Nibir FF - Beautiful Mess/ Part 3 pg 24

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maniwood

@maniwood

Rocker

Posted: 10 years ago

#161

Originally posted by: ItsMeAarushi
Awesome manu maasi..🤗
Missing you..😭

Thanku

Missing you too 🤗

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maniwood

@maniwood

Rocker

Posted: 10 years ago

#162

Originally posted by: Suhani_12
Awesome update

thanks suhani 😃

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Not Avaliable

@lovely_lady

Rocker

Posted: 10 years ago

#163

Finally getting time to review this. I'm so sorry for the delay Mansi! Back to the chapter:

I have to say, the writing has improved dramatically from the prologue. Everything is easy to read, believable, flows smoothly, and no awkward sentences or major grammer mistakes. Speaking of which, I did find one in : "He was helpless and disgusted upon himself ." . I think it would be better if you said "with himself" rather than "upon himself" but it's just so minor you don't even need to worry.

Onto the storyline. KN's relationship is weird. I'm having a hard time deciphering it (perhaps that's your goal LOL!) It seems like Kabir misses her friendship? But Nisha likes him and misses that but doesn't know that she likes him?

Also, I was kinda taken by surprise with Nisha crying at Kabir's jab. Idk, I don't find her to be one who cries so easily. Idk.

But interesting idea with the ice knife. And very suspenseful ending man! Another murder!

Question -- do you plan on bringing back the botched case that broke apart KN??

Anyways, good chapter! Story seems to be shaping up nicely and not dragging! 😊

Edited by lovely_lady - 10 years ago

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maniwood

@maniwood

Rocker

Posted: 10 years ago

#164

Originally posted by: lovely_lady
Finally getting time to review this. I'm so sorry for the delay Mansi! Back to the chapter:

I have to say, the writing has improved dramatically from the prologue. Everything is easy to read, believable, flows smoothly, and no awkward sentences or major grammer mistakes. Speaking of which, I did find one in : "He was helpless and disgusted upon himself ." . I think it would be better if you said "with himself" rather than "upon himself" but it's just so minor you don't even need to worry.

Onto the storyline. KN's relationship is weird. I'm having a hard time deciphering it (perhaps that's your goal LOL!) It seems like Kabir misses her friendship? But Nisha likes him and misses that but doesn't know that she likes him?

Also, I was kinda taken by surprise with Nisha crying at Kabir's jab. Idk, I don't find her to be one who cries so easily. Idk.

But interesting idea with the ice knife. And very suspenseful ending man! Another murder!

Question -- do you plan on bringing back the botched case that broke apart KN??

Anyways, good chapter! Story seems to be shaping up nicely and not dragging! 😊

Thanks and no problem for delay yaar ... I understand

Oh i am so happy that I have improved lol...hopefully this progress continues

Yeah you have guessed it right I am myself don't know exactly how will I lead their relationship... But definitely they do have feelings for each other which they themselves are confused about

Nisha is strong but I wanted to show the intensity of the incident that happened with her that made her cry... It is her weak point

You liked ice knife idea... Thanks

Hope I keep up to your exceptions 😊

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mansi

@mansi_as18

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#165

mansi... mansi tumse update maang rhi h... kab milegi... 😆

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maniwood

@maniwood

Rocker

Posted: 10 years ago

#166

Originally posted by: mansi_as18
mansi... mansi tumse update maang rhi h... kab milegi... 😆

Arre yaar busy with college... Writing the update will post soon.. 😊

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mansi

@mansi_as18

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#167

Originally posted by: maniwood
Arre yaar busy with college... Writing the update will post soon..😊

m waiting 😳

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Lily

@do0dleR

Voyager

Posted: 10 years ago

#168

Icy cold mystery...😉 I am wondering who id doing all this...

Good work mansi...👍🏼

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maniwood

@maniwood

Rocker

Posted: 10 years ago

#169

Originally posted by: do0dleR
Icy cold mystery...😉 I am wondering who id doing all this...
Good work mansi...👍🏼

thanks lily 😃

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maniwood

@maniwood

Rocker

Posted: 10 years ago

#170

Part 3

Sorry guys for such a latest update. I hope you like it. And I am not sure when you will get next update 😆

Nibir together exclaimed, "What, who?!!" .

