Chapter Eleven
The first thing Zoya saw when she came down with Lily the next morning was a personal cheque made out to her lying on the kitchen counter, which was exactly double the allowance he had deposited in the bank the day before.
She wasn't sure whether to be angry or hurt. Was he paying out of guilt or to insult her even more? She scrunched it up and threw it at the nearest wall only to hear a reproving hiss behind her. She turned to see Mary looking at her with her usual contempt, her dark eyes going to the ball of paper lying against the wall before coming back to hers.
Do you wish me to clean that up, Madam ?'
Zoya unthinkingly responded in Urdu.Naheen, Aap Rehne deejiye. I will see to it.'
Mary stared at her, her mouth opening and closing like a fish.
Zoya gave her a rueful look. I should have told you earlier. I speak and understand Urdu.'
Mr. Khan did not tell me,' Mary said, her eyes narrowing slightly.
Mr. Khan doesn't know.'
The housekeeper's dark eyebrows shot upwards. You have not told him?'
She shook her head and a little sigh escaped from her lips. There's a lot I haven't told him.' She turned to look at Lily, who was sucking noisily on her fist. So very much I haven't told him.'
Zoya became conscious of Mary's lengthy, studied look.
Mr. Khan told me to tell you that he has some business to see to. He will be home in time for us all to leave for the airport together.'
She gave the woman a faltering smile.Shukriya, Mary.'
He will be a good husband,' Mary said after another little pause. You must give him time. He is still grieving; he is not himself at all.'
Zoya inwardly smiled at the irony of the housekeeper's statement. Asad wasn't the only one who wasn't himself!
Lily is such a beautiful baby,' Mary said, gazing down at the child. She has brought joy to Mr. Khan's life.'
Unlike her fake mother, Zoya couldn't help thinking as she reached to tickle her niece's tiny fingers.
She's my world, aren't you, Lily?' She kissed each little finger in turn.
You are a wonderful mother,' Mary said. No one could doubt it for a moment.'
Zoya looked around in surprise. The housekeeper had been nothing but hostile towards her for days. What had happened to bring about this sudden change?
Mary's gaze was so intent and watchful that Zoya had trouble maintaining eye contact. She looked away guiltily, unable to rid herself of the feeling that Mary was starting to put some pieces of a rather complicated puzzle together in her head.
There was a phone call for you while you were in the shower,' Mary said into the sudden silence.
Oh?' Zoya tensed.
I did not want the sound of your mobile phone waking Lily so I answered it.' The housekeeper paused for a single heartbeat and added, I hope you do not mind.'
No.' Zoya swallowed. No, of course I don't mind.' She forced her voice to remain calm. Who...who was it?'
She did not say, but for a moment I thought it was you. It was uncanny, really. Her voice sounded so similar.'
Did...she leave a message?' Zoya asked, staring at Lily's starfish hands with fierce intent. She said she would call back some other time.'
Shukriya, Mary.'
There was another small pause.
Mr. Khan has instructed me to help you pack for your trip.'
It's all right, Mary. I can manage. I haven't got much to pack anyway.'
The housekeeper gave her one last thoughtful look before moving away to complete her tasks. If I can help you with anything, Madam, you have only to ask. It will be my pleasure, I assure you.'
Should the need arise, I will call you. Thank you, Mary.'
Zoya waited until the housekeeper had left the room before she released her breath. She sighed as she looked down at the chortling baby, muttering in an undertone, I'm in over my head, Lily, and drowning fast.'
Lily gave her a toothless grin and stuck her fist back in her mouth.
Asad was well aware of Zoya's reluctance to establish eye contact with him as they prepared to leave for the airport later that day. She spoke politely to Mary and was openly affectionate to Lily as she settled her into the car, but each time her gaze swung to him it just as quickly shifted away.
He slanted his gaze her way as they drove to the airport, conceding when he saw her hands moving restlessly in her lap and her bottom lip being nibbled by her teeth as she stared anxiously, almost fixedly, in front of her.
The memory of the last night incident tortured him constantly. He hated himself so much at the moment.
He was a fool to believe he'll be able to resist Zoya but in the end he had not stood a chance. Even though his brother had walked away from her, Asad knew he was not going to find doing so as easy as Ayaan had. In spite of everything he knew about her, he still couldn't get her out of his mind. His every waking thought was of her and only her; even his restless slumber was haunted by his out of control need for her.
For years he had actively avoided becoming emotionally entangled with anyone. He didn't like feeling so vulnerable. It made him uneasy that the power balance had subtly shifted, leaving him open to the sort of hurt he had sworn he would never expose himself to again.
He couldn't make her out. If she was truly the sort of woman his brother had described why was she avoiding his eyes all the time? Ayaan had described her as a wanton witch who would do anything for his money or his attention. But after last night he was totally confused. It didn't make sense. She'd supposedly had numerous affairs since the birth of Lily; the papers had been full of her exploits. But whenever he touches her, she just freeze. Unless someone had got their wires very crossed, the Zoya Faaruqui he was married to was nothing like the woman who had pursued and subsequently destroyed his brother. He was the first to admit that people could change, but the sort of change Zoya had supposedly undergone defied all reasonable belief.
