They stood infront of the fireplace, the only illuminating source in the otherwise pitch black room. The interiors were dull too, a sparkling contrast to the old man's usual taste of luminosity. A black linen couch and a rocking chair were all in the name of furniture and they instantly knew this was all requested on purpose.
Just like how without stepping a foot, they could just as easily guess the other rooms were as unused as they appeared from the outside. A few bottle of wine and some leftover take outs was already giving a vivid picture regarding the usage of the massive kitchenette, again a stark contrast to what was actually promised to the cleaning staff who had offered to cook for the man in question.
And yet, despite noticing all, they wisely decided to keep mum, letting the hallowness of the surrounding creep into their soul until the silence was broken from the other end.
"Is Arnav back yet?", The older man questioned, his eyes boring holes in theirs, trying and failing to keep the magnanimity of his emotions under check.
The boys, who had felt a surge of hope at having old man had finally acknowledge their presence, shook their heads. They felt utter helplessness wash over them, looking at the slumped shoulders of the man, who once was strength personified, now crumbling bit by bit in his own misery and guilt. Not that they were any better! Yet, seeing him so emotionally torn and disrupted, they knew they will have to give as much comfort as they were attempting to seek.
After all, it was not an everyday occurrence that their pillar of strength itself had erupted. And if the unthinkable really did happened, they would have to make sure to whittle their own way out. So finally, summoning courage, Akash was the first one to attempt changing his father's decision.
"Dad..." he started.
"NO!" came a firm and decidedly fixed response from Arvind, cutting of Akash's rant mid-sentence, having perfectly guessed his innuendo with the stutter of his word and the hesitancy in his voice.
"Please Dad. You have to change your mind. We need you, please" Nk's heart broke upon realizing that this probably was the first time ever when he was asking something from his dad and he wont have it. Because in his heart, he knew his desperate try was not going to make much of a difference. And he was proved right with Arvind's next few words, "And you have me!" The powerful glare that backed his response left no further room for discussion.
Silence hung heavily in the confines of the room while the occupants struggled to make sense of the situation. They knew this was a test, that if surpassed could bring glory to their lives or destroy them completely. Yet, while one was trying to isolate himself as much as he could, the other's demanded, rather, needed the kind of assurance that only a parent could provide.
Clearly, each one of them was not getting that one thing they were hungrily seeking, anytime soon. Dejectedly, Akash and Nk left Arvind alone to his thoughts, praying for some sort of divine intervention to help their family from the deep abyss they seemed to have fallen into.
~
Grim faces welcomed him into the place he once called his home. But now, after everything that had transpired, he knew this could never be the place that people associate with themselves as their safe haven. For his home was where she was.
Taking a shuddering breathe, he struggled to shake away his thoughts, lest he broke down infront of an unfamiliar audience. Distracting himself with the numbness that was steadily slinking upon his dead tired senses was the only option besides grieving these days, anyway. So he took a moment to stop by and glance at the people seated in the living room, noticing how their pale faces practically lit up in what could be termed as obvious happiness at his safe return. ATLEAST his safe return! Gradually as he looked on, the relief dissipated and their eyes turned expectant, silently marring his with questions.
And he took that as his cue for he knew nothing he would say could live up to their expectations or quench their curiosity in any way.
Ignoring everyone, feeling least bit ashamed to keep them hanging this way especially knowing they had things to ask, he made to move for his room when a soft grip and an overly vibrant voice of that one woman who had yet again proved him wrong for showing an ounce of belief in the possibility of a happily-ever-after, who had viciously cut that very rope which connected his sinking ship to the shore, brought his footsteps to an abrupt halt.
"Oh Arnav, I am so so glad you are back beta! I was so worried. Aise koi karta hai bhala? Bina kisi se kuch kahe tum teen dino take ghar se gayab rahe. Yeh bhi nahi socha ke tumhaari maa par kya beetegi "
Except for a slight twitch, his face remained otherwise impassive to her apparent reprimanding but the struggle in his eyes was open and known to anyone who was willing to see. Only that Shalini was too lost in her new found joy at having her son safe and sound back to her, to care about the pain he was so vigorously trying to hold in, at the anger that was almost bursting at its seam, threatening to swallow everything in its wake.
