Chapter 67 The next 2 days were worse than that one day they stayed away from each other. This time they were together yet far away. After he decided to stay away and she became determined to hold onto him, things had changed completely.
Determined to say away, he came home that day at his usual time living up to his promise to her and Ruhi, but walked past her quietly and engrossed himself in his work. He sat busy on his laptop with Ruhi playing his side when she walked in. Sitting on the bed she looked at him getting nothing in response and continued to play childishly with Ruhi. She tried to get him to join in with them, but he chose to refuse by saying he had too much work to do.
She then walked out and came back with his dinner which he refused by stating he wasn't hungry. Disappointed she ate alone and simply watched as he fed Ruhi not forgetting on that part of their routine. She struggled to shallow the morsel she had in her mouth when he started to talk to Ruhi as he fed her and stated he was excited to be have her sleep next to him after so long. He looked at her for a moment, and looked away unable to see her tears again while slowly excused herself out of the room only to cry in the kitchen silently. She took out her frustration on the house help and then on the dishes she was washing.
It was only when she saw her mother-in-law walk in that she regained her composure remembering what Mummyji had told her that morning and what she had decided. Returning to their room, she was ready to talk to him, but found him fast asleep with Ruhi next to him. Disappointed she cried herself to sleep once again unknown to the fact that her husband had done the same.
He continued to be quiet and stay away for the next 2 days while she tried every attempt to get him to talk. They had gone to the point where he would only respond with nods or one word to anything and everything. Ruhi was the only one who got him to talk just like before. And that was starting to worry her. She felt as if she was losing him right in front of her eyes. She would give him his things helping him get ready while he was quiet, she left notes in his lunch only they never got a response like her messages and calls. But he was sure to send her messages to make sure she was okay. He did everything he did before as a husband and father, but he was just quiet. No more kisses, hugs, flowers, small moments of intimacy, no flirting, and no more attempts to come closer to her. And now she had enough.
He was hurt, but she was no less affected by everything. His silence made everything worse than before...
She couldn't understand him this time around, and he tried to understand her, but couldn't...
So on the third day, she thought maybe making up for that night meant something more than a sorry...
~~~~~
That day he was just as he had been like in the past 2 days. Waking up after her, he was greeted by her surprisingly cheerful mood. For the past few days, she had been visible upset and he had seen her in tears most of the times. As much as it hurt him as well, he stayed back as much as possible hurting them both in the process. But today he woke up and she was smiling and happily greeted him as she set down his morning coffee on the table.
"Morning Raman!"
"Good morning."
"Your coffee is ready, and I'll bring your breakfast soon. You go get ready fast now, because I need to give Ruhi her bath too." She said acting normally while he looked at her confused. He was glad and relieved that she was happy now and adjusting to this distance between them, but her sudden change when just last night she had been so upset when Ruhi had slept between them once again.
She saw his confusion and simply smiled at him. She was trying to act normal today and it was taking a lot on the inside. She was smiling, but hold back her tears and was talking to him normally while she wanted to cling onto him and stay in his embrace. He shook his head not understanding what happened to her overnight, but thought maybe she was accepting things were going to be this way from now on. And he brought himself to give her a faint smile before he looked away at his sleeping daughter and gave her a kiss as he got up and headed to the bathroom. As he left she slumped down on the bed happy over the one smile he gave to her after days which seemed so long. But this was just the beginning...
He came out to seeing her happily showing her bangles to Ruhi who was amazed by the colors while he enjoyed this sight after many days. He wanted to go take her into a hug and play with their daughter, but remembered he had decided to stay away from her. So he continued to slowly get ready for work as he watched the mother and daughter, and he longed to be with the two. He even waved to Ruhi and caught her attention, but looked away once Ishita turned. She shook her head at his behavior as he knew he wanted to be with them, but was adamant on keeping a distance. Soon after he quickly left the room as Ishita kept on talking to him through Ruhi as always and he tried to ignore, but ended up talking. Thinking he was only giving her hopes, he walked out only making her more determined for what she had in mind for him today.
