ISHVEER FF: The True Soulmates( chapter 14:page 29) - Page 5

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Posted: 10 years ago
#41

Originally posted by: VC288

yes they are going to be!! I have already started next chpt and will be updating soon!!
And i am going to clear some of the confusion i have created so far in next chpt!! It's a kind of spoiler for you!!


Ohkkk I will be waiting 😊
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Posted: 10 years ago
#42
Hey there, darling! 🤗🤗 I hope that you are doing brilliantly well. 😳😳 Firstly, happiest birthday to you, sweetheart! ❤️❤️ I hope that you have an amazing day and an even more amazing year ahead! 🥳 Second, I'm so sorry for such a delayed review.
But coming back to this, I must say that I'm very pleasantly impressed. You've certainly got the X-factor to become a very good writer, and I'm sure with a little more experience and honing, you'll do so. 😃😃 You're good with the dialogues and scenes as well and you know how to create and spark that aura too. 👏👏
For a first time, your attempt is indeed brilliant. 👍🏼👍🏼 Your storytelling has a easy flow about it and has good connectivity, while you narration is just as appealing and smooth. 😎😎 Now I'll be giving you a cumulative review on your four seven updates (the fifth one will be more brief). 😉😉
Starting with the first chapter, I must say that you created a good intrigue with showing Ishaani's background and whereabouts in France, along with introducing Alice. 😃😃 We get to know that it's been a year and a half since Ranveer's "supposed" death and Ishaani's trying to pick up the pieces and move on.
Moving ahead, we come to know that Ranveer tried to claim his life and Ishaani thinks he's successful, but the truth being that he's in a coma in India, alive. 😲😲 You've portrayed Alice and Lily's characters well enough, and even Dr. Prashant and Saurabh are fun to read about. 😳😳
You've shown both sides of the story satisfactorily and I must say that I'm extremely impressed with the way you've not made it look messy, and that you've pulled it off decently. 😎😎 I'm highly interested to know about Alice and Lily's past, even though I do get the hint what it might be about. 😛😛
On the other hand, Ranveer wakes up and remembers about Ishaani and knows that it's been a year and a half since the incident of the cliff. 😕😕 But the best thing I like is how Ishaani can feel that he's alive and recognizes the sensation in her heart, yet she refuses to acknowledge it, thinking that her heart it too treacherous to feel things like that. 😒😒 Kind of reminds me of the initial chapters of NC. 😆😆
And that's where your fifth update comes in.
You've written the chapter very well, with Ishaani finally getting a headstart by working at the coffee shop on Alice's saying and has already formed an attachment with it. ⭐️⭐️ Alice lets her know about their financial crunch and Ishaani is ready to do her best to help in, by giving Alice the necessary encouragement as well as by thinking about approaching her estranged families too. 👍🏼👍🏼
On the other hand, Ranveer is awake and Saurabh is trying to make friends with him and finds a camarade in him, which is cute. 😊😊 I like Saurabh already. 😉😉 And looky here, Ranveer is awake and is already trying to heal himself quickly so that he can find Ishaani and make her his own and sort everything out between them.
On the whole, you've been doing a very impressive job so far. 👍🏼👍🏼 Even your usage of grammar is fine except from a some slip ups here and there, which you need to rectify. 😛😛 Now, I'll give you some general yet important tips that you can keep in mind so that you can improve yourself as well as use it when writing (I swear this has become like a rite of passage from my end to all the new writers 😆😆):
1. Punctuation is a must. Don't overuse it but make sure you add them up at the right places. This is true especially in case of a comma. Back when I started writing, I used to apply comas anywhere and everywhere, which messed up my work but then my friend told me to watch out for them. At the same time, be particular about the full stops after the end of the dialogue.
2. Second, when using the 'exclamation' mark, don't use three, just use one. Three exclamatory marks are alright during chat conversations, but when writing it out, make sure you use only one. Makes it look neater.
3. Similarly, use a single question mark. Also, three dots are used mainly in dialogues when the speaker is hesitant or trails off. Make sure not to use them so often. This was a mistake that even I used to make when I started off new, but I realized later on that the three dots were not to be used so commonly. Instead, you can use either a comma or a full stop, whichever is more convenient.
4. Try to use 'he said'/'she said' after the dialogues, or else give a short idea about either what the character is thinking or the tone in which he/she speaks. It will help the speakers connect with the character's POV. Also try to use a little more descriptions with scenes.
5. Try making monologues and paragraphs shorter. I do this mistake till date with monologues, but make sure to divide them into two or three parts so that it is easier for the readers to read. Also, most hypocritical of me to say this, but do proof-read before you post. 😆😆 I've never learnt the art of checking for spelling errors, but it is a must.
6. Make sure to not let your tense slip. Sometimes, we know what we want to write but when writing we end up making errors with the tense. Be careful of that. Also be careful about the spacing and the names (you don't use the caps for the first letter in some places), so keep that in check as well. 😳😳
Phew! I hope this is helpful and gives you a better idea. 😳😳 Keep up the good work and do update the next part soon! 😃😃 I want to see how this story shapes further. 😉😉 And happy birthday to you once again! 🤗🤗 Loads of love and tons of hugs to you. ❤️❤️❤️
VC288 thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#43

