was not positive. She dreaded everyday to get up and face the world. She was tired of dealing with things. She was tired of fighting. She was tired of putting up a brave face.

She wanted him to tell her that he was there with her and for her. To tell her that even she was allowed to falter. And that he would be there to hold her when she did stumble. And more than anything else she was entitled to want and have a normal life and atleast a few things she wished for, if not all. And here, in the encircles of her arms was the man in front of whom she could unburden herself. The man who had promised her that they could have all that and more. But something was still holding her back to believe him completely. And she was sick of that gnawing feeling.

She put her doubts out in the open. To start with, she wondered if she had the right to unload her baggage on to him, especially given that he was battling in his own hell? And then there was the more important question - Even if she was ready, was he really inclined to let her unburden the baggage and worries upon himself?

His words rang in her mind "Let us be what we want to be in this relationship and see where it goes". She would be ever thankful to him for having that open mind. She would never lie to herself to think that Arnavji was healed. He was anything but far from it. Money and professional progress had only brought his self esteem back. But the treachery of his father lingered on his own character. And the fear that he would end up like his father lingered on his mind all the time. And that fear led him to react aggressively and offensively sometimes.

And coming to her own self, she was no where near healing. At the moment there was still Shyam, moving scot free out there. She was without a job now. And then there were Amma and Chutki - What should she do next? Her Amma had already begun talking about selling the house for their livelihood. The idea of taking money from her married daughter, being absolutely unacceptable. Had she known that her Amma was beginning to think on those lines even a few weeks before, she would have backed out from this wedding. Arnavji would have understood. But her Amma blurted it out only the day before the wedding. Why don't problems seem to go away? She needed him. In all this, she needed him. To tell her that he was in this, as much as her.

But she couldnt talk to him right now. Atleast not at the moment. She had to let him relish his big day atleast. All this had to wait. Her loneliness had to wait to be tended to. That is, if it ever gets tended ... A small voice echoed at the back of her mind.

Her bosom shuddered with the controlled breaths, tears being forced back in her eyes. Not matter how much she tried, a couple of them dropped down. Hold me Arnavji! I need you!' Her heart called out to him.

And right at that moment she felt him move. He raised himself quickly and balanced on an elbow. He had been awake since the time she had run her fingers for the first time a few minutes back. He lay there secretly reveling in her soft caresses. But her shuddered breaths worried him and finally when the tear drops fell on his forehead, he couldn't hold himself back. Something was bothering her and he had to know.

"Khushi" His whisper startled her out of her reverie. And his questioning eyes were ridden with worry once he saw the thick shield of tears. She fell on him grabbing him to herself tightly. She allowed herself unburden atleast her tears for now. Else, she was sure to go mad.

"Kya hua Khushi? Do you... do you want to go and be with your Amma? I can take you... I know you must be feeling bad to leave her behind and all..." She heard him come to his own conclusions. And chuckled softly. And he accused her of having a fertile imagination!!

Raising herself away from his chest she looked at him. And Arnav was confused to the core. How could one smile and have tears at the same time?

She quickly wiped her tears with the back of her hands. And smiled some more. "My bidai is tomorrow Arnavji. Amma and Chutki are going away tomorrow night." She quipped.

"Phir!?" She had to elaborate. She couldnt get away with changing the topic.

"It's just that... How shall I say it? All these months... And the things that happened... And today, I finally get to be with you... But..." She couldn't give words to her thoughts. Because anything she would say would be incomplete. This was neither the time or the place to share her feelings with him. She looked at him just tired even to articulate the words. For a long moment they looked at each other.

"But... you dont know how things will shape up... you dont know what future holds for us?" Arnav continued it for her.

She looked up at him surprised. How was he able to word it so clearly and precisely without feeling offended?

"Oh, come on. Don't be surprised Khushi." He shifted towards the wall beside his bed gathered her in his arms and leaned back. "Those questions are on my mind too. But I am positive that we will work it out."

"How do you know?" Khushi raised her head to look into his face.

"I know. I know because, it's you I am with."

She was taken aback at his faith in her. And guilt washed over her. Why was she doubting him time and again? And insulting his commitment towards her?

NO!' Came a ferocious reply within her. She had NEVER questioned his intentions towards her. NEVER! Then what the hell was this unsettling feeling she constantly had. Why couldn't she be as sure about him as he was about her?

