"Bhul jaun...tum bhul gayi na... tumhare liye bhulna aasaan hai par mere liye nahi...main nahin bhul sakta"
(I should forget...you have forgotten right...it was easy for you to forget but not for me...i cannot and will never forget)
His words kept resonating in her ears continuously and each time the words resonated, she was pricked deep and hard.
She didn't show an immediate reaction as her husband needed her at that point of time but yes she was hurt with those few words and it was getting tough to breathe in with the baggage of those words.
And now when she was done with all her responsibilities as a wife starting right from picking up her drunk husband from the police station, consoling him on the road when he was in his worst state, driving him back home, bringing him inside their room hiding from everyone else so that he didn't lose his respect among the youngsters, getting him changed and putting him to sleep; she needed a moment for herself.
She looked at him one last time with few tears welled up in her eyes and then she left for the washroom.
----------o------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Switching on the shower, she sat under the flowing water getting all drenched yet again.
And with the flowing water, her tears which were somehow held in her eyes till now too flowed freely.
Aise kaise keh diya aapne Raman ki mere liye aasaan hoga bhulna...main bhul chuki hoon...Kya woh mera kuch nahi tha
(How easily you said Raman that it must have been easy for me to forget...i have already forgetting...was he nothing to me)
Jis umar mein ladkiyaan shaadi ke, ek khushaal parivaar ke sapne dekhti hain us umar mein maine baanjh' hone ka bojh uthaya hai...adhuri aurat, manhus, apshaguni in sab shabdon se jaani jaati thi main
(In the age when girls dream of a happily married life, I have carried the burden of the word barren'...incomplete woman, jinxed, inauspicious were some of the names I was known with)
Phir kahin se Ruhi ek farishte ki tarah aayi aur usne mujhe in sab shabdon se mukt kar diya...in sab shabdon ki jagah li bas ek shabd ne "Maa" aur sab kuch badal gaya...meri Ruhi ne mujhe maa bana diya...aur Maa banne ke saath mujhe sab kuch haasil ho gaya...ek beintehaa pyaar karne wala pati...ek sukhi parivaar aur ek pyaara sa beta
(Then Ruhi came into my life from nowhere like an angel and freed me of all those words...all those words got replaced by one single word "Mother" and everything changed for me...My Ruhi made me a mother...and I got everything with that...an unconditionally loving husband, a happy family and an endearing son)
Main toh puri ho gayi thi...par phir wapis meri Ruhi ne mere liye ek Anmol khushi ke baare mein socha...Maa toh woh mujhe bana hi chuki thi par Maa banne ke liye jo safar tai karna padta hai ab woh mujhe us safar pe le jaana chahti thi
(I was completed...but then my Ruhi thought about another priceless happiness for me...she had already made me a mother but she wanted me to take through the journey which a woman goes through to become a mother)
Aur us bachi ki duaan mein itna asar bhi nikla ki usne naamumkin ko mumkin kar diya...mere ander us ehsaas ko bhar diya us bachi ne jiske liye main humesha tadapti aayi thi...jaise kahin bhagwan se ladke mere liye khushiyaan laayi ho
(And her prayers were so powerful that she turned impossible into possible...she filled me with the feeling for which I had longed all my life...as if she had brought that happiness for me after fighting with god)
Raman aur mere pyaar ki nishaani mere ander palne lagi...jab mujhe yeh pata chala toh mujhe samajh nahi aaya main kya karun...woh saare kathor shabd, Raman ke umeed bhare sapne aur meri bachi ki pyaar bhari baatein sab mere saamne ek saath aa gayi...mujhe laga ki jaise mujhe jeete jee jannat mil gayi
(The symbol of our love started growing inside me...i just could not understand what to do when I got to know about this...those harsh words, Raman's hopeful dreams and My Ruhi's lovable talks; all came in mind together...i felt as if I was already in heaven being alive)
Abhi toh main thik se khush hui bhi nahi thi...abhi toh apne bache se jee bharke baatein tak na ki thi...abhi toh uski woh pehli dhadkan bhi mehsus nahi ki thi...uske liye abhi toh sapne sanjone shuru bhi nahi kiye the
abhi tak toh main sirf apne daron aur is achanak hue Karishme ke beech mein jhul hi rahi thi ki sab khatam ho gaya
(I wasn't even completely happy till now...I didn't even talk to my baby till now...i hadn't even felt his first heartbeat till now...I didn't even start dreaming about him till now)
(Till now I was just dangling between my fears and this miracle and it all ended already)
Woh ek pal ki tarah aaya aur ek pal mein hi chala gaya...