Originally posted by: LadyMeringue

Hey there, darling! 🤗🤗 I hope that you are doing brilliantly well. 😳😳 Firstly, happiest birthday to you, sweetheart! ❤️❤️ I hope that you have an amazing day and an even more amazing year ahead! 🥳 Second, I'm so sorry for such a delayed review.




But coming back to this, I must say that I'm very pleasantly impressed. You've certainly got the X-factor to become a very good writer, and I'm sure with a little more experience and honing, you'll do so. 😃😃 You're good with the dialogues and scenes as well and you know how to create and spark that aura too. 👏👏




For a first time, your attempt is indeed brilliant. 👍🏼👍🏼 Your storytelling has a easy flow about it and has good connectivity, while you narration is just as appealing and smooth. 😎😎 Now I'll be giving you a cumulative review on your four seven updates (the fifth one will be more brief). 😉😉




Starting with the first chapter, I must say that you created a good intrigue with showing Ishaani's background and whereabouts in France, along with introducing Alice. 😃😃 We get to know that it's been a year and a half since Ranveer's "supposed" death and Ishaani's trying to pick up the pieces and move on.



Moving ahead, we come to know that Ranveer tried to claim his life and Ishaani thinks he's successful, but the truth being that he's in a coma in India, alive. 😲😲 You've portrayed Alice and Lily's characters well enough, and even Dr. Prashant and Saurabh are fun to read about. 😳😳



You've shown both sides of the story satisfactorily and I must say that I'm extremely impressed with the way you've not made it look messy, and that you've pulled it off decently. 😎😎 I'm highly interested to know about Alice and Lily's past, even though I do get the hint what it might be about. 😛😛



On the other hand, Ranveer wakes up and remembers about Ishaani and knows that it's been a year and a half since the incident of the cliff. 😕😕 But the best thing I like is how Ishaani can feel that he's alive and recognizes the sensation in her heart, yet she refuses to acknowledge it, thinking that her heart it too treacherous to feel things like that. 😒😒 Kind of reminds me of the initial chapters of NC. 😆😆




And that's where your fifth update comes in.




You've written the chapter very well, with Ishaani finally getting a headstart by working at the coffee shop on Alice's saying and has already formed an attachment with it. ⭐️⭐️ Alice lets her know about their financial crunch and Ishaani is ready to do her best to help in, by giving Alice the necessary encouragement as well as by thinking about approaching her estranged families too. 👍🏼👍🏼




On the other hand, Ranveer is awake and Saurabh is trying to make friends with him and finds a camarade in him, which is cute. 😊😊 I like Saurabh already. 😉😉 And looky here, Ranveer is awake and is already trying to heal himself quickly so that he can find Ishaani and make her his own and sort everything out between them.




On the whole, you've been doing a very impressive job so far. 👍🏼👍🏼 Even your usage of grammar is fine except from a some slip ups here and there, which you need to rectify. 😛😛 Now, I'll give you some general yet important tips that you can keep in mind so that you can improve yourself as well as use it when writing (I swear this has become like a rite of passage from my end to all the new writers 😆😆):




1. Punctuation is a must. Don't overuse it but make sure you add them up at the right places. This is true especially in case of a comma. Back when I started writing, I used to apply comas anywhere and everywhere, which messed up my work but then my friend told me to watch out for them. At the same time, be particular about the full stops after the end of the dialogue.




