"Chasmish, you here, this time? When did you come to Mumbai? Come on in. You didn't tell me you were coming", Abhi opened the door and gave me a slight hug. His body felt literally hot and he looked tired and weak.
"You have fever, Abhishek", I said touching his forehead and I was sure he had elevated temperature.
"How is your mom? You didn't go to college today?", he enquired as he got into his bed again covering himself with the blanket.
"Mom has recovered well. You have runny nose? Do you feel cold? Why are you in ganji and shorts if you are feeling cold? Where are your sweaters? Did you take medicine? Did you see a doctor?", I tried to search for a sweater from his disorganized wardrobe.
"Which question I shall answer, Chashmish? I have a headache", he said hiding his head under the blanket.
I found a fleece from his wardrobe and noticed some unopened medicines and food in a bag by his side table. "Did you eat any medicine at all?", I asked him but he didn't reply.
I pulled the blanket off of his head and he looked at me displeased.
"Did you take anything? Were you supposed to take this? We have Crocin here", I read out the label on the medicine.
"Purab got it this morning. I didn't have fever really, so didn't take anything. Let me sleep yaar", he said again hiding himself under the blanket.
I sat besides him and slowly uncovered his head from the blanket. "Abhishek, take this medicine and eat a little bit, you will feel better. If you don't, we are going to the doctor right now".
"Now that you are here, I am already better. I am sleepy. Didn't sleep last night", he moved his head onto my lap. I rubbed his feverish forehead and took out a Crocin tablet from the packet. I asked him to sit up which he now did without complaint and gave him the medicine and some orange juice. I tried to get him to eat a slice of bread but he refused. I made him wear his fleece and he laid on my lap again.
I decided to stay with him for a few hours until his fever came down or to take him to doctor if he does not feel better. Soon he was dozing off and I ran my fingers through his hair. Once I felt he was asleep, I tried to move his head to the pillow so that he is more comfortable. But his hand came over me in such a way that he held me tightly further settling himself on my lap. I ended up leaning my back to the wall behind his single bed and stretched my legs as I sat comfortably. I myself was feeling sleepy as I had missed out on sleep during the last few days taking care of my mother.
It was much later I woke up to the sound of running water. I got up and realized I was sleeping in Abhi's bed while he seemed to be in the bathroom. A fleeting thought crossed my mind that had the image of my little home, my husband and my family. But the next moment I jolted myself back to reality as I checked the clock that showed 4 pm. I had slept for three hours at least.
"How do you feel now?", I asked Abhi as he came out of the bathroom.
"Much better. I think the fever is gone. Check", he bent his forehead, I checked it and found it cold.
"Thank God, it has gone down. It was so bad when I came in. You should eat now though. Shall I bring something from outside? Do you have anything in the fridge?", I checked his fridge to find nothing suitable for him to eat. I then found a dried soup packet and heat up some water to mix it. I asked him to drink some soup with bread. He agreed but the first bite he fed me with his hand. My heart was beaming with joy at that amorous gesture.
"You sold your musical instruments?", I asked him in the middle of his eating which was also him feeding me in between.
"That idiot told you?", he hinted at Purab.
"Well, I don't know how to thank you. But I collected half a lakh and please accept it. The rest I will return in due time and please buy your stuff back", I said opening my hand bag that had cash.
"And what have you sold to get this money? Did you sell gold?", he checked my neck.
"But you have to accept this money", I told him seriously.
"Fine I will take it from you but not now. Look Chashmish, I earn money. These days I have offers to perform shows. Every show pays me at least 10 thousand Rupees. Don't worry, Chashmish, seriously. And yes, I will take it back with interest from you when you become a professor like that baldy one and earn money, alright?", he said calmly.
I tried to say something but he stopped me again, "please Chashmish, I don't know what else you have sold to bring half lakh. I can't take this money. And believe me I am fine with my finances. I am a future rockstar. I will be dealing in crores soon. Just keep an eye", he winked.
"Abhishek, please. Don't make this hard for me", I begged.
"Chashmish, listen, don't make my music instruments more valuable than your mother's health. And how about this, I promise you I will have all my music instruments back in one month. If I can't, I will take the money from you, okay? Deal?", he came up with another plan.
"Oh God, Abhishek", I sighed.
"Chashmish, don't tell me all is well in your house. Please take it back and give it to your mom. If you still insist, I am going to say I will pay you this money for taking care of me right now", he argued.
"WHAT", I expressed my shock.
"Doesn't sound nice na? So you better don't give me the money back now", he said firmly.
I decided to return the money to Abhishek in some other way later, perhaps when I collected the whole amount of one lakh.
I sighed and told him I was going to leave since it was already evening. He insisted he will walk me to the station but I convinced him to stay home and rest.
As I got up to leave he held my hand and said "Chashmish, thanks for coming. I really feel better".
"Take care. Take Crocin before you go to bed. And call me or Purab if you feel worse" I said and turned to leave. But he got up and grabbed my face pressing his lips to mine.
"Abhishek", I was taken aback as he let me go.
"Sorry, was it salty?", he asked with a coy smile. I failed to interpret what he was trying to say since I was still in shock.
"I have runny nose", he started laughing. I realized what he meant by salty.
"Ewww, Abhishek", I hit him with his pillow.
"Wash your mouth too, you might get germs from me", he was laughing hard hitting me back with another pillow turning my emotional conflict into a pillow fight.
As I took my train back to hostel I pondered on how I still hadn't talked to him about the first kiss and he had kissed me again. Between the first and the second kiss I had realized he sincerely cared about me. However, there was so much that I needed to talk to him and clear my head with.
