Chapter 27
Ishani got up early in the morning when sun still had not risen up, and still felt herself shivering due to the effect her dream"or her nightmare"had had on her and found no way to comfort her at the moment. Ranveer had very easily said he was well and fine to her but a fear kept creeping in again and again. The dream was vivid in the terms of emotions if not the views she had witnessed. She still felt her heart breaking as she remembered her years with and without Ranveer. He was the only one she could trust without any second thought and without him a part of her had left her side until she met him again few months ago. Time had changed ever since and she felt glad that he did not remain as much distant from her or anyone as he was the days they had begun working together. He had started going home early and spending time with his family, and most importantly she could see a genuine happiness which was visible in his eyes although rarely. She feared herself going near him too much lest she would be the cause of the disappearance of all the positive things he had come to admire.
She looked around. The sun by now had begun to climb out of the woods, for there was a red glow beyond the trees, the fire in the hearth was put down and only black coals burned in it. Slowly, her moist eyes fell on her finger in which a ring gleamed in the light radiating through the tiny table lamp. For the first time in these two years Ishani found the ring in her finger strangling her as if battering the very meaning of her life; and she found herself desiring greatly to throw the ring in a place her eyes could not reach or her heart could not follow. But a sudden truth roared in her heart and she felt guilty. Guilty of not valuing her relationship with the man she loved enough. But in a moment or two the guilt was overcome by a question that she knew she had no answer of.
"Why am I feeling this?" she asked herself, but knew would have to live with the smothering silence of the place she was so awfully used to, for no answer rose in her heart.
The sun rose mildly as weather began showing slight changes in it with the passing of January and the welcome of February.
With the next month approaching there seemed to be a tender warmth in it along with a special enthusiasm in people. Everywhere Ishani saw they looked happier and their faces held brighter smiles on their faces. She herself could not help but smile looking at them.
"What are your plans for Valentine's Day, Ms Parekh?" Puneet asked her one day while the question took her by surprise.
"Mine? Tell me yours," she said teasingly to Puneet.
"I'm taking Sally to her favorite spot, Eden, Auden's...and," Puneet paused.
"And?" Ishani asked, her eyebrows rose slightly in mischievous understanding.
"And we're getting engaged," Puneet said.
Ishani looked surprised as she stared at Puneet for a few minutes and said, "Not bad, Mr. Puneet. You are more romantic than I thought."
"Now don't laugh at me, please," Puneet pleaded. "I can have time for my girl whenever I want to."
"Sure." Ishani chuckled. "But we all need a celebration for this occasion, do you mind that?"
"No, not at all. But you haven't told me yours yet," Puneet said.
"Mine?" Ishani sighed. "Well, it's the same old I'll come to office, spend my day in various meetings and then in the evening go back home, have dinner and then sleep. What more?"
"That's simple," Puneet said.
"Very much. But I don't like much of it and also Chirag, my fianc, isn't here. Perhaps we'll talk on Skype or phone that day. That's it." Ishani shrugged her shoulders.
Puneet looked at Ishani as if expecting more but when she said nothing he looked at her with slight disappointment.
"What happened?" Ishani said.
"Nothing," Puneet answered.
"It is. Tell me. Did you find anything that I said inappropriate or you did not like?" Ishani said.
"Do you love Chirag?" Puneet's sudden question put her into unease.
"What kind of question is that?"
"Do you?"
Ishani seemed confused, devoid of any words or phrases, as she only nodded her head in positive.
"Are you sure you love him?"
"What do you want to know and why?" Ishani said.
"I don't know," Puneet said. "Ever since you came here your talks about your fianc have seemed not so real...or just not very positive."
Ishani was more confused now, for she could not understand where this conversation heading to or what Puneet's point exactly was.
"I don't get you," she whispered.
"Oh, it's alright," he said. "What I said was merely my own thought regarding what I felt about you and your fianc. Just ignore what I said and..." Puneet paused as he saw Ishani observing him closely, tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Ms Parekh, I didn't mean to upset you. Please do ignore everything I have said."
But Ishani seemed to not listening to him and kept silent.
"I don't know, Puneet," she said at last. "I always believed I love Chirag. But there is something that I cannot say or come to believe. It all seems to be falling apart as if there is no coming back. There is something that keeps me pushing into a bottomless depth, and I am afraid of it, but I still feel it's not going to hurt me. And this possibility of not getting hurt somewhere hurts me. If I cross that line or give in to this force I know I'm lost." Ishani finished, staring at the wall.
Ishani felt surprised as she realized she had told Puneet what she could never confess to herself. He smiled.
"It's alright," he said. "I'm sure you'll find a way."
Ishani could see his expressions were now those of relief and amusement unlike few minutes back while she could not understand even now what had happened to her. For she could now feel herself getting carried away by a force she had no control over. No matter how much she tried it ended up making her feel more miserable than before. The feelings had become impossible to cope with, the unanswered questions increased with time and she found no answers, no peace. The name of Chirag tortured her and she felt like walking away from it as much as possible.