Arnav kept looking at her silent face with eyes flitting all over. "Don't badger yourself so much Khushi. You have me to do that to you, every now and then." It was his turn to mock at himself for snapping at her the day before without due reason.

"What if I fail you Arnavji? I am not as virtuous as you think of me."

"You wont fail me Khushi. You know why? Because you have always reserved the best in you for me. You have given me what my money and the people I live with could never give me."

She looked on, wondering what had she ever given him. It was always the other way round, wasnt it?

"You probably have no idea about it at all. But you have given me the one gift which I have always yearned my whole life. The gift of having someone to lean on to when you find yourself absolutely alone. The gift of seeing someone right behind you, the one who has your back when you are in absolute dismay. A person who offers herself for you to lean back on, telling you that you don't have to shoulder all the burden yourself. A person who says I am there for you, with you and in your shoes, irrespective of whether you seek me or not. You have been that person in my life Khushi!"

"Arnavji... you are overthinking about me... I have never done any such thing for you..."

"Oh sweetheart... you have done that... all the time... And that was exactly what pulled me towards you Khushi! During the initial days you kept a check on my hasty decisions. You helped me re-draw the most crucial presentation which was key to get Mallik Fashions to believe me blindly. You didn't give up on me when I was harsh on you when I was sick. You fell in love with me with absolutely no expectations or hope that I would love you back. And you were in my shoes when you wept with me for my parents and avenged their death. So dont you dare tell me that you are not there for me Khushi Kumari Gupta! You were there for me, even when you were not consciously aware about it."

She sucked in her breath, unable to believe how much he had been observing her. She clung on his chest again overwhelmed by his acknowledgement that he had noticed and accepted every care she had tended towards him.

"But how do you know that I will be all that all our lives?"

He cupped her cheeks with his wide palms and nudged her to look at him. "I don't know that. But it's a question you have to answer for yourself."

Her eyes darted to focus on his own. Ofcourse she would be with him. In thick and thin. In every phase of life, she would be with him, for him. Because...because... She searched really hard for a reason. Hell! Why did she have to give a reason? She would be there for him because there was no other way she was going to have in her life. No other option existed. It was something inherent in her. To take care of him.

She saw a smile take birth and spread all over his face. His eyes shown with pride and a mischievous See, I told you so' look.

She looked on, wondering why he had done that.

"If you look at yourself in the mirror, you will see what I am seeing. Your eyes! Khushi. Then change everytime your commitment towards me is questioned. They are full of a steely determination to be there for me. And an unwavering confidence that that is the only way possible. And no other. I have seen this many times over, sweetheart. That resolve in you to be there for me, even when I didn't ask for it. A resolve to take care of me, not because you have something to prove to me, but because it comes naturally' to you. Something, that is as inherent in you as you would feel for your Amma and Chutki. I don't know if I am able to explain it. It is something I felt'. And it is that feeling which kind of made it impossible for me to stay away from you."

He couldn't have put her feelings for him in any better words. That was it. Pure and simple. Her feelings for him were from her soul. Just as her Amma and Chutki. The three of them were on par. Correct that. May be, he was rising to be above her Amma and Chutki. And for some reason, she couldn't stop that bias.

She snaked her arms around his chest and rested her head on his heart. He held her close, still leaning on the wall. After a few silent moments of togetherness, he asked her.

"Khushi, do you remember the gift you asked from me for our wedding?"

Ofcourse she remembered. That she wanted them both to be the best of friends.

"Yes" She repled softly into his chest.

"Never give up on your friend ok? Have faith in your faith on him. You must have seen something good to have married him, right?"

She raised her head wondering what his complicated mind was conjuring up with.

"Have faith in him even when you feel like hating him. OK?" He looked her in the eye, a hint of glassy shine glinting at the tip of his eyes.

He was as scared as her that something might go wrong between them in the future.

"Arnavji..." She gasped in worry and took him in an embrace. She leaned back again to look into his face. Brushing his unruly hair aside she placed a soft kiss on his forehead. "You need to stop this." She scolded him in mock anger. He frowned what she was hinting at. "My friend is the most adorable and kind person you will ever meet, you know. And I won't let anyone hate him. Not even you. You need to promise me that you will start to like him. You will see that you will fall in love with him in no time." She chirped sweetly. Her love for him shown in her eyes and contagiously spread all over his being.