" The famous actress Shanaya Kumar. She was discovered dead in her apartment this morning. Now let's go Sir, Jwalu and Kirti are already there "

At Shanaya's apartment...

Saurav said coming out of the lift, " So the reception area and the lifts are both under CCTV surveillance and guards are also present everywhere. Someone must have noticed the killer ".

"But I asked all the guards, they are saying no one entered or left the building and they didn't notice anything suspicious. Mr. Naveen is the first person to enter the building at 7 in morning " replied Nisha.

"Hmmm okay I will go and check all the CCTV footage, I am sure something must be there. Kabir let's go ".

Saurav asked Kabir, why is Nishu so sad, looks she cried a lot today. What happened between you two?

" Nothing yaar, why do you always blame me. Even at that time. "

Nisha entered Shanaya's room.

Jwala was examining the body.

Jwala said " Sir she died between 1 and 3 a.m. Exact time I can tell you after examining body in there lab. "

Suddenly Kirti screamed, Nisha ran towards her.

" Kya hua... "

" Nishu just see omg I can't believe this... I am standing in the closet of the Shanaya Kumar. See this dress "

"It's just a dress yaar " Nisha was very irritated.

" It's not just a dress this the dress she wore when she won her first pageant. I always wanted to have this ".

Nisha smiled at Kirti's childlike innocence... She always wished to be like the other girls but these things didn't interest her, but after that incident her life had changed.

Suddenly she saw a diary.

" Nishu what is this. "

" I think it's her diary, I am sure we can find some hint in it. Give it to Sir. "

Ramesh asked Kirti to read the diary and to inform him if she finds anything suspicious in it.

Kirti tried to control her excitement, she couldn't believe her luck.

Ramesh smiled seeing her, " Color in my colorless life... How would I manage without her ".

Ramesh went to talk to the maid servant, " What happened in the morning? "

" Sir, I was preparing protein shake for didi when the bell rang. I opened the door it was Naveen sir, he was looking very angry. He generally is very sweet and always greet me but this morning he was very angry, he didn't even look at me and stomped off towards her room. Then I heard his scream and went towards her room and saw her like that ". She started crying.

" Didn't you hear any voices in the night ".

She replied, no Sir.

Ramesh then called Nisha who was talking to Jwalu, " I want you to talk her boyfriend, he is in shock and is not speaking anything. I am sure he will talk to you as you can understand his situation better than anyone else. "

Nisha nodded and went towards Naveen who was still sobbing.

" Hello Naveen I am Nisha, main investigator in the team. I would like to ask you some questions. "

Naveen asked Nisha to leave him alone... He was still in shock. Nisha couple clearly see the his immense love on his face but she could feel some problem too.

" Sir please understand if you don't cooperate with us how will we bring justice to killer of your love. Please do this for her ".

He started crying. Nisha started patting his back, " Sir I understand your situation, even I have lost someone very close... Not one infact two. But only way you can remember them is by helping us in solving the case, nothing can be done by crying. "

At that time Saurav and Kabir entered the room.

" Ramesh sir, I didn't found anything in CCTV footage, they were shut down two times between 12 and 4 a.m. I think that's the time killer entered and went away ". Saurav said walking towards him.

" Hmmm...you must have checked out the system, how easy is it to hack it can this work be done alone? "

" This system is one of the best and most difficult to hack. Either one of guards is involved or someone from the office of the company is, because every camera here is attached to the computers in their office. "

" Okay, I want Kabir interview all the guards and you go and enquire in company's office ".

" Yes sir... Will meet you at office now. "

Saurav went to call Kabir who he noticed was staring in anger at someone. It was Nisha comforting Naveen, he could clearly jealousy on his face.

Saurav smirked and called him.

" Kabir where are you lost man!!"

" Umm nothing what did Sir say? "

" You have to interview all the guards and I will go to the CCTV company office. "

Saurav had to pull Kabir out of the room.

Saurav decided to do something about these two fools.

Meanwhile Nisha didn't obtain much information from Naveen. His story matched with the maid servant.