I am assuming from your tense expression that you are not looking forward to the flight,' he said after another lengthy silence.
Zoya unlocked her hands and, searching in the bag at her feet, silently handed him the cheque he'd left that morning, her eyes communicating her anger.
Asad looked down at the cheque for a moment.
He met her resentful gaze. I apologized for what happened last night. This trip will become even more unpleasant than it needs to be if you do not accept my remorse.'
It's not your remorse I won't accept,' she bit out. It's your money.'
I'm sorry okay... I don't know what got into me.'
Zoya looked up, her eyes full of tears and ripped the cheque into pieces.
He opened his mouth to speak, but the pain in her eyes made the guilt worsen.
A short time later their luggage was checked in and their documentation dealt with efficiently. Zoya stood by Asad's side, wondering when the axe of officials was going to fall. She'd forgotten' Lily's birth certificate, and if anyone asked for additional papers she was not quite sure what she would do, but to her immense relief no one did. They were waved through as if they were a normal, happily married couple traveling with their small child.
Asad's private jet was nothing like the aircraft Zoya had travelled on previously. She settled into the luxurious seat as Asad dealt with Lily beside her, his staff politely offering assistance and ensuring everything was to their liking.
As the jet taxied along the runway she sat with her fingers curled into her palms, her stomach churning in fear as the roar of gunned engines sent her backwards in her seat as the aircraft lifted off. She squeezed her eyes shut, panic making her skin break out in tiny beads of perspiration.
She felt Asad's hand reach for one of hers, the warm grasp of his long fingers incredibly soothing. She opened her eyes and encountered his deep dark gaze. She gave him a sheepish look and then looked down at their joined hands.
I know it is silly, but I just can't help it.' She said, looking panicked.
It is not silly,' he said, giving her fingers a tiny squeeze. Close your eyes and try to sleep. Before you know it we will be there.'
She closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep but, as exhausted as she was, it was impossible to ignore Asad sitting so close beside her. She could smell his aftershave, and every time he moved in his seat she felt the gentle brush of his muscled arm against hers.
She caught him watching her once or twice, the thoughtful look in his eyes unsettling her deeply. Did he already suspect she wasn't who she had said she was? After last night his suspicion must have grown. She'd seen the same suspicion in Mary's eyes this morning, the way she had looked at her as if seeing her for the first time.
When they finally arrived at the airport in Bhopal they were met by a member of the Khan staff who had a car waiting. As they drove, Zoya could pick up bits of the exchange between the driver and Asad.
How is Abbu, Abdul?'
He is fading, Chote Saheb. He is living for the moment he sees Ayaan baba's child.'
'Yes...' Zoya heard Asad's deep sigh, his tone immeasurably sad. I know.'
The Khan Villa was situated a short distance out of city. The villa was not old but it was built in the classical style and beautifully maintained with terraced gardens and cobbled walkways.
Zoya looked around in quiet awe. The view across the water was nothing short of breathtaking.
She held Lily close as Asad led her by the elbow towards the front entrance where another member of staff was chatting animatedly with Mary, who had gone on ahead.
Mary moved inside as one of the old woman she had been speaking to turned and bowed respectfully to her employer.
Walekum Aslam, Chote Saheb, . Your Abbu is waiting for you in the family room .'
Shukriya, Farida Bi.'
Farida Bi's dark eyes slid in Zoya's direction but, instead of the frosty reception Zoya had been expecting and mentally preparing herself for, the old woman smiled warmly. Aapka swagat hai, choti maalkin. My English is not good but I will try to be of help to you.'
You are very kind,' Zoya responded.
Shukriya.'
Asad led the way into the family room , their footsteps echoing on the marble floors. Yet another member of staff was waiting outside the door of the family room and opened it as they approached.
Zoya stepped into the room two steps behind Asad, her eyes going immediately to the figure seated in a wheelchair next to a large sofa.
Abbu.' Asad bent over and hugged his Abbu. It is good to see you.'
His Abbu's thin hands gripped the sides of his chair as Asad brought Zoya forward. Abbu, this is Zoya and your grandchild, Lily.'
Zoya slightly lowered her head, showing her respect for Asad's Abbu but the old man ignored it as his gaze went to the baby perched on her hip. She saw the sheen of moisture in his eyes and the slight tremble of his chin as he reached out a gnarled hand towards Lily.
Lily gurgled and dimpled at him, her tiny hands reaching down to him.
Zoya had to fight back her own tears at the sight. She lowered the child to his lap and stepped aside, secretly hunting for a tissue. She caught Asad's penetrating gaze and looked away, pretending an interest in the view from the window.
Bilkul Ayaan...aur tumhari Ammi per gayi hai.' Rashid spoke in Urdu, his voice husky with feeling.
Zoya turned and saw the way Asad's throat moved up and down as if swallowing the emotion his Abbu's observation had evoked.
Yes.'
For once you have done the right thing, Asad,' his Abbu went on in his own language. I know it is not what you want, to be tied to such a woman, but it will soon be over. I have already sought legal counsel. When the time comes you will have no trouble taking the child off her.'