2. Second, when using the 'exclamation' mark, don't use three, just use one. Three exclamatory marks are alright during chat conversations, but when writing it out, make sure you use only one. Makes it look neater.




3. Similarly, use a single question mark. Also, three dots are used mainly in dialogues when the speaker is hesitant or trails off. Make sure not to use them so often. This was a mistake that even I used to make when I started off new, but I realized later on that the three dots were not to be used so commonly. Instead, you can use either a comma or a full stop, whichever is more convenient.




4. Try to use 'he said'/'she said' after the dialogues, or else give a short idea about either what the character is thinking or the tone in which he/she speaks. It will help the speakers connect with the character's POV. Also try to use a little more descriptions with scenes.




5. Try making monologues and paragraphs shorter. I do this mistake till date with monologues, but make sure to divide them into two or three parts so that it is easier for the readers to read. Also, most hypocritical of me to say this, but do proof-read before you post. 😆😆 I've never learnt the art of checking for spelling errors, but it is a must.




6. Make sure to not let your tense slip. Sometimes, we know what we want to write but when writing we end up making errors with the tense. Be careful of that. Also be careful about the spacing and the names (you don't use the caps for the first letter in some places), so keep that in check as well. 😳😳




Phew! I hope this is helpful and gives you a better idea. 😳😳 Keep up the good work and do update the next part soon! 😃😃 I want to see how this story shapes further. 😉😉 And happy birthday to you once again! 🤗🤗 Loads of love and tons of hugs to you. ❤️❤️❤️

thank you sooo much LM!!!!
First of all sorry as i didn't told you about ff as i was somewhat shy and your superb writing gives me a childish feeling!! Sorry about that once again!!!😔

This is best gift and advice i got on my birthday!! I should really say you gave me very big surprise by appearing like this and showering your love on me!!!!
Thank you so so much!!

I will keep your advice in mind from now!!thank you so much again!!
Sorry for my outburst but really this is best gift for me!!!
Such a big surprise!!!
Regarding what you said about NC,i should say honestly that it has quite an influence on me and as a result on my ff. Actually ranveer's suicide has a suspence,but i will not reveal it here.


Really you made my bday memorable!!
Thank you so much again and again!!
your fan
VC288
Edited by VC288 - 10 years ago
987873 thumbnail
Posted: 10 years ago
#44
Hi, VC! I'm really sorry for not being able to reply you earlier. But I read this chapter a short while back so... Anyway, coming to your updates the story is powerful and intriguing. You're writing what I always wanted to see in the show itself. Ishani's guilt was the biggest thing which should have been shown there but all we saw was you know completely whatever. And you have a special way of storytelling. You know how to keep your readers hooked. From the beginning I was excited to know what happened next and you without giving away too much presented everything so beautifully. But please take care of how you punctuate throughout you write. Your punctuation is an expression of your characters' body language and if it's not done well, it gives a completely different meaning to the sentence. For good writing, more than the events taking place, how they are written matters more. So please see where you make grammatical errors and try improving those parts. For example, you have in many places used verb's second form with "did" which is not acceptable in good writing. Whenever you are writing it should not just look beautiful with the events taking place, but also how it's been written.
And when finish one sentence end that with a "full stop" and then give a space and then start the next sentence with the capital letter. Don't hurry too much when you're writing because in that case paragraphs seem to have a different meaning altogether.
You have been very good in your story, do update the next chapter soon. I'm waiting. By the way, is Ranveer in France or India? I'm excited to know how he and Ishani meet and I think that cafe is going to play an important role in their face to face! So many questions are unanswered and so much to go. Heh! We're waiting!! :) and belated Happy b'day!
Edited by Elvish_Hobbit - 10 years ago
VC288 thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#45
Hi elvish!!!
Thanks for your suggestions. I will definitely work on them.
Ranveer is still in india but as we all know he will have to go to france.
Coming to next update i am working on it.i had completed half earlier but then my exams came and i was not even able to read wu of show.
Don't worry i will update in a day perhaps.
Thanks for appreciating!!! I will try to improve it.
😛 😛😛
VC288 thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#46
Hi friends,so here is my next update!
sorry for the late update!!
Happy reading!!!!

