Hey Guys, Thank you to each and everyone for all the lovely comments. Sorry, today I couldn't reply individually because of school work. Enjoy reading the next chapter :)
Chapter Three
Asad had heard everything.
The look on his face made her forget about Lily for a moment. All she could feel was the painful pumping of her heart and the acrid taste of the tears burning in her throat. This wasn't the way he was supposed to find out. She'd had a carefully rehearsed speech.
His eyes locked with hers and he strode across the room in what seemed like two steps. Suddenly there was no space between them, the room tiny and stifling. Panic set in.
"I want to know exactly who you are and what the hell you think you're doing. Everything. Now." His voice was raspy. Harsh. The anger that emanated from him was blatant. His jaw was clenched tight and the eyes that she thought were warm not too long ago, glistened with hate.
Zoya despised showing her hand. Hated showing that she was afraid of anything or anyone. Hated having someone know that she could be weak. But when he took a step closer to her, waiting for her answer, she took a step back, because he reminded her of a different man, of a different world, when she had no one, when she was helpless. But she wasn't that same girl anymore. She was a grown woman. She had confronted her demons years ago. She held her chin up and looked him squarely in the eye. Don't show your fear. Don't show your fear.
"I'll tell you everything you want to know, but I need you to back away from me and I need you to calm down," she whispered holding up a hand between them.
~ ~ ~
He nodded slowly. "I am calm. I'm in control. I've never been out of control. I'm not going to touch you. I won't hurt you. I'm angry as hell right now, but I don't want you to spend another second thinking that you are being physically threatened by me. I've never, ever raised my hand to a woman." He was surprised at how gruff his voice sounded. He watched her try to figure out if she could trust what he was saying. She looked into his eyes and he could swear she saw things that he'd managed to keep hidden from those closest to him. He backed up a step and put his hands in his pockets, willing himself to look relaxed.
She finally gave him a small smile, and it tore at him, more than it should have. He barely knew her, but that expression on her undeniably beautiful face made his gut clench. It made him forget for a moment why he was so angry with her. For a second, the relief of her not being afraid replaced his rage.
She folded her arms in front of her and nodded. "Okay. Thank you."
"Don't thank me, for God's sake." Asad ran his hands down the front of his face roughly, trying to stay in control of a situation that had the power to tear him down.
He needed to get out of the room, away from her and everything she represented. He needed to gather his composure. He turned on his heel and walked out. When he reached the great room, Bruno came up to greet him, his scruffy tail wagging. Asad patted the top of his head absently.
He heard her footsteps approaching.
"Asad..." Her hesitant voice was barely audible against the wind and ice pellets drumming on the windows. He didn't really feel like turning around. He avoided looking anywhere but straight ahead because he was acutely aware of the baby asleep in the room. He did not want to acknowledge what or who she might be.
"I'm a child services worker." Zoya's voice halted his emotional auto-shutdown mode. He hadn't had to use that defense mechanism for a while, but it seemed whenever family was involved it was instinctual.
"Do you want a drink?" Right now, he was thinking he could down the whole bottle of his favorite wine.
He glanced over at her when she didn't reply. She shook her head. Her face was pale, but she didn't look afraid. He walked passed her to the mahogany liquor cabinet and poured himself a glass. When he turned around, Zoya was sitting in front of the fireplace, her hands folded in her lap. His disloyal dog was contentedly sprawled across her feet. So much for man's best friend.
Asad sat in the club chair opposite her. He stared into the fire, the cool crystal cradled in the palm of his hand, a contrast to the heat that raged through him. He took another drink and then spoke. "So, you're a social worker."
She nodded, turning her eyes away from the crackling flames to meet his. He read her expression easily and it made his tight muscles ease slightly. His gut told him that Zoya wasn't a liar. Unfortunately for her, he wasn't in the mood to mince words.
"I can't stand social workers."
He wasn't sure how she was going to respond to that one. A few seconds later she broke the silence. "So that means you've been let down by the system."