Smiling, he nuzzled his nose against hers. "I can't promise, but I will try."

She smiled brightly. He leaned in and took her lips in a soft kiss. And the novice that she was, she couldn't help feeling shy.

She thought of ways to steer him into different thoughts and immediately chided herself for losing track of the main point.

"Arnavji..." she pushed on his chest to make distance between them. "There was a reason I woke up in the first place." She clarified.

"Kya?" He enquired.

"Your wedding gift! You told me you would ask me for it on our wedding night." She reminded him.

She saw something shift in his eyes, as realization dawned on him. And then came his smirk. He rolled his tongue inside his mouth mischievously.

"Hmm... about that..." He drawled, took her in his arms and rolled over on his small bed, resting half of his body over her.

Khushi saw something shift in his eyes, as they began to grow darker. The night lamp giving just enough indication as to the shades of intentions.

"Arnavji..." she pushed him again on the chest.

"Hmm..." He leaned in closer, a small smile lingering on his lips.

"Concentrate... We were talking about your gift, remember?" She warned him meekly. Her voice was ridden more with fear than with reprimanding him.

"For that my love, you will have to do away with this." He held both her hands by the wrists and pushed them above her head. His chest fell on her bosom and she sucked a breath as something changed in their proximity. Their bodies were aligned earlier too, but at the moment they were infact... plastered. More than plastered... as if... as if he had entered into some part of her body. Khushi found him closing-in into her being. Little did she know that he had just begun and had a long way to go.

Arnav fixed her arms above her head and released his hold on them. She tried to drop them lower, beside her. But with a quick nod, he indicated a no. He trailed his hands down her arms, his wide palms tracing and relishing her soft skin. He deliberately pulled her short baggy sleeves down and was thankful to them for letting him grace as much of her arms as possible. Khushi knew very well where his palms were headed to. She hoped against hope that he would spare her the sweet torture and stop. She clung onto the pillows hoping they would hold her together while he continued to trace down his wide palms slowly down her shoulders and closer and closer to her bosom. His eyes which were getting darker by the second bore into hers. She had never seen him like this before. On one end, she relished the fact that she was able to emanate such a response from him, but on the other end, she was scared because she had absolutely no clue what would entail. Unable to hold his glance, she hid her face in one of her arm. Arnav's palm had reached the side of her bosom. The thumb and the heel of his palm well over the side of her swells. Khushi dug into the pillows. Her breaths came in uneven. He teased her giving a momentary relief by dipping his palm from the sides to her back. Just when she thought she could relax, he leaned in completely and took the sweet spot on her neck with his mouth. The palms and hands went all the way around her back and took charge of the sides of her moulds again. No longer able to withhold herself, Khushi dropped her arms down and clung to his shoulders. Her fingers bunching up the garment. He pulled on her over-sized t-shirt revealing her smooth shoulder. "Oh Khushi" He purred even as his warm breath fanned her skin on the shoulder. He moved along dropping heavy kisses along his way to her jawline. She squirmed and curled up her legs under him, moulding herself further into him.

"Arnavji..." Her voice came in uneven. "The gift... what do you want...?" She huffed the words even as she pulled him closer to her.

"You are giving it to me right now..." He nuzzled his way to the other side of her neck, kisses coming in abundantly.

"Huh!?" She asked dazed as she was.

He raised himself a bit to look into her eyes. Her eyes continued to ask him the question.

"I want to make love to you... on my bed." He revealed the answer. His voice husky, eyes conveying that he really meant it.

CONTINUED IN NEXT POST

He saw the transformation on her face. Days later, he would tease her to death about it. Shock, shyness, embarrassment, fear, happiness. How could one expression be a concoction of all that?

"Dhath... Besharam" she hit him slightly on the chest and turned around and hid herself in the pillow. Her palms securing her face, as if that would that would make her disappear.

Arnav bit his lips with a broadening smile. Just as he had expected. Preparing himself to be admonished more, he spooned her pulling her by her waist with his cheek resting at the back of her head.

"Aye, wont you give me my gift?" He teased her.

Instead he earned an elbow.

