Heya, guys! Here's the next chapter and my apologies for the late update. And the quote below used is taken from Carson McCullers' novella, The Ballad Of The Sad Cafe, so the credit goes to her only. )
Chapter 36
Ishani felt a gush of soft air flicking over her face tenderly as she came out of the Chatrapati Shivaji Terminal airport, watching the evening sun go down beyond the tall buildings across the gleaming horizon. With a bated breath she made her way towards a black Mustank which awaited her beyond the fence on the outer side. As she walked further she saw Sharman getting out of it with a broad smile which hid a slight concern in his eyes, as she herself advanced further.
"Ishani," he exclaimed, taking Ishani in his arms as Ishani smiled hugging him back. "So glad to see you back."
"So am I, bhaiya," Ishani said, smiling.
"Come. This is the new car I told you about," Sharman said proudly.
"It's grand!" Ishani said.
"Thank you. Falguni kaki said this color suited me the best so we had this one." Sharman laughed while Ishani stepped into it, being helped by him.
"That is great. Maa has always had unique choices," Ishani said, while Sharman began driving.
The air was filled with the same familiar smell Ishani had known her whole life. The streets of Mumbai did not change in nature or colors. Tawdry bright shops, the faded glistening color on their walls still remained the same, as did the shopkeepers in them, anticipating costumers as evening grew on. The crowd, the traffic was no different but today it did not irritate her like most of the times. The place seemed more pleasant but significantly shallow and empty, and she did not like the feeling. Time passed on as Sharman continued driving while neither Ishani nor Sharman said anything. She was thankful for that for tiredness kept her away from saying a single word; rather she appreciated the thought of looking towards the places she had known for years. It was half past 7 when Sharman's car halted at the colossal gates of the Parekh Mansion. Ishani being lost in her thoughts did not notice until Sharman, smiling, turned up before her.
"We're home, Ishani," he said, stepping out of the car, and helping Ishani get out as well. "I'll ask someone to get your bag into the house. Come on! Everyone is getting anxious to see you, especially Falguni Kaki."
Ishani smiled at Sharman's words as she with his help set crept out of the car and smelt a familiar fragrance fill the air greatly. As Sharman led Ishani further she realized nothing had changed in the place since last two years...or it was same as ever. The white pillars outside still stood as tall and defiantly as she had seen them since her years in the house; the white marble on the floor still glistened just as much in the bright light of the house and the air penetrating in through windows still carried the same warmth in the spring evenings as ever. Coming further Ishani saw her mother standing, watching towards the entrance anxiously, next to her stood Devarsh and Prateek, with the same anticipation as Falguni, in their eyes. Baa and Disha sat on the sofa, unexpectedly calmly: Disha indulged in her phone and Baa with some old books next to her on the couch and one in her hands. Her Kaka Mitesh and kaki Chaitali were not visible there.
Ishani gave a deep sigh as she finally made her way in and let her mother take her in a warm and tight embrace entirely. Ishani did not say anything as she circled her arms around her and her mother held Ishani closer to her, as tears began leaving their eyes suddenly. Ishani could hear her mother amidst the cries say "I missed you, Ishani," or "I'm so happy you are back," and "I would not let you go again." Ishani smiled slightly but did not part herself from the embrace and held her mother closer to her as much possible.
"I too missed you, Maa," Ishani said, slowly.
Falguni separated herself from Ishani and to her heart's content stared her daughter's face for several minutes until Ishani broke the silence again, but this time looking at Disha.
"Disha. Congrats! Maa told me you're engaged. I'm sure Manas is a good guy and perfect for you. I'm so happy for you."
Disha smiled quite indifferently and engaged herself in her previous business once again, as Ishani came forward and touched Baa's feet who showed very slight interest in welcoming her and again fixed her eyes on the book in her palms. Further she went upto Devarsh and Prateek who stood waiting impatiently for her to notice them and gave a loud cheerful laugh as Ishani hugged them both.
"We're so glad you came back, Ishani," Devarsh squeaked happily. "Now we're all complete."
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"Ishani, come, I have made your favorite dishes tonight," Falguni called out for a tired Ishani as she groaned lightly, unpacking her bags.
"I'm not hungry, Maa," Ishani said.
"Look how thin you look," Falguni said, as she entered the room with a plate full of delicious food that Ishani had not seen for months. Its smell made her spring on her feet suddenly.
"Thin?" Ishani said, "I think I have put on a lot of weight. Look." Ishani stood up showing her mother what she had meant.
Falguni laughed. "No, stupid, you haven't."
"See, all my dresses don't fit anymore," Ishani said innocently.
"Oh, you're such a kid, Ishani," Falguni said, now pulling her cheeks.
"Aw, Maa, that hurts. Don't do that. I'm not a child anymore," Ishani said.
"Alright, alright," Falguni answered warily. "Kids grow up too early."
Ishani smiled at her mother while Falguni kept the plate beside the bed on the table.
"Nothing has changed here," Ishani said, looking about the room.