All hell would have broken loose, regardless of the presence of few outsiders in their living room who given the fact were no ordinary men, might have raised some sort of alarm, had she touched him but thankfully it was Nk's timely intervention that stopped her before she could catch her dearest son in an embrace. But too late for her palm had slightly brushed against Arnav's, causing an instant reaction of him flinching back as if lightening stuck.
Raising his eyes, Arnav let them meet with Shalini's for a miniscule of a second before he was stomping way past her, bolting straight for his room before rage drew him past to the point beyond sanity and he forgets, he was dealing with his mother here, yelling or maybe doing, things that he may regret later.
But if he had somewhere, in a tiny part of his mind, expected his mother to get the message and leave him alone, he had clearly over estimated her. For Shalini was quick to follow after him, barely acknowledging the almost-sympathetic glances from the police officials seated in their living room watching the entire byplay and the disgusted ones she received from her other two sons, who were barely holding onto their anger at her audacity to act like nothing was wrong when their entire world had turned upside down.
Shaking their heads, they looked apologetically at the officials knowing they had no clue about the changed dynamics in their family, requesting them to excuse their elder brother's lack of mannerism. The police officers nodded in understanding and took their leave promising to be back if anything comes by.
After they were gone, the said brothers slumped onto the couch, barely having a moment to close their eyes before the loud voices from upstairs interrupted their much deserved minute of solitude.
"Open the door bte, let me in."
..
"Arnav, are you even listening to me? I am asking you to open this door."
..
"How can you keep your mother waiting at your doorstep? I wont have you disrespect me like that.."
..
"Bas ab bohot ho chukka Arnav, Enough with your stubbornness. Darwaza kholo, ABHI!"
Akash and nk scrambled up the stairs to come face to face with an annoyed Shalini who was slowly but surely growing terribly frustrated with their bhai's lack of response to her incessant and slightly overzealous, knocking.
They, for the love of their brother, dint get her behaviour. Didn't understand how could she expect normalcy in their lives after all had happened. Khushi was gone or better say, ruthlessly forced out of their house. Their Dad had stopped living with them. Their bhai had gone missing for three days busy in, what they had no qualms suspecting, searching for any trace of khushi like a mad man. And now he was back home, barely concealing his pain and all their mom had to ask of him is to open the damned door so she could round up on him with yet another petty, unexcusable justification of what-I-did-was-right.
They knew she had a well-framed logic, that the same old-saga of insecurities and righteousness had driven her to do what she did. Only that this time around, she was so not getting away with it. Never! Her twisted way of loving coudnt be excused. And this thought brought a rueful smile on both their faces because this twisted-love was what they had wanted in their life for so long.
All their life they had, at some point or the other, complained their Arnav bhai gets more share of Shalini's affection than them. They would envy him with a gusto and as silly as it may now sound, had spent a good portion of their childhood trying to prove him down in their mamma's eyes. Needless to say, those tactics had failed.
But their jealousy lived. Even when they had matured and made up for those silly fights, when they had understood the real him and felt a surge of pride to have him as their older brother, when they had started loving him with all of their heart and claimed to give upon their lives without battling an eyelash, some part of them still felt jealous when things came to their mother's partiality.
But today, for the first time, they actually were feeling blessed to not have their mother cross boundaries of possessiveness in the name of love. They were also, in equal amounts, thankful and glad. Thankful because she doesn't love them like she loves their bhai, and glad for getting sidelined all of their lives.
Because if this was how she uses her relationship to control people and have her way and later claim she loves them and had good intentions behind her every evil deed, they were better off without her so-called love. Infact, what once used to be jealousy, was now turning into remorse and pity for their bhai, who was paying the price for having this lady infront of them, love him like she does.