"Ouch" he pretended to have been hurt. That was enough. She turned around, worried that she hurt him.

"I'm sorry" she apologized.

He was smiling. Locking her with both her arms, he asked her again.

"Ab bolo... wont you give me my gift?"

Realising that he had tricked her she gave him a frown and pout. She was upset. Here the night was almost getting over. It was a night they would never have again. And he didn't take it seriously.

He leaned in again to kiss her.

"Arnavji!" she pushed hard on his chest and whined softly. "I really want to give you that gift. Else, I will feel guilty all my life."

"Khushi... I AM serious. I want to make love to you... on my bed." Khushi knew. This time he wasn't joking. His face ... his eyes... He WAS serious. She stiffened in his hold. An unease took birth in the pit of her stomach and threatened to wash over her body. Just when she thought her husband to be the most reasonable man, he had undone all the generosity he had showered this night. She gulped hard. The fear escaping her in small uneven gasps.

"Hey...hey... relax. Making love doesn't have to translate into...you know..." Arnav raised his eyebrows hoping she would catch on the s' word. He hadn't been completely aloof to her anxiousness about what was to come this night. Shit how had he contradicted himself in a short span to time. He had to explain to her that he was in no hurry and that he meant' everything he said.

When Khushi's face continued to show her unease, he told her tenderly.

"Khushi, you've got to believe me. We will ... You know..." He was scared to even use the word, lest she felt scandalized. "We will come together when we are both ready... And it's definitely not today... not now. OK?"

She gulped again and searched for more answers in his eyes.

He sighed hard. Clasping her one palm in his own, he looked her in the eye. "I mean it. You've got to believe me."

He saw her relaxing, albeit just a bit. But the gift? He had to explain what he felt. Else, she would feel guilty all her life.

"Khushi, can I be honest with you... about all this? You know... about us coming together?" Her expectant eyes encouraged him to continue.

He lied down on his back, gathering her in one arm. The other hand securely held her palm on his chest.

She was resting on his shoulder, with face down. They needed that space to be a bit away from each other, but yet, close enough.

"I can't tell you how many times I have fantasized about it, sweetheart. How many ways I would show you how much I love you." He felt her grip his palm on his chest. He pulled their entwined hands to his lips and kissed it tenderly. "You know why?" She shifted her cheek, just a bit, to let him know she was awaiting his answer.

"Khushi, this bed... it has been my bed for the past 14 years. It is probably the only thing on this earth which truly knows who I am, what I've been through and what I felt in all those years. Even when I was in Harvard, I used to think of my bed and narrate my day to it. It's been somewhat like by best friend through out the trying years."

Khushi gripped his hand again and raised herself to look him in the eyes. She gulped hard again. But Arnav knew, just by one look into her eyes, that she was reliving his pain.

"No sweetheart. Not anymore." No he didn't want any kind of dismay or unhappiness to seep into their lives. On the contrary, he had been wanting to wipe away all the bad memories. He went on to place his need for this closure in front of the one person who, he thought, had the power to do it for him.

"You know Khushi, all these years, this bed has been very close to me. This 3 by 6 feet which I could call my own. Which everyone around me did not contradict and acknowledge to the date. In a way, it is My space. My small world."

Khushi looked on as Arnav described a feeling which she identified with. Her pillow. Her pillow had been her companion all her life. Well atleast until now.

"When I think of this bed, I can only associate with tears, fear and unhappiness. But now, I have you. You are in my world. My happinees, my Khushi." His arm around her gripped her more firmly, as if declaring the world to challenge his claim on her. "And since the time you've accepted my feelings, you know...over the past month or so, I've had this overwhelming need to re-write my association with this bed. When I think of this bed, I want to think about you, about our love-making, about your love for me and my love for you!"

As he narrated his need to wipe away the tragic memories and replace them with love and security, Khushi's eyes misted and she bit her lip to hold back the tears.

"Arnavji, I am sorry..."

"Sshhh. No more unhappiness Khushi."

"Nahin. Humein kehne dijiye. I am sorry about all that happened in your childhood." She pushed herself up, cupping his cheeks and placed two soft kisses on his misted eyes. "I am sorry you were alone all these years." A soft kiss on his forehead to ease his tension lines. "I am sorry I didn't come earlier to be with you." Kisses along one jawline to the chin. "I am sorry I wasn't there to take away the pain." She trailed her soft kisses up the other jawline.