CHAPTER 6-
REVEALING THE PAST


Saurabh entered the house whistling loudly the tune of his favourite song. He was happy and excited today as he had found out answers to ranveer's questions. Now he no longer needed to disappoint ranveer by saying that he doesn't know about RV more than that he was a very rich and famous businessman who had built up his empire from ashes. Saurabh didn't knew even his full name. He was famous among people generally by his initials.

Saurabh had been surprised when ranveer had asked him about RV and his family ,his business when he had finally managed to speak properly. Saurabh had expected him to say about anything else,telling his name ,asking what was going on in world when he was in coma,how he came here,anything,but he had asked about RV,maybe it was because RV's company was in headlines few days back. he must have watched news on TV ,and out of curiosity he asked about him,was only reason that somewhat looked logical to saurabh. He had doubt if this RV had any connection with ranveer,and it had been more stronger when ranveer had refused to tell reason of asking about RV till he gives him his answer. Saurabh had a feeling that ranveer either had close relation with RV or...he himself was RV,though asking about himself as if he doesn't know the person is strange,saurabh thought. but he had decided to wait till ranveer himself reveal about it.

so finally today was the day when he would know what was the mystery behind all this. He hadn't told his dad about this as it was one of things he believed ,that was to be kept in between friends only .He was sure if ranveer had intentions to ask it to his dad he would have directly asked him.
he hurried towards ranveer's room feeling excited .

Ranveer was pacing in the room back and forth slowly,stopping for few minutes in a while. Clock on the wall near bed showed that 6 in the evening had already passed before 20 minutes. He could not wait more. Saurabh had assured him that today he will try his best to find everything about him. He had refused to tell anything beforehand and ranveer ,for some reasons unknown to him ,had a feeling that today he would get all his answers.

Ranveer had been restricted to his bed for two days after he had gained consciousness. He had been extremely bored and had tried several times to get up ,but dr. Prashant had him under his observation and he had made sure that ranveer would be confined to bed only. Besides ranveer's body also didn't allowed him to do so frequently. Finally after two days,ranveer had been told that now he could try whatever he want to do. Ranveer then still had not been able to pronounce words properly,but anyhow he had managed to tell saurabh that he wanted to watch at least news. Dr. Prashant had told ranveer that he needed rest and silence as much as possible but on saurabh's pleas and on seeing ranveer's glumy expressions he gave him every time he came to his room,he had agreed to allow ranveer to watch news.

And this was where ranveer had got second shock after waking up from coma. He was watching afternoon news on one day when he was all alone at home. Reporter had been narrating the top news of the day. Ranveer was bored with listening to similar news when news about the RV group of companies snatched his attention. Reporter was giving rather a detailed news about it.


"today the deal between RV group of companies and Gupta industries was finally sighed and finalized. this is being considered as biggest deal of the year. many people have their hopes raised due to this deal. deal is important for RV group of companies as it is the first big deal company has bagged since owner of company ms. ishani parekh decided to leave company and suddenly disappeared. since then company has been handled by the family of ms.parekh and RV. Company had seen it's worst days in these days when shares touched lowest value till now but now this deal has helped company lot and shares are now rising fast. Lets hope that RV group of companies will make it this time like before."


ranveer had not been able to listen to next news. knowing that ishani had suddenly disappeared made him worry so much but it was obvious to him that she had gone on her own will or else everyone would have been searching for her. after all she was the owner of such big company.
he had been in dilemma then about what should be done next,whether he should go directly to the Home or try know about everything first and find her. finally he had came to decision that he would first find out exactly what had happened in those years and then he would decide what to do next. he had asked saurabh to find out everything as Dr. prashant still hadn't allowed him to go out of the Home.


saurabh entered the room quietly and his eyes met to the other pair of eyes that were so anxious to know the answer they had been seeking from two days.
saurabh looked around the room to find that ranveer hadn't taken his medicines to be taken before dinner. medicine was lying on the table next to the bed untouched with a glass of the water.
he went to table and picked up the medicines.
ranveer now could not bear silence of saurabh any more. he asked saurabh desperately ,

"hey, saurabh! have you...have you found all about RV?"

saurabh laughed at the ranveer and said softly,

"well, I guess we had a deal that you would take your medicines on time on very first day of our friendship!you must take them and now let's go to dinner!"

ranveer now became impatient. he nearly shouted at saurabh,
" how could you be such calm? You know what i am talking about and yet you are ignoring me!! just tell me yes or no at least!"

