THE HIDDEN LOVE{completed} - Page 55

I tried to see my son's face but I found nothing!! I saw my husband..my king!! My eyes forgot to shed tears..I joined my palms to the soldiers who brought my husband

"please someone join the head of my husband in his body "I pleaded.

Some ran towards him and joined his beautiful face!! The flawless face with a divine smile freezed in it.I caressed his head.I entwined my fingers with his fingers..where is his warmth I felt last night!! Why is his body is so chill?Did I lost mu husband?? Where I lost him?? Where should I search him..why should I search?? He is here..but his eyes are closed.Will he ever open his lotus shaped beautiful eyes to gaze me once?? Will he ever speak to me?? Can I hear his bold and mesmerizing voice again?? Will he move a little so that I can lay down with him here??I rested my head in his chest!!Where is the heart beat I heard last night??I simply hugged his legs and rested my head in it!! Nothing came out from me..neither a word nor tears.

What's going around me..all are crying..some are crying aloud.I shushed them.again a big cry. yuvraj is crying bitterly like a child.He fell on my husband and again in the ground..he rapped on the ground!! He moaned "mitr!!Mitr!!"He is saying something to me! What ??

"Sister forgive me! You were right..i am the reason for his death..I could not save my friend.!!I was the main obstacles for his well being..he would have joined his family and brothers and may become the king of hastinapur now..but on my behalf he dead today.I myself broke my diamond..I killed my friend!! "I am choked..

I saw him with furrowed brows..

"just now my grand pa told me his identity!! He knows everything but still lived for me and dead for me" he splashed his own face!!

First word came out of me instantly

" please don't hurt yourself!! You are the only person whom my husband loved and respected more than his life. Even his mother..brothers ..wives..children didn't get that privilege.He can't tolerate if you hurt yourself"

His body is shuddering!!

"yes!! I am fortunate to get the pure love of this incredible supreme man"

He fell on my husband's chest and groaned like a mad elephant!!

"mitr! what i am going to do with the kingdom with out you!! But I have to finish this war..wait for me mitr..wait for me..Don't leave me alone.."

Some people came to me..some gone away..Did he really left me alone?? So Can't i find him anywhere through out my life?? I ran inside the tent searching for him..He was here last night..sitting here..lying here..eating here..hugging me here??where is he now??I sat simply on the floor!! Soon the darkness surrounded me.The sun has gone!! My sun has gone one word is buzzing in my ears"i cant see him again!! I can't find him again"

Vrishaketu is coming!! He has a pot in his hands.

I pointed it out

"what's this"

" fathers ashes and his residues.."we have to take this to hastinapur as per his wish" he cried

I opened the pot!! Found some bones and ashes! What is this??is this my husband??is this gathered in this pot??Where is his flawless face?? Lotus shaped eyes?? Glowing skin?? Beautiful hairs??where are his broad shoulders i rest my head?? Where are his arms ..fingers I entwine my arms!! Where is his vast chest where I dig my face?? Where is his beautiful smile which I wished to admire my whole life?? Only these are remaining!!This what I got as my husband! Some darkness spread from the corner of my eyes!! And I was...

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Very mildly I hear the groaning..moaning..and cry of so many people!! I saw the pot aside!! Oh!! I am still in this horrible world..what who are they lying ??I sat up..vrishaketu came running to me

"maahh! All my brothers..." I am choked ..

The real meaning of the news didn't reach my brain It will take some time!!

"finish everything soon.We are moving to hastinapur" he saw me stunned!

I remembered suddenly!!

"yuvraj! Where is he"

"he is dead matha!! Bheem murdered him by thrashing his thighs!"

"hmm!! They can do anything..no one will question them because they are the winners!! History will glorify the winners"

" But matha!! All the sons of Devi draupadi are killed by guruputr ashwathama!! Vasudev cursed him" he was saying something but my brain stopped with the words draupadi's sons are killed!!

I rushed to her residence!! She is sitting in the ground in front of her dead sons! She is groaning.

What is the difference between me and draupadi now..I lost everything..she too.She won her revenge ..war..kingdom but lost everything.what is the victory gained by you draupadi!! Nothing!! She is going to rule a kingdom where there are no people!! And going to live a life where there is no peace!! This is not an end!! they have another great thunder from the side from their mother! Hmm!!I walked away from the place!

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"It was you always troubles me" he is coming near me to dress my wounded toe.

Am i troubling you arya!! Really?I asked with teary eyes.He wiped out my tears and said"of course yes!! But its difficult to live without this trouble" he gave a mischievous smile!!

Under the cannonball tree he pressed my mouth and said" will tour word speak more than your eyes!!

He showed his cheeks to me while kissing vrishketu

"I love to steel kisses from you" he winked!!

He inhaled my fragrance!!

