chapter twelve
To: Anna Haider
<bananaelephant@femmefilmfreak.net>
From: Ghulam Haider <james@jamesashley.com>
Subject: Gentle Reminder
Hello, honey. It's been a while since we've spoken. Have
you checked your voice mail? I've called several times,
but I assume you're busy exploring Paree. Well, this is
just a gentle reminder to call your dear old dad and tell
him how your studies are going. Have you mastered
French yet? Tasted foie gras? What exciting museums
have you visited? Speaking of exciting, I'm sure you've
heard the good news. The Incident debuted at number
one on the NY Times! Looks like I've still got the magic
touch. I'm leaving for a southeastern tour next week, so
I'll see your brother soon and give him your best. Keep
laser-focused on school, and I'll see YOU at Christmas. Rizwan leans his muscular body over my shoulder and
peers at my laptop. "Is it just me, or is that YOU' sort
of threatening?"
"No. It's not just YOU," I say.
"I thought your dad was a writer. What's with the
laser-focused' gentle reminder' shit?"
"My father is fluent in clich. Obviously, you've
never read one of his novels." I pause. "I can't believe
he has the nerve to say he'll give Sameer my best.'"
Rizwan shakes his head in disgust. My friends and I
are spending the weekend in the lounge because it's
raining again. No one ever mentions this, but it turns
out Paris is as drizzly as London. According to Zain,
that is, our only absent member. He went to some
photography show at Sanam's school. Actually, he was
supposed to be back by now.
He's running late. As usual.
Shaz and Aayat are curled up on one of the
lobby couches, reading our latest English assignment,
Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress. I turn back to
my father's email.
Gentle reminder ... your life sucks.
Memories from earlier this week"sitting next to
Zain in the dark theater, his leg against mine, the
look that passed between us"flood back in and fill me
with shame. The more I've thought about it, the more
I'm convinced nothing happened.
Because nothing DID happen.
When we left the movie, Aayat announced, "The
ending was too abrupt. We didn't get to see any of the
good stuff." And by the time I'd finished defending it,
we were already back inside the dorm. I wanted to talk
to Zain, get a sign that something between us had
changed, but Shaz broke in and hugged him good night.
And since I couldn't hug him without exposing my
thudding heart, I lingered behind.
And then we had this lame wave goodbye.
And then I went to bed, confused as ever.
What happened? As thrilling as it was, I must
have exaggerated it in my mind, because he didn't act
any differently at breakfast the next day.We had a
friendly conversation, as always. Besides, he has Sanam.
He doesn't need me. All I can guess is that I must have
projected my own frustrated feelings about Rehan onto
Zain.
Rizwan is examining me carefully. I decide to ask
him a question before he can ask me one. "How's your
assignment going?" My team in La Vie actually won (no
thanks to me), so Aayat and I didn't have to go on
Friday. Rizwan ditched his last class to spend the hour
with us. It earned him detention and several pages of
additional homework.
"Eh." He flops down in the chair beside me and
picks up his sketchbook. "I have better things to do."
"But . . . won't you get in more trouble if you
don't do it?" I've never ditched. I don't understand how
he can just shrug everything off.
"Probably." Rizwan flexes his hand and winces.
I frown. "What's the matter?"
"It's cramped," he says. "From drawing. It's okay,
it's always like this."
Strange. I'd never considered art injuries before.
"You're really talented. Is that what you want to do?
For a living, I mean?"
"I'm working on a graphic novel."
"Really? That's cool." I push my laptop away.
"What's it about?"
The corner of his mouth rises in a sly smile. "A
guy forced to attend a snobby boarding school,
because his parents don't want him around anymore."
I snort. "I've heard that one before. What do your
parents do?"
"My dad's a politician. They're working on his
reelection campaign. I haven't talked to Senator
Qureshi' since school started."
"Senator? As in a senator senator?"
"Senator as in senator senator. Unfortunately."