She followed him outside and found him chatting with his mother who was hoping to see some change in them from that day on. She saw Ishita who seemed very chirpy this morning and saw through her fakeness immediately, but was assured everything would be okay today. Ishita sat down next to him and began her breakfast while he didn't pay much attention though was kind of surprised how easy going she seemed today. While he engrossed himself in his phone, she continued to eat and suddenly...
"Oh my God! Mummyji!"
"What happened?" Santosh looked on worried.
"These parathas!"
"What about them? I didn't even make them spicy like you asked."
"I know Mummyji! These are so good, like the best! Raman try a piece!" She quickly took a piece putting it into his mouth while looked at her with eyes wide open. She winked at him while he slowly chewed looking at her shocked the whole time. She smiled and continued to eat while her mother-in-law walked away quietly letting the two be. He shook his head at her and walked out of the house unable to understand what was going on, though he was smiling when he reached his car and headed off to work while she had a better feeling about his reaction when he would get home tonight...
~~~~~
He walked into their house earlier than usual. He hadn't planned on coming early today, but then today she had placed another note with his lunch. He read it like always, and this time she had written something that made him come home. He pulled out the note from his pocket and read it again.
"No salads today, but I do hope you'll come early anyways. Ruhi needs time with you. I'll stay away..."
But then as he walked into their bedroom, he knew Ruhi was an excuse to get him home. He was left in awe as he look around. The room dimly lit up with a few lights on and a few candles placed around. A few pictures of them had been put around the room, of their wedding functions and a few phones she had herself. The curtains closed and their bedspreads changed into colors that fit into the atmosphere. The entire room had the fragrance of roses while he felt a breeze come in through the slightly opened window.
"Hey!" He heard her voice as she slowly walked out of the bathroom.
She left him stunned once again. Never had he expected anything like this from her. The decorated room and the entire atmosphere she created was shocking enough and now she was ready to kill. Dressed in a fuchsia saree, she was in the look he loved most on her. The silver blouse revealed her bare back when she turned slightly while walking towards him. Her curls fell on her face when another breeze blew by and he could only stare at her.
As she came and stood in front of him as she got the reaction that she wanted, she hoped this would put things back into place. He had been hurt because of all that she had done during their intimacy, so she had thought that finally taking their relationship ahead without any mention of anything but them would make him forget that past incident. But he also realized what she had intended on right now, and he didn't want to take another chance. She might not be ready to go on yet and he didn't want to be asked to move away again, so he asked...
"What's all this?"
"It's for you Raman...how is it?"
"Nice..." He looked around at everything, but her.
"So..." She looked at him hoping for some move from him or anything that would let her now he was okay with all this now.
"What's it for?"
"You know what Raman."
"Not today Ishita." He looked away while she was almost angered by his ignorance towards because she knew he was avoiding the actual matter. But then, she realized one thing. She felt so ignored, so angered, and felt horrible when he didn't agree to go ahead tonight, but this was what she had been doing to him the whole time. He had never been angered, and if he was, he never showed it to her. He had been so understanding this whole time and now she needed to do the same. She took a deep breath and turned his face so he would face her. And she quietly asked him...
"Why Raman?"
"Why what?"
"Why are you avoiding me so much?! Sleeping out on the couch, not talking to me, not replying to my messages, and putting Ruhi to sleep between us?! You don't want all this, fine but I want to know why...you can at least tell me that. Have I hurt you to a point where it's unforgivable?"
"I don't want all this! That's all. I just don't want all this right now, I want a break... please."
"A break? Raman what does that mean? What are you saying Raman?!" She worried the worst now.
"..." His silence worried her even further after the word break coming from his mouth.
"I know I made a huge mistake, then vent out your anger. I can take that, but not all this. Raman, please it's too painful!" Her eyes began to well up when he looked away again.
"I'm fine, just not in the mood."
"Raman don't avoid that topic. We both know it happened. And what's this whole break thing? What's going on in your mind?!" She gently cupped his face as his eyes also welled up now.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Why?! Why can we talk like always?! Tell me!"