She obviously knew about his childhood. Yeah, he'd been let down. Abandoned. He didn't bother looking at her. "Every social worker that has ever come my way was completely useless to me. Full of empty promises and false hope. Hope is the last thing you give to kids who have nothing." The first time he told someone about the demented man who called himself a father he'd actually thought they might get help. Not for himself. If it were up to him he would have left, but his sister had refused to leave their home. So he stuck around for her. They lived in a dark, miserable hole of a house that reflected their father's state of mind. That man that had the power to strike terror with one look, to rule over them like a dictator, had destroyed his sister. But not him. Asad had shut himself off emotionally, and then he grew. He grew taller and stronger until father and son stood nose to nose and the man that once thought he was so mighty learned to put his fists back in his pocket.
Zoya's soft, melodic voice clashed like lightning against the violence of his thoughts. "I know you don't know anything about me. This is a horrible way for me to approach you. I'm sorry that this is bringing you so much pain""
"This is not bringing me pain." He hated that she was reading him, hated that she was right.
"You have to believe that I had the best of intentions. I had no choice. I risked everything to come here." Her words came out quickly and she sounded almost frantic, probably because she was scared he'd kick her out.
He took another sip of the wine and met her gaze. She was gutsy. He ignored the sheen in her eyes, the concern that he read in them. He didn't want to feel her compassion. He clenched his teeth against it, as though he could make himself immune to it, but there was no going back now. She had trudged in here and hauled him back to a past he'd tried to forget. He'd deal with this now and then send her and the baby packing in the morning. He could deal with one tiny social worker and a baby and then go back to his scheduled life. He had his dog and his business. What else did he need?
He leaned forward in his chair, his forearms on his thighs, the cool, smooth crystal of the glass cupped tightly in his hands. "Why don't you tell me exactly why you are here?"
Zoya cleared her throat. "Your sister became one of my cases when she was pregnant. She was an addict who tried to stay clean for her baby."
Asad felt his stomach churn with revulsion as a memory of his sister, strung out, falling into his arms, bulldozed him into the past again. He hated his sister's weakness. He hated that she hadn't trusted him enough to keep her safe. He hated that Najma had taken the easy way out. She had abandoned him and the reality of their lives in favor of mind-numbing drugs. . The sound of Zoya's voice reached in and brought him back.
"We found a group home for her and she did really well. She gave birth to a beautiful, healthy little girl that she named Lily."
Asad stared straight ahead, avoiding her probing stare. Don't look over at the baby. Suddenly he remembered about his mother, who had died when Najma and him were both children. When they were still friends. When they would tear through the woods bordering their home playing Batman and Robin until their mother would call them in for dinner, always with a smile, always with a home-cooked meal. That was all a long time ago. Such a different world that sometimes he wondered if it had happened at all.
He stared into his lap, seeing his mother's smile, so like his sister's. It was an image he rarely indulged in because if there was one thing that could bring him to his knees, it was the thought of his mother, of his sister, of what his life once had been. To him, that was weakness, and he abhorred weakness in himself and others. "I heard that Najma died. I didn't know there was a baby."
"You didn't go to the funeral."
"I didn't really think there was a point."
"She killed herself."
He nodded, ignoring the twisting in his gut. "I know."
"It came as a total shock to all of us. I found a baby on a church doorstep. Her baby. Lily. She was one month old. Your sister left a note to find the baby's uncle." He didn't have to look at her to know there were tears in her eyes.
He swirled the wine in the glass, watching as the flames from the fire danced in the amber liquid. He knew no amount of the stuff would ease the pain. He had understood that nothing could ever take away gut-wrenching pain or sick memories.
Najma hadn't learned that lesson.
Lily. His sister had a baby. This baby. Maybe she was better off without his sister. He knew first-hand blood meant nothing when that person was a substance abuser. He had learned that the hard way. Asad looked up at Zoya. "What about the baby's father?"
Her brown eyes were filled with pain that couldn't be false. A part of him hated that"hated that the compassion and pain were so genuine. And a tiny, tiny part of him that didn't want to acknowledge it felt comforted by her.
Zoya shook her head. "She didn't say anything about the father. You are Lily's only relative. You are documented as her next of kin."