Again. What was my dad thinking? Sending me to
school with the children of U.S. SENATORS? "Does
everyone have a terrible father?" I ask. "Is it a
requirement for attendance?"
He nods toward Aayat and Shaz. "They don't.
But St. Clair's dad is a piece of work."
"So I hear." Curiosity gets the best of me, and I
lower my voice. "What's his deal?"
Rizwan shrugs. "He's just a jerk. He keeps a tight
leash on St. Clair and his mom, but he's really friendly
to everyone else. Somehow that makes it worse."
I'm suddenly distracted by an odd purple-andred
knitted stocking cap walking into the lobby. Rizwan
turns to see what I'm staring at. Shazia and Aayat
notice his movement, and they look up from their
books.
"Oh God," Aayat says. "He's wearing The Hat."
"I like The Hat," Shaz says.
"You would," Rizwan says.
Shazia gives him a dirty look. I turn to get a
better look at The Hat, and I'm startled to realize it's
right behind me. And it's sitting atop Zain's head.
"So The Hat is back," Aayat says.
"Yup," he says. "I know you missed it."
"Is there a story behind The Hat?" I ask.
"Only that his mother made it for him last
winter, and we all agreed it was the most hideous
accessory in Paris," Aayat says.
"Oh, yeah?" Zain pulls it off and yanks it
down over her head. Her two black braids stick out
comically from underneath. "Looks great on you. Really
fetching."
She scowls and tosses it back, then smoothes her
part. He shoves it over his messy hair again, and I find
myself agreeing with Shaz. It's actually pretty cute. He
looks warm and fuzzy, like a teddy bear.
"How was the show?" Shaz asks.
He shrugs. "Nothing spectacular. What have you
been up to?"
"Aaliyas been sharing her father's gentle
reminder,'" Riz says.
Zain makes a yuck face.
"I'd rather not go there again, thank you." I shut
my laptop.
"If you're done, I have something for you," Zain says.
"What? Who, me?"
"Remember how I promised I'd make you feel
less American?"
I smile. "You have my French passport?" I hadn't
forgotten his promise but figured he had"that
conversation was weeks ago. I'm surprised and
flattered he remembered.
"Better. Came in the mail yesterday. Come on, it's
in my room." And, with that, he puts his hands in his
coat pockets and struts into the stairwell.
I shove my computer into my bag, sling it over
my shoulder, and shrug at the others. Shaz looks hurt,
and for a moment I feel guilty. But it's not like I'm
stealing him from her. I'm his friend, too. I chase him
up five flights of stairs, and The Hat bobs ahead of
me.We get to his floor, and he leads me down the
hallway. I'm nervous and excited. I've never seen his
room before. We always meet in the lobby or on my
floor.
"Home sweet home." He pulls out an "I Left My "
in San Francisco" key chain. Another gift from his
mother, I suppose. Taped to his door is a sketch of him
wearing Napoleon's hat. Riz's work.
"Hey, 508! Your room is right above mine. You
never said."
Zain smiles. "Maybe I didn't want you
blaming me for keeping you up at night with my noisy
stomping boots."
"Dude. You do stomp."
"I know. I'm sorry." He laughs and holds the door
open for me. His room is neater than I expected. I
always picture guys with disgusting bedrooms"
mountains of soiled boxer shorts and sweat-stained
undershirts, unmade beds with sheets that haven't
been changed in weeks, posters of beer bottles and
women in neon bikinis, empty soda cans and chip bags,
and random bits of model airplanes and discarded
video games.
That's what Bilal's room looked like. It always
grossed me out. I never knew when I might sit on a
sauce packet from Taco Bell.
But Zain's room is tidy. His bed is made, and
there's only one small pile of clothing on the floor.
There are no tacky posters, just an antique world map
tacked above his desk and two colorful oil paintings
above his bed. And books. I've never seen so man
books in one bedroom. They're stacked along his walls
like towers"thick history books and tattered
paperbacks and . . . an OED. Just like Bridge.
