CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Swayam lay on his bed, his mind replaying the images of whatever happened in clinic over and over again. His baby. He couldn't even imagine what it would actually be like to feel him. He wondered how Sharon felt nourishing the child inside. A tear slipped from the corner of his eyes.
"You're so emotional seeing this Swayam. I can't imagine how you didn't come after I gave Sharon the pictures of your baby because that is what my original intention was to give her those photos." Sarah's words had jabbed his heart. Sharon never told him about the pictures. She never told him about his own child. The thought choked him from inside and he couldn't control himself. He let the tears flow down and he cried. He cried because he thought he would lose Sharon forever and felt so helpless. He felt himself so tempted to go to Sharon and tell everything so that everything in his life can get back on track, so that he can make memories with his child but he knew could not become so selfish not right now. He wish he knew Sharon's reaction to the whole situation but he didn't.
All the faith that was restoring inside him all this while that Sharon had somewhere in her heart started to believe in him again, all the moments when he felt like everything will be alright soon, everything just vanished with Sarah's mere one information. Maybe all the time when he thought distance was lessening between him and Sharon, maybe he was just fooling himself. Maybe it was just an illusion and nothing of that sort ever happened. Myabe they were still on square one and maybe Sharon would still leave him. The mere thought suffocated him and he closed his eyes to let his tears just fall out.
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"Because I don't know how much time I have with you."
Sharon sat on her bed thinking about Swayam's words. She couldn't decipher why he said that. Or maybe she did she just didn't want to admit it. She has seen the hurt in his eyes and somewhere she felt guilty for hiding everything from him and she hated herself for that. Even he was hiding things all along and still doing and doesn't feel guilty about it then why is she feeling so? Even he hurt her by not telling things but yet he goes on doing that then why? Why was it hurting so bad? But she knew the answer already.
She loved him too much to see him hurt. But suddenly the truth didn't help her any well. Because it created another question in her mind.
Does it hurt him this way too?
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Next morning, Sharon was sitting on the breakfast table as Stephie talked to her about the new violin she had bought from her salaries while serving breakfast. She was trying to concentrate on Stephie but her eyes just went repeatedly to the locked room where Swayam slept. She sighed when Gautam caressed her head lovingly and she looked up and passed him a weak smile.
"Good Morning Mr. Raiprakash!" Stephie chirped happily seeing him.
"Good Morning Stephie!" Gautam replied her happily and she smiled back.
"Sharon, your husband is sleeping like a brown bat today!" Stephie joked and Sharon smiled knowing in her heart he wasn't sleeping inside.
Gautam glanced at Sharon for a second and went back to eating his breakfast.
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A knock on the door broke Swayam's trance and after taking a moment on deciding to open the doo or not, he got up and unlocked it. For a moment he had a feeling that Sharon was worried for him and wanted to talk but opening the door his heart felt surprised and disappointed at the same moment. It was Gautam standing on the door.
He stood for a moment and then turned back to take his previous seat on the bed without a word exchanged. Gautam followed him inside and locked the door behind him. He sat beside him and waited till Swayam initiated the conversation.
"Am I doing the right thing Dad?"
"In my opinion you are a better judge of that Swayam!"
"I am just very scared suddenly, I won't be able to survive without her, let alone live a whole life." Swayam voiced his fear looking at Gautam.
"Do you really believe that Sharon would leave you?"
"I don't know Dad. She is Sharon Rai Prakash after all. You cannot ignore any word of hers."
Gautam laughed at this and Swayam just rolled his eyes looking at him.
"Swayam, That was Sharon Raiprakash, she just may have let's assume survived without you but this, Your wife, Sharon Shekhawat she cannot, not even for a second." Gautam laid out the truth that Swayam was awestruck.
"You know when everything happened she said she doesn't want to live with you but today see for yourself that even after five months to that incident she is still here living across the room. Why?" Gautam asked as Swayam absorbed his every word in himself.
Why? Didn't he know the reason? He did.
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Swayam had invited just a few close friends of Sharon and him and few of their extended family. He didn't want Sharon get totally exhausted with meeting many people and so he had decided to keep it a closed affair.
He looked around to find his cousin flirting with Stephie and she enjoying the drama to the fullest. She caught him looking at her and winked at him and he rolled his eyes in response. He watched over to Sharon who was surrounded by the ladies smiling as they said something or the other. She looked happy to have her closed ones around. He watched her from a distance and admired her beauty which still glowed in its full swing with her baby bump.
He watched the kids dance to latest hit numbers as Gautam recorded their cute antics and he chuckled seeing them. The thought of his own kid dancing like that with him fascinated his insides and his heart fluttered in happiness. He almost was living in that trance when he suddenly heard Sharon's ached voice.
"Ouch!" He immediately turned to her and hurried towards her along with others.
"Sharon, what happened? Are you okay?" Swayam asked worried.
Sarah who was sitting beside Sharon smiled at Swayam.
"She is alright I think. What happened Sharon?" Sarah asked smiling at her while she looked shocked ad stunned.
"Sarah, I swear I felt a kick." It was just a matter of time that Sharon said it and everyone jumped at her to experience the feeling and she smiled wide happily.
