Epistle 38: Some Things Are Best Kept Secret A/N: Hey there everyone! :D :D Here is the next update! :D :D
Happy Reading! :D :D
14th May, 2001:
And the results are finally here!
I managed to score a 91% in my exams, topping my class ofcourse! God, Maa and Papa are so happy with me, I even got a gift for getting such good marks. It's a ring, but I'm not too comfortable with rings, so I prefer sticking on to the pendant that Papa gifted me for my birthday this year. I wear it around all the time like you know, so one accessory is enough. Two is a burden.
Okay, enough about me. I know you must be wondering about Ranveer's marks as well. Well, he scored a 72.7%. Obviously not amongst the rankers, distinction far left aside. He isn't even remotely happy about it, but his teachers are more than so. They constantly keep telling him how he is a fighter and how he is a man of element to do the impossible when he had just met with such an unfortunate accident.
Ranveer didn't take the flattery too well but he kept silent anyway. It wasn't as though he could do anything about it too. But what must the idiot try to do the moment we get back home? Try this ridiculous madness of trying to prop himself up upon his feet. He's been trying this for a week now, and honestly it's driving me insane! I don't know why he's gotten so twitchy all of a sudden! And it's not even doing him any good.
You know that he's partly regaining the motor functions in his feet finally, but not so much to still be able to stand upon his own two feet completely, if not at all. But he's just getting more and more insistent and brash. Sometimes, he calls Kaka and Kaki to try and make him stand up, but his legs won't budge from the wheelchair; sometimes it's me supposed to push him off the wheelchair and see whether he can stand upon his feet. The only two times when he barely even got half-way through it were also the times where he fainted within moments, and it took good panic among all of us to fetch the doctor.
The physiotherapist has warned him off four time now that if he keeps acting like an idiot, he might do more harm than good. He's been giving his nerves abnormal amount of strain and it's why he faints when he tries to do what he does. But no, everyone in the world is an idiot except him, so why should he listen to anyone? She's told us that the next time he faints, we are just to throw ice-cold water upon his face and his receptors will bring him back to consciousness. Serves that idiot right.
And he wanted to do it this afternoon again. I wish Papa had let me carry out my threat of slapping him today because he's been acting like a first-class dunce. God knows how he can use so much of his brains in academics and shares when he honestly lacks the simple approach of common sense. Foolish fellow! If anything, he looks even more possessed to do it now. God, give him some brains!
Oh shoot, it's already 3:30! I need to take Ranveer to the park today for victories do need to be celebrated. I'll get back to you either tonight or tomorrow morning and continue my discussion with you!
-x-
Argh! When will the nightmare leave me? When will it?!
It's sickening to say the least. I was so relieved this whole month when I did not have that... that ghastly nightmare at all! I was so relieved! I thought that I had earned the peace of a few months, but nooo... nothing ever just has to go off smoothly. And must the dream always be so studded with blood! Argh, it making me-
-x-
Sorry I had to leave so abruptly. I... well... threw up.
-x-
Okay, that's it! Enough of this nonsense! I will figure out once and for all what's the whole thing with my dreams. If I could break apart components from Ranveer's dreams and give them meaning (something we both mutually agree upon), I don't see why I can't solve the riddle behind my own barbaric ones. Wait... Let me see if something from his dreams help me solve out from my own.
Ishaani removed a sheaf of paper from the drawer beside her and read through the assumptions and facts she had jotted down about Ranveer's dreams. Ranveer may have always scolded her for her haphazard approach towards her things, but where order and method was needed, she could even beat him.
Certain facts:
Situations and places change depending upon frame of mind.
- Blank room - Emotionless
- Lake - Happy, Calm, Tranquil (?)
- Cliffside - Reckless, Happy, Euphoric, High
- Snow - Cold, Detached, Aloof
- Bitter-cold water - Afraid, Paranoid
- Mountain-side (with a bloody sky and stormy cloud) - Pain
- Change in scenes depict current frame-work of emotions
- Love is a segment of Ranveer's thoughts (emotion, perhaps?)
- Love's attire changes according to situation.
- Love's reception to Ranveer changes according to the situation.
- Bonds have only been let off during extreme emotions (euphoria and pain).
- The dreams stop occurring when either he or Love die (both cases seen).
- Love can read Ranveer's thoughts easily and can track his thought process.\
- She has an exceptional influence upon him.
- Love is of an ethereal beauty (as Ranveer puts it in his own words)
- Love has no face, but something is developing along as the dreams progress. He seems to be able to have a better picture of Love now than he had four years ago.
-x-
Unresolved facts:
- Relationship between Ranveer's dream and mine - ?
- Love's entity - ?
- Reason for dreams - ?
- Timing of dreams - ? (May or may not be psychological impact of near-fatal incidents; a) hazing, b) factory accident. Timings match
- Significance of dreams - ?