(He came like a moment and went away in a moment too)
kya mere haath mein kuch bhi nahi tha...kya sab bhagwan ki hi marzi se chalna tha
(Didn't I have any control over anything...was everything supposed to be as per god's wish)
Saans Bhi Leti Hain Jo Kathputliyaan
(Even the breaths of puppets)
Aur agar aisa hona hi tha toh kyun woh aaya meri zindagi mein...main toh puri ho gayi thi na phir kyun woh mujhe ek baar phir khaali karke chala
(And if it had to happen this way then why he came into my life...i was complete then why he came and vanished leaving me incomplete once again)
Unki Bhi Thaame Hai Koi Doriyaan
(Are controlled by someone here)
Main teen din se khud ko thaam ke baithi hoon par iska matlab yeh toh nahi ki mujhe koi dukh nahi hai...sirf mujhe pata hai ki maine kya khoya hai aur yeh koi bhi nahi samajh sakta...Raman bhi nahi
(I was holding myself since last 3 days but that does not mean that I have no pain...only I know what I have lost and nobody else can understand that...not even Raman)
Main chup thi kyunki mujhe pata tha ki agar main tooti toh jud nahi paungi
(I was silent because I knew if I broke then I will never be able to compose myself)
Kyun Raman kyun...aapne aaj woh kehke kyun mujhe tod diya
(Why Raman Why...why you broke me saying those words today)
Finally letting out her caged emotions, she lied down hitting her head rigid at the floor and mourning for the loss.
Her hands started beating the floor again and over again as if finally she was punishing herself.
It was only her tears and the silence.
Aansuon Mein Bheegi Hain Khamoshiyaan
(The silences are wrapped in tears)
Sab khatam ho gaya...ek baar phirse sab khatam ho gaya...main phir se khaali ho gayi, she kept on repeating those words while wailing.
(It is all over...it is all over once again...i am empty yet again, she kept on repeating those words while wailing.)
So Gaye Hain Kho Gaye Hain
Dil Ke Afsaane
(All the dreams of my heart have died forever)
She looked towards the door once and then bemoaned hugging the floor.
Koi Toh Aata Phirse Kabhi
Inko Jagaane
(I wish someone had come to awake those faded dreams)
----------o---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He stirred in his sleep on hearing some sort of disruptions. And when the disruptions kept rising, his sleep broke.
He woke up with a heavy head to hear the noise of running water diffused with some painful moans.
Ishita, the only word came out of his mouth and then the whole series of incidents played in his mind, how Ashok had once again affected him with his crude words, how he had got over drunk, car crashing and then his challenge to the god.
But while all this happened, he had hurt his wife to the death and he knew it. And just the thought of hurting her abolished his entire hangover within seconds.
With his feet still trembling, he walked towards the washroom.
-------------o---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He reached the washroom and what his eyes saw ruined him into bits and pieces.
She was scattered there on the floor lifeless, shattered and exhausted.
Ishita, he hugged her making her get up half.
Ishita kya ho gaya bolo na, he asked tensed.
(Ishita what has happened please tell me, he asked tensed.)
Mujhe kya hoga Raman...main toh sab bhul chuki hoon, she taunted.
(What will have happen to me Raman...I have forgotten everything, she taunted.)
