KR FF: My dear sir part 26 updated in page 104 - Page 56

My dear sir

part 21

The huge area of canteen appeared to be a pitch dark even in the day time.. Raji was sitting in the deserted corner of the almost empty canteen..immersed in her own thoughts with a distant look oblivion to the surroundings..her gloomy eyes, dull and pale face ..had turned her out to be the totally contrast girl all together to her usual cheerful and glowing self before..

Lately, smile wiped out face with emotionless dull eyes, had become her trade mark look...she had lost all her charm within a week ..

After their historical encounter , turned out to be the most disastrous one by the unexpected Angel tornado KR never met alone, expect for seeing each other without others' knowledge...

Angel and karthik hanging around together seems not affecting her any more, the way it does before..she become habitant to it..but still there was a slight nagging feeling which kills her gradually like slow poison..more than sorrow she was frustrated over his insensitive behavior..

"How could he believe that evil witch's words ?what if he lost his memory ,has he lost his sanity as well..?can't he see my heart beating only for him..how could he ignore it, over that dumbo's crocodile tears..?"

The more she thought of it the more her wrath increased.., when she thought about Lakshmi asked her to explain everything to Karthik that infuriate her even more..

"Why should I explain to him, was it a matter that has to be explained with words..?How could my heart and feelings can be confined into few mere words..why can't he read my heart through my eyes..?How could it be love if he can't feel anything for me on his own? which word on the earth can explain my heart better than my eyes? If he can't read my unspoken words it would rather remain unspoken throughout my life.." she resented the thought of confronting him again.

"I am neither going to explain anything nor going to see him anymore ..unless otherwise he feel for himself..why should I disclose my heart to the person who preferred to ignore it anyway?"

At the one side of her mind these type of rebellious thoughts revolved where on the other side ,her heart which was hopelessly fallen in love yearned for the warmth of his love..as days passes her heart started to give up,her gut feelings said she was going to lose this battle..but the feel of distancing from him itself suffocating her ...she felt she may choke to death if he left her..

She was wedged between these two kinds of contradict emotions..the wrath and the longing.

Her chain of thoughts had broken with a sudden sound..

"Booommm"

She jerked back to reality ,and stared blankly at smiling Vicky ..

"Raji..U scared..right..?"he mocked at her..

"Velaiyaadaa dha Vicky ,I am not in that mood.."she said flatly...

"Raji.. how come this place looks so dark even in the broad day light?"Vicky asked with serious face..

Raji frowned at him..

"U don't know right? I will tell u... because the thousand watts bulb on the face of Raji has been switched off that's why.."he said with his ever naughty look..

Raji somehow understood his words and scowled at him with a small smile..

"Now it's getting better,the face retained up to 100 watts.." he said smiling in his eyes..

Giving up finally Raji smiled widely for his effort to make her laugh..

"Bingo..see how ur face sparkled like moon?omg how come I can see both sun and moon at the same time?"he acted dramatically with eyes widened in astonishment...

"Enough Vicky..I already laughed..I can't force myself to smile for ur mokkai jokes anymore.."Raji whined childishly yet smiled fully..

"That's my girl..ippadi sirichittu happy aa irukaradha vittutu yaen indha "damsel in distress" face?"

"Appadilaam onnum illai..sari nee sollu ..yenna unnai ippo laam paarkave mudiyaradhu illai?romba busy aa?"she tried to change the topic..

"idhai naan kekanum..unnai dhaan pidikave mudiyalai..yeppo un seat ku poi paarthalum nee aale irukka maatengura?naan kooda missing notice podanumonnu bayandhuten..yenna maa...office ,velai nu irukaradhu konjamaavadhu nyaabagam irukaa?paavam settu ,avan kudukkara kaasukku konjamaavadhu velai seimaa.."

"So...nee unnoda velaiya vittutu yennai vevu paarkaradhai dhaan main velai yaa senjirukka ? Idhula nee yenakku sincerity pathi class yedukiriyaa?kaala kodumai daa.."Raji said sarcastically..

"idhukku peru dhaan putting suniyam with own money nu periyavaa soluvaanga.." Vicky said with absurd smile..

She burst out in laughter seeing his face ..her laughing sound seemed alien to her own ears, as she couldn't even remember when she had smiled last time..

