Arshi FF:Love Me Forever #2 LINK TO# 3 pg 149 - Page 41

Chapter 19

She brushed her fingers over the shawl which he had wrapped around her last night, the bathroom door clicked and he came out after taking bath with the towel hanging around his neck. He glanced at her, she was busy folding the shawl, her eyes were still swollen and face expressionless. What a way to start one's birthday ? he thought, all thanks to him.

She opened his cupboard and kept the shawl back silently, not even once bothering to look at him. She walked past him when he held her wrist to stop her, she didn't turn around so he came and stood before her," Khushi ..i want to talk to you about last night."

She looked down at the floor and replied," you've said it all." There was nothing left to say, he had made himself amply clear last night and now even she didn't wish to speak about it. He knew that she was really upset with him, there was so much she wanted to say to him but was holding herself back and bottling up her anger and frustration within. She freed her hand from his grip when he noticed something on her palm, he at once held her hand again and began examining small burnt marks," what's this?" she shifted her gaze from the burnt marks that she had got while putting off her birthday candles to his face, he frowned at her worriedly, expecting her to tell him the reason but she remained quiet. He pursed his lips as he looked into her eyes which held no emotion. Earlier whenever she'd be happy, sad, annoyed or disturbed her eyes would reflect that but today they seemed lifeless.

He wrinkled his nose and said," You wait I'll get an ointment." He came back from the washroom with the ointment tube in his hand and scanned the room, she wasn't around. He went out and saw her stepping down the stairs carefully one by one with the support of the wall on her right.

Minutes later he came down to the hall, she was standing near the dining table waiting for him to come. He pulled out the chair and sat down staring at her, she was engrossed in buttering the toast for him. She placed the toast on his plate and then poured him a glass of juice without lifting her gaze.

The whole house was quiet Payal had left with anjali to banglore for shopping for her marriage while shyam had taken daadi to Chandigarh for carrying out further medical tests. Without caring to sit down she picked up her glass of milk and had it in one go, then turned around to leave. He knotted his brows on seeing her having insufficient breakfast and suggested," Khushi, have a toast or parantha." She shook her head in negation and replied," I'll eat later." And left the hall silently.

He gazed at her retreating back sadly since morning she was avoiding him, not talking to him as if he didn't exist for her.

He too left for work without finishing his meal.

He reached the paper mill with aman which he was planning to take over, both of the them examined the current state of plant and machinery along with the quotations of the new plant which they were thinking to import. Aman had a word with the manager regarding the stock of raw materials in hand, the labor force, the pending orders etc. otherwise a very hard working and focused man but today arnav was finding it really difficult to concentrate on the work around, his mind kept going back to the events of last night, he just couldn't remove her depressed and crestfallen face from his thoughts, wished somehow he could bring the old khushi back.

She rested in daadi's room after having a talk with her mother who was eager to come over and wish her on her birthday but she didn't allow her mother to do so and made an excuse that next weekend she would come and spend some time with her but today she wanted to celebrate with her " arnav ji." she felt bad for lying to her mother but she had no other option, she knew that just one look and her mother would come to know that she was disturbed, she didn't wish to upset people around because of her, this was her test and she would face it alone.

She didn't regret falling for him after all it was beyond her control, no matter how hard she tried to remind herself that theirs was a contract marriage where there was no room for love but still he succeeded to conquer her heart, mind and soul and not just conquer but also sucked away the life out of her by dismissing her feelings. Rejection was something which was tough for anybody to handle but that alone didn't hurt what troubled her more was that he wasn't willing to listen to his heart, he wasn't prepared to acknowledge his real feelings for her, she didn't know why he was forcefully depriving himself of such a beautiful and pure gift of god when his whole life he craved for true love.

She caressed her baby bump and thought if he wanted to connect with her only through the baby then even she would focus only on playing the role of the mother of his child, his wife would take a backseat.

Her thoughts got disturbed with the ringing of the phone kept close to her, she picked it up and said "hello"

"khushi" it was him, she gazed at the blanket covering her and didn't reply.

" khushi, I was thinking tonight let's go out for dinner." He said after a long silence came from her side, it was her birthday and thought that by going out she would feel better.

She coiled the wire around her finger and replied," no ..i want to be at home." He creased his forehead and asked," why?" she pressed her lips hard till they turned white and then replied," I don't want to eat out."

It would have been nice if she had agreed but then if she didn't feel like he didn't think fit to force her so answered back," fine, as you wish but I'll try to come back home early ." and disconnected the call, disappointment clearly visible in his voice.

She knew her indifferent behavior was hurting him and she regretted doing that but she had no other option, she didn't wish to get close to him once again and unnecessarily pin up her hopes only to get them crushed by him later, she didn't have the guts to face another heart break because it wouldn't take a minute for him to dismiss again all the wonderful moments if they create together in future as" nothing", so it was better that they kept distance.

