Happy Birthday Queen Apurva

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR ROCKING REVIEWER, EVEN IF TIRED AND RETIRED.

Have a great day, Apukins and may everything come up roses for you.❤️

My gift is a Suhani story written especially for you. Please excuse lack of bells and whistles, you know I'm no good at that.

So here, for you.

The Shadow of Your Smile

Part I: Heartbreak

Suhani's heartache was almost unbearable. Yuvraj's sneering comments at the contest, his tone, his disdain, his subsequent ignorance of the pain he'd caused, had almost broken her, but for the core within that refused to let someone else define her by her appearance. She thought she was okay looking, but that wasn't even the issue. She wanted to be valued for herself, and he was too fixated on the superficial. She had imagined they'd gotten past that, but no. What could she ever expect from him?

And the friendship, as she had allowed him to label their relationship, was shattered too. She was nobody to him, her family unimportant. All his concern was for the woman who had, in his presence, consistently treated her like dirt. That was her worth to him and dadi. Nothing she did would be enough. Once she allowed herself to acknowledge what she'd put up with, she could no longer pretend. She felt almost ashamed of the hopes she had hidden and hoarded each time he seemed to feel something more than 'friendship' for her. He had been the epitome of her dreams, the focus of her life,somebody whose every action she'd excused or reinterpreted to hold on to a myth. But he and their whole relationship were just that--a myth of her making.

As if she didn't have enough to deal with, Rohan shocked her by barely waiting before telling her he loved her and wanted to marry her. The man was insane. When her parents tried to get her to accept, she refused to consider it. It was over with Yuvraj, but why should she marry Rohan--or anybody, for that matter? It wasn't like her life would be finished or incomplete if she were not married. Maybe someday she would marry again, unthinkable as it seemed, but not now. Not with the turmoil in her life, her heart. Hadn't one disaster been enough?

When she found out what Rohan had done, she was glad she hadn't gotten involved in some rebound marriage with him. But by then she couldn't even be properly furious about his deviousness and his interference. He had been terribly wrong and provoked so much trouble and unhappiness, but it had been waiting to happen. It had ripped aside the veil. And his wanting her had, in a small way, restored a little of what Yuvraj had ruthlessly stripped away.

She knew, finally, that indeed there was a line in every relationship, and someone crossing that line meant you had to decide whether to ignore the boundaries and keep accepting less, decimating yourself, or uphold the limits and do whatever had to be done, however much heartbreak it meant. She had, thankfully, finally found the strength to quieten the heart that still wanted Yuvraj, his smile, his glance, his touch. The price was too high.

By the time Yuvraj learnt the truth and came to apologize to her, when her fantasy actually came true, when he told her that he loved her, that his days and nights were barren without her, asking her to come back to him, she was strong enough to tell him no, she didn't want him or his love anymore. It was too late. That season was over. She told herself that while it was not true at that point, it would be. Someday.

Part II: Healing

At first she waded through the days, struggling to find her old confidence, forcing herself to face people, many of whom had witnessed her husband publicly humiliating her. She attended interviews for any post that seemed doable, finally landing a job as an RJ, of all things. It was serendipitous, bringing to the fore her marketing experience, as she had to promote products and weave in paid ads. They found her voice suited the medium, sweetly mellifluous to listeners.

The programme she hosted made use of her natural ability to talk about anything under the sun. She was friendly and warm in her interactions with callers, forging an immediate rapport. Apart from her own show, there were planning sessions and production details that kept her busy, work and new people filling her days, broadening her world. In time she became a bit of a celebrity--Suhani of Radio Airwaves' popular breakfast show. And she never knew that her ex listened every morning to the voice that no longer rang in his empty-seeming house, introducing songs he'd never normally listen to.

Approximately two years after the disastrous contest that had started her on her new path, she put away her old life forever when she accepted a marriage proposal from someone she'd grown close to, whom she had begun to love cautiously, then whole-heartedly, whom she respected and admired. Shaad had joined the team about a year into her new job. She had been friendly, helpful, trying to ensure he didn't feel excluded from the group, including him in conversations and in the evenings out that some of them planned frequently.

He was intelligent, quiet as a norm, but with a sharp, dry wit, very chivalrous and fiercely protective of those he cared about, sensitive to her moods and emotions once they knew each other. They'd become friends very quickly, and love grew slowly from that. The grapevine had ensured that everyone knew her history, so when Shaad realized he loved this girl, he took it slow, astonished at what she eventually told him about the marriage that wasn't.

Their lives intermingled as each told the other of their past. He himself had a broken relationship behind him; his girlfriend of five years had walked away. He told her his father had died when he was 15, briefly bringing Yuvraj to her mind. His mother had been a working woman, and things were not as hard as they could've been, apart from them all missing his dad so much. He had a brother and a sister, both married.

