I dont believe I am at the top in Bollywood right now: Deepika

Having proved her mettle with a wide array of films, Deepika Padukone has become a major draw at the box-office. With two big ticket films releasing in consecutive months, Deepika may well end up becoming the marquee queen yet again. In a freewheeling chat with The Indian Express.com, Deepika tells us why she feels she is far away from being at the top in Bollywood and the reason behind keeping her private life private this time. Excerpts from the conversation.

You are one of the top actresses in Bollywood today. We often hear many top stars lamenting how lonely it's at the top. Is it true. What has your experience been?

Deepika: I don't like to believe that I am at the top because if I am at the top then there's nowhere to go from there. I believe there is still lots more for me to do and achieve. As far as loneliness is concerned, the answer is Yes and No. For example, when people come into my life today, there is a feeling that are they friends because they genuinely care or are they wanting to be friends because of who I am. That is the flip side. But the positive side to it is that I have had a solid upbringing and a solid group of friends who have been a part of my life since childhood.

Have you turned cautious while making friends today?

Deepika: I wouldn't say cautious. I trust anyone very easily. Someone would say something to me and I would trust that person very easily, whether it is someone I know or other people who I have met for the first time. There are times when people around me have to help me understand things. Like, after finishing a conversation I am like Oh my God, they are so sweet' and people around me are like relax, they didn't mean it like that.' They actually make me realise that someone's scheming or plotting. I am someone who takes everyone at face value. And I believe that I need to develop and build my own equation with people. I do not base it on what other people's equation with others are people. For me until and unless I personally haven't had a bad experience with someone, I am usually very forthcoming and I allow people the opportunity to be who they are. And I am also very trusting unless I have had a bad experience or something.

Do you fear failure?

I have experienced it all. Whether it's in my sporting career or in my films, I have experienced the highs and the lows. And I am where I am today because of my own hard work and that's why I am so possessive and protective about it because this is the only thing that I can proudly say is my own. I don't think of success or failure when I am working. I think of passion, hard work and honesty when I am working and everything else follows. And of course I have seen the lows in my career and I have seen the highs too and I don't take either of them for granted. People ask me you are riding high now, so how does it feel? To me, it feels no different, as I am just working. I am not someone who pays too much attention to praise or what is being written or what people say about where I am in my career. It's just a part of life. I wake up every morning and go to work like any other day.

Any other fear as an actor or individual?

Deepika: I think the only day I will worry is when I stop getting exciting roles. I think that's my only fear because I feel as an actor, I have so much to give and so much to learn. And there is a lot of fire and hunger in me to juice every part I get. I think the only fear I have is that someday some exciting part may not come to me.

Your chemistry with Ranbir has become the talk of the town. Does chemistry between two actors become an important factor for casting them in a film?

Deepika: I think the biggest downfall would be if you come on board thinking let's create some chemistry. It's like saying come on let's make a hit film. It's stupid. In fact chemistry is something for people and judge. The only thing that we can do as actors is to come on board individually because we feel the same kind of passion for a script. And for the director to cast us because he feels we are right for the part and as actors we will do justice to the part. In the process of making that film and being honest to the parts that we are playing, the chemistry should generally happen on its own. You can't create that. And the day you say now let's create some chemistry that will be your biggest downfall. And I think what adds to the chemistry is what the film gives us as actors to play with or how the characters are written. If you see, 50 per cent is what is on paper and what the director and writer have written. And 50 per cent is what the actors bring and how they make those characters memorable and special.

When you were in a relationship with Ranbir, both of you were very open about your it but post your split you have chosen to remain mum about your personal life. Is this decision based on the experience of your previous relationship?

Deepika: Absolutely yes. There is a certain aspect of our life that you are not comfortable in sharing and yes it's because of our past experiences. From a journalist's point of view, its reporting but from a human being point of view it causes a lot of stress on a relationship and relationships and emotions are very fragile. So yes, it does cause unnecessary stress every morning especially if negative things or untrue things are reported. There is unnecessary unrest and more than that at some point what you realise is that you really want to be remembered for your work and for the films you do. And what we experienced is that there are no end to the speculations. Like when are we getting married, when are we having children, is his family okay, is my family okay and I don't think even we had ever discussed those things but the speculation were already there. So it kind of adds pressure on relationships. And I think we have learned that and now it's important to protect and keep it to ourselves.

Ranbir saw you for the first tim on the sets of Om Shanti Om. When did you see him for the first time?

Deepika: We discovered much later that he saw me first but I hadn't seen him then. I saw him when I was shooting the scene with Arjun Rampal where we are fighting while SRK peeps in from the window. During the break, I walked out and Ranbir was shooting there for his film and he was taking a break too. That's when I saw him. And it take long for him to get connected. That very evening he got my number.