"OK,ok. So here is my answer. yes! but since i have told you my answer you will first take dinner and then we can talk about it, OK?"
saurabh told ranveer hiding his grin.

Ranveer didn't wanted to do anything till he came to know the answer but he had promised to himself and Saurabh that he will take the medicines on the time and regularly. He had to listen to Saurabh. Both left the room ,Ranveer in hurry to return and Saurabh smiling at Ranveer mischievously.

"Ok ranveer! no more jokes! I will tell you whatever i have been able to know."
saurabh finally agreed to tell ranveer after lot of pleading. They had been in the room for 15 minutes now. He was enjoying ranveer's impatientance.

"but you have to do something for me in exchange. don't worry, I will not ask it now, but you will have to fulfill it when i will ask for that! nothing to worry,I am your friend and i will not ask anything that would be impossible for you!!"
saurabh asked ranveer childishly.

"OK saurabh! i will give you whatever you will ask for, but now you must tell me everything."
ranveer would have been agreed to anything now for knowing it all at the earliest.

"so, here you go! to start with, I have already told you that he was a very rich and famous businessman. He had built up his group just in two years! that's something miraculous thing!
really i respect him for that! OK, moving ahead ,around two years ago he got his love back in his life, i .e. ishani parekh .they were together for some six months, after which RV suddenly committed suicide or lets say, it looked like the one.
no one knows exactly what happened at that time. His company was suffering from loses as investors were feeling unsecured after his death. that's where ishani came in. she took over all business successfully."

ranveer smiled to himself sadly. This was his ishani who would always take responsibilities keeping her sorrows aside. She must have been shattered because of his death but even then she looked after business.

saurabh continued,
"she at first hadn't believed that RV is dead, and she managed to literally comb every piece of forest where he had died. they got the dead body but still she wasn't convinced. everyone tried to console her but she locked herself in her room for nearly two days and came out only when lawyer came to open RV's will that made her the only owner of everything. she had been asked to take care of all family. He had also written a letter for her but no one knows the content of letter. everything would have gone smoothly but suddenly ishani changed totally ,that is what I heard. she forced all family members to live in servant's quarters. she also hired new personal associate who used to tell her decisions to all and looked after them."

Ranveer interrupted saurabh,
"wait!
This could not happen! never! you must have been mistaken."
This was something he could never imagine.
He knew that nothing matters more to her than him and her family. She would never do that.


"I had also thought that, but it is a truth. She had done that and many more things. At last, it all ended as dramatically as it had begun. She filed case against her associate for cheating the company .she had also blamed him for the death of her husband but it was never proved. She leaved India in a week after he was sentenced for 7 years. since then,she was operating company from abroad ,till last few months. But now, she has suddenly disappeared and they are telling the reason that she wanted a break. But nobody knows the truth. that's it! "

Saurabh studied ranveer's face. Ranveer was lost deep in thoughts. He was still unable to fully understand everything he had came to know.
How could he? He had dreamed of the moment when he would meet ishani, tell her that she had not lost him, assure her that he would never leave her again. He had pictured it in every possible way he could. But reality was quite opposite.

"OK, now if you remember you had planned to tell me what is all this is about! " Saurabh said ,looking at Ranveer.

"what... what you said?", Ranveer came out of his thoughts and looked at Saurabh questioningly.

" Now", Saurabh narrowed his eyes, " just you dare to forgot it and I am not going to talk to you! "
"But why?what happened?", and then it suddenly dawned on him ,what Saurabh was talking about," Oh, I remember it quite well! Ok,I will tell you that. Sorry for not introducing me properly. I'm Ranveer waghela, youngest business man as you said, known to people generally as RV."

Saurabh looked at him as if he had seen a ghost. His jaw dropped off due to this truth. He had thought about it but he was still unable to believe Ranveer.
"But... but how could this happen? wait, now I understanding it. When we brought to the hospital, you had jumped from the cliff! you were alive but everyone thought that you are dead!
but wait, they got a body there."
Saurabh looked at him questioningly.
"It was not me,clearly! It was someone else. it's a long story." ,Ranveer said.