- Significance of bonds - ? (Negative emotions, perhaps?)
- Reason for being clothed/naked - ?
- Burden on shoulders (as felt constantly in the first set of dreams four years back) - ?
-x-
Questions:
- Why doesn't Love have a face?
- Why doesn't Ranveer remember seeing Love in his last dream?
- Is Love really dead?
- Why is Love so dangerous at times?
- Why is she so mysterious?
- Why does she have an irregular pattern in her behaviour?
- Does her behaviour reflect Ranveer's?
- What were the secrets she vowed that Ranveer would realize with time?
- Why does only Love appear in his dreams?
- Who is Love?
Ishaani trailed her finger through all the questions and let out a displeased growl. She wasn't used to not having the answers to her questions. That was one thing she never settled for. There was absolutely nothing in Ranveer's dreams that could even remotely help her out in solving the puzzle of her own maddening ones. It wouldn't suffice; it simply wouldn't. She needed to know what her dreams meant, where they meant to lead her. Her dreams were of a very unusual kind, and even in the haze of fright and disgust, details stood out.
She shook her head and removed another adjoint sheaf of paper that now contained the points in particular that had marked an impression upon her from her own dreams, trying to figure out whether there was anything new that she could derive from it.
I walk through the rush of a mysterious mist that does not allow me to see ahead for miles. I'm desolate, the mist constantly pressing upon me from all angles, a strange dread spreading in my chest. I have to get away from it, I need to get away from it! My parents are dead and with them all the strength and wisdom of the world. Nowhere in the world is there anyone to turn to, anyone to rely upon. And something terrifying is suddenly pursuing me and I am now running, running till my heart feels like it will burst; running in a thick swimming fog, crying out, blindly seeking that nameless, unknown haven of safety that is somewhere in the mist about me.
And just like that, I stop. The mist starts clearing away and I find myself standing in an alleyway with three masked people running behind me. I am in my late-twenties and there's something different about me. Something... strange, lifeless. I cannot put my finger upon what it is, but I know that I am right. I try fending them off, kicks to torsos and hammerlocks into the brick walls as and when the need for them arises, and am successful to a certain extent. Until I'm thrown upon the ground ruthlessly, one of them having a gun pointed at me.
I get upon my feet slowly, my eyes never once wavering away from the gun that could very well be the last thing I ever laid eyes upon. And just like that, out of nowhere, somebody comes in between the gun and myself and I hear the gun go off at the same time. The blood splatters across my face with sickening clarity as my heart pounds against my chest rather violently at the sudden explosion of sound. Tremors occurr through the soundless night, reverberating through my soul as well. I feel something hit my shoulder a moment later, and I realize that it's the same bullet. It had gone through the man before me and caught me in the shoulder, the impact greatly lessened by the intervention of this human barrier.
But it can wait. I need to see the person who saved my life.
As though my thoughts are heard aloud, the person in question turns around shakily, his legs tangling within themselves, and I let out a cry of shock, the scream of horror never leaving my lips. Just like me, he is in his late-twenties but he, too, feels much different. There is something entirely lifeless, broken about the two of us.
Even before I can say or do anything, he crumbles to his knees as the softest of gasps escape his trembling lips, his eyes already half-shut as the whites are only visible to me. I fall upon my knees roughly as I see his lips quivering with pain, and take his head into my lap just as he's about to hit the ground. There's no one in the alley anymore. Just the two of us.
He looks at me gently, his eyes just as soft as they always are while his bloody hand finds its way upon my cheek, caressing it softly. The warm blood falls cold upon my face instantly, its sickening presence making the moment real, oh so real, something I cannot deny no matter how much I try. I shut my eyes as I let the tears from my eyes fall upon his face, my hand now upon his bleeding chest even though I can see how quickly his cornflower blue shirt seemed to be soaking away all the blood. I cry unabashedly as I can see the pain flicker across his face every few seconds, but all he tries to do is wipe away my tears.
"Thank you..." is all he manages to say before he shuts his eyes for one final time, a thin stream of blood now escaping his lips. I can only stare at him horrified before I find myself falling upon his chest, trying with all my will to wake him up again, only one name escaping my lips - Ranveer.
She shut her eyes, trying to rid her mind of the grotesque images that kept floating into her mind while her hand constantly twitching at the clutched piece of paper, the urge to tear it off overcoming her. Posing a cool upon her mind after a few minutes, she turned the paper around and read the rest of what she had jotted down.
Questions and Facts:
- Alley-way - ?
- Weather - Pleasant enough, slightly warm, might be either May or October
- Kind of dream - Futuristic of sorts (I can't decide upon anything else or why I'm dreaming about us from like 15 years from now)
- Appearances - Barring all circumstances, both of us rather well-to-do. We are both wearing some kind of silver/platinum promise ring on our fingers (the rings look nearly identical with a small diamond at the center of the ring, with the phrase 'Always Together' written across the band in calligraphy). What on Earth does that mean, I wonder? Also, the two of us look rather good (not like the cartoons we look like now).