He came back home early in the evening and eagerly waited for her at the dining table, he furrowed his when he saw hari prasad serve him instead of her.

" where's khushi?"

" she took an early dinner. She's sleeping and asked me to serve you."

He gazed at the her empty chair and remembered those nights when she waited for him inspite of being informed that he would be late and today when he had told her that he would be and was home early she was not around. Why was she doing this to him?

He took a few bites reluctantly, the food was made by her and it would have tasted a lot better had she accompanied him. He pushed back the plate and went back to their room.

The lights were off and she was sleeping on her left with her closed palms resting under her temple, he took quiet , gentle steps and sat next to her. He was relieved that she wasn't crying anymore, he raised his hand and moved it on her head slowly and tucked the falling hair behind her ear. He stared at her for a while then pulled up her blanket covering her properly, he slipped his hand in his pocket and took out a tuberose garland (gajra) along with a small box that had a pair of diamond studded earrings remembering well that the last time when he had gifted her earrings they lit up her beautiful face, she wasn't fond of expensive gifts or lavish surprises but found happiness in smallest of things. He kept the garland close to her pillow and thought as much as he wanted to reach out to her she was trying to keep him away from herself, he glanced at the fresh garland and hoped that if not his presence then at least its fragrance succeeded in making her feel better.

He left the room silently, she opened her eyes and touched the garland with her finger tips.

Her dejected face, her not looking at him, her speaking to him only when spoken to and that too in minimum number of words as if she was being forced to talk to him, her ignoring him as much as she could... all this was disturbing him a lot. He paced up and down the bar then poured himself a drink something which he had not done for months, he sipped the bitter liquid and thought why was she punishing him like that? Just because he had said that he didn't love her? But that was the truth, would she have been happy had he lied to her? Couldn't she see how much he had changed because and for her? Couldn't she see how much he cared for her? Didn't she know that her silent treatment was troubling him? He didn't love her but still they both shared such a beautiful and close bond in the past, didn't that matter to her at all? He finished his second drink and moved on to the third one, he picked up the glass and laid down on the long sofa recalling that she was the one who brought him out of his shell, taught him to smile and live life again and now she only was drifting away from him, if she had to desert him like this one day then why did she break the strong wall that he had built around himself?

Whenever he loved someone he got betrayed and eventually lost that someone, so if now he wanted to shield himself and her from this worthless emotion was he wrong?

She came out of the room searching for him when he didn't come back. Without going down the stairs she saw him sleeping on the sofa with the empty glass of whiskey placed on the table next to him, for the first time she found him drinking, it hurt her to see him drown his loneliness in alcohol. She didn't wish to leave him like that but it was important for him to define the real status of their relationship, what did he consider her as? A contract wife brought only to give him an heir? Or a companion with whom he wished to share his joys and sorrows? Or someone else?

She hated giving him the cold shoulder but what else could she do when his hurtful words brought tears to her eyes and she had no shoulder to cry on. She went back to bed silently.

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She was having her morning medicines and he was pressing his temple every now and then, maybe he had a little too much of alcohol last night. He began combing his hair and watched her from the mirror, he saw the garland and the small box that he had brought for her on the bed side untouched. He dropped the hair brush on the dressing table in irritation, the sound of which didn't bother her.

He walked to the bed , picked up his shirt and wore it, while buttoning them he noticed that one of the buttons was missing, he looked at her and said," khushi, one button is broken."

She glanced at him briefly then dropped her gaze and went to his cupboard and took out another shirt for him and kept it on the bed then turned around to leave the room. He knitted his brows in confusion and asked in annoyance making her stop in her tracks," for just one button you want me to change my shirt? Can't you fix it?"

She listened to him but didn't reply and left the room quietly. He flared his nostrils and clenched his jaws remembering the time when she would stitch his buttons without him even asking her to do so and now she was having problems to do the same because she didn't wish to come close to him.

He changed the shirt and came down for breakfast. His head was still paining, he held it in his hands and sat on the dining chair. The servant kept the breakfast tray along with a glass of lemon juice in front of him. His gaze shifted from the glass to the one who was serving him," now where is khushi?"

" she is in the puja room..she will have breakfast after sometime."

On one hand she was worried about his hangover and on the other hand she couldn't even share a meal with him, miffed with her indifferent attitude he threw the glass of lemon juice on the floor and went to work without having anything.

The crashing of the glass pieces didn't go unheard by her, she asked Devi Maa to forgive her for causing him so much pain, earlier she was full love and happiness and shared the same with him but now she had only tears and sorrows to offer him.

He went to the paper mill and met its owner Mr. Khurana for the final round of talks after a detailed discussion the terms and conditions were agreed upon by both the parties, aman got the contractual papers ready within hours and soon everything was signed on the dotted line.