"please come to me soon Devi!! Give some life to this corpse!! Don't go please"

"I am not going Arya!! You left me!! Come back to me arya!! He is moving!! I am running behind him but cannot reach him..he is walking fast..he cannot hear me..and got disappeared!!

"Aryaaa" I screamed...and woke up!! I am still at my travel to hastinapur in my vehicle.oh!! this day is very long!! Still i am in this horrible world where there is no place for my husband!! Really is he dead?? How it would be if he is there in hastinapur to greet me!!Standing in the portico of anga palace with arms rested in his waist.

"Devi!! How long I have to wait for you?"

No!! No!! That will not happen..no body is there in hastinpur..except vrushali jiji!!

Hastinapur!! This hastinapur is stirring some sweet memories from the bottom of my heart.I don't know how long I have to stay here!! Vrushali jiji didn't realized her husband and all her sons were dead!! Whole hastinapur is waiting for the new king's arrival!! Before that we should leave to Angapradesh!! But his last wish is not fulfilled yet.anyways today we will finish the last rituals in matha Ganga!! I am wandering in the forest where i met him long long ago in my cheerful previous birth!! I am wandering like a spirit!! I forgot my body!the place..time..food everything.

I am madly wandering around the tree the place where he entwined his fingers..what he said" you didn't left anything but definitely took something"

I chuckled!! This is quite strange!! How many times I have chuckled in these days remembering my naughty arya! Some felt I have gone mad!!may be..I too suspect to be.

Some said how can a wife laugh when her husband is dead.I must be a stone heart woman!! That may also be true..because no tears came out from my eyes for my husband! Something is struck between my throat and heart.I am alone..the wind slowly brushes my body..where is my pair in this land?? Did I lost him completely!! Aryaa..I stretched my arms..stretched arms are stretched..no one to hold it

"matha!! Shall we go to the banks for performing the rituals"asked my son!! One second I lost myself my seeing my husband in my son!!

"yes' I said

matha!! Please cry!! I am scared to see you like this!! Spit it out..throw everything out of your heart"

"no son!! I will forget everything if I throw everything out!! I have to save this..i have to live with all these inside my heart.."

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Vrushali jiji is staring at the roof "jiji" no response..I slowly made her to stand up and clutched her arms to walk!1 I find some one standing Showing her back to me

"who is that"

She turned..it was kunthi.my blood started seething!! Then entered panchali with so many queries in her face..then all the pandavas one by one with pale faces!!They all saluted me and said"pranipat bhabhishree'

A rude smile spread over my face.I saw kunthi who was staring at the floor.

"so finally your mother opened her mouth..you all know the secret safeguarded by her for her life time no no ..for my husband's life time"

Panchali clasped my shoulders.

"you too didn't opened your mouth!! Why cant you say this to me?"

I saw her sharply

"ask the same question to your friend Vasudev

All are stunned..yudistir broke the silence

"I never expected that my mother would hide such a horrible secret and ruin all of us lives.If I would have known the truth I would have sacrificed my kingdom to my brother."I can see the real vexation and dejection in his eyes!!!

Now bheem" he is my elder brother..but I taunted him so many times!! I used foul languages..Really i felt very bad after knowing that i bad mouthed my own brother"

Now Arjun!!" I don't know how can my mother do this to me!! She made me to kill my own brother and I trusted and followed Vasudev,,he to ditched me" his voice was broken!!

Some cruelty spread in my heart!!

samrat yudistir!! You were ready to sacrifice your rights for your brother..then what stopped you to do such for your brother suyodhan?He is your brother..your fathers's elder brother's son !! doesn't he deserve the throne?? Why didn't you sacrifice your kingdom which was already sacrificed by your father long before?"

Suyodhan was a good prince!! Good son and good leader too.if you have done this on the day one now you will be relieved from guilt.

He was stunned!!

and yuvraj bheem You felt very bad after knowing that you bad mouthed your brother..unless you won't feel bad for ill speaking??? So low cast people..whoever they may be deserve that taunting from a rajkumar..am I right?"

He became speechless!!

Then i turned to Arjun!! If I have not seen Angaraj in draupadi's swaymvar i would be his wife!thank God..

"Kumar Arjun!! So vasudev guided you!! You just followed him!! You hide behind sikandi to kill your grand father..accepted the ploy to kill your guru..killed angaraj when he was weaponless all because you trusted him and followed him"He nodded his head.

"That is what sushashan did!! He trusted his elder brother and followed his orders.Does he deserve such a horrible death??"

All were stunned now!