"I can't believe I know two people crazy enough
to own the OED."
"Oh, yeah? Who's the other?"
"Bridge. God, is yours new?" The spines are crisp
and shiny. Rida's is a few decades old, and her
spines are cracked and splintering.
Zain looks embarrassed. The Oxford English
Dictionary is a thousand bucks new, and even though
we've never talked about it, he knows I don't have
spending money like the rest of our classmates. It's
pretty clear when I order the cheapest thing on the
menu every time we eat out. Dad may have wanted to
give me a fancy education, but he isn't concerned
about my daily expenses. I've asked him twice for a
raise in my weekly allowance, but he's refused, saying I
need to learn to live within my means.
Which is difficult when he doesn't give me
enough means to begin with.
"Whatever happened with her and that band?" he
asks, changing the subject. "Is she going to be their
drummer?"
"Yeah, their first practice is this weekend."
"It's that one guy's band"Sideburns, right?"
St. Clair knows Rehan's name. He's trying to get a
rise out of me, so I ignore it. "Yeah. So what do you
have for me?"
"It's right here." He hands me a yellow padded
envelope from his desk, and my stomach dances like
it's my birthday. I rip the package open. A small patch
falls to the floor. It's the Canadian flag.
I pick it up. "Um. Thanks?"
He tosses his hat onto his bed and rubs his hair.
It flies up in all different directions. "It's for your
backpack, so people won't think you're American.
Europeans are much more forgiving of Canadians."
I laugh. "Then I love it. Thank you."
"You aren't offended?"
"No, it's perfect."
"I had to order it online, that's why it took so
long. Didn't know where I could find one in Paris,
sorry." He fishes through a desk drawer and pulls out a
safety pin. He takes the tiny maple leaf flag from my
hands and carefully pins it to the pocket of my
backpack. "There. You're officially Canadian. Try not to
abuse your new power."
"Whatever. I'm totally going out tonight."
"Good." He slows down. "You should."
We're both standing still. He's so close to me. His
gaze is locked on mine, and my heart pounds painfully
in my chest. I step back and look away. Rehan. I like
Rehan, not Zain. Why do I have to keep reminding
myself of this? Zain is taken.
"Did you paint these?" I'm desperate to change
the mood. "These above your bed?" I glance back, and
he's still staring at me.
He bites his thumbnail before replying. His voice
is odd. "No. My mum did."
"Really? Wow, they're good. Really, really . . .
good."
"Aaliya ..."
"Is this here in Paris?"
"No, it's the street I grew up on. In London."
"Oh."
"Aaliya ..."
"Hmm?" I stand with my back to him, trying to
examine the paintings. They really are great. I just can't
seem to focus. Of course it's not Paris. I should've
known"
"That guy. Sideburns. You like him?"
My back squirms. "You've asked me that before."
"What I meant was," he says, flustered. "Your
feelings haven't changed? Since you've been here?"
It takes a moment to consider the question. "It's
not a matter of how I feel," I say at last. "I'm interested,
but . . . I don't know if he's still interested in me."
Zain edges closer. "Does he still call?"
"Yeah. I mean, not often. But yes."
"Right. Right, well," he says, blinking. "There's
your answer."
I look away. "I should go. I'm sure you have plans
with Sanam."
"Yes. I mean, no. I mean, I don't know. If you
aren't doing any""
I open his door. "So I'll see you later. Thank you
for the Canadian citizenship." I tap the patch on my
bag.
Zain looks strangely hurt. "No problem.
Happy to be of service."
I take the stairs two at a time to my floor.What
just happened? One minute we were fine, and the next
it was like I couldn't leave fast enough. I need to get
out of here. I need to leave the dorm. Maybe I'm not a
brave American, but I think I can be a brave Canadian. I
grab the Pariscope from inside my room and jog
downstairs.
I'm going to see Paris. Alone.