He needed to shut this down before she got crazy ideas into her head. "So what do you want from me? To sign some papers"?"
"I want you to adopt her." Asad felt like someone had ripped his insides out with one hard tug. It was ridiculous. Absurd. It was one thing to inform him that he had a niece, and quite another to expect him to adopt her.
"Are you kidding me?" He bit back the profanities that he thought were missing from that statement to try and keep this civil.
She shook her head slowly.
He was speechless. She actually wanted him to keep his sister's baby. The sister who turned on him, betrayed everything he'd ever done for her and tried to ruin him. He turned away from Zoya in disgust. Zoya was responsible for bringing all of this to him. He hadn't asked for this crap. He should have let her drive away. Adopt a baby. It was so insane, the idea of him taking in a baby, that he didn't even try and process it.
"Asad?" He heard the concern in the soft voice that tried to coax him into speaking. He knew exactly what she was doing now. She wanted him to talk, to open up. Fat chance in hell. His muscles tensed even tighter. He stared into the fire. "You don't know anything about me. I run a company. I work twelve hours a day and live in a penthouse. I don't know anything about babies. I don't want a baby."
It didn't faze her. She folded her hands on her lap and stared at him levelly. "She is your flesh and blood, Asad. It was your sister's last wish."
"My sister was a junkie. I offered her help hundreds of times and she refused. If she wanted what was best for her baby she would have taken the help being offered and sobered up. Blood ties mean nothing to me."
She nudged her chin toward his drink. "I changed my mind. Could I have a glass of whatever you're drinking, please?"
He was surprised by the request. He nodded, walking across the room. A moment later she accepted a glass of wine and took a sip while he sat down.
"I know you didn't have a good relationship with your sister, but Lily is just a baby," she said leaning forward.
He shrugged and ground his teeth together. This was not his problem, no matter how hard she tried to make him think it was.
She frowned at him when he didn't answer. "She'll be placed in foster care if you don't adopt her."
He tried not to feel anything, especially the ugly emotions that had consumed him for years. The bitterness, the anger... no, he wanted to continue feeling nothing.
~ ~ ~
Zoya crossed her legs in front of her nervously and watched as Asad digested that last piece of info. She tried not to panic. It didn't look as though she got through to him at all. The only sign she had that he processed what she said was the rigid, tense lines in his body. If she completely angered him, she'd ruin her chance at getting him to agree to this. But if she stopped now, he might not let her broach this again and tomorrow she was leaving.
"The foster care system is a place for children who don't have any family capable of caring for them. Your sister thought she could trust her daughter to you." Zoya would have given anything to have been adopted by some long-lost relative who had come forward to rescue her, to know that she was connected to someone.
She held her breath. He looked into the bottom of his empty glass and then up at her. "Well, I'm sure there's lots of great people out there who want a kid."
"There are, but there are also no guarantees. And in the meantime she'll be in foster care. You don't know where she'll end up""
"It's not my problem. If my sister wanted me to have anything to do with this baby she would have contacted me when she was born."
"She said she'd tried so many times in the past, but that you refused to see her. After Lily was born, I think something happened. She became fragile again. I don't think she could have handled your rejection." Zoya couldn't filter out the accusation from her voice. She had her own guilt to work through for not noticing any signs that Najma was failing, but her brother did too. Zoya knew she was too emotionally close to this case, but her past collided with baby Lily's and she was desperate to honor Najma's wish.
He scowled at her. "Did she tell you that after I spent years protecting her she bailed on me? That I searched for her and tried to help her? That she and her addict friends broke into my house and trashed it, stealing everything of value I had? That I almost lost everything when I started out because I trusted her?"
"Oh, Najma had told her all right. She'd confided so many things to Zoya. And whenever she spoke of her older brother her voice had been filled with such pain. She had stopped seeking him out after that night of the break-in. She'd told her of their childhood"before and after their mother had died.