"And I am forever indebted to this bed to have been there for you when I hadn't been." She pecked his nose.

She looked him straight in the eye and told him with determination. "Arnavji, wont you take your wedding gift, please?"

Arnav looked into her eyes. Yes, she was willing. And yes, it was forced. And that was the last thing he would want to do to her. Forcing himself on her, that is. He continued with his unfinished narrative.

"You know Khushi... What is love-making?"

Her eyes flickered and her gaze lowered.

Ofcourse! Arnav thought. From where he and she came from, all this was not spoken out in the open.

"It is exactly what it is, sweetheart. Making love. It is not s*x Khushi. It is making' of love. Haven't we been doing exactly that since... since we came into this room? Coming to that, haven't we been making love since the day we met?"

Khushi flicked her gaze up surprised at his sensitive facet. His approach to this entire thing' was so... so... compassionate?

"When I let go of this bed in a few days, I would like to tell it that it is too small for the love we share and the love we are going to make. I want to tell it that a bed no longer reminds me of the bad past, but of a fantastic life that I am living."

Khushi choked with emotions overwhelming her. Arnavji trusted her blindly to make things good for him. And she would do everything in her power to give him exactly that. His words would resound within her for a really long time now. She would take away his pain. She would pave way for his fantastic life.

Letting go of her prejudice and apprehensions, she leaned in and pressed her lips on his ever so softly. It wasn't a kiss in the real sense. But for Arnav, a willing merger of lips was a bigger gift than a forced love-making. It would be a long time before they would get more comfortable with each other. But today he had been blessed with more than he could ask for. He sighed into their pressed lips. As she raised herself, she saw him looking at her. Their eyes never leaving the other's.

Arnav felt forever indebted to her Devi Maiyya for letting his Khushi come into his life. His Khushi! The one who would tend to his heart far better than he ever could himself. No, he was not saying this out of blind trust. She had done it, had been doing it over the past year or so, since they had met. She would trade her life for his one smile. She had proved it by sidelining her issues with Shyam and prioritizing his need for his closure with his Uncle.

He felt a change, a subtle change within him. He could have missed the feeling had he not been so akin to his self' at the moment. Was it the confidence he had in his faith on Khushi or her kind heart, he didn't know. Or may be he did. It was both...

He would remember this day for almost of all his life, that he knew. Not only because it is his wedding day. But because his Khushi had gifted him something he had never imagined nor asked to be bestowed on him.

She had hit the wall he had built around himself. A wall he had built meticulously for 14 years around him. She had gotten him to soften in the past year or so. But the walls of self-preservation were still tall and intact. So intact that despite promising her of a marriage, he had never shown his real self to her.

But today, as he looked into her eyes, he couldn't thank her Devi Maiyya again and again to have received an honest and committed soul. A soul which cried more than him when he was hurt. A soul which would go hundred miles out of the way just to put a smile on his face.

So, Arnav Singh Raizada, did what he thought he would never do. What he had promised himself he would never do. He pulled out a small brick out of the tall wall around him. A brick which let out a small hole, for his Khushi's eyes only. Just so that she could see him, the real him.

He knew that this wasn't enough. He had to open up more. But he also knew that he would close the brick anytime he felt that his heart wasn't protected, "he" wasn't protected. But then, something in his heart told him, that she would let him unburden himself. One brick at a time!

Khushi saw the shift in his eyes. This was unlike anything she had seen before. They bore down into her soul. Nudging her to believe what she saw. Unknown to herself, she held her breath. The fear, which she associated with this marriage seemed to grow in ghostly vastness. Arnavji was showing a glimpse of his vulnerable self. But she knew that the glimpse also demanded that she handle him with extreme care, no less than a baby. Khushi did not know how to receive this step forward from Arnavji.

It was heartening to know he trusted her with his real self. But it was a huge responsibility. A responsibility she had no confidence of taking up. How could she, when she herself was burdened beyond her abilities.

But heart-of-heart she knew that she would never let him down. Not even in her dreams. She would strive till her last breath to let him know that she was committed to him, committed to protect him. She crunched his t-shirt at the V of his neck, hoping that the weight of the responsibility that she felt at the moment did not show on her face. All along looking at Arnavji's hopeful eyes, which continued to tell her that a streak of light... a streak of his real self was peeping out of him and resting on her.

