Memories |ArnavKhushi|-SS- 10/01 - new page 53! - Page 11

Originally posted by: soniachammu

Well how we take each one of us around as granted.untill we realise it

Just like I started reading.your story and end of every chapter I pressed the next.one untill.I realise d thst the updates are over I need to wait for.the next n

Good story

Originally posted by: seshatree

Griffy nice update..pls add me in your pm...

Originally posted by: mandy15

FABULOUS UPDATE DEAR :)

Originally posted by: neel11

Waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting

Hi everyone!

Hope you all are doing great.. thanks for so many likes and wonderful comments. Makes my day and motivates me to write .. Thanks a lot!

Important please read

|As my friend cum sis laiba pointed out that I had not explained how Arnav realized his love for Khushi in just a day .. I am gnna take you guys again to the flashback of two months back.. and write more details that if anyone else also has the same question .. it would get clearer!|

Part 10

Flashback ( 2 months back)

|Life is a blur right ? We keep living without stopping breathing in our feelings.. without talking to our soul.. and guys like me well we are just too blind most of the times.. ignoring the perfect happiness in front of us and ruining it with our judgments and assumptions..

Maybe if I thought all this 5 years back I would have felt guilty or even disgusted but today it felt natural.. it felt pure.. it felt right... yes I loved Khushi...|

Memories.. they are what we treasure most about our past and also regret most .. as they can be good and make us feel thankful for this life and the painful ones.. just make us glad that we could move on or bring even more pain..realising we never are able to forget them...or erase them

Memories.. don't change .. there is no denying that...they stay the way they are.. we can't change past.. but the only thing that changes are us. We evolve .. we mature.. and our perceptions change.

Perceptions? Yes ..what views we have of certain situations or how we perceived someone or some feelings ..few years back don't remain same.. our perceptions keep changing as we evolve.. as we become mature .. what we saw some years back ..we may become blind to it or even vice versa...

And that's how memories change.. because we perceive them differently...

If I turn back and place myself 5 years.. the thought of khushi being anything apart from being my closest friend would have shocked me and would remain out of question.

Because I was blind? Or maybe I understood things differently now than I understood back then

I never paid attention to little things though they are part of my memories.. and as I look back..

The sacrifices she did for me that time felt like I had the right to them.. as if they were normal.. but after facing different situations.. being more aware of how a story can have various versions .. a skill you learn as a lawyer.. I could remember.. how much she invested in me and how little I noticed..

In real world it is hard to find people who sacrifice their time to make their friends study.. so that they both can pass... in spite of that person having capabilities to top...

As I stared at the poem more memories poured out..

How she managed to stay up all night teaching me on phone when I used to be sure she had not taken a break for herself in the afternoon.. and how selfish was I .. how blind was I ? .. I feel ashamed... of how I let things wrap at the end.. for a person who had stood for me.. why did my anger.. my feelings for sarika blur everything she did for me..

Why it felt like I deserved all that attention and love from her when I couldn't even give my time to her..

And now as I look back .. I should feel guilty... but there is another emotion that has surfaced... Love..for her..

No friend does what she did and how had I missed that ?

Maybe I never perceived her sacrifices as sacrifices then.. and today after having so many people betray me.. use me.. I could see what she had done for me...

I was selfish or not I don't know.. but I remember one emotion of mine that persisted always .. was to keep her in my life always...I made sure...that I stayed in touch. I used to make sure I get to see her.. and I never perceived them as my dire need to keep her in my life.. but today I do.

5 years of beautiful friendship it was.. 5 years of sacrifice from her side.. and 5 years of guilt now I will have to carry..

How suddenly a door can open you to a different world.. this box had opened a sea of memories for me.. which were now being remembered in a different way ...

An eagerness to meet her arose in me.. .. I remembered her pink farewell dress... I remembered her painful eyes.. and I opened an old album she had gifted to me of our batch's photos which contained surprisingly few photos of her and I.

And as I looked at her.. I reminisced every memory of hers and the emotion of love grew...and also I realized the magnitude of her love .. care and friendship... like I never had.

...

|Present|

I stared into the space as ... our conversation had paused for some moments...

His voice.. his presence.. "him".. had washed all over me but still it didn't feel real... he was here? With all walls broken.. all memories forgotten.. all mistakes forgiven? He was here and I had readily accepted him..

This moment felt like a dream... like a an excerpt from my intentionally forgotten dreams... I wanted this moment to last forever but it also felt like dreams which end this would to...

I was tangled in my thoughts.. too lost to realize there was something different about Arnav.. I could not put a finger on it.. I just could not..maybe the way he talked or maybe the way his eyes lit up every now and then.. but I didn't know what it was...but for sure something was...I didn't know yet

Somewhere a little part of my heart was also peeking out trying to catch a good look of at "that" person who had definitely been missed more by that part than any other

"khushi"

He said in his husky deep voice.. and I came back from my thoughts..

We had been discussing all the plans we had made of various trips and how none had worked out.. we discussed about our batch mates and what were they up to..

He had also not been in contact with anyone ... I realized he too had secluded himself ... in spite of him being so famous in college.. I wondered if I had anything to do with it..