"Sharon, Are you serious? This is so awesome. I want to feel it." Stephie jumped in excitement while Gautam contradicted her.
"I am her father along with being the most eldest person in this home right now so I should get the chance first." Guatam said trying to sound wise.
"No Sharon! I am your bestest friend. I want to be the first person." Re jumped in the race out off nowhere.
And while everyone was wanting to feel the child's kick Swayam sat beside her waiting her to look at him and hold his hand and tell him that "Look Swayam! Our child has started playing football already!" And she did. She looked at him as she felt another kick and everyone's hand was at her stomach to feel the emotion but she never said anything. Their eyes met and Swayam couldn't control himself anymore. He got up and went out of her sight while she was still surrounded by the excited souls. She watched him go and her heart churned.
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Swayam stood in the lawn as tears came out of his eyes continuously. This was not the way he wished to spend these months; this was not the way he wanted to feel. He couldn't believe how much have changed in these months. He felt angry at himself, at Amaira, at Pia, at Sharon at everyone who was related to this mess. He wanted to feel his child desperately, at the moment he wanted nothing but just a moment with his child, just one intimate moment and nothing else but it felt like a farfetched dream. A voice from behind startled him.
"Swayam!" It was her voice. Sharon's voice. He wanted to turn but he was too hurt, too angry, and too helpless and so he just stayed still.
Sharon walked slowly towards him and sat beside him with a bit of difficulty because of her baby bump. She stared at him for a while but he never looked at her. He just watched down at the grass trying to hold his tears back but they were just not under his control today. Looking at him ached her heart.
"If it hurts so much why don't you just end all this?" Sharon said softly but he stayed quiet.
"Swayam. . ."
"Sharon please I don't want to talk right now. I don't think I am in the right frame of mind to talk about anything." Swayam got up to leave but Sharon held his hand.
"Swayam, five months of distress, hurt and pain and you still think it's not enough and you and I should go through some more!" Sharon said crying.
"Five months of hurt and pain for what? Because you chose to believe a pile of photos over my love of seven years. Because you chose to believe an anonymous over me."
"And what would you have done if it was me in place you in those pictures?"
"I trust you with my life Sharon. I would have chosen you. Always."
"It's easy to say that Swayam! It's not easy to do so!"
"Remember during college when we were disqualified from Footloose and everything and everyone were pointing against you. I chose to stand with you. Because I trusted you, Goddamit!" Swayam yelled in frustration.
Swayam moved dangerously close to her and stared into her eyes deeply. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she shivered with the intensity in her eyes. His breathing smoothed a little and his eyes softened a bit seeing her. He just wanted her to believe him. He wanted her to know that there was nothing as precious to him as her but her hatred was breaking his already broken self.
"Look into my Sharon! Do you think I sleep with different women every other night?" Swayam put across the question in such straight way that it chilled her spine. They have never talked about this. She had never said this. But the question coming from him made her heart pound.
"You don't believe me over those photos. And those photos clearly indicate one thing that I slept with her and so if you don't believe me that means you agree that I did sleep with her."
"And who knows it's just one photo and I keep doing that with different women and. . ." Sharon slapped him hard across his face and he silenced. Tears covered her face.
"Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut Up! I don't believe any such thing." She screamed and hugged him when she couldn't hold herself back.
"I don't believe any such thing!" She repeated as her voice cracked.
Swayam hugged her tightly calling her more close.
"Then why Sharon? Why are you keeping me away from yourself?" He asked softly against her earlobe and she just cried.
"I cannot lose you Swayam. I love you. I love you way too much."
"I love you too Sharon. I love you too much to do anything to hurt you. Those pictures are a fraud you gotta believe me."
"I do! I do!" Sharon cried in his arms holding him tightly and he kissed her hairs trying to reassure her of his good faith.
When all the negativity comes out all you are left with is the true feelings for the other. And right now all they felt for each other was Love, the truth of their hearts and lives. They stayed in each other arms for long till Sharon broke the hug and wiped all the tears off his face. He looked at her and smiled, a smile which was yet to reach his eyes.
Sharon read his eyes and did what her heart told her to do at the moment. She gently took his hand in hers and raised it till her bump and he watched her holding his breath with shock and anticipation written in his eyes.
He didn't know if it was meant to be or his child was equally excited to feel his father's touch but he kicked and Swayam's breath got caught in his throat. His heart fluttered and pounded so hard that he felt scared it would come out. He could his child breathing inside and the feeling of a life, his own child's life brought tears into his eyes. He cried like a five year old and looked at Sharon who let out a small chuckle looking at him. His hands shivered and she kept her own on them supporting him. He thought he wouldn't be able to feel anything better than this ever in his life. His eyes rolled down tears and his lips smiled the brightest smile Sharon had ever seen. He looked at her with a look of gratefulness, love, happiness and above all bliss before he could utter the only thing that came to his mind.
"Thank You." He said holding her face in his hands and she smiled gently as he wiped the tears from her face. They stared at each other for the longest time since six months too scared that they would lose this moment again in the weird mist of situations again like all others and so he leaned in to seal the moment and she closed her eyes to feel complete in every sense after a long time and their lips met sending sparks of love to their hearts and body and they kissed thinking about nothing but just each other.
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