That was a much needed distraction for her depressed heart ,the heartfelt laughter had relaxed the stifled muscles around her heart and gave her a great relief..

Vicky watched her laughing for a while with a concern on his face...

"Now tell me,what actually happened ..?"he asked in a serious tone..

Though startled within ,to cover up nicely she smiled .."indha serious look laam unakku suit aagave illai Vicky.." she tried to avoid his question ..

But Vicky didn't budge instead he looked at her with a penetrating gaze with folded hands denoting that he was waiting for her honest answer..

Raji went mum for a moment..then with an exasperated sigh she asked.. " love is a sin or what? Why loving someone unconditionally always gives more pain than happiness.?"

"There is no such thing called unconditional love exist in this world Raji..loving someone will always tagged up with expectations and greediness.." Vicky answered said..

"when we are submitting the whole of our heart at one's feet and least expecting that our heartfelt love should be acknowledged by that person,shouldn't be called greedy.."Raji offended..

"No matter how trivial the expectation was.. it always hurts Raji...so don't expect anything if u want to be happy.."

"How could that be possible .?.after all I am a human being too, starving for a little drop of love.."

"Then quit being human ..and become a saint.."

"Vicky pls..don't take my feeling as joke.."Raji frowned..

"I am not joking ,I am very serious .. don't think from ur perspective alone...think from other's pov also..if a person is not reciprocating ur feelings then it doesn't mean that person didn't aware of it, he might prefer to ignore it as it would cause more trouble to u or to him if he acknowledge it..."

"You are my friend or his..?why u r defending him..?"Raji chided him sulking..

"I am not defending anyone..did i? we r just talking some abstract thing right..that is what I was thinking..am I wrong? did u mentioned those words keeping someone in mind?r u in love?"Vicky asked with ever so innocent face..

Raji stumbled to answer.."its..its.. not like that..I was just.."

Letting her to struggle for a moment he asked in a composed voice..

"U love Karthik right?the most arrogant ,insensitive ,cold blooded jerk on earth.."

"Who told u like that?"Raji asked suspiciously..

Vicky smirked "u r not even tried to deny it ..So I was right?..it was him ."

"Vicky I asked how did u know?"

"I knew from the very first day of our meeting"he said casually making her eye brows raise in surprise..

"Didn't u remember the dramatic meeting of ours' occurred while you were expecting to be rescued by that someone special..later I guessed it must be him.."

"oh.."

"He is giving u hard time no?"

She nodded .."sometimes it seems that he likes me..but the next moment he acts like a complete stranger to me..I can't even understand a bit of what is running behind the iron wall of his heart.."

"Maybe he is having some issues.."

"If that was the case..why can't he talk openly ...that frustrates me more..u know.."

"Men won't show their vulnerability or wounds that easily..they prefer to keep their miseries with themelsves.. .normally men are worst when it comes expressing their feelings through words..."

"so u people will keep all the frustrations in ur heart and frustrate us even more..this is what u people are doing to women for ages.."Raji asked vehemently..

"Hello..why u r venting ur temper on me?"

"oh..I am sorry Vicky...nowadays I have become someone whom I couldn't even recognize as myself.."

"Don't worry ..everything will be ok soon.."

"Thanks Vicky for giving ur time in consoling me..I am feeling better now.."

"Don't be so formal with me ok?but if u r that grateful then treat me with a super buffet lunch before this weekend.."

"Why before this weekend..?Next week naa othukka maatiyaa?'

"Next week I won't be here..na"

"Yenna solra?yennamo oora vittae pora maadhiri pesura?"

"yes.oora vittu dhaan poren..I am quitting the job here..Mumbai poren.."

She was shocked ..

"yenna dhideernu..?"

"Dhideernu laam illai..romba naala try pannittiu irundhen..ippo oru nalla offer vandhirukku...I don't want to miss that offer..moreover I need a change of place..same office,same faces ah ae paarthu bore adikkudhu..:"

"Hey, yennaiyum serthu dhaan solriyaa?"she pouted..

"ofcourese unnaiyum serthu dhaan solren.."

"How dare u?"she hits him with her bag..

"iyoo valikkudhu Raji .sariyaana swarnakka vaa iruppa pola.."

"Vicky ..nee ippo porennu solradhu yenakku yevlo kashtamaa irukku theriyumaa?yennoda orae aarudhal nee dhaan.."

