Hey everyone! Back with a small update this time! I know this one took a while to update, but the next one will be quicker for sure! For now, hope you all enjoy this one that is not proofread like all other updates...
"Raman, tell me what's going on..."
"Ish...Ishita..."
He started when he couldn't decide whether it was the time to let her know about Shagun. And that's when he remembered they were still in the garden. It was the perfect excuse not to share anything and would buy him time to think until they reached their home.
"I don't think this is the right place to talk. And Ruhi is feeling cold too."
"Let's talk at home then." She answered back right away making him look at her. She really did want to know what it was that he kept on hiding from her, what it was that made it so hard to talk about what his life was before her. She tapped his shoulder and asked him to get up to head home.
He got up and helped her up as well before they started walking back slowly. Their walk home was quiet besides the occasional noise Ruhi made. She wondered why her parents were so quiet and kept on touching Raman's face and when not getting a response, reached out to Ishita who was also quietly looking down and didn't notice the child. They both failed to notice her irritation at the two and were busying sneaking glances at each other without the other noticing. Annoyed at their ignorance, Ruhi used her favourite method for attention and begin to cry.
That was enough to get the attention of her parents who both looked at her right away. They stopped in their way and attempted to cheer her up. They both came closer and tried talking to her in her tone and made funny faces until she stopped crying realizing her parents were now looking at her. They both stole a small glance at each other as they played with Ruhi and he looked away immediately. She only wanted him to be relieved of whatever troubled him while he just wanted to avoid this conversation he knew was bound to happen one day.
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As they entered their apartment, Raman took Ruhi into the room as the maid asked Ishita what else she needed done. She kept on looking at Raman who didn't look back as he rushed to their room. She looked at his retreating figure sadly and went into the kitchen.
She brought him a cup of coffee a few minutes later which he took with a faint smile before he looked away again.
"We're home now." She attempted to start a conversation.
"I know."
He kept on staring at the ground with a blank face that gave her an unknown pain.
"Raman please speak up, what is it about her that bothers you so much? It hurts to see you act like this. Where is that Raman I saw last night with Bala and Vandita?"
"I don't know anything." He said blankly trying to put up an unmoved face.
"You know, but you don't want to tell me is a different thing." She said disappointed to know he wouldn't share even a bit of his past when she had done the same for him and initiated the first step. He faced the other side without looking at her not knowing whether he should tell her anything or not. And she assumed his looking away to be his answer and decided to let him take his own time...
"It's okay if you can't tell."
She got off the bed smiling at him and picked up Ruhi who was in her cradle to go into the living home when he stopped her by finally saying something...
"It's just that she's has given me a lot and her death isn't easy to forget, neither is she."
She went over to him sitting down back in her spot. He had his hands covering his face as he tried to stop her from seeing those tears that were about to make their way down.
"So I don't know what to do...Sometimes I want to erase every memory of hers so I can give my mind some peace, but I also want to remember her for giving me the reason to live after her; Ruhi and for all we have been through together...it's so complicated."
She held his shoulder tightly reassuring him before she spoke up...
"It'll all be okay. You just need to have some time alone and to yourself to sort this out. And whatever decision you make, take it for yourself. I know the type of person you are, so don't think about me or Ruhi or anyone else, just yourself when you think this through. All I can say is every relationship has its bad memories and good ones, and make your decision considering all the moments in your relationship. If there are more bad memories than good, it's better to forget that person like I did."
He looked up at her and found a hope in himself that maybe she would help him get over his past...
"But...but Ishita what if there is one bad memory that overshadows all the good ones? What should we do then?"
"Raman can I ask you something?"
"Hmm..."
"Is that bad memory related to Ruhi's birth?"
Silence engulfed the room. He was quiet and looked away while she looked right at him waiting for him to speak up. She waited for him to speak patiently while he still had his face turned as he felt her gaze on him. He wanted to let her know, he wanted to share everything with her, but...she what we she think of him if she found out about what he had done. What one of his stupid and selfish mistake did to Shagun and him? He didn't want her to hate him, to think of him the same way he thought of himself. He just couldn't tell her despite wanting to because he was scared...scared of her reaction. So he chose not to tell her...
"I don't want to talk."
"But Raman-"
"No Ishita! I...just no!"
"Fine...it's okay if you can't say what you want to. I will always be right next to you if you ever change your mind."
"I'm going out...I want to be alone."
"Wait! I'll go out, you stay with Ruhi."
What was he doing? He was hurting her while trying to keep himself from having to tell her anything. She didn't do anything wrong, all she wanted was to know what bothered him and she was only doing this because she cared. She cared for him. There was someone in his life that wanted him to be okay, that wanted him to be a happy person, but he...he was pushing her away. But it's wasn't like he didn't want her to know, he also wanted to tell her so she could be there for him in moments like this, so she could know everything about him...and his lack of courage stopped him. And now she was sadden by his behaviour, and he never wanted this to happen, so he held her hand stopping her...
"No please don't go anywhere. I...I didn't mean to-"
She smiled faintly before slowly taking his hand of hers.
"It's alright, you stay here with Ruhi. Today was for the two of you and I messed it up. I shouldn't have brought any of this up. So to make me feel better, stay here with Ruhi."
He looked at her and nodded...
"And since Ruhi is here, no crying or smoking."
She pointed to his tears and he wiped them off immediately. She told him she was out in the kitchen if Ruhi needed anything and before leaving quietly added his name with Ruhi as well. He looked at her walk away feeling guilty for making her leave and to calm down his frustration went onto balcony with Ruhi who was the only one who could cheer him up today...
~~~~~
And that's how she found him an hour later after she had cried about ruining his day off and his inability to trust her. And most of all for hurting him by bringing up a past that was so painful to him that he wouldn't even talk about it. All she wanted was for him to be happy and in the process ended up hurting him even more. And now he was probably so upset with her. Maybe she was being too pushy with him and he didn't like it. She hoped this wouldn't tamper with their friendship, she really hoped he wouldn't be too mad at her.
To see how he was, she quietly walked closer to him and found him rocking Ruhi and talking to her in a voice that was choking...
"My baby is growing up so fast..." He gave Ruhi a huge kiss as a small droplet fell down from his eyes. She thought it was just a father getting emotional seeing his child meeting these small milestones that meant the world to him, but then...
"So proud of my strong daughter." He hugged her tightly and kissed her head gently as more tears make their way down his cheeks.
She was confused as to what he was doing and feeling right now. She felt so helpless whenever she saw him so upset and now she was sure whatever bothered him had something to do with his 1st wife and Ruhi. But what was it, she could only wait for the day he would tell her himself...
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That was all! I know it's really small, but hope you all liked it! And if you did or didn't, please leave your feedback! I would love to hear what you have to say!
Chapter 23B- Page 136
Tum Se Tum Tak
Ganesh Kartikeya
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