ArHi FF: Accused | Thread 4 Ch 34-41| Thread 5 Link Pg 1 - Page 70

Khushi glanced to her side and noted with considerable relief that Arnav had finally dozed off. They were in the flight, still about four hours away from London, and she had watched the strain of the situation sit as a cloud on Arnav's face all night. He had been in control of the entire situation all the time while making arrangements. He left explicit instrutcions for Payal's warden as well as the bodyguards he stationed there. Then he drove all night to get to Mumbai but not before he called the hospital and his own people in London and also made sure the paperwork was complete for the UK embassy to issue an emergency visa for Khushi. Khushi had quietly observed his calm composed demeanor as he took decisions quickly and made sure no details were left unattended. However, the two times he had called Anjali, his voice had broken just a little bit and Khushi felt herself as much in admiration of his self-control as in pain at his concealed anguish. She forced him to eat when they were at the airport waiting to board, and although he relented, Khushi could sense his restlessness. Even now that he had finally slept, Khushi knew it wasn't a restful sleep and she felt extremely helpless about not being able to do more for him.

Watching him through the night, she couldn't help but wonder what he had gone through to find her when she had left with Tony. He had never told her, nor had she asked, how he located her at Aman's party that night and how did he convince Aman to let her go. She assumed he had somehow paid off Tony and Aman but she hadn't really thought about the mental anguish he would have gone through to find her missing. She knew he was in an anguished state the morning she left and he had told her he tried his best to not let her go but he was late. After that, she had seen him almost two full days later and he was badly injured, obviously unrested and worried beyond despair. She remembered the moment he had appeared in her room and the desperation with which they had both held each other just then. At the moment, she was in a terrible place, unable to think straight through anything, but what about him? He obviously cared for her a lot - there was no doubt about that. What all had he gone through to save her? And then...and then she had yelled at him?

"Khushi" Arnav stirred and put his arm around her shoulder, breaking the guilt-filled stare with which she had been looking at him for several minutes.

"Rest for a while" he murmured, his eyes shut as he slowly rubbed her arm. Khushi let herself revel in the warm embrace, then nuzzled closer to him and settled on his shoulder. She couldn't change the past, but in this moment and from this moment on, she would give Arnav everything that he needed and that she could.

*****

"Ready?" Khushi asked as she entered Arnav's room. The door was open and he seemed to be lost in thought sitting on his bed. It had been a week since they'd reached London. They'd rushed straight to the hospital where they'd been holding Anjali's father body after a post-mortem. The drunk cab driver who'd run him over had been caught and had been apprehended at the spot but with the shock, grief and the police hanging around, it was all too much for Anjali. On top of it all, mamiji's health had worsened after she learnt of the accident and they'd moved her to the ICU. So at first sight of Arnav, she had run straight into his arms and he'd held her for a long time to assure her she wasn't alone. Afterwards, he handled everything - the police, the funeral, the hospital - while Khushi had held a grief-stricken Anjali in her arms. Finally, after four days, Mamiji's health had stabilized and yesterday they shifted her back home. Most of the relatives and friends who'd come for the funeral had also now left. Anjali and mamiji both insisted Arnav and Khushi, who'd checked in to a hotel when they first arrived, to move to the house with them and so they were both presently in their hotel to pack and check out.

"What are you thinking?" Khushi asked after a few minutes as she sat next to Arnav sharing a quiet moment as she'd done many times over the week. His stress behind his calm appearance was clearly visible to Khushi. As always, she lent him her quiet support by holding his hand and squeezed it.

"Why does life take such harsh tests Khushi? It doesn't seem fair at all. What you went through, what Anjali is going through now...what has she done to deserve so much pain? When I first learnt the truth of Sheetal, NK and Ma, I thought ok...maybe it was my fault for overlooking it, maybe I deserved it in some way, but Anjali..."

"Arnav..."Khushi interrupted and held his hand in both of hers "Don't talk like that please. You know as well as I do that you didn't deserve what happened to you. No one does, but you are the last person on earth who deserves that kind of a betrayal. But you know, in life, we don't get what we deserve. We get what we can handle. Destiny tests most those children it loves the most."

"It's not fair." He sighed. After a few minutes of silence, he spoke again. "I asked Mamiji last night to come with me to India like we discussed. She refused. I can't leave Anjali and Mamiji alone here."

"I know. Did you talk to Anjali?"

"I didn't ask directly...I don't think she's in the state of mind. But her education here will get interrupted. She won't find the same course in India that she is doing here. But still, I don't want to leave her here alone."

"I understand. But she is stronger than you think."

Arnav glanced at Khushi and gave her a wry smile. "I guess."

"But anyway, try again in a few days."