*
Ranveer still remained worried about the things happening to him. Unexpected, unwanted, torturous and confusing as they were. The condition of his mother improved with time which was the only comfort he had those days while rest of the things could still be considered chaotic in his life. He continued to tell others how things were getting better with their company and he was close to catching the culprit but it only increased his anxiousness for this person would have to be one of the closest people he had known ever since moving to London. The files provided by Ralph had had considerable information in them but could not give the real picture to the way it all was meant to come: to the end.
He sometimes wondered if any of this was going to take him anywhere even after he was so close to this end. The feelings he had for Ishani did not help as well, for he had not forgotten she was going to leave in a few months and with each day passing his anxiety increased. Not sure what and how to handle them he decided to keep them hidden. So much had changed, he thought, in these two years, but never did his love alter and he knew it never would. The love was carved in the fibers of his soul and it still bled through all the time but it never was meant to end. Not in this life, anyway, and having Ishani with him was an elusive dream which could not come true.
Ranveer reached his cabin in the evening and was followed by Mr. Zaveri who seemed worried regarding the things happening in Ranveer's company and told him that his own was doing no better.
"I know, sir," Ranveer replied sympathetically. "But I really wish I could know who is responsible for this mess."
"RV," Mr. Zaveri said, "whatever you have to do to catch the culprit do, but don't you think we should wait for sometime lest he makes a mistake and we catch him?"
"That's a decent way to deal with him, sir," Ranveer answered, "but he is playing his games quite cleverly that no one has been able to spot him. And now I cannot wait to make him mistakes. Can you believe, the computers in my own cabin were hacked to bankrupt me few weeks ago when no one has any way in or out of the system?"
Mr. Zaveri sighed and slapped his hand on Ranveer's shoulder lightly.
"RV, there is a long way to go," Mr. Zaveri said, smiling, "you should take rest. Sometimes thinking and overthinking does no good."
Ranveer could not help but notice a small frown on the old man's face as he said his last sentence.
"I know," said Ranveer, "and there is no denial that I have come a long way as well."
Mr. Zaveri left without saying a word.
*
Ranveer looked for Ishani as the evening sun climbed down behind the trees but she was not present there. He wondered if she would be coming back or he would see her after few days for she now took longer breaks and attended most of the meetings in her own office and operated from there. And that evening to his surprise Ishani returned but he could see she was unhappy and he felt like running to her to comfort her. But a feeling stopped him as he turned his gaze away from her pain-stricken face. Ishani however did not go to her cabin and Ranveer heard a knock on the door of his own.
"Come in," he said, and Ishani came in.
"Hi!" she said in a very unusual manner, her eyes did not meet Ranveer's.
"Hello," Ranveer replied awkwardly for he had nothing else to say. "Is everything alright? You look awful."
"I think so," she sniffed. "I felt like coming to you...to talk to you. Do you mind?"
Ranveer shook his head and asked her to take a seat. For a few moments there was an abnormal silence as Ishani refused to look at him while he felt worried thinking what might be wrong with her.
"Ishani," he said at last, "what happened?"
"I don't know," she answered. "I don't know if you are the right person I should be with this time, but I had nowhere else to go." Her eyes shone with tears.
Ranveer nodded and fell silent again. "Is it something related to Mota Babuji?" he said after a while
Ishani shook her head. "No."
"Did Baa say something?"
"No."
"What is it then?"
"Chirag," Ishani whispered and looked at Ranveer sadly.
"What did he do?" Ranveer said angrily.
"He did nothing, but he said I must finish all my projects until next month as he and his family cannot wait any longer for our marriage," Ishani said.
Ranveer felt an unexpected blow of hammer hitting him as Ishani spoke; her tears adding fuel to his agony.
"And what do you want?" he asked slowly. "You...love him."
Ishani found herself desiring to say no as she looked at him but her words were stuck in her throat as only tears spoke her heart out to him.
"Ishani?"
Ishani coming out of her thoughts again looked at him, and wiped her tears.
"Ranveer, I'm here because I want to do what Papa had left behind. I know once I marry it would be difficult to do so given I would be Chirag's wife and not my father's daughter anymore," Ishani said.
Ranveer's heart sank at the mention of her reasoning behind staying back for he wished it to be what his heart told him. It is fooling you, a voice in him sneered while Ranveer ignored it. He wanted to tell Ishani everything he had known about Chirag but her faith in him stopped Ranveer from uttering a word against him since she had known everything but refused to believe. And now she was in a 2 year old relationship with him.
"I understand," he said finally, "but whatever decision you take, take it wisely. Marriages are not a matter of hurry."
"I know. But sometimes taking a right decision is not easy and you find all the answers coming from a sphere of undetectable questions. What decision would you have taken if you were to make one?" Ishani said.
"I would perhaps be worried for the same cause as you, but thinking practically perhaps it would be a better choice to take care of our family's happiness as well."
"Why, don't we have our own life, Ranveer?" Ishani said, "And I only want to do this for my father."
"In that case, I would rather focus on what I'm doing instead of giving in to the family's demands. And I'm sorry I know I have not been of much help," Ranveer ended ruefully.
"Of course you have," Ishani smiled slightly. "But you'd never know how."
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