- Answers no questions of the 'Wh' family, neither can I understand why I'm dreaming what I'm dreaming about.
- Reason behind dream - ?
- Why is he thanking me?
-x-
Profiles:
1. Myself:
- Age - Mid-twenties
- Height - Approx 5'8.
- Build - Normal
- Hair - Long, wavy, black
- Attire - Off-white blouse, knee-length black skirt, stockings, stilettos
- Features - Soft, high cheekbones, eyes sharp, lips full
2. Ranveer:
- Age - Same as mine
- Height - Approx. 6'1.
- Build - Tall and lanky like always.
- Hair - Slightly spiked with a bit of gel
- Attire - Cornflower blue shirt and grey trousers
- Features - Sharp, slightly hollow around the cheeks, eyes mysterious, somehow more attractive looking
Ishaani scowled and shoved both sheaves of paper inside and sat with her elbows propped upon the bureau. This was getting uglier and disturbing by the minute. And she knew that she could contain it no longer - she had to go talk to Ranveer about this at any cost. She needed answers and insights about what her dreams meant and she needed them now.
Shutting her diary irritably, she looked at the clock in front of her. 10:30PM. She knew that Ranveer was all alone at that time since his mother had been taken along with Baa to one of her kitty party gatherings and their fathers hadn't returned from their business meeting yet. This would be the best time to get Ranveer on his own.
Making up her mind, she quickly left her room. She'd barely covered the distance between her room and the stairs within a matter of minutes when she heard a distant shriek. It did not take her a moment to realize that it had come from the direction of the servant's quarters. She quickly ran towards Ranveer's room, her heart suddenly pounding against her chest irregularly as threw open the door without even bothering for any courtesies.
Her eyes scanned the room senselessly for a few moments before it fell upon the wall adjacent to the door where Ranveer now stood upon his two feet for the first time, partly collapsed on the wall. She noticed the wheelchair sitting uselessly beside him, the first witness to the impossible feat Ranveer had carried out. Ishaani's eyes widened in shock as Ranveer took his first step towards her, while he smiled at her tiredly.
"I did it, Ishaani... I- I did it," he whispered hoarsely before he collapsed into her arms, the weight of him knocking her off her feet as well. She managed to fall against the wall and heaved a sigh of relief as Ranveer remained limply fallen upon her. Taking in huge gulps of breath that were rudely knocked out of her with the unexpected event, she managed to put Ranveer's arms around her shoulder and half dragged him towards his cot, months of practice now coming handy.
Pushing him over the bed gently, she made sure to make him lie down properly when she noticed that he had turned unconscious. When would he ever stop pushing the boundaries for himself, she would never know, but for now she had to react to the latest problem in hand. Bringing the jug of water, she sprinkled some upon his face and rubbed his palms furiously, before throwing some more water upon him.
He squinted his eyes and murmured something groggily, his eyes opening alongside. He stared about the room in confusion until his eyes landed upon Ishaani at long last, who looked at him halfway torn between relief and exasperation.
"The doctors told you not do to that," reprimanded Ishaani in a cold voice. Ranveer gave her a guilty look, even though the badly-suppressed triumph was evident in his eyes.
"Er, sorry?"
"You are impossible," remarked Ishaani in exasperation, but gave him a thin smile nonetheless. "But atleast I witnessed the first success."
"I don't know... What happened? It's all a haze for me," admitted Ranveer in a low voice, and Ishaani shook her head.
"Well, I don't know most of it, but when I came in, you were partially collapsed against the wall. On your own feet," she stressed out, giving Ranveer a broader smile now. He, in turn, couldn't control the happiness that flew across his face.
"Yeah, I kinda threw myself off the wheelchair and upon the wall. I could stand erect for like five second before everything began becoming a blur to me and I felt my legs shake badly. After that it's a whole blank," said Ranveer, while Ishaani shook her head once again in disapproval.
"The doctors told you not to do it because you were straining your nerves this way. You could do damage to yourself if you keep doing nonsense like this!" she yelled at him, while Ranveer now gave her an affronted look.
"Nonsense?" he yelled back angrily. "I stood on my bloody feet! On my own! Do you even know how that feels for a person like me?!" he continued agitatedly, while Ishaani bit her lip to avoid shouting out the next few words at the top of her voice.
"And if you keep pushing yourself to these insane levels, it could very well relapse, you obsessed maniac!" said Ishaani, her voice cold buckets of ice while her gaze bore into his defiantly. Ranveer gave her a surly look before pushing himself up against the wall.
"What are you even doing here?" he asked in an annoyed voice.