"We didn't want to change it either," Falguni answered. "All the things you left are in their right places."
"I'm grateful for that," Ishani said, honestly.
"What is that?" Falguni said, as Ishani put the last remaining cloth from her bag on the bed.
"What, Maa?" Ishani asked, confused. Falguni picked up a brown jacket in her hands, looking at it skeptically.
"Is it yours? It isn't a women's brand," Falguni said.
It did not take time for Ishani to recall who the jacket belonged to. Ranveer. Ishani shuddered while Falguni looked at her as if having noticed something already.
"Oh. No, Maa," Ishani answered, "I bought this by mistake last week and forgot to return it. Give it to me, I will return it back as soon as I go back. God knows how I didn't notice this before."
"It's alright," Falguni smiled. "Though I'm surprised you made such a mistake."
"Yeah," Ishani said, carelessly, as Falguni left the room, warning Ishani to have dinner before she slept. "We will talk tomorrow," Falguni said.
Slumber seemed to have been chased away by the feelings tickling in Ishani's heart as even late at night she did not feel like to go to bed. Stars above shone brilliantly and crescent white moon could be witnessed as well blushing grudgingly in the soft clouds in the dark night. The day had been hectic and tedious where she had had no time to think of anything. Returning home seemed hard at first, for she feared being haunted by the same painful memories which had forced her to stay away from Mumbai and find solace in the city of strangers all this time. However, it was not that bad anymore.
Ishani's eyes fell on Ranveer's jacket still lying idly down on the bed. She picked it up, remembering him presenting her in their journey to Lechlade few weeks ago, but she could not understand how it got back to her for she still remembered well it having returned the same evening. Right now she did not care as long as it was with her. She could not help but smile tenderly at the remembrance of the fondest memory crossing her mind. Ishani once again wrapped the jacket around her body as she breathed in his scent, feeling him by her side once again, like hundreds of the times before. She felt a shiver run down her spine, as she felt her fears and insecurities wearing away steadily. His promise was fulfilled once again.
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First of all, love is a joint experience between two persons -- but the fact that it is a joint experience does not mean that it is a similar experience to the two people involved. There are the lover and the beloved, but these two come from different countries. Often the beloved is only a stimulus for all the stored-up love which has lain quiet within the lover for a long time hitherto. And somehow every lover knows this. He feels in his soul that his love is a solitary thing. He comes to know a new, strange loneliness and it is this knowledge which makes him suffer. So there is only one thing for the lover to do. He must house his love within himself as best he can; he must create for himself a whole new inward world -- a world intense and strange, complete in himself. Let it be added here that this lover about whom we speak need not necessarily be a young man saving for a wedding ring -- this lover can be man, woman, child, or indeed any human creature on this earth.
Now, the beloved can also be of any description. The most outlandish people can be the stimulus for love. A man may be a doddering great-grandfather and still love only a strange girl he saw in the streets of Cheehaw one afternoon two decades past. The preacher may love a fallen woman. The beloved may be treacherous, greasy-headed, and given to evil habits. Yes, and the lover may see this as dearly as anyone else -- but that does not affect the evolution of his love one whit. A most mediocre person can be the object of a love which is wild, extravagant, and beautiful as the poison lilies of the swamp. A good man may be the stimulus for a love both violent and debased, or a jabbering madman may bring about in the soul of someone a tender and simple idyll. Therefore, the value and quality of any love is determined solely by the lover himself.
It is for this reason that most of us would rather love than be loved. Almost everyone wants to be the lover. And the curt truth is that, in a deep secret way, the state of being be loved is intolerable to many. The beloved fears and hates the lover, and with the best of reasons. For the lover is forever trying to strip bare his beloved. The lover craves any possible relation with the beloved, even if this experience can cause him only pain.
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After the days that followed Mr. Zaveri's arrest Ranveer was told of various questions -by Puneet or Rishi" being asked from the people around them, extremely personal, and awkward to answer about Ishani and why she had taken such a step to destroy herself; if not her enmity with RV what could it be, were the questions that haunted Ranveer afterwards.
"They're getting on our nerves, sir," Puneet told Ranveer one evening, the third after the incident. "I don't know what to say anymore."
"Tell them to ask Ms. Parekh the same things. I'm sure she has better reasons to explain," Ranveer said.
"Ms. Parekh?" Puneet repeated.
"Who else are you supposed to talk to?"
"No, I mean...after months I heard you call by her last name. You generally address her by her first name, so I was surprised," Puneet answered, fumbling.
Ranveer did not say anything and picked up the files that Ishani was supposed to study.
"Is the information in it all checked? We have our deals going on tomorrow," Ranveer said, picking up the bundle in his hands.
"I'm sorry, sir, but two of them are yet left," Puneet said, afraid of any word being missed out.
"Why?" Ranveer said, coldly. "Did I not ask them to have done already?"
"Sir, Ms. Parekh was supposed to do that but she said she had to leave for India yesterday and could not work on all of them, so..."
