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Chapter-32
DOORIYAN..."Ishita...Ishita...rukho...mera baat suno..."
(Stop...listen to me)
Raman ran to his room following Ishita. She was crying and throwing things making herself and the room a mess when he entered there. He was baffled at the turn of events. How to console and explain such a sensitive matter. It should not be like this. This is not what he wanted. This is the moment he dreaded the past days. He couldn't believe that it really happened! She really came to know everything...!
He tried to place her in his blurry vision. She was doing nothing but something madly. Her face moist with tears. Her hiccups surounding the room were only love and laughter resonated in the past few weeks. He was in hell; once his heaven!
Ishita on the other hand was feeling a kind of pain. She felt she is being betrayed all along. The one whom she loved so much that she left behind her family...her dignity...her everything, proved unworthy. She was regretting her decision to let him touch her before marriage. She felt disgusted for being in love with such an untruly man. She shouldn't have married him at all. She couldn't see his vice because her vision was overshadowed by his lies.
He was just using her. Using her to fulfill his lust. She felt that he just named their relationship for the sake of his desires. What else he want from her? Nothing! She has nothing. He and Ruhi are her everything. But he was never hers. He didn't considered her worthy of sharing his past...his life. What is in just sharing his body with her when his heart is not at all ready to be true to her...to open up to her !
She couldn't accept whatever transpired between them as love. Because he was not real. In fact he never opened up to her. She was the one who always unimpeded her everything to him. He was always a mystery. However, she believed that it is just a matter of time that he needs to tell her his heartout. A matter of time to talk out on Shagun which was her only concern. But Ruhi...!
She never in her dream come across that he will lie about Ruhi. He would hide the truth that she is not his daughter. Yes, he never said Shagun is his wife. So she cannot blame him. He never explained their relationship. He always addressed Shagun as "Ruhi ki maa" (Ruhi's mom). Everything is crystal clear now!
His fatherhood...! He lied to her that Ruhi is his daughter because he very well knew that she would had left him if he disclosed the truth. She would not had married him for sure. She would have considered the fact thar he cannot be a father, EVER, if he marries her. Maybe it was his insecurity which made him act so. She convinced herself to marry Ashok only after hearing about Samanta, his daughter. That would be what he thought. So he played well to get her by using Ruhi.
However it wasn't the truth. She agreed to marry Ashok for the sake of her parents. She never dreamt of a future with him. But Raman...he made her dream again. He made her life a fairy world. But now it all seems like a house of cards without a powerful basement. Unreal!
Raman very well knew what was going on in her mind. She must be examining each and everything coursed between them, in their life. She must be scratching him from her entire system thereby hurting her so much ! He couldn't watch her this shattered. He couldn't let her slip away from him !
He forwarded his hand to touch her arm when she frantically folded her saree to put inside the wardrobe. But his hand flew backwards getting a jerk from her.
"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME MR RAMAN KUMAR BHALLA!!!" She roared on top of her voice.
The voice which always called him sweetly. The voice which reflected her love. The melody which drove him crazy. It is not the same. She is not the same. A matter of minutes had changed her like an era. He looked at her helplessly while she spat fire at him through her big beautiful eyes which always used to slightly close in his presence.
He moved forward to talk, "Ishita suno..."
(Listen)
She cutted him short by pointing her forefinger at him saying, "No...kuch mat kaho...kuch nahin sunna hai mujhe...Please leave me alone."
(Don't say anything. I don't want to hear)
She screamed out as her reddened face smeared by tears. He looked on silently while she didn't glanced at him once. He couldn't bear her ignorance, her hatred. He just wanted to clear the air. Going away hearing her words will be idiocy. So he tried to talk again.
"Tujhe mera baat sunna padega Ishita..."
(You should listen to me)
She looked at him angrily and chuckled hinting sarcastically, "Kuch der pehale tak koyi khas baat nahin dhe nah...! Ab kahan se aya apko baat karne ka shauk ! FYI, mujhe ab se apse nah hi kuch sunna hai yah phir nah hi kuch kehna. Chehra tak nahin dekhna hai mujhe apka."