"I needed to talk to you about something," replied Ishaani quietly, suddenly unsure of herself.
"What?" he asked her curiously, noticing that her face had lost all colour.
"Uh, nothing."
"Seriously? I think you are the one cracking now, silly," he joked, but fell silent at the sight of her somber expression.
"Don't say that," said Ishaani, her voice barely a whisper as she now took to staring at her fingers. "I don't know, maybe I am."
"Alright, don't get so serious. What is it?" asked Ranveer, now genuinely worried.
Ishaani met gaze with him once again, trying to study the heated, chocolate gaze before her that thankfully signified everything that they weren't in her dream. Making up her mind, she decided to finally make sense of what was pestering her.
"I, uh, need your advice on something."
"Go on."
"You know there are some kind of dreams that, uh, you see for years. They never change in detail, and yet they have this realistic touch to them that you can never ignore. It's mostly futuristic in nature," she added, hoping that Ranveer would grasp the crux of the matter.
"Yeah, I've heard about them," he replied, evidently confused.
"Do you think that it's a- a co-incidence... that it happens all the time... or, um, do you think that it's, uh, some kind of warning?" she asked with her eyes fixed upon him, never wavering as her pulse pounded through her veins, her chest thumping irregularly.
"I don't believe in co-incidences," replied Ranveer slowly, trying to scan Ishaani's face for a sign of a hint. When he got none, he continued passively. "-because fate has everything planned out for us."
"So, um, you think those kind of dreams might be a- a kind of... warning?" she asked carefully, weighing upon every single word, hoping that Ranveer would help her out from a maze that was impossible to get out of.
"Maybe," he answered evasively, the expression of bewilderment still clouded upon his features.
"A warning about what?" asked Ishaani in palpable excitement, instantly regretting it. Ranveer looked at Ishaani suspiciously for a minute before continuing.
"Depends upon the kind of dream. Most of them are just images stored at the back of the subconscious mind. Some dreams of the kind you describe end up becoming instances of dj vu when they occur in the real world, may or may not be a warning bell. The third one is more along a mystical approach, a kind of extension of dj vu itself," he replied, suddenly looking slightly uncomfortable.
"And what is that?"
"A prophetic dream - you are foreseeing an event of the future," he replied simply, almost expecting Ishaani to laugh upon him. She didn't.
"But aren't dj vu and a prophetic dream along the same lines?" she asked instead, now herself confused.
"True that. But the thing with dj vu is that the probability of it happening isn't always certain. Prophetic dreams are certain," he explained, looking intrigued. Ishaani stared at him frightfully, her expression stoic even though she felt the colour drain away from her face. Ranveer observed her for a few more minutes before he asked slowly.
"Ishaani, is there something you want to tell me?"
There was the moment. Ishaani stared at Ranveer hard for several minutes, her mind and heart raging into the toughest battle that she had borne witness to so far, the war within driving her insane.
"Tell him! He deserves to know!"
"No, you're overreacting and being stupid! You can't steal away the happiness he has just found!"
"Tell him! Now!"
"No! You can't do this to him, not when he has found his will to live after so long!"
"Tell him!"
"NO! I forbid you to! You are overreacting and are most certainly wrong!"
Making up her mind, Ishaani gave him a soft smile as she caressed his cheek. He looked at her earnestly, trying to read a closed mind as the decision was made. She replied softly just as she heard her father's tired voice in the hall, thanking his father for being such a good companion.
"Nothing. Papa and Kaka are here. I'll quickly go tell them what happened."
Even before Ranveer had the chance to react, she slipped off the cot and walked out from the room, not looking back even once.
I couldn't tell him. I simply... couldn't tell him. He looked at me curiously throughout and I won't even be surprised if he has his suspicions on me and gets an inkling of it. But I couldn't tell him today, not when he had finally taken his first step towards a new life. No, it could wait; everything could wait. This was a secret I would never let him know about, and it might be the only secret I take with me to the grave.
It would be folly if I told him how I could see the life leave his eyes every time I remembered him staring at me upon my lap, his chocolate orbs turning black the moment the life was snuffed out of him. I could not tell him how he had valiantly thrown himself in front of me every single time, taking away the death that so righteously stood before me.
NO!
Prophecy or dj vu or whatever the hell it was supposed to be, he had done it twice before for me. I don't even know whether this is true for I don't believe in things like this, and so doesn't Ranveer. But I wouldn't let him do it again, even in the wildest of prophecies. No, this dream was only to remain in the confines of my heart. This dream was only mine to know, mine to live. I wouldn't even let its shadow fall upon Ranveer, no matter what. What he won't know wouldn't hurt at all.
As a wise man once said, some things are best kept secret.
Constructive criticism will be more than welcome and sorry for any typos. :D :D
Next chapter:
Epistle 39
Edited by LadyMeringue - 8 years ago
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