Thank you for posting this! Ive been waiting for someone to say something on this issue for a while now before doing so myself. As we are all sat in front of our tvs watching this day in and day out, we cant side step this feeling that the heroine of this show (any many others) is to be the sacrificial lamb- the saviour, the actual super hero of the story. The one who has to give up everything she is, everything she was and everything she COULD be- to save those who would not lift a finger to save themselves. And THIS is essentially what is making me irate with regards to every other character in this soap. We have a melange of people who are simply outright stupid, or who huff and puff that "just you wait, I'll show her!" only for them to be seen in tears and submissive the next episode later, or those who simply just expect an outside party to come swooping in to their rescue (whether it be a DIL or SIL or prospective husband who will be their happily ever after). This show demonstrates to women out here in the real world- that no, you cant stand up for yourself, no you will never be smart enough to figure out how to keep your self-respect intact...so don't bother- wait for someone who will come along to be your scapegoat. It teaches disempowerment in the most vulgar way- not just to women who are susceptible to this kind of rubbish on TV but to their children- because they will be sat there nodding at the tv screen saying "yes yes, its true, theres nothing I can do" as their poor kids sit and watch mummy devolve even further into the archaic times of women being psychological, physical, and emotional punching bags of society. Its showing women that whether you are educated, whether you are uneducated, whether you are wealthy, poor, confident, shy, kind hearted- everything EXCEPT evil incarnate- then you can't make life work for you. This show was to be about the intelligence, ingenuity, gumption, resourcefulness, shrewdness and discernment of a woman unceremoniously plonked into a family of lunatics. Something that no doubt happens all the time. This COULD have been a message of hope, a message of strength to the women out there who feel like just giving up. We have every type of woman in this soap- all have this cold dark streak in common except for Riya, Sonal and Preeti. One is MIA- there is no point in her even being in MAM. The other is a wholly twisted and even more messed up version of her mother; shes so scared of speaking her truth that its manifested into stammering- even when she is faced with being shipped off to marry and live with God knows whom, she will not speak up. Such a person is doomed. She has given up before her life has even begun. What message is this to the young girls out there who already believe this about themselves? Life is so full of choices- there are SO MANY choices a human being can make and each will lead you down a colourful and unique path- call it what you like, scary, adventurous, fun, terrifying- but it's a CHOICE- and yet this soap is so stubbornly stuck on Eat, Sleep, Take Bullsh*t, Repeat. Forget reincarnation and the next life- or whatever you believe- this is it people- this is your one life. This is the One Take you have- there are no do-overs- you wont be born as Miss/Mr ****** ever again- ever. What are you going to do with this life? How many times do we hear people who are on their death bed or in their eighties and nineties saying bluntly- "I wish Id shown two fingers to most of the people whose ass I kissed..."? I wish I had LIVED for me and according to my truth- I wish I felt proud of the decision I made. Are the creators and writers honestly telling their viewers that there is NO other choice, NO other path these girls and women can take other than swallowing this poison until they're not even a person anymore? There are things more fundamental and eternal in this universe than culture and rituals- there is self-respect, there is dignity, there is looking in the mirror and respecting and liking what you see behind those eyes. Behind protocol and expectation and what society deems to be "respect" (a word so twisted and warped in many societies now) is something so much more fundamental- being real to yourself. When you are real to yourself nothing can bruise your ego or mould you or capitulate you into being someone youre not. Khusiya is NOT evil; she has done one thing that has opened a crack to let that kind of dark energy in- she gave her power away to another, she gave her ability to think away to another- once you do that it's over. You cannot look after yourself, let alone your own children. If you do not put yourself first (and I don't mean this in a self-centred selfish way- I mean this with regards to self-respect and the right to a dignified life) then DO NOT expect to be able to take care of or protect another. Put your self-respect first and the rest will follow. I WISH the writers would communicate this through the screenplay- because ALL the horrible psychological and emotional abuse AND self-abuse in this show is down to that one thing- women unable to put themselves first in the TWISTED and warped name of "sacrifice". When will society stop deeming sacrifice to be such a noble thing? It isn't. Its slavery in the name of love, its losing oneself in the name of love, its kicking away boundaries that serve to protect the Self from unnecessary harm in the NAME of love. It begs the question- what do most people think love is? Is love something that make smaller, makes weaker, makes insignificant? Love opens everything up, it doesn't just strengthen you at the cost of another- it strengthens and elevates EVERYONE. Not just your husband or your children or your mother in law- if it was real love it would elevate you too. This IDEA of sacrifice- of a woman sacrificing to elevate others...it says a whole lot of bullsh*t about those who think that's acceptable.
And yet- as you have said Leelalore- this IS the message this show will deliver. Riya will be the sacrificial lamb and many women who have shed blood and tears to regain their self-respect and diginity (in this kind of situation or similar) will not be clapping or whooping her- they will be disgusted. Because this rubbish is not what peace and dignity and respect is about - this rubbish is simply about sacrificing all that you are to save those who would do nothing to save themselves. And in this we are encouraged to be proud of Riya, be proud of Khusiya because she has borne and endured and braved so much. But the problem is- the people we should REALLY be proud of are those who HAVE borne hardship and abuse BUT have lifted their heads and proudly said "no more- I wont do this to myself or my loved ones- not to keep you happy", the ones who have BRAVED to speak up and rise to the occasion ARE the ones we should be raising on our shoulders. This is life people- most if not all of us go through SOME form of oppression or injustice- but you know what the spark of light is in that? Its stepping out of line, risking others screaming and shouting and pointing fingers at you for daring to stand up for yourself- and then being free of it. There is no point feeling sorry for people who will not even entertain the idea of elevating themselves and their self-respect. I don't feel sorry for people like that. I don't feel sorry for Preeti, I don't feel sorry for Khusiya or even Riya with the way things are going. And Ive been through my fair share of abuse- when it was happening to me I did NOT feel sorry for myself, I felt angry and disgusted that I let myself allow another to devolve me into a shadow of what the human potential was intended to be. People who go through this kind of thing- they may feel helpless or scared- but neither do they like what they have become or allowed themselves to become. When you are stood there begging for money or for forgiveness for something simple and innocent- one cannot say in that moment that that human being feels proud of what they have become. We were not born to be slaves or enablers or sacrificial lambs for anyone- this is not how the human species will evolve. It will fall apart. But this show will continue enabling people to think that this mentality is ok- it will get you through. What a sad state of affairs.
Cricket
Anupamaa