Zoya had to fight hard not to reveal that she can understand what they are saying. She pretended an interest in the view, her spine stiffening with anger.
Abbu, there are things we need to discuss, but not now,' Asad said in a low tone, his gaze flicking to Zoya standing rigidly by the window.
Rashid's lip curled in derision. You think she understands a word of our conversation? Then you are a fool, Asad. Ayaan told me she doesn't Urdu. He even told she's not that educated. I want you to beware of this immoral woman. Try to stay as far as possible.'
When Zoya turned back around she saw the way Asad's jaw tightened as he struggled to keep his temper. She had no other choice than to school her features into a blank mask when his eyes briefly sought hers.
Do not ever forget what she has done!' Rashid continued heatedly.
I have not forgotten,' Asad said, turning back to reach for Lily. It is time for Lily's bedtime routine. We will leave you to rest before dinner.' He looked towards Zoya once more and spoke in English. Come, Zoya. We will need to settle Lily.'
Zoya gave Asad's Abbu a small polite smile before leaving. It was nice to meet you, Mr. Khan.'
For the second time that evening Mr. Rashid Khan ignored her gesture.
Abbu?' Asad prompted with a frown at his Abbu.
Rashid made some inaudible comment under his breath and briefly looked at Zoya. Thank you for agreeing to bring my granddaughter to see me. I have not much time. She is all we have left of Ayaan.'
Zoya blinked back the moisture gathering at the back of her eyes. I am so sorry for what you have suffered.'
Rashid pushed himself away in his chair, effectively dismissing her. You know nothing of my suffering. Nothing.'
Asad took her elbow and led her away, softly closing the family door on their exit.
I apologize for my Abbu's rudeness,' he said as they moved towards the huge staircase leading to the upper floors. He is still grieving.' He hesitated for a moment before adding, I probably do not need to tell you that Ayaan was his favourite son.'
Zoya came to a stop and looked up at him. It's all right, Asad. I do understand. This has been a terrible time for you all.'
He gave her a rare smile, tinged with sadness but, for all that, still a smile. I sometimes wonder what my Ammi would have thought about you,' he mused.
Your Ammi?'
He pointed to a portrait hanging on the wall a few feet away. My Ammi.'
Zoya took the remaining steps to stand in front of a portrait of a beautiful dark-haired woman, her soft brown eyes sparkling with exuberant life.
She's very beautiful.'
Yes...she was.'
The tone of his voice turned Zoya's head around to look at him.
He held her gaze for a heartbeat before saying, My Abbu has never forgiven me for leading her to her death.'
Zoya made a tiny gasp but no words came out. He looked at her across the top of Lily's downy head as she buried it into his broad chest, her tiny hands splayed across his shirt. I was late. We had arranged to meet but I was late. I called her to tell her to fill in the time until I got there.'
Zoya felt her breath bank up in her chest. She could almost sense what was coming, the guilt and the blame that clung like lead weights to one's conscience"what could have been done differently if one had only known.
She was across the street when she saw me. She waved and called out to me...a scooter clipped her as she stepped out.'
Oh, Asad.'
She didn't see the other car. Nor did I until it lifted her and tossed her like a rag doll towards me.' He turned back to the portrait and let out a ragged sigh. If I had been just a few seconds earlier...'
No!' She clutched at his arm. No, you mustn't think that!'
He removed himself from her hold, securing his niece against him as he continued up the stairs. You cannot change the past, Zoya. You, of all people, should know that. We all do things on the spur of the moment that we regret later.'
Zoya wished she had an answer at the ready but there was a ringing truth in what he had just said. Her own impulsive actions had already caused her incalculable regret. If only she had told him right from the first moment what was going on, maybe things would not be as they were now. He was a reasonable man, a good man, a man of sound moral principles. If she had only told him that very first day of her fears for Lily's safety, of her worries about her sister's motives"surely he would not have taken Lily out of her life without thinking of the impact it would have on her niece?
But it was too late now. She had taken a pathway that had led her to this"a lifetime of deception. She had no choice but to continue in it, the lies and deceit banking up behind her like a tide of inescapable debris that at some point would come pouring over her, weighing her down until she would surely be choked by the brackish filth of it.
Asad?'
Asad turned to look down at her, Lily asleep in his arms. Zoya, this is my Abbu's last chance for peace. I know this is hard for you...'
It is not hard for me,' she said, touching him gently on the arm. I owe this to the memory of your brother. In another life, in other circumstances, he might have gladly accepted Lily as his own. The timing was wrong. You have taken on the role as Lily's father. I am...her mother. It is up to us to make her life what it should be.'
And you are happy with that for now?' he asked.
She looked at the infant cradled in the protective strength of his arms. I am happy with that.' A tiny sigh escaped from her lips as she raised her eyes back to his. For now.'
A small silence swirled around them for several moments. Zoya couldn't tear her eyes away from the lingering pain reflected in his. Coming home had affected him deeply, the rush of memories no doubt reawakening the guilt he felt over his Ammi's death.
Come.' Asad's deep voice broke the silence. Mary will be waiting to settle Lily. My Abbu does not like to be kept waiting.'
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