In his Sonu (as he called her privately, derived from sona, pure gold, as he casually told her she was, bringing tears to her eyes) he found everything he wanted, and he wanted to be everything she needed.

She had been almost scared to love anyone else, to surrender herself, and to some extent she understood her ex's reluctance to commit again, to risk and invite failure. But Suhani was more sensible, more courageous, and when she said yes to Shaad's suggestion that they get married, she felt only happiness and joy and anticipation. No dark shadows hovered. She had overcome. She had moved on.

Their wedding was to be a small, private affair--or so they'd intended. It turned out they had, between them, rather more friends and well-wishers than they'd estimated. Her parents and her sister were ecstatic. And Shaad's family was so different from her previous in-laws, all of them happy to include her, plying her with compliments and affection.

There was even some media presence at their wedding due to the bride's celebrity status. And again, she never knew that the man who had rejected her watched the news snippets on a loop. That smile had been for him once, that sparkle in her eyes, that look of love, that tenderness, that light she shed around her--it had all been his once.

She was continually surprised at how easy marriage could be. She basked in Shaad's love, their closeness, their mutual respect for each other, even when they strongly disagreed. They had problems like everyone else, but they dealt with them without wild accusations or put-downs or hurtful bickering. They lived alone and were very happy, and Shaad's mom visited them frequently. She was a smart, practical woman, and she valued her working daughter-in-law and soon loved the girl who not only made her son happy, but who deserved love in her own right. Shaad's sister and Suhani also got on well, and his brother too was a sweetheart, though he lived in Delhi and they didn't see much of him.

Part III: The Shadow of a Smile

On their first anniversary, Shaad took her to dinner at a place that was hosting a retro night, featuring old Hindi and English songs by the live band, including some of Suhani's Bachchan favourites. Suhani had just found out she was pregnant, and both of them were over the moon. As they were seated, her gaze fell on someone who was looking fixedly at her. Yuvraj. He was sitting alone at a table in front of theirs, and he didn't look so good. He smiled at her crookedly, raising his glass to her. She smiled back tentatively, seeing the ghost of her one-time attachment to him changed into a distant affection, even pity.

"Want to dance, Sonu?" Shaad asked. She smiled up at him, Yuvraj forgotten, got up, and walked into his arms.

Yuvraj watched them, watched HER, with an ache of regret and loss he felt he would carry his whole life. The band had started up some old song, and the lyrics he now caught went straight to his heart:

. . .Now I'll remember many a day
And many a lonely mile;
The echo of a piper's song,
The shadow of a smile.

The shadow of your smile
When you are gone,
Will colour all my dreams
And light the dawn. . .

He looked at them on the dance floor. She looked happy, content, glowing, beautiful. That man with her could've been him, but instead here he was, alone, lost and lonely. He hadn't been to her what he should have been. He had loved her without giving her love, he had withheld himself from fear and pride, he had resisted acknowledging her as a woman and hurt her immeasurably, driven her away. He had burned down his own home. If only he'd realized that she had been all he'd needed, maybe even too much, spoiling him, so that no one else could fill that space she'd left behind.

. . . Now when I remember spring,
All the joy that love can bring,
I will be remembering
The shadow of your smile.


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Note: The Shadow of Your Smile is a very old song, just like all the songs used on SSEL, even older, in fact. A number of singers have covered it, including Stevie Wonder. In case you want to reference the complete lyrics, which differ slightly in different singers' versions, I followed this version : http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tonybennett/theshadowofyoursmile.html.

Woohoo, Sandi, great job! Thank you.

Beautiful thread...gorgeous work and sentiments. I hope Apu comes, she's become an Eid Ka Chaand that rarely shows us its glory...only one every year lol...or twice...

Happy Birthday Apu...I hope even if you don't like watching SSEL anymore, that you'll rock some other forum with your presence because you have a way with words and you really bring a place to life...

So party cause you're an only child (LIVE IT UP, QUEEN OF THE FAMILY) and enjoy your DAY and I hope you get presents and go out, chill...be you, have fun...have company, and feel the LOVE...

and thanks for spamming the AT late nights with me for as long as you could tolerate the show...it meant a lot and I've never spammed a single AT with just 1 person more than I spammed with you...i think after you, it's Ray ...she's 2nd but you're 1st as my spamming partner.

God bless.

Originally posted by: anita_m

Woohoo, Sandi, great job! Thank you.

thanks my love and I loved your OS for our Little Queen I cnt wait for her to see it she will love it.

happy birthday dear
may god bless you
keep smiling :)

Khushi

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!

Sandi and Ani- for making this thread. I just abso-freaking-lutely love it! 😃😃😃😃 You don't know how big of a smile I have on my face.

Mehwish, Ray and Khushi, thank you SO MUCH for all the wishes!

I will reply to you all individually soon. Thanks for making the coming day the best ever. ❤️

A very happy birthday to U Apu. May God shower all his blessings upon you on this wonderful day.