(You didn't have anything to take to me sometimes before! How you're interested now! FYI from now on I don't want to say or hear from you. I don't even want to see your face)
He couldn't hold the tears back. His limps melted as he fell on the floor. Has he done such a great sin by hiding everything from her? Is it a sin that he compromised everything for her? To make her stay close to him...!
He shoot up from the floor determined to talk whatever he wants without heeding to her protests and indifference. It was a now or never situation. He was unable to collect himself to face her. He could feel her pain. He hoped that his words may take away her pain. He believed that she will forgive him like the last time. Albeit, he very well know how much she hates lying. The last time she was mad at him not for being the reason of her infertility but for lying. Lying that he shared her problems with his parents. Now also...the problem is Jhoot/lie.
"Main tujhse jhoot bola aur sab kuch chupa diya because I didn't want to lose you. I was scared of losing you."
(I hide and lied to you because___)
He said on top of his voice earning her pricking reply in the same volume, "You already lost. You did lost it Mr Raman Kumar Bhalla. Ap jaise insensitive aur selfish admi se pyar karke main ne bahut badi galti ki hai. Bahut bad galti."
(I made a big mistake by loving an insensitive and selfish person like you. A big mistake)
He was not able to grasp the meaning of her outpour. So he crinkled his eyebrows as if asking her for clarity. She shook her head in disbelief and uttered furiously poking a finger on his heart.
"Ap isiliye insensitive ho kyun ki apne kabhi bhi apke mummi-papa ke feelings ka kadar nahin ki. Un donon ke ummidon ko tod diya. Aur selfish hoke sirf apne bare mein socha. Sirf apne khushi ka socha. Yeh bhool gaya ki apke ye kiyadara sabko sirf dard dete hai. Mujhe bhi jhoot pe jhoot bolke mummiji...papaji...amma appa sabse insensitively behave karne par bajboor kiya...aur...chee...mujhe toh apse baat bhi nahin karna chahiye..."
(You're insensitive because you never considered you parents' feelings. You broke their expectations. You only this ought about you and your happiness so selfishly. You forgot that your acts will only give pain to others. You lied to me and made me behave insensitivly to everyone. And..Cher...I shouldn't talk to you...)
He clutched her arms angrily yanking her closer, "Yeh kya bakwas lagaya rakha hai tum. Pati hun main tera"
(What nonsense is this. I'm your husband)
She bite back shrugging off his hands angrily, "Shaadi kiya hai iska matlab yeh nahin hai ki apko mujhpar poora hakh hai. That you own me. Ab toh bilkul bhi nahin! Khabardar agar mujhe choone ki koshish kiya toh."
(You married me that doesn't mean that you have full right on me. Don't you dare touch me)
"Kya ho raha hai yeh sab...? Ab mujhe kya karna hai...bolo...mujhse maaf kardo...galti hogayi hai mera...bolo tumhari bharosa paane keliye ab mujhe kya karna chahiye...? I'm tired of fightng..." He sat on the bed clutching his head in his hands.
(What's happening? What should I do now..say...forgive me...I did wrong...say what should I do to gain your trust again?)
He didn't mind crying and showing his vulnerability to her. He just couldn't hold the pain anymore. He was all shattered hearing her rude words. Though he cannot retort the same way and cannot stay mum at the same time.
"Mujhe ghar jaane do Raman. I need some space." She said making a straight face.
(Let me go home Raman)
He looked at her with a tint of hope that she will come back soon. But she explained him that she is going to stay for somedays which she doesn't know how many. She asked him to go home and stay with his parents. She promised him that she will not back off from the promise she had given to Ruhi that she will be her Ishima forever.
"You promised me also...Ki tum mujhe kabhi nahin chodoge..." He stated anticipating her to come back to him.
(That you won't ever leave me)
Her reply tore his heart apart as she walked out of the room...out of his life.
"Main apna Raman se vadha kiya dha... Lekin jab aisa koyi hai hi nahin toh vadhe ka kya matlab...!"
(I promised my Raman...But what in a promise when there is no such a person !)
TO BE CONTINUED...
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Edited by Gaya3sb - 10 years ago
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