Zoya stared at the handsome, strong lines of Asad's face and tried to picture the fun-loving, energetic boy that Najma had described. She tried to see the teen who had always stepped in to defend his sister against their father. The one who took beatings to spare his younger sister. And she could see it, she could see the boy that had become stronger, taller, and had finally been able to overpower their father. She could see all of that"Asad was strong and loyal. If he felt that need to protect his sister at one time, surely he would do it for her innocent baby.
Zoya placed her empty glass on the side table. "Your sister had a lot of regrets. How your relationship ended up was her biggest. She was humiliated. Najma said as soon as she got her life together, she was going to try and reconnect with you. She was devastated by how she treated you. You were her protector." Her voice trailed off as she watched his jaw clench and unclench. She could tell he struggled with his control. Asad finally broke the silence, his voice harshly tearing through the calm.
"It's a little late for regrets, isn't it?"
"You can't change the past. Your sister is gone, but you have a niece who needs you. Lily hasn't done anything wrong. It's not her fault that her mother killed herself."
Zoya watched his lip curl into a smile that tried to appear mocking, but the pain was etched on his face so strongly that Zoya could almost feel it herself.
"No, and it sure as hell isn't my fault either. She'll be better off with someone who wants a child."
Zoya squeezed her sweaty palms in her lap. "It doesn't work that way. No one magically gets placed with the world's best parents. She needs you. You are her uncle. She needs someone tied to her past. She needs someone her mom trusted. What better person is there?"
Asad tilted his head back and she studied the strong line of his jaw and neck. He squeezed his eyes shut. "I don't want her baby."
"Stop thinking of yourself."
He jerked his head around to meet her eyes. She could read the surprise in his eyes"and the anger.
Zoya concentrated on the sounds of the crackling fireplace and Bruno's soft snore. The tension in Asad's frame was contagious. The air felt hot and prickly.
"You think a bachelor who has never even held a baby is a good choice for a father"the man that abandoned his family and changed his name to forget them? I turned my back on my sister. I refused to see her, I refused to talk to her." He finished off the rest of his wine with a sharp swallow. Zoya felt the pain of his regret, even if he wouldn't admit to it. It was embodied in every tightly wound muscle in his body, in the lines in his face. He regretted what had happened with Najma and that gave Zoya hope that there was still a chance. She wanted to tell him everything"about her past, about the other reason she wanted him to adopt Lily. But she couldn't talk about that and stay detached. She was already in way over her head.
"You are her uncle."
"Stop saying that."
Zoya looked into his eyes and then nodded.
"Najma made mistakes, Asad. Her baby shouldn't have to suffer for them."
"Why the hell do you care so much anyway?"
She clenched her hands to keep from shaking. "I don't want her to enter the system," Zoya whispered, almost choking on the words. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, trying to block the image of handing over that baby to some foster family, not knowing what would happen to her. She had broken a cardinal rule"she had gotten too close to Najma and Lily. She wouldn't be able to keep Lily safe once she left Mrs. Singh's. She wouldn't have unlimited access to her like she did now. She held her breath as she waited for him to say something. It was obvious he didn't want to hear what she said. "You'll regret it," she said softly, forcing herself to walk over to him on legs that felt like jelly. She watched his jaw clench at her words. She felt the heat of the fire on her face, the flames attacking the pile of logs, the strength of the fire burning any hope she had of Asad agreeing to this.
But she had to tell him. "This decision will haunt you. It won't erase your past and it definitely won't take away your pain. Lily will be gone, but that anger, that resentment you feel toward your sister won't go away. It'll eat away at you until you're not the same person anymore. You'll be going about your life and then you'll stop every now and then and wonder what happened to that little baby. You'll wonder if someone is looking out for her the way you did for Najma. You'll wonder if the system failed her the way it failed you."
"Enough!" He growled into the fire, sounding more like a wounded animal than a man. Zoya didn't move, didn't breathe. He finally turned to look at her, his brown eyes dark and void.
"You don't know a damn thing about me, Zoya. I don't know what the hell made you think you had the right to come here and find me, but that was your first mistake. You don't know a damn thing about my life, so don't apply your ideals to me. Tomorrow, when the road gets plowed, go home."
Udne Ki Aasha
Music Corner
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