Swasan : Now or Never Part 2

Now all could do was cry on my idiocy as no other thought or expression could express what I was feeling right now.

Suddenly a thought came across her mind, if sanskaar sees me crying like this then he will surely console me and the real reason y I have called him will get subside. No I can't let that happen. Otherwise he will get an excuse to not answer me. NO NOT TODAY. So STOP CRYING. I will sort out whatever problem he has with me now itself. NOW or NEVER.

After a while she heard hurried footsteps coming towards terrace and smiled. He reached where swara was standing and before he could call out her name she turned and have him a breath taking smile. Her smile was so full of warmth and love that sanskaar forgot to breathe. He saw her face filled with determination as if she has decided something which is final and happy with it. He confusion increased with each step he took towards her. He remembered her voice over phone and sharply exhaling as if not breathed for long time he asked,

"swara? Are you ok? You sounded so rattled and as if crying on phone and now your smiling so radiantly, what happened?"

"Everything is fine sanskaar. In fact more than fine."

She could see confusion on his face.

"Then y did you call me at this hour of night?"

"To get some answers from you."

Slowly it dawned to him what she was talking about. Turning he said coldly, "There is nothing left to talk about now. There is no use of giving any answers as thread of trust has been broken between us two. So.. if you have anything else to say, like any problem or trouble you are free to share otherwise I am leaving."

His words lacked warmth, love and affection he usually transmitted, but now it sounded as if talking to stranger. His words felt like daggers in my heart deeply. Swallowing she said,

" Mr. Maheshwari! NO ONE is going anywhere until all my questions are answered."

Astonished with such comeback by her he turned and faced her. He saw determination in those eyes. Till now he knew her and know that she will neither let him nor she herself can go until she has given permission.

"Fine . what do you want now?" he exhaled sharply.

"y do you keep avoiding me? Acting as if you are tolerating me somehow. What did I do so wrong that you want to break our relationship?" she asked angrily.

"wow u really have some guts to throw your own misdeed on me!"

"No really. I want to know what I did was so wrong that you what to break our relation. I know I shouldn't have doubted on you and I am really sorry for that. Genuinely. But that does not give you lifelong right to be angry with me. You are not even ready to see my side of story."

"seriously you think that way swara? Acha alright, before I say something shoot "your side of story" to me first so that you stop complaining."

"I am not complaining..."

"Don't change the topic swara."

"Fine. How could you do this to me sanskaar? After all we have gone through? you knew I was falsely blamed and arrested for crime I did not commit. You knew how much important it was for me to find the real culprit and prove my innocence. Then too instead of helping me to find the real culprit how can you go away from me? And then when I with help of Ragini find the real culprit you shout at me in front of everyone about how you were kept off the loop. I know I acted idiotically and did not trust you and foolishly thought ur the culprit behind all this but still you could have at least given me chance to rectify all this mess I have created. But No, all you want to do is act sulking and get rid of me asap!! why such behavior?" she said getting angry now.

"You seriously don't get it, do you?" rather astonished.

"What?"

"OK Swara, you think it is my mistake too then I am going to answer this once and for all." He continued,

"Swara you know that I LOVE YOU very much and no other women can take your place in my heart till it stops beating. You were that lone person who showed me the right path to live life when I was drowning in the ocean of hatred and revenge. I hurt you in meanest way possible. You proved that when purest light appears darkness has no place to hide even in any form. And I LOVE YOU so much that it has no boundaries and also I can't prove it to you. You were hurt bcoz of me and Ragini's planning. You were broken and I thought only way to mend my misdeeds were to help you to changes things into right once again. Your phase of mission accomplishment started. After then another mission and then another. I helped all along in the hope that at least we have this unbreakable bond of trust and friendship that no matter what happens it won't break. But I have realized that your most adorable quality of putting others before urself is not just as per requirement but ur obsession. You don't see urself. Your condition. Your feeling. Everything u do or going to do is for others. Even if while doing such things ur hurt inevitably you don't mind. That is SO WRONG!! You don't care about your feelings. OUR FEELINGS."

He stopped for a minute to take a breath while swara was dazed with such speech.

He continued, " You talk about me breaking this relationship. Ms Swara Bose can you please explain what kind of relation we have. Oh sorry!! As usual you must have not thought about us, right? And y should I keep this relation with you? Your all so called missions are now over right. So there is no other reason for you to stay with me and PRETEND. Have you even once thought how I felt about this whole husband -wife acting thing? I think NOT. Still like a mad person I had some hope of I don't know what. But by doubting me you proved to me that whatever happen you will never think about me or my feelings. If again some drama is created by Ragini then it will be your mission to prove who was behind it. If situation arises where you have to choose between me and others I can confidently say that you will chose them over me because you don't care what I feel. I thought you care for me as a friend, if not being wife but the main thread on which our relation existed is broken brutally by you. Everyone think about themselves. Everybody has right to remain happy. I am mad to think about you and your happiness, but you never cared about my feelings and will never care.., so from now on I am only going to think about myself and no one else. I will not let anybody use and throw me or take me for granted. Not even you MS. Swara Bose."

He calmed himself as all this talking and emotional turmoil had caught him and had made him very angry. He said slowly fighting his own emotions,

"You know when you asked me, why every time you only have to give Agnipariksha at time when Ragini pointed you as culprit behind her kidnapping and everyone believed her, I was hurt more than you. Angry with my family for treating you this way. I wanted to steal you away from my stupid family and take you someplace where you will be old swara, always cheerful, happy, laughing and free from all tension. Just you and me. Like our small world full of happiness. But you ruined everything"

There was an eerie silence on terrace. Both of them didn't know what to do or what else to say to each other.

After a while swara said, "SORRY."

"I am sorry too for shouting that way. I need to leave now. So take care. GOOD NIGHT."

"hmm.."

Before leaving he said, " And if you want to come back then come for me or for our relation, else don't think of returning home."