"indha aarudhalae unakku avasthai aagida koodaadhunnu dhaan naan poren.."

"puriyala..."

"idhai unkitta kekka koodaadhunnu dhaan naan nenaichen..but as u said naanum human dhaane ..kekkama iruka mudiyalai..If u had met me before u does Karthik .. would it be me instead of him..?"

"ippadi laam loosu maadhiri comedy pannadha Vicky.."Raji not ready to take his hint..

"See ...now u r pretending as if u don't know my heart.. exactly the same way karthik does to u.."

• "Vicky, unakke theriyum.. I don't have such feelings for u .."

"Sadly I do know that..idhai unkiita sollaamale naan poi irukalaam...but in future I might regret this decision..So I don't want to leave any loose ends ..Raji..of all the people I know ,u r the one who made my heart to flutter ,though it was unrequited love I really liked this feelings...I have not expected anything from u,as I know ur heart belongs to someone else.. but it was enough for me to stay by ur side..seeing u daily..adoring ur smile,making u laugh ..I am contented with these small small happiness...it may sound ridiculous but actually I love this feelings..I may be denied the privilege of loved by u but I am thankful that I am blessed to love u ...given to my playful personality u won't believe this, but seriously u r my first love Raji.."

"Vicky pls stop..I can't take this anymore..pls say it's all fake .u r just kidding ..say something like that..it all seems so lame..I don't want to lose a great friend like u.."she said in an agitated voice..

"Unfortunately..it's all true Raji..I am glad that I could finally muster up some courage to open up my heart to u..and I am sure I won't regret it ever.. who said that u r gonna lose ur friend..dare u say that again..I will be ur same old naughty Vicky always would annoy u with my mokkai kadi jokes."he said with a naughty glint..

"Vicky I am sorry...I don't know how u have developed such feelings towards me..I was even being very conscious with my words when I am with u,as I don't want it would lead to any misconception from u ."

"I know ..u have drawn a very clear line between us..as if telling trespassing will be prosecuted.. "

"Then why?"she asked anxiously..

"I too don't know..may be ur charm might be too hard to resist.."

"Vickey pls.."

"Ok don't worry..I will never put u in an embarrassing situation ok?i am dreading that my desired heart might force me to persuade u .. mukkiyamaa adha naala dhaan naan indha edatha vittu kelambanum nu decide panninen.. "

"Don't feel guilty and pls don't blame urself..it's not ur fault..I am really really happy..no hard feelings ok...I will definitely find the love of my life and marry her ..live happily ever after... like an end of the fairy tale..will send u my wedding card u should come ok?"

"U r serious right?"she asked in still not convinced voice..

" of course I am.. pinna yennai paarthaa love failure ku dhaadi valarthu devadas aa thiriyaravan maadhiriyaa irukku..?" he asked mockingly..

"kandipaa illai..bhuhari la full meals saapitutu sathyam la comedy movie paarkka poravan maadhiri iruka"Raji said sarcastically..

"yedho try pannra.. irundhaalum yen alavukku joke adikka varalail..it's ok better luck next time..."

As they laughed it seemed the density of the air between them had become lighter...after a pass Raji asked..

"Vicky r u leaving for real?"

"Yes my dear.."Raji glared at him.."sari moraikaadha chumma pechukku dhaan sonnen.."

"Take care ..keep in touch..I am gonna miss u so much.."

"Me too..but nee innum naan ketta kelvikku badhil sollave illai.."Vicky asked...

Raji crunched her brows in confusion..

"karthik ku munnadi yennai paarthirundhaa nee yennai love panni irupiyaa?"he asked out rightly..

"idhukku naan kandipaa badhil sollanumaa?"she was reluctant...

"sonnaa naan yendha vidha lingering feelings um illama kelambiduven.."

"sari solren.."she took a deep breath before she say..

"In my dictionary meaning of the word love is karthik ..no other name or alter meaning would exist there ever.."

She said firmly..looking straight into his eyes..it seemed Vicky was moved by the sincerest confession..

"I really envy that brat..."he said with a tint of jealousy...

"ok ...bye Raji..see u later.."

Vicky left saying bye ..

"Vicky why it is u?why u said such things to me...it really makes me feel so burdened ...am I not enduring enough torture?why u r adding further misery to it? I am really sorry Vicky..i know how it would feel when our love got rejected..I am really sorry for doing that crime to u..."