Ishita I am sorry...I didn't mean any of my words
It's ok Raman...samajhti hoon main...royi nahi...apne bache ko khone ka dukh nahi dikhaya...agle hi din se normal routine mein aa gayi ...koi bhi kahega ki main bhul chuki hoon
(It's ok Raman...i do understand...i didn't cry...i didn't show any sorrow for the loss of my baby...i started my normal routine the very next day...anyone will say that I have forgotten)
Ishita please...i am really sorry...main hosh mein nahi tha
(Ishita please...i am really sorry...i was not in my senses)
Main complaint nahi kar rahi hoon Raman...main jaanti hoon aap par kya beeti hai...bas itna hai ki mere liye bhi aasaan nahi tha aur na hoga...har ek second har ek minute main toot rahi hoon...par aapko dikha nahi sakti...jaante hain kyun
(I am not complaining Raman...I have an idea of what you underwent...it is just that it wasn't easy for me as well and will never be...i am breaking down with every passing second...but I cannot even show you...do you know why)
Ishita
Kyunki mere bina kuch kahe aap itna toot chuke hain...khud ko blame kar rahe hain...maine kuch bhi kaha toh main soch bhi nahi sakti aap kya kar denge...kitni ajeeb baat hai na...itne log hain aas paas par ek aisa insaan nahi hai jiske paas main baith ke kuch pal shanti se ro bhi sakun
(Because you have crashed down without even listening to anything from me...you are blaming yourself...if I say anything I cannot even imagine what you will do...it is so strange...i have so many people around me but there is not a single person with whom I can cry peacefully)
Main hoon tumhare paas...mujhse kaho apne mann ki har baat...pehle bhi kaha tha...ab bhi keh raha hoon...mat rehne do dukh ko apne ander...beh jaane do
(I am there with you...share your heart with me...i already told you once...telling again now...don t let your pain reside within you...let it come out)
Kaise laun bahaar jab ki jaanti hoon ki sunne wala insaan hi kamzor hai
(How do I let it come out when I know that the listener around me is weak)
Ab tum bhi kamzor kahogi...woh Ashok
(Yah now even you will call me weak...that Ashok)
Ashok ne aapko kamzor kaha kyunki aapne use kehne diya...aap chahte toh aapko koi kamzor na keh paata...aapko pata hai us din hospital mein nurse ne jab kaha tha ki bacha nahi paaye...main paagal ho gayi thi...mujhe laga Ruhi aur Adi ko kuch ho gaya hai...room se bahaar aayi toh sab mujhe sambhalne ki koshish kar rahe the par main sirf aapko dhund rahi thi
(Ashok termed you as a weak person because you had let him do so...if you wanted then nobody could have called you weak...you know that day in hospital when nurse had told me that they could not save...i had lost it then and there...i thought something had happened to Ruhi and Adi...i came out running out of the room...everyone was trying to calm me down but I was just looking for you)
Aur main wahan nahi tha
(And I wasn't there)
Jab aapke paas aayi toh aapko rote hue dekha...utne mein Ruhi aur Adi bhi aa gaye...phir aapne bataya ki humne kya khoya hai...aap ro rahe the...Ruhi aur Adi ro rahe the islie main toh ro hi nahi paayi...mujhe samajh nahi aaya ki jo chala gaya uske liye roun ya jo hain unhe sambhalun...aap teeno ko rote hue dekhke aisa laga jaise sab haath se fisal jaega...shayad us fisal jaane ke darr ne itni himmat di ki main nahi royi
(When I came to you, I saw you crying...by then Ruhi and Adi also came...then you told me about what we had lost...you were crying...Ruhi and Adi were crying and so I just could not cry...i could not understand whether I should cry for what was gone or handle the ones who were with me...seeing you three made me feel as if everything will slip off my hands...maybe that fear of losing gave me the strength and I didn't cry)
Jaanta tha tum mujhse aur baaki sabse apna dard chupa rahi thi...par is baat ka idea nahi tha ki dard kyun chupa rahi thi...I am sorry Ishita...maine toh tumse rone tak ka haq cheen liya...khoya toh tumne bhi tha na...aur shayad mujhse jyada khoya tha
(I knew you were hiding your pain from me and everyone else...but I didn't have an idea as to why you were hiding...i am sorry Ishita...i took away the rights of crying from you...even you had lost something...and probably more than me)
Mere ander tha woh Raman...mera Ansh tha...aapka Ansh tha...kaise aapne keh diya ki mere liye bhulna aasaan hai...main marr jaungi par bhul nahi paungi...zindagi mein kitni bhi khushiyaan aa jaaye...kitne bhi gham aa jaaye...khushi mein bhi aur gham mein har samay woh mujhe yaad aayega...meri har saans ke saath woh mere saath chalega
(He was inside me Raman...he was my part...your part...how did you say that it was easy for me to forget...i will die but not forget...no matter how many happy or sad moments come into my life...i will remember him in every moment...he will remain with me with every breath of mine)
Jaanta hoon jis time tumhari himmat banna tha us time main itna kamzor pad gaya ki tumhe samajhna hi bhool gaya...but I promise ab tum jaisa chahogi waisa hi hoga
(I know when I had to be your strength, I went weak...so weak that I forgot to understand you...but I promise now whatever you want will only happen)
Main bas rona chahti hoon Raman...kuch der sirf rona...na kuch baat karna na kuch sochna bas rona...apne ajanme bache ke liye sirf yahi hai jo main kar sakti hoon
(I just want to cry Raman...only cry for sometime...no talks no thoughts only crying...that's the least I can do for my unborn baby)
Jitna chaho rolo...tum jitna royogi shayad utni meri guilty kam hogi, he pleaded her to cry her heart out and promised to sit patiently until she was sober.