He had a faint smile on his lips when he saw the board Khushi Paper Mills at the gate. Aman was thrilled and hugged him tightly," boss, this calls for celebration." He nodded his head in agreement and replied," of course. Let daadi , payal return then we'll party. Now let's get back home."

Aman grinned broadly and teased him," what can't wait to get home?" He was right he was very eager to share this piece of new with khushi.

She took her dinner plate and sat on his dining chair, she missed having those silent yet satisfying meals with him, she brought the rice spoon to her mouth but stopped on remembering that he had left the home in anger without eating anything. Later on she had called up Aman and told him to have an early lunch with arnav, she hoped he did have something afterwards. She didn't like having food before him but for the sake of the baby she had to, had she not been pregnant she would have not bothered to eat but on second thoughts had she not been pregnant then probably she wouldn't have been in this house and in his life too.

Halfheartedly she finished her dinner then went back to their room, she noticed his shirt with the broken button thrown on the bed, she picked it up stitched the button then folded it properly and opened his cupboard to keep it there. She fondly moved her hand through his hanging clothes, tears welled up in her eyes but she pushed them back, she wasn't taking revenge on him she only wanted him to take a stand, it wasn't fair on his part to come close to her as per his wish and when she reciprocates the same he shrugs off her feelings as if nothing exists between them. He couldn't sail in two boats at the same time, he needed to clear out his thoughts and that was what she desired.

He came back home excited and elated to tell her that he was finally starting a new business thanks to her which would be devoid of any violence. He looked around in search of her when the servants informed him that she had gone off to sleep after having dinner. He glanced at his watch , it was only 9 and she had already eaten without him, here he was all geared up to share this amazing news with her while she wasn't there for him. He had brought hot jalebis for her, she was fond of them and had thought that they would have them together once he told her about the deal.

The whole pent up anger and frustration which had got suppressed earlier now returned with double force, he threw the packet of jalebis on the floor, he was in no mood to have food so dismissed the servants and went back to the bar. He had one drink after the other without stopping to think, he picked up the bottle and overturned it, it was empty now, he tossed it down and it broke into pieces.

She woke up to the loud sound and came out immediately to find him drinking. This was not done, she couldn't bear to see him getting weak and taking the help of alcohol to forget his miseries. She went to her room and called Aman," its so late. Where is arnav ji ?"

Aman scratched his neck and replied," but dropped him home long time. You please don't worry I'll check on him." She kept the phone down and peeped out of the door, minutes later Aman came to the hall and went to the bar. She laid on the bed once again and covered herself with the blanket pretending to sleep.

He had his head dropped on the bar counter, aman shook him a bit and asked in surprise," boss why are you drinking? Today is such a happy day "

he lifted his head up and looked at aman with blood shot eyes," what do I do with this happiness when I've no one to share it with."

Aman held his arm and pulled him up," don't say like that. You have your family. You have khushi..." he freed his arm from his hold in rage and screamed," no I don't have her. Do you hear me? I'm all alone."

Aman failed to understand what was wrong between the two of them, here he was saying that khushi wasn't there for him whereas sometime back she appeared so worried for him on the phone, right now he was too drunk to understand anything so aman thought of taking him up to his room.

Aman held his swaying body firmly and forcefully took him to his room, while climbing up the stairs he kept blabbering and pushing aman away but aman didn't let him go till they reached the door step of his room. He opened the door with a bang and then shut it on aman's face. Aman smiled that now both of them would settle their differences on their own.

Arnav saw her sleeping on her back, he dragged his steps to the bed carefully trying to maintain his balance then climbed on to it slowly. He gazed at her sleeping form for a while, his head was spinning because of the effect of alcohol then suddenly he pulled down her blanket, she shook up in shock but kept her eyes closed making him think that she was asleep. He went close to her and sat on his knees then began speaking," am I that bad that now you won't look at me, won't talk to me? When you had to turn away then why the hell did you come close to me?"

She squeezed her eyes tight as his harsh words pierced through her heart, he continued," love only brings grief and pain. Am I wrong if I wish to save you from this pain?..TELL ME!" he raised his voice to question her making her jerk but she still kept quiet and didn't open her eyes. He too realized that his tone was a bit too high which might disturb the baby so instead of silencing himself he kept his finger on her lips and bent down to whisper in her ear," Speak softly. Golu will get up."

He turned his neck and his gaze fell on her open palm which had burnt spots, he held her palm and kissed each spot softly. Tears filled up in her shut eyes. Then once again he turned towards her and whispered," Please don't do this to us.I can't take it."

Why was she punishing him and herself he didn't know. His drowsy head fell on her chest. He murmured something before pressing his warm lips to her pulsating throat and then he dozed off. A lone tear escaped her eye and automatically her arms went around his back drawing him closer, she let out a deep sigh and pulled up the blanket to cover them.

She needed to talk to him she thought while moving her fingers through his hair making him snuggle up to her.

thanks for reading

Rose