Too lost in their musings, they never realized what they were fearing for, had indeed come true for their mamma having eventually reached at the end of her tethers decided it was a good time to show how persuasive she could be to have her way, "Arnav this is last time I am asking, tum abhi isi waqt darwaza kholo warna mai.."
And before anyone had a moment to collect their bearing and grasp what the hell was happening, the door had swunged open and to say a furious looking Arnav stood infront of them would be the biggest understatement of the year, "Warna kya? What will you do Mom? Threaten me with something that matters the most? Well, breaking news - you have already snatched her!"
Red rimmed eyes met the cold scathing ones. Neither backing away for a long long time until finally, a pair of them looked away. And the brothers were more than glad they wasn't chocolate brown.
~
The same fireplace witnessed another intense moment, this time between those two people who had taken very hard to their collective loss.
"You called for me ?"
"I wanted to see you.."
The monotonocity wasn't lost to any of them yet neither attempted to change it. Infact Arnav's further response only made it worse, "There's nothing you would like."
The old man sighed before nodding, "I know and I am sorry"
And the sorry caught him offguard. "No dad, you shouldn't be. Nothing's your fault"
"Yes it is bete, every thing that's gone wrong in our lives is my fault. I failed you. I couldn't live upto my promise of getting everything better before you and kh.. I mean, before you could take a leap at your happiness. And most importantly, I failed her. And Shashi. She was my princess and my responsibility but I couldn't do anything when...when.."
Not missing the hesitancy in his father's voice while uttering her name, Arnav was about to move forth and comfort him when something happened.
Arvind broke down!
He slumped to the ground and cried like a man who had lost everything. For the past few days he had accustomed himself to this grungy villa. He had shut everyone except Arnav, who was all the while in touch with him regarding their fierceful search, out. He had refused to go home when Nk and Akash came to call him. And he had absolutely, not attended any phone calls from a particular lady who had hurt him beyond endurance. He had kept his emotions at bay, tried to remain strong and stoic like he was expected to. But now, infront of his elder child he could no longer hold back his guilt, could no longer pretend to be calm anymore when he had certain memories and emotions that overplayed and hurt all the same.
Arnav, who was halfway between shock and frenzy held onto his father as both of them shed silent tears of agony. In between, he tried to shush the old man as best as he could, remembering the many times the favour was returned, especially during the last three days whenever he had broken down on the cell-phone while informing the former about yet another failure in their quest at finding the missing part of their family.
He could understand his father's predicament. After all, the feeling of letting someone down was not so easy to let go. He himself was living it, feeling its vicious grip over his heart, its ugly tentacles shoving him down everytime he tried to raise his head up.
A long time passed as they grieved and sat searching for a ray of hope amidst the darkness. In the perfected silence, Arnav recounted what happened this morning when he got back home. Arvind listened to him speak about how callously his wife had acted, and after having comforted enough to speak without breaking down once again, asked Arnav to shift with him here, so that he wont have to face anymore of the torment than that was absolutely necessary.
Arnav shook his head, "No Dad. I want to stay there. To show her everyday, what she had reduced me into. To let her see for herself how much happiness she had brought me with her 'rightful' actions. She thinks khushi was not good enough for me, its time she knows how much of a 'me' is left now that my khushi is gone"
The determination in his eyes made his father proud. Yes Arvind got his point. He understood the reasoning behind his decidion. Yet he dint wanted to try that out himself knowing they were fighting two different battles here. For one, the sheer presence would speak while for another, silence was no lesser a great weapon.
After a while,
"Do you blame her?" It was a random thought. Totally unplanned. But now that Arvind had raised it, he realized he actually wanted to know if Arnav held khushi responsible for betraying him by breaking her promise to never leave his side.
He had to wait for a few long moments before Arnav turned to face him. But the second he did, the look in his eyes answered each and every question Arvind could possibly ever have.
~
Many of you thought khushi did wrong by leaving Arnav and breaking her promise. Unfortunately you will have to wait till the next chapter for a justification as to how what she did was right. Till then, feel free to share your views.😊
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Simmi <3
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