"you should have told us before!We would have made all arrangements for your family to know that you are alive! I have to tell this to dad now! I am going right now." Saurabh said excitedly. As he stand up for going out of the room, Ranveer said ," Ok ,but don't tell anyone else about this, not even my family. "

Saurabh looked at Ranveer shocked.
"you seriously don't want to inform your family? But what happened? they would be so happy!"
" I know that but I just wanted to think about what happened in these 2 years before meeting them. would you...? "
Saurabh nodded and started to leave when Ranveer again called him.
"hey,if you want to call someone, then make a call to my company and ask for Mr. puneet,personal associate of mine and chief manager of company."
"ok, I will do that.",said saurabh and left the room.

Ranveer was now all alone in the room. He stood up and walked few steps towards the chair. He knew that ishani would never do it, but she had done it and that was what troubling him. She had behaved like this once before, for his sake, but now conditions were totally different and sequence of events confused him more. He had a strong feeling that something was there that was hidden from everyone. He had also hidden few things from everyone, even from her. could it be Him again?
He didn't knew.
Ranveer decided to go to home first and then he will sort out everything. Saurabh was right. if he announced to world that he is not dead, Ishani would surely come to know and she will also return. Ranveer had decided what to do. He had a hope that ishani would not leave everything without telling anyone. She knows there are people who cares for her. She would definitely have told someone about her whereabouts. He had to find her.
Ranveer looked out of the balcony. He could watch what is going on below ,on the road. The road was now calm and quiet .Nearly two hours had passed since saurabh had left. Hardly
any vehicle was going from there. Although house was well built ,it was somewhat isolated from the city, Mumbai. Anyone would not go there without reason. This had some disadvantages ,but it also had advantages like silence and beautiful view of nature as quite a few people lived there. the place was perfect for living without any interference . The road was reflecting the same fact now.
Ranveer had become used to the peaceful atmosphere the place provided. In fact, the peace had helped him a lot to recover soon.

A car came cutting through the silence of the road and three people came out of the car.
Ranveer was now watching their activities with interest. He could now see that they were looking for someone, looking here and there as if someone would appear there in a short time.
And someone indeed appeared there. Looking at the person who had appeared there,Ranveer now understood what was going on below. it was Saurabh who had came there and Ranveer could recognize three figures as two men and one woman.

They greeted Saurabh and Saurabh led them to the house. Now Ranveer identified them. One of them was puneet,other was shikhar and woman was disha, Ishani's sister. She had been very supportive when everyone thought that ishani was wrong. She was second person who knew ishani too well after him. Ranveer now became restless as he had not thought of meeting anyone else except puneet. But now he had to meet them. He turned around and went to bed to sit down. Tonight was going to be a long one.

PS - I have changed disha's negative character to the positive one. here she is a good, supportive and understanding sister.

sorry for any typos!! juta ,chappals and tomatoes are welcome.




Edited by VC288 - 10 years ago
Duskyylilac thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#47
Nyc chapter ...thanks for pm dear
VC288 thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#48

Originally posted by: ranveerishani78

Nyc chapter ...thanks for pm dear

thanks dear! I am going to update next chapter soon. I am glad you liked it.
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Posted: 10 years ago
#49
Res
My review will be really late,...please cooperate... There's no power in my place for the past two days now... Sorry...

987873 thumbnail
Posted: 10 years ago
#50
Grrr...! VC!! Why did you end the chapter on this CLIFFHANGER?? I'm sorry but I'm quite impatient right now to know what happens next. Especially I want to know what reaction does Mr. Lawyer have in store for him since I HATED him in the show and wanted him to repent for everything he did to Ranveer in all those months. But never mind. I'm trusting you here. Please make him repent his stupidities. Please, please! I love the fact that Disha is positive. She needed to be. And missed Ishani here! Saurabh is a sweetheart. A good friend to Ranveer. Glad Ranveer has someone right now with him and the best fact over here is that Ranveer doesn't think Ishani did all that because she was changed. He feels she had reasons she was changed. Please write their confrontation part soon. Can't wait. Awesome update and now do update the next part soon. :) .

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