(Cry as much as you want...the more you will cry, my guilt will be equally reduced, he pleaded her to cry her heart out and promised to sit patiently until she was sober.)
She hid her face in her knees and howled in his embrace.
So Gaye Hain Kho Gaye Hain
Dil Ke Afsaane
(All the dreams of my heart have died forever)
--------------o--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
His empty hands patted her forehead while her blank eyes stared the dull ceiling of their bedroom.
Waada karta hoon jo humne aaj khoya hai woh main tumhe wapis laake dunga
(I promise I will bring back what we have lost)
Mujhe sach mein kuch laake doge Raman
(Will you really get me something Raman)
Jo tum ho
(Whatever you want)
Toh please mujhe thodi si reality laado...pichle kuch dinon mein main kho gayi thi ek sapno ki duniya mein...par woh duniya toh meri thi hi nahi...ab main phirse nahi khona chahti...ab jab zindagi ka ek naya mod aaya hi hai toh main ek sachi zindagi jeena chahti hoon
(Then get me some reality please...i had lost myself into a world of dreams in last few days...but that world was never mine...now I don't want to get lost again...now that a new turn has come into my life then I want to live with it and lead a real life)
Zindagi Hai Phir Naye Ek Mod Par
(Life is again at a new direction)
Aise kyun keh rahi ho Ishita...humara har sapna pura hoga
(Why are you saying like this Ishita...all our dreams will come true)
Mera ab ek hi sapna hai Raman...Aap Ruhi aur Adi...mera har sapna aap teeno par shuru hoke aap teeno par hi khatam hota hai...ab na main aur koi sapna dekhna chahti hoon na use pura karne ke liye kuch karna chahti hoon...agar aap sach mein mere liye kuch karna chahte ho toh jo yeh sab aapke dimaag mein chal raha hai na please use chod do...bahut baar toot chuki hoon...ab aur kuch bacha hi nahi hai mere ander tootne ko...ab main sirf judna chahti hoon...mere Ruhi Adi hain mere paas...aap ho mere paas...ab bas please...ab jaise zindagi chalana chahti hai main waise hi chalna chahti hoon
(Now I only have one dream Raman...you, Ruhi and Adi...all my dreams start at you three and end at you three...now neither do I want to dream nor I want to do anything to fulfill that dream...if you really want to do something for me then please take everything off your mind what has been going through...i have already broken too many times...now there is nothing left in me to break down...now I just want to get hooked...My Ruhi and Adi are with me...you are with me...that's enough now please...now I will only do what life wants me to do)
Jaaye Ab Chaahe Jahaan Yeh Rehguzar
(This wanderer life can take me anywhere now)
Agar sach mein tumhari yahi ichcha hai toh I promise ab aisa hi hoga...Ruhi aur Adi tumhare bache hain...humare bache hain...ab agar koi aayega toh woh bhagwan ki marzi se aayega...science ki techniques se nahi
(If that is what you really want then I promise this will only happen...Ruhi and Adi are your babies...our babies...now if anyone will come then it will be as per god's wishes...not by science's techniques)
Thank you Raman...thanks a lot...aapko nahi pata aapne mujhe kya diya hai...main puri hoon aur aapne mujhe pura kiya hai...mere jo bhi ho bas aap hi ho
(Thank you Raman...thanks a lot...you don't know what you have given me...i am complete and you have completed me...what I have is all you)
Meri Manzil Toh Hai Mera Humsafar
(My destination is my beloved)
I love you
I love you too and we are complete together, she assured him and dozed off content and snugged in his arms.
She had left him amazed yet again but this time forever and he could just look at her taken aback.
Kahan se laati ho itni himmat Ishita, he had thought before losing himself into a slumber, a comfortable and lighter one free of guilt after so many days.
(From where you get so much composure Ishita, he had thought before losing himself into a slumber, a comfortable and lighter one free of guilt after so many days.)
They had lost something priceless but gained something eternal in the form of each other.
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