chapter 2
Has he missed me? Probably not like I've missed him. Has he found a new submissive from wherever they come from? The thought is so painful that I dismiss it immediately. I look at the pile of correspondence I need to sort for Sharad and tackle it as I try to push Asad out of my mind once more.
That night in bed, I toss and turn, trying to sleep. It is the first time in a while I haven't cried myself to sleep.
In my mind's eye, I visualize Asad's face the last time I saw him as I left his apartment. His tortured expression haunts me. I remember he didn't want me to go, which was odd. Why would I stay when things had reached such an impasse? We were each skirting around our own issues"my fear of punishment, his fear of . . . what? Love?
Turning on my side, I hug my pillow, filled with an overwhelming sadness. He thinks he doesn't deserve to be loved. Why does he feel that way? Is it something to do with his upbringing? His birth mom, the crack wh**e? My thoughts plague me into the early hours until eventually I fall into a fitful, exhausted sleep.
The day drags and drags and Sharad is unusually attentive. I suspect it's Humi's plum dress and the black high-heeled boots I've stolen from her closet, but I don't dwell on the thought.
I resolve to go clothes shopping with my first paycheck. The dress is looser on me than it was, but I pretend not to notice.
Finally, it's five thirty, and I collect my purse, trying to quell my nerves. I'm going to see him!
"Do you have a date tonight?" Sharad asks as he strolls past my desk on his way out.
"Yes. No. Not really."
He cocks an eyebrow at me, his interest clearly piqued. "Boyfriend?" I flush. "No, a friend. An ex-boyfriend."
"Maybe tomorrow you'd like to come for a drink after work. You've had a stellar first week, Zoya. We should celebrate." He smiles and some unknown emotion flits across his face, making me uneasy.
Putting his hands in his pockets, he saunters through the double doors. I frown at his retreating back. Drinks with the boss, is that a good idea?
I shake my head. I have an evening of Asad Ahmed Khan to get through first. How am I going to do this? I hurry into the restroom to make last-minute adjustments.
In the large mirror on the wall, I take a long, hard look at my face. I am my usual pale self, dark circles round my too-large eyes. I look gaunt, haunted.
Jeez, I wish I knew how to use makeup. I apply some mascara and eyeliner and pinch my cheeks, hoping to bring some color their way. Tidying my hair so that it hangs artfully down my back, I take a deep breath. This will have to do.
Nervously I walk through the foyer with a smile and a wave to Claire at reception. I think she and I could become friends. Sharad is talking to Elizabeth as I head for the doors.
Smiling broadly, he hurries over to open them for me.
"After you, Zoya," he murmurs.
"Thank you." I smile, embarrassed.
Outside on the curb, Rahul is waiting. He opens the rear door of the car. I glance hesitantly at Sharad who has followed me out. He's looking toward the Audi SUV in dismay.
I turn and climb into the back, and there he sits"Asad Ahmed Khan"wearing his gray suit, no tie, his white shirt open at the collar. His gray eyes are glowing.
My mouth dries. He looks glorious except he's scowling at me. Oh no!
"When did you last eat?" he snaps as Rahul closes the door behind me.
Crap. "Hello, Asad. Yes, it's nice to see you, too."
"I don't want your smart mouth now. Answer me." His eyes blaze.
Holy shit. "Um . . . I had a yogurt at lunchtime. Oh"and a bZoena."
"When did you last have a proper meal?" he asks acidly.
Rahul slips into the driver's seat, starts the car, and pulls out into the traffic.
I glance up and Sharad is waving at me, though how he can see me through the dark glass, I don't know. I wave back.
"Who's that?" Asad snaps.
"My boss." I peek up at the beautiful man beside me, and his mouth is pressed into a hard line.
"Well? Your last meal?"
"Asad, that really is none of your concern," I murmur, feeling extraordinarily brave.
"Whatever you do concerns me. Tell me."
No, it doesn't. I groan in frustration, rolling my eyes heavenward, and Asad narrows his eyes. And for the first time in a long time, I want to laugh. I try hard to stifle the giggle that threatens to bubble up. Asad's face softens as I struggle to keep a straight face, and I see a trace of a smile kiss his beautifully sculptured lips.
"Well?" he asks, his voice softer.
"Pasta alla vongole, last Friday," I whisper.
He closes his eyes as fury and possibly regret, sweeps across his face. "I see," he says, his voice expressionless. "You look like you've lost at least five pounds, possibly more since then. Please eat, Zoya," he scolds.
I stare down at the knotted fingers in my lap. Why does he always make me feel like an errant child?
He shifts and turns toward me. "How are you?" he asks, his voice still soft.
Well, I'm shit really . . . I swallow. "If I told you I was fine, I'd be lying." He inhales sharply. "Me, too," he murmurs and reaches over and clasps my hand. "I miss you," he adds.
Oh no. Skin against skin.
"Asad, I""
"Zoe, please. We need to talk."
I'm going to cry. No. "Asad, I . . . please . . . I've cried so much," I whisper, trying to keep my emotions in check
"Oh, baby, no." He tugs my hand, and before I know it I'm on his lap. He has his arms around me, and his nose is in my hair. "I've missed you so much, Zoya," he breathes.
I want to struggle out of his hold, to maintain some distance, but his arms are wrapped around me. He's pressing me to his chest. I melt. Oh, this is where I want to be.
I rest my head against him, and he kisses my hair repeatedly. This is home. He smells of linen, fabric softener, body wash, and my favorite smell" Asad. For a moment, I allow myself the illusion that all will be well, and it soothes my ravaged soul.
A few minutes later Rahul pulls to a stop at the curb, even though we're still in the city.
"Come""Asad shifts me off his lap""we're here." What?
"Helipad"on the top of this building." Asad glances toward the building by way of explZoetion.
Of course. Charlie Tango. Rahul opens the door and I slide out. He gives me a warm, avuncular smile that makes me feel safe. I smile back.
"I should give you back your handkerchief."
"Keep it, Miss Farooqui, with my best wishes."
I flush as Asad comes around the car and takes my hand. He looks quizzically at Rahul who stares impassively back at him, revealing nothing.
"Nine?" Asad says to him.
"Yes, sir."
Asad nods as he turns and leads me through the double doors into the grandiose foyer. I revel in the feel of his large hand and his long, skilled fingers curled around mine.
I feel the familiar pull"I am drawn, Icarus to his sun. I have been burned already, and yet here I am again.
Reaching the elevators, he presses the call button. I peek up at him, and he's wearing his enigmatic half smile. As the doors open, he releases my hand and ushers me in.
The doors close and I risk a second peek. He glances down at me, gray eyes alive, and it's there in the air between us, that electricity. It's palpable. I can almost taste it, pulsing between us, drawing us together.
"Oh my," I gasp as I bask briefly in the intensity of this visceral, primal attraction.
"I feel it, too, the first time in the elevator" he says, his eyes clouded and intense.
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