A small voice echoed in her inner thoughts. Will I ever be lucky enough to be where he is now? Will I ever be able to shine my light out? And when I do, will he receive and protect it. She quashed the voice only to replace it with a resounding promise. I will always be there for you Arnavji, no matter what!

Arnav knew she would respond to his cue. And she had done. With a resounding promise to tend to his heart and soul with her own.

He rolled her over under him and took her in a warm kiss. A kiss which gave her the access to his heart.

A/n:

My thoughts -

Saying I love you before marriage has a very different connotation to it than when compared to saying it after the wedding. In fact I love you has different meanings through-out a couple's life. Because, love transcends various phases of one's life and therefore has the burden to cater to that facet of life at that point of time.

A man and a woman complement each other in two very different ways. Neither is superior to the other. Neither can be complete without the other. To be a complete "whole" both need to give and receive to complete their respective empty halves. Merger is the process of attaining this wholesome-ness.

I know some of you may not like the fact that Khushi does not trust' Arnav as much as he trusts her. Here I have to ask you to put on the shoes of a woman'. Not a feminist. Not a fighter. Just pure woman'. We may not say it out in the open. But it is imperative that we acknowledge within ourselves, first. Women do take more time to trust men. Why? Because they have a lot more at stake in a marriage than a man.

Before you all jump at me... I am NOT a feminist J

I am talking about a common Indian marriage here. Take a few instances.

The girl is younger than the boy. Just by the age factor, the boy, most likely has achieved lot more milestones in life than the girl. Job, money, stability, and taking care of family. The girl has just begun to do all that... and all of sudden she is asked to stop or re-consider all those facets. A big change.. a big FULL STOP, which no one can understand, except her.

The girl is expected' to not be aggressive and confident, as she had been and rightfully encouraged to be so by all her family members during her maiden days, but soft and accommodative. The boy and his family pretty assume that she had no life before she got married or conveniently ask her to wipe the past clean.

She pretty much has to re-visit her stance and opinion about life in every facet that she was going to step into.

The two examples I have given above are only tip of the ice-berg. The woman sees a overhaul or a re-start button after a wedding. She is frowned upon if she tries to think about her family and is constantly expected to serve and worry only about the family of her spouse. She is frowned upon if she tries to better her capabilities.

It is true... I know it is 21^st century, but girls out there, before you brush my point aside, trust me it is true and it is still out there. Nobody tells us.. nobody warns us. And hell, nobody will hold our hands to guide us through this mess. Though we have women all around us, not one gives us a heads-up about this overwhelming change.

In all this, the fundamental question is, is your spouse capable of appreciating the change you are going through and be with you when you try to sculpt and bring your thoughts into reality. Have your say in atleast your life, if not his.

Khushi is in a pivotal stage in her life. Where this enormous change had knocked on her doorstep, threatening to wipe away all her past efforts to be there for her mother and sister and build a life of her own. She trusts Arnav to be there for her, but I believe she had the right to be slightly skeptical. Given what she has seen with her father and NK and with Arnav himself. Let me clarify one thing here. She had no doubt about Arnav's commitment towards her. The question here is, will he let her - her life and her personality - to thrive in this marriage. Her doubts are that will she be forced to see a day like her mother or her friend did - will she be trampled like her father did to her mother. Or will she have to make the difficult choice that Sarita had to make about NK.

She is quite aware that Arnav has this power to intimidate her and over-power her senses with his anger and his personality. She needs to find a way to side-step that and have her own stance. And Arnav needs to make space for her. They will get there, but for now, I believe Khushi has to right to be skeptical in doubting Arnav's ability to make space for her. For a woman, actions are as much necessary as words and vice-versa. And at this moment, Arnav has only spoken' the right things. When they are followed up in-action' Khushi will have all she needs to place her full and blind trust on him.

I hope you have found meaning in this update and not found it as something abstract. I hope I am able to convey the depth that a marriage has to attain as I progress with the story.

Do let me know how you felt by leaving a COMMENT or hitting the LIKE BUTTON.

As always, eagerly look forward to what you have to say.

Stay well! Stay happy

My best to all of you

Love

-Suri