Eventhough having such a hard feelings..How could u smile onto my face like nothing happened?i too want to learn that art.i am completely lacking in hiding my feelings.."

U asked me to wait patiently for his mind to change without any expectations ..but how come I do that whereas my greedy heart that received a little love yearning for more..perhaps my love is not that selfless as ur's..now neither I go to him and beg for his love...after all I too have a thing called self respect..

Love is a simple small world..but how many dimensions it takes when comes in its execution..

Vickey's love is like the star shining to its fullest irrespective of people admiring it or not..such a selfless heart he has..

Whereas me yearning for his one look...like a barren land waiting for the tiny rain drop to flourish ...

Karthik's love is totally unpredictable like a mystery behind the closed door ..

Angel's love is like an obsession ,over others belongings ...

There are so many love in the world ..All are love ..though they show different perspectives..all are having only one meaning that is "touching the heart and soul"

Loving him has become a basic necessity to me like breathing..so I can't stop loving him..but least I could do to keep my self esteem intact I can hide it from him..I would never show my pain or hurt to him..let him come to me this time..I am not going to do anything to reach for him..it's his turn to persuade me..

Why it is always me making efforts to reach for his heart..let him solve all his problems and explore the ways to reach for me this time..

She determined in mind..

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"In my dictionary meaning of the word love is karthik ..no other name or alter meaning does exist there ever.."

Her words reverberated In his ears repeatedly..

Only she can tell such a big thing in a mere few simple words so tenaciously..the sincerity of her voice left him spell bounded...that's why her charm hitting the heart uprightly..no fantasy or artificiality..simple yet breath taking..

"How much I wished to have her as mine..is that too much to ask for?"

However he tried but he couldn't believe the stories Angel had come up with ..his intuition said that it was not Angel..because he knew he never once thought of her in that frame of mind...but still she was his friend for years..he can't ignore her out rightly.. "I have to wait to until I come up with a perfect solution for this tangled situation.."

So he avoided seeing Raji..and tried to recall the so called love story Angel has described by going out with her..however he tried everything seemed weird to him not at all touching his heart in any way...

"It may be because my heart is taking Raji's side now..I have completely fallen for her head over heels.."he thought to himself..

After hanging around with angel for few days alone , he came to the conclusion that he can't see Angel as his love .eventhough he might have loved her in his past,it was highly impossible for him now..

"No it won't go in this way..i have to meet Raji ...I should talk to her to clear this misunderstandings.."

He called her extension number immediately..

Raji couldn't believe her ears that she just heard his voice..

"Did he really called me or it was my mere piece of delusion..?" she can't fathom it for a moment..

"Raji r u there..?"his restless voice brought her back to this world..

"mmm.."he mumbled..

"pls see me in my cabin for a while.."he cuts the call..

"Why he is calling all of a sudden..?yedhavadhu periya bomb aa irukkumo?"she dreaded for the forth coming storm..

She knocked the door softly.."come in.".his baritone voice turned her knees weak..and pooled her eyes..

"yenna idhu voice ah kettae ippadi weak aaguraene..No I must be strong..I can't show my vulnerable state to him.."

She made up her mind and went inside..

"Raji pls sit.."

She was sitting there like a statue for the past five minutes but not even a single word spilled from his precious mouth..

When she was hitting the boundary for her patience..he talked..

"Raji..the reason I called u here is not professional its personal.."Raji didn't answered instead she just stared at him.."that day..I asked u about something ..do u remember ?

"I asked u about the relationship we shared in the past..u still didn't answer for that.."

"I was about to answer ..but I am afraid not I was given enough space for that.."

"yeah..I understand..that day sudden unexpected things happened.." he avoided her gaze..

"But now u r given time to answer ?"

Raji's temper reached its limit...she got up at once

"As if u believe what I say over ur friend's words..?why r u asking me..?ask ur friend ,who knows..she might know everything about your and my relationship as well .."

She left his room fumingly..

"At last he went to the extent of weighing both of our statements ..how disgusting..?he still believes he loved that Angel but not me..

Let it be ..let him marry that Angel and rot in hell.."

She cursed in anger..but on the contrary her eyes pouring down continuously..

He taunted himself for asking the right question at the wrong timing..

He wanted to bang his head hard to get back his memory.."why my own memories deceiving me?