The next week was busy for both Abhi and me. He had his music related appointments and I had the deadlines for the project at the institute as well as catching up with what I had missed due to my break in Pune. He was casual about everything that had went between us and I had tried to unsuccessfully bring up the matter a couple of times. He used to touch me in not so friendly ways now and then sometimes obviously, sometimes discreetly. I never had not liked his nearness but I never felt completely right about it either.
That evening everyone had left the classroom and I asked Abhishek to stay for a few moments.
"Do you want to go for a dinner? We can quickly eat and I can leave for the restaurant I am playing. Or we could have dinner...", he was planning.
"Abhishek, I just want to talk", I said cutting his sentence.
"Here?", he wondered. He sat on the table and held my hand.
"Abhishek, look all this.. between us..", I tried to say but he ran his finger on my forehead down to my cheek, tucking my hair behind my ear.
"Between us.. as in?", he pulled me to him to stand between his legs.
"THIS, this closeness", I said looking away as he kissed my hand. My jitters got intense and I tried to move away. He pulled me back holding my waist this time.
"Abhishek, please No! I don't want this", I said trying to release myself from his hold.
"Don't lie to me that you don't like this", he said dropping his hands.
I moved away and sat on a chair easing my breath.
"I don't want it this way. I don't appreciate it at all. Now please don't come near me and..", I said in raised voice. He was looking at me in a sharp gaze.
"I don't like you kissing me, hugging me here and there. You know.. it's..", I was struggling to put my thoughts into clear words and he interrupted.
"So you don't like it at all, hmm? I thought you loved it as much as I did. But I got you completely wrong. Okay, sorry about it. Now onwards I will stay away. I got to go. Bye", he said and left without looking back.
I tried to stop him by calling his name out but I choked on my own voice that I didn't utter a word. He had got it all wrong and I had failed to convey it right. I could not hold my tears.
In the coming days he gave me absolute silent treatment. He only talked if something was essential without even taking my name. Rest he did not acknowledge my presence at all. I felt cut in my heart every moment but I didn't know how to talk to him. I once gathered courage to tell him that what I wanted to say had come out wrong. He replied that he still got the message and he had no hard feelings.
The way he had distanced himself from me had bothered me 100 times more than his closeness. I sometimes even wondered if he really took it all this casually and he never meant anything more. But I wanted clarity. I wanted to know his heart. I wanted to find a meaning in everything I had felt and all that I was feeling.
One afternoon, I figured out from Purab that Abhi had no music stuff to do for the rest of the day and we didn't have classes either. I thought of asking him again to talk to me but I figured he had left for home already.
I decided to go to his place again and talk to him one to one. I had to get stuff off of my heart for my own piece of mind. I was so restless because of him but I felt I could only find peace from him too. I wanted to hear the truth. If he wanted to tell me if all this was just some hormonal bursts, I was ready for it too and I could hopefully leave it all at that.
"Pragya, you here? What's up?", he enquired at the door.
"I am Pragya to you now?" I almost had tears in my eyes.
"I thought your name is Pragya", he said in a low voice.
"Then who was Chashmish?", I asked with one drop of tear falling out of my eyes.
"Come inside", he let me get inside his room and he closed the door.
"What brings you here?", he asked standing in a corner.
"I am sure you know it, why are you playing me?", I said composing myself.
"I am playing you? You made conclusions about my feelings for you and now you say I am playing you. Damn you Pragya", he said throwing his arms in the air.
"Abhishek it's not like that. You don't let me explain at all. Can you please listen to me and let me speak and not conclude everything yourself? Please for I don't know what's sake", I could not stop my tears as feelings pulled in all directions.
"Now why are you even crying?", he asked leaning to the wall crossing his hands.
I took a deep breath and walked towards him. I tried to hold his hand so that I can get him to listen to me.
"Don't touch me", he pretty much pushed me away.
"Abhishek I love you", I suddenly threw my arms around him hugging him tight, standing on my toes. "Please don't do this to me. I can't handle you not talking to me, staying estranged like this from me. It cuts my heart. I miss you every moment, I think of you in my every breath, I came here to talk to you about a lot of things but now it feels like I have nothing more to tell you than I love you" I sobbed in his arms completely forgetting that I was supposed to enquire about his feelings.
But it's then I realized he was holding me as tight as I was holding him. He was stroking my head with one hand and rubbing my back with the other, calming me down.
I stayed in his arms like that until I felt content. I slightly broke the hug to face him and I noticed his moist eyes looking at me tenderly. "Abhishek", I held his face in my palm and said "I just want to know, who am I to you".
He hugged me again kissing my hair. He tucked some strands away from my ear to whisper in it "you are my cutest, loveliest Chashmish, and I love you". I came back to see his face and held it in my palm. I crashed my lips into his and he was kissing me back as if there was no tomorrow.
Soon he had me pinned to the wall nipping at my neck. His hands had tightly grabbed my breasts and I was in complete surrender to the commotion of waves that ran through my body.
And he was tugging at my kameez finding ways to get it off of my body. He easily found the zippers and hooks and he bared my upper body. Before I could react to my exposed self to him, he had latched on to one breast, and tugging the tip of the other.
Minutes later we were on his bed kissing and grabbing at each other with his hand making way to the inside of my kameez. What came then was the assault of his fingers followed by his mouth at the hidden depths of my being. He had turned me into a slave to sensations as he took me to the peak of tension and set me free to fly in the open sky.
It was when I landed on earth after the bliss of my ride, I realized his naked form with his thick and hard manhood probing my entrance. As I nervously awaited what was going to happen next he laid on me with his manhood between us on my belly. He started moving his hips as he caught my lips in his and a minute or so later he had spilled himself all over my belly as I watched in frenzied amusement.
I didn't know if I had lost my virginity to him at that moment but I had become his in every sense that counted.