"Leave for India?" Ranveer interrupted. "When? Why?" One could hear a panic in his voice.
"She did not say anything else when we last talked except that it was necessary for her to go," Puneet said, again carefully.
Once again a hope died within Ranveer's heart. He wished he had heard Ishani say what she had to when he saw her last. He hated himself for hoping too much again, but Ishani's visit did not feel good.
"Why, Ishani," he said to himself bitterly. "Why do you do that always?"
"Sir, did you say something?" Puneet said.
"No, no," Ranveer said, being aware of Puneet's presence. "You can leave, Puneet. It's already late."
"But, sir, it's all not okay. You might need us," Puneet said.
"Don't worry," Ranveer assured Puneet. "Right now nothing will happen. You take care of yourself."
Puneet, however not completely convinced, left, rather surprised by Ranveer's tone and way of talking, for he for the first time noticed a kind of compassion in his boss which he believed to be there all the time but saw that coming out the first time in these years.
It was late night as Ranveer still remained in the office, alone. No bird hooted, no tree stirred and no sign of any living made its appearance and the cabin remained darker than usual for no lamp set was lit. Ranveer filled second glass with the whiskey but he did not feel like to bring it upto his lips. It suddenly began tasting bitter but he quickly took the whole of it in one go.
Anyone having seen him could see his eyes having a red, hideous color, filled with the reflection of only misery and loss, sorrow dripping out of them gradually but abundantly. Ranveer filled the third glass as well and drank it again. And then the fourth, and fifth, and second, but as he was about to take the last glass he heard a shrill voice, coming in from a shadowy corner, as Ranveer reluctantly brought it to the table. For a moment he thought he heard Ishani but even in the drowsy state he remembered she was in India. The thought of Ishani being in India killed his curiosity again and he again drank the entire glass in a sip quickly.
"Go!" he shouted, as if speaking to Ishani. "Just leave." No one replied to him but he continued to murmur the same words again and again as he took in one more glass.
"Didn't I ask you not to drink so much?" He heard a reprimanding voice.
Ranveer looked to and fro if the voice was real but could not see anyone.
"Who are you?" he said.
"Do you need to ask that? Let your heart answer the question," the voice answered, kindly.
"My heart?" Ranveer laughed. "It lies to me a lot. I don't trust it anymore." Still there came no source of the voice.
"Oh," the voice answered, and with this Ranveer saw Ishani emerging from the corner her voice came. "Is that so?"
He saw her dark black hairs splashed on her shoulders, flying slowly at the rhythm of the cool breeze passing through, her eyes glittering in the dark and, but her face carrying a ghastly emptiness . He shuddered for a moment, but closed his eyes and opened them to see if he was hallucinating her presence or she could be real.
"Why are you here?" he said after he could not reach to any conclusion. "You were supposed to be in India."
"Why are you so worried?" Ishani said, carelessly. "I'm always with you, am I not? Here." She placed her hand on his chest as he could feel his heart beating softy under her touch.
"Why can't I feel you?" he asked her.
"Because you're stuck here in self pity. Pitying yourself that you can't have a life of your own. I never thought you could be so weak, Mr. RV," Ishani said.
"I do not pity myself," Ranveer yelled, "I'm not weak either. It's you only who is the reason I'm trapped in here without any escape."
"I?" Ishani laughed, sardonically. "Did I ask you to be in love with me all these years? Did I ask you to be so careless about yourself and your life? Why accuse me of your misery?"
"It doesn't matter to you, does it?" Ranveer said, interrupting her. "It doesn't matter if I love you. You don't care, is that no so?"
Ishani fell silent.
"Answer me. I don't like your silence," he shouted, impatiently.
Ishani stared at him with no trace of emotion on her face.
"Why don't you care?"
Ishani still gazed into his eyes with no words speaking.
"Ishani, I asked you something."
Ishani now frowned slightly as she shifted her gaze away from his. "You love me is not my fault. Why do you think I should care?"
"You don't care?" Ranveer said.
Ishani showed no change in her expressions. Her ruthless eyes still gazed into his, unblinking.
"You don't care?" Ranveer repeated again, "so tell me why do you always prove it otherwise? What should I make of your glances everytime you look at me? What should I make of your attitude when you defend me from people like Anya? What should I make of your panic after your nightmares when you see me leaving you? What should I make of your sacrifices everytime I'm in trouble? Why does your heart beat differently everytime I'm close to you? You think I don't see this? I don't notice anything? Why do you suppose I'm a fool to let you go?"
The night had grown darker and starless. No moon shone overhead tonight, cloud broke out from the depth of grey skies, and silence once again took over the surroundings quietly, penetrating through the agonizing inaudible screams that Ranveer's heart let out. He looked about him as his voice fell silent and only darkness occupied the place Ishani stood few moments ago. Ranveer gasping, and worn out stared at the darkness as tears trailed down his cheeks rapidly and a darkness hung before his eyes once again, making his vision invariably blurry for the next moments he could record or remember.
Edited by Elvish_Hobbit - 9 years ago
Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee
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