We had lost a lot of time.. missed many parties... many reunions...the big space between us was hugely evident and yet blurring with every second... but it would be long before it disappeared completely or will it ever?

Or this space will remain as a void between us...

I questioned myself.. how far was I planning to take my friendship? Was I ready to take it where I had ?

A part of me revolted and started turning the pages of my memories.. to that incident

But hadn't I let go off it? Hadn't I forgiven him for that ? All those events that ha led up to that farewell?

Hadn't I ?

"Khushi? "

I flowed back from my memories suddenly.. unable to bring any words out of my mouth..

Yes I wanted him back.. only as my friend.. but how far was I ready to take this

Because there was no denying.. he still made me feel things I wished I never had experienced in the first place..

"Khushi I think you are tired .. we must head back..."

"Yeah...yeah"

But I didn't want to leave and still wanted to.. was I ready??

Tell me heart are u ?

Do you promise to treat him like a friend..?

Do you promise to not let him sweep your heart away every time he smiled?

Do you promise to not let yourself get lost in his words soo much that you lose your voice?

Do you promise not to stare at the phone waiting for his number to flash?

Do you promise to forget the painful memories that had led you to live in isolation for 5 years?

I looked at him again...unable to answer the innumerable questions..I wanted his friendship.. I wanted his presence but that thin line between friendship and love I was struggling to find it..

We headed to our cars..

"khushi...Thanks so much for this second chance.."

Arnav stood near my car and said in almost a whisper..

Saying thanks was not something Arnav was known of and it amazed me that instead of expecting this thanks I was ready to accept .. actually the old me.. who never expected thanks and sorry from arnav..always reasoned for his absence..rudeness.. and insensitivity and look where it got me...

To the point of utter loss and pain...

"its alright Arnav"

He moved forward in a gesture to give me hug...like old times..

But I held back..He quickly pulled back his arms ..

He looked hurt .. and that in turn hurt me..

But I coudnlt promise myself.. how could I carry this forward without even controlling myself..

It was college all over again..

My dire need to make him happy.. need to wash away his worries.. need to be the solution to everything .. and it was all coming back ...

I was coming back...

Through all the pain ...all misery..all tears...all memories..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

|6 years back|

It had been a few days since the farewell... and Sarika's words were still repeating in my head.

It was the first time in 4 years I did not message or call Arnav.. I was too scared to...

A constant fear enveloped me and my heart was heavy and I was already missing him..

I realized.. that how much ever I tried.. I had not distanced myself from him.. and that is why maybe sarika felt I dragged him everywhere.. but that was not the truth..

It had always been like that with him

If I was worried.. his message would come..

If something troubled me in college.. and I would see him appear suddenly in front of me..

There was a bond .. a string which could not be broken by me.. and how much ever I tried.. the friend in me would always care for him...

He had been in a relationship with sarika for over an year now and I never wanted to interfere in that ...

And yet here I was being blamed of it..

I kept staring at my phone.. picking it and keeping it down..

Whether I should call him? Or give him space..

I had never screamed at him.. but that day something got into me.. and I knew that bothered him..

His silence spoke of disappointment and how weak I felt thinking how much I had hurt him oblivious to the fact I was aching too..

His name flashed and before I could think more I picked up in fear of him cutting the phone..

"Hi Khushi"

He sounded normal..

A sigh of relief...

"Hi Arnav"

"Where have you been ? are you ok?"

He asked sincerely.. I could sense.. now that he was too worried about my absence..

"Yes yes.. You know na all those assignments have taken a toll on me"

"yeah.. and I burden you too much as well.."

He said for the first time in a tone that spoke of sarcasm and not guilt

I realized he was still angry with me...

But why ? all because I shouted at him ?

Or sarika?...No Khushi don't go there...

I kept mum... and before I knew he cut the phone..

The first of many cutting of phones to come had happened.. and another cut in our friendship had happened.. leaving me hurt more.. unware that worse was yet to come..

|1 month later|

Dear Diary..

Its been a month .. his absence is not good for me.. I didn't go to college even today.. I am not motivated to study.. nothing is helping..maybe writing out my feelings would.. It is not like he has erased me from his life..but the little bits of his presence just give more pain

So many things have happened post the farewell...he has not picked my calls and whenever he has he has passed a sarcastic comment.. what is he angry about ? I had not said anything to him maybe sarika said something... I am just tired... tired of running behind him.. why.. would he treat me like this..

My birthday is coming up and I am not looking forward to it. The other day he called and said that he wanted to meet but he never made it to my place.. few days back he messaged saying he wanted to talk and he did not call at night like he usually used to.

In spite of all the pain.. a part of me still says it's not me that is the cause of all this.. he is in pain and he is not handling it well and I think my presence would just add to the chaos.. I should have held my words.. should not have screamed at him...maybe I am not his peace anymore..

Oh god ! how much do I think.. He matters ...a lot... and yet I wish that he did not.. he is not good for me.. I have to get my life back on track

His absence.. his anger.. his feelings its all about him...and sadly I am okay with that...