"Because it hurts!!" He pushed away her arms and yelled making her jump in her spot. She looked at him shocked as he was angry yet couldn't hide his tears.
"Raman..."
"No it kills me whenever I remember you saying...his name." He looked away trying not to show anger.
"I'm so sorry..." She hardly whispered after seeing his reaction.
"I know you are, but I don't have it in me Ishita. I really don't. I can't do this."
"What are you saying Raman?!"
"Ishita...I...actually it's nothing."
"Please say it. Nothing will hurt more than what I did to you."
"I knew it would be hard, very hard to help you out of your past. I'm probably not out of mines either, and it's normal. I was ready to wait until you wanted. Honestly it's hard staying away from you and you know that. I tried to hide that in me so even that couldn't make you feel like you had to try and come near me. I was okay with the slow progress. And that night you did want it, right? I didn't force you, didn't pressurize you, I only went along with you...because I thought it was only us and our love. But it wasn't. You don't know how happy I was. More than us, I was happy for you. That you were forgetting that man and what he did to you. It was almost as if I had gotten everything when you were going to become mine, but that wasn't it. You said his name...his name when I wanted to hear my name. Out of all things, maybe in the back of my head I thought you might push me back again, but why call out his name?"
"I don't know...I wish I knew so I could have done something about it."
"That's why I'm saying I can't do this. I don't know what's bothering you because you do love me and you do want us together, but something is stopping you. I don't know what it is and you don't either. If you knew or I knew I could help you, but what can I do right now? I don't want it be that you think you're okay one day when you're not because I'm sorry Ishita I just don't want to be pushed away anymore, I can't stand it. It hurts..."
"I'm sorry Raman...I...I didn't know I was hurting you so much. I never wanted any of this to happen. I want to forget him...I really do, but I don't know why I can't...Raman..." She just moved forward and placed her head on his chest. She cried as she didn't know what was happening to her. She hated not being able to forget that man because now more than anything, she felt horrible for giving Raman so much pain.
"...I need help..." She mumbled onto his chest and for the first time, she didn't feel his arms around her protectively hiding her from anything. After a moment when they were both still, she looked up at him in shock and with a shaky voice managed to barely ask him...
"Raman...you...you won't even hug me?" He looked at her helplessly because he was so afraid of losing control and having to face her rejection once again which he would never be able to take. She moved away from him crying while he could only apologize. But when he opened his mouth to say anything, she wiped off her tears and simply said...
"No it's not your fault. I deserve this. I said his name at the worst time possible...I deserve this..." She cried to him.
"No I didn't mean-"
"You're right Raman. I was wrong to bring him into our moments. I shouldn't have and you're not wrong when you ignore me. But Raman I don't know why. Whenever a man touches me, in the dark, in the evening and if it's anything rough, I just lose myself. I can't think of anything except for those moments I dread...Raman you know this incident has done one thing for me though...I don't hate him anymore."
"What?"
"I don't hate him, in fact I feel numb when we talk about him now. I hated him for doing what he did, but after realizing I keep on bringing him back when he has left my life makes me feel so numb towards him. And now you began to distance yourself from me because of his name. Raman I'm losing you...losing you because of my inability to forget him. I have no more feelings, just that dirtiness is on my body and when you touch me, I can't help remember how he used to behave even though it was nothing like you do. I'm just unable to get over all those dirty touches on me. But that gave me no right to hurt you by calling out his name. Raman you don't deserve all this."
"Ishita..."
"That's why tonight Raman. I do deserve everything I'm getting. But tonight isn't for me, it's for you. Raman you deserve love and I want to give you that love tonight..."
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That was all for now! Hope you all liked it! Really nervous about this update, I don't know if this lives up to everyone's expectations. I'm hoping this seems to work along with the story and doesn't seem like a huge change in Ishita's character or this whole situation. Please do leave your feedback on this, looking forward to how this went for you all!
Edited by smilesforever98 - 9 years ago
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