"please don't feel guilty for killing my husband..because no one can kill him..He died himself!! He accepted the death.He was already dead when he came to know his lineage.He is a good son to your mother..he is a good brother who spared all your lives..and he is a good friend who fought and died along with his sons for his friend.so in the last days he was tore to the different directions but stood strong in his decision.This hastinapur..our kingdom..your reputations..your rights and your lives all are the alms given by my husband given to you! Go!! Go away..live happily..erase that dead man from your mind"

"dead?"

Askes vrushali jiji now!! She is blinking..I hear the mild moaning of kumar Arjun!

"yes I accept he is the supreme human!! How can I forget those eyes which gazed at me when I shot my arrow to his neck when he was lifting his chariot wheel!! Where I would wash my sins..where??"

He saw vrishaketu standing behind me!!I see a strong desire and happiness in his eyes! "here!! Here is my brother..the same eyes!! Here is my son!! Here is my peace and ambition.."

He approached my son

"son!! Will you come with me! Will you be a son for this sonless father??

"no" I said!! You can't take my son..he is mine"

"but matha!! I will go with him" said vrishaketu

I am stunned..arjun grinned.

"putr"

"yes matha!! My father said this to me long before the war..that one day Kumar Arjun will come to meet me and will ask me to go with him..on that time i should accept it and go with him..this was my fathers request to me.how can I deny now" his voice was shaking.

My eyes are filled with tears!! Arjun started groaning..he hugged my son tight!! "did he said that to you?? My brother knows me better..yes!!how incredible he is..Did he said that son!! Come with me son..I will make you a great warrior as your father and make you the king of indraprasth."

All the pandavas surrounded my son and embraced him.I didn't have the power to stop him!

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In the banks of Ganga hastinapur were performing the funeral rituals for their hundred sons!! Vrishaketu along with pandavas got down the river.Vrushali jij was asking me repeatedly "dead!! Dead"

"yes jiji!! He is dead..but i am alive!! I will be with you forever"

I see vrishaketu coming out of the river with Arjun..something I felt contented inside!1 ..they started to walk fast..where I lagged behind with vrushali jiji!!

Is he dead?" she asked me again..

"yes jiji!! Just now we finished the rituals in the river."suddenly she got mad.she turned back and shouted aryaa..she started running..I shouted "JIJIII"vrishaketu heard my voice and ran towards me.."son run run fast catch her" I yelled..but something drove her very fast..she ran swiftly within a fraction of seconds she reached the river and dived into it and sunk inside..

Vrishaketu followed her..searched her in the water..shouted matha..matha..I am stunned..the sun slowly started to go behind the mountains spreading darkness everywhere!!

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My husband is right!! Memories are the best weapon to kill one very badly.That is very worse when we are left alone only with that memories.This anga Pradesh and anga palace is filled with memories.The place where I lived actually in my life..The place where my husband celebrated his life and his wives.The palace is filled with his voices..faces..smiles..words..breaths..every place brings me some memories!! The bench where all our children attacked and tickled his father..There is the room where i clutched his arms after delivering my baby.here is the room where we spent most blissful moments!!The empty side of my bed implies me constantly that my whole life is empty now.

I suddenly remembered the tree house and wished to visit it now!! I just started to the tree house..As I go deeper into the forest i got sunk deeper and deeper into the memories!! There is the house and the river we bathed together.I remember his craziness.The house and the ghats.I sat in the ghats.Long long ago i had one sat beside me..now no one!! I searched his shoulders..arms..to dig my face..It'scold..i need the warm hug..where is he?? Something which struck between my throat and heart is now scattered..and I am burst into tears!! I sobbed..groaned..screamed..cried lonely..The evening sun started hiding behind the mountain seeing the horrible groaning of his daughter in law!!

Why should I live!! Who is there for me ..vrushali jiji found a best way!! Lost all my sons..for whom i should live!! But but how can I kill my husband's memories..if i am dead then the karna living in me will also die..no no..I cannot reminisce him..if i am dead..and The great karna's wife can't be a coward.He is living in me!! In my heart..in my brain..in my words..in my thoughts..in my body..how long my body is alive then the kingdom he ruled is alive! How long my brain is alive then the thoughts he fed to me is alive..how long my heart is alive then the love he had to me is alive.I am his rest part..i cannot destroy his remaining in me.he will live through me..I will make him live again and again by my thoughts and actions guided by him.but..but I cant donate other's property as alms..but i have my own property..my will power is my property.my hands ..legs..my whole body is the property where he is living..I will make this uruvi another form of karna to help ..assist the needy..I whipped out my tears and started walking!! I am clear now!! I got a new path to live with my husband!! My legs became strong and path is clear!!

Slowly very slowly the sun rises in the east!! I saw him!! Morning beautiful rays spread on my body..here he is..he is embracing me..he is smiling at me!! He says"you are right devi..I willbe always with you" yes!! He is here gazing at me..My heart is filled..I have a sunrise everyday in my life.!!

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