I closed the diary.. writing in the diary just made me feel my emotions more deeply.

Nothing was helping... I was too frustrated...I needed to know what was happening

In reflex I picked up my cell and called him..

He picked up and I silently thanked God...

"Hello Arnav.. see I don't know what I have done or how angry I have made you.. I said sorry on that day... can you please tel me whats going on!??"

I said in a very desperate tone... a tone which was beyond my control to change...

"Khushi!... No No... it is not you.. I think I should tell you..Can we meet?"

"what? ---Oh Ok"

I was taken aback .. he sounded helpless...

I picked my car keys and rushed to his place

I was there in 15 minutes..

His mom let me in and I went straight to his room..

He sat there staring at his phone.. he didn't even notice that I had entered..

" Arnav? "

He looked up and I was shocked.. he looked soo tired..

My gut was right.. he was in trouble.. and I definitely wasn't the cause of it.

I went and sat beside him...

"What happened?"

"Sarika's parents found out about us. You remember right .. she is not allowed to have boyfriend.. and how conservative her parents are?"

"Yeah.."

"Well last four weeks I have been dealing with this mess.. You remember that farewell night? She had told that she was at her friends place.. and her parents found out she was at mine.. and a huge drama happened.."

" why didn't you tell me"

I was shocked that how he hid this from me .. that too from a month

" You were acting strange already.. you screamed at me.. I thought you needed space from me"

" I needed space? Are you mad? Who has been trying to message or call you?"

His face held the expression that it was my fault and that irritated me ... why would he perceive me so wrongly? It was not fair!

" See you are getting angry again.. you never did that before"

I realized I had spoken in a slightly raised tone.. I realized he was in a fragile condition..and I wasn't helping matters.. after all everything was about him! Right ? My brain hissed angrily

But I subdued my anger and spoke

" So what happened then"

" The same drama.. her mom called my mom.. My mom screamed at me .. She knew about sarika.. but she felt embarrassed.. I was banned from meeting her.. then she tried to cut her hand.. and her parents blasted me.. I just didn't know what to do..It has been such a mess ..."

For the first time Arnav's voice was shaking.. I had never seen him weak.. heard him yes.. but never seen him.. he looked broken.. I felt so embarrassed at myself.. I had not been there for him in his worst.. How could I??

"Is sarika ok?"

"Yeah .. she is... her parents have cooled down little... but I still get daily calls from her mom asking about Sarika.. like did I meet her ? didI call her? She keeps a real close check..I have hardly met her since that day"

" Oh no.. I am so sorry..Arnav can I do anything to help you?"

I could feel his pain.. his sadness.. his helplessness... and all I wanted was to help him .. erase his pain..

I reached for his hand..held it and realized how hot his skin was.. he was burning in fever..

" Arnav You have fever!"

"What ? No No.."

He pulled away from my grip.. sounding irriateted...

" yes you do .. we will sort this later ... u need to rest..."

"No... I am ok.." He said defensively...

"No you are not" I raised my voice a little.. He lowered his head and held them with his arms...

"Khushi..."

He said in a voice.. that spoke of guilt..

"What"

I looked at him.. I knew he wanted to say sorry.. but I had already forgiven him and saying sorry was not something Arnav was known for ..

"I understand.. just lie down and we will solve this later"

I said patiently.. and in a polite tone.. I didn't want him to feel guilty anymore.. I just like always had the strong will to fix him...

"No ... Sarika might call and I have to talk to her..."

" If she calls ... talk.. but sleep...now"

I almost pleaded.. he looked as if he had not slept for ages..

"Will you go to meet sarika..? I have not seen her since ages...I just want to know she is alright.."

"yes I will Arnav"

I replied hiding my hesitation to his request... I picked up the blanket.. in an indication for him to lie down...

"Promise? " His eyes looked at me with hope...

"yes I promise" I said submissively..

Arnav lied down and I left the room bidding him good bye.. somehow he looked at peace..

I knew I would regret my promise

But the promise was kept

A promise which should have been broken.

...

Please do leave comments on how you liked the part and if I am being clear about everything or not..

The next part will also be flashback and will finally tell you all what happened..

hope you all liked the part

Thanks for all the love

Cheers

Griffy

Originally posted by: sweta_b

Loved it.

Originally posted by: anjs

poor khushi...with every update i feel more bad for her...how much Arnav had used her and how badly sarika treated her n still Arnav cared about Sarika so much.

Honestly i hate to see Arnav care so much about someone other then Khushi...so its really weird...since Sarika attempted suicide for Arnav n Arnav is so concerned for her, i guess their feelings were pretty deep n not a casual relationship.

But i really want Arnav to redeem himself, not by just talking nicely with Khushi...he needs to show her how much she is important, shouldnt expect her to love him back...mainly i dont want Khushi to become a door mat again n go running back in Arnav's arms just cause now he has feelings for her...let him go through the pain, which she mustve gone through, seeing with him other girls n later get so serious about Sarika...it doesnt have to be real love or relationship from Khushi's side...but just an insinuation that there is someone else in her life who might possess her heart, that pain i want Arnav to feel...