"Yeah. I will talk to Mamiji again, and Anjali also."

"Good. Now...shall we go? They're alone at home." Khushi said and Arnav nodded, looking at the angel beside him who'd somehow made this whole thing easier just by her process. He had noticed how she'd been taking care of Anjali, Manorama, the guests and everything around the house over the last week without complaint. She had shouldered his responsibilities in every way without asking and then to him she was a source of strength and peace he had sorely needed.

"But Mamiji..."Arnav protested, but was interrupted by Khushi who entered the room with another tray.

"Aunty, you can't say no to this. Isn't this khichdi your favorite?" Khushi settled next to Anjali's mother who was lying on the bed and placed the food tray close by. They had moved to their house three days ago and Khushi had taken over the responsibility of taking care of the house alongwith Anjali and Manorama as she had been doing. Arnav stepped a couple of steps back as she watched how Khushi coaxed his Mami to slowly eat her food and her medicines.

"Aunty if you don't eat, Anjali won't eat too. Do you think she likes seeing her mother ill? Come on, only a few spoons left. For Anjali?" Khushi continued feeding Manorama who had a hint of a smile on her face hearing Khushi. Arnav continued staring at Khushi with a smile until his phone rang and he stepped out, but not before he took in the warm scene in front of him one more time. Khushi had so much love to give everyone.

Khushi kept glancing at Arnav who was pacing outside Manorama's room as he spoke on the phone. Manorama had finished eating and was resting and talking to Khushi when she noticed that half of Khushi's concentration was on her nephew. Inwardly, she felt glad at the strong bond she had seen Arnav and Khushi share. Even in the immense grief that surrounded their life at the moment, watching Arnav doing better had been a silver lining to Manorama's ailing heart. Even though they had been separated by time, distance and Ratna's insistence on keeping Arvind's first wife's family away from her home, Manorama had always loved Arnav like her son and had been deeply anguished at learning about what he went through with Sheetal and Ratna. But now, as she saw the sweet girl sitting next to her who Arnav and Anjali called their friend, she felt as if one of her children's pains could be healed. She didn't want to jump to any conclusions though, and thus she decided to find out more.

"Khushi beta, you live in Mumbai too, right? What do your parents do?" Manorama suddenly asked, startling Khushi. A tinge of pain crossed her heart on remembering her parents.

"They...they are no more aunty. My mother died when I was quite young." She softly answered, holding back the water that threatened to leak from her eyes.

"Oh I am sorry. And your father?"

"He passed away a few months ago."

"Oh my child. So much grief at this young age. God is not fair. You're such a sweet cultured child" Manorama comforted Khushi, hugging her lightly as the recent pain over the loss of her husband intensified within her.

"I have a younger sister. Payal. She is in boarding school." Khushi added as she pulled away after a few seconds.

"Anjali said you're in college in Mumbai."

"Ummm..."Khushi hesitated to explain, then said "My studies got discontinued for a while and then I couldn't get admission in time. But I am sitting for final exams in a few months for my degree. Arnav is helping me. Actually he is helping Payal also to complete her education."

"That's good. He is such a pure soul, my child. Always helping others." Manorama wistfully added looking at Arnav who was still several feet outside the room but in their line of sight. Khushi simply nodded as Manorama continued. "He has seen too much heartbreak and betrayal in his life for someone as young and nice as him. "

Khushi nodded and continued to stare at Arnav "You are right. Life is so not fair aunty. But Arnavji is very nice and very strong. He just needs the support of his loved ones. He would be fine."

He needed love indeed, Manorama concluded in her mind. Could there be love between Arnav and this girl? She had noticed the way they silently communicated with eyes at times and how protective Arnav was of her. But was he ready to welcome love in his life? Maybe he was, as he'd clearly let Khushi in his life and was comfortable enough to bring her along here. She should encourage him.

"How do you know Arnav?" Manorama asked and suddenly Khushi snapped out of her thoughts which, as usual, had been wandering around Arnav. Even though she had reassured Manorama moments ago, to her eye Arnav's pain and vulnerability behind his calm composed strength was always clear. He worried and cared so much for Manorama, Anjali and Payal all the time. And for her too, she added belatedly.

At Manorama's question, Khushi looked back at her and struggled to come with an answer. How would she explain the circumstances in which they'd met? How would she explain her past?

"Aunty...umm...Arnav and I..."Khushi stammered for words when Arnav suddenly called out loud to her

"Khushi!" Arnav called from outside the room. He had stepped up to the door and was gesturing Khushi to come out with one hand while his other hand was on the phone suppressing the volume.

"What happened? Is Payal ok?" Khushi anxiously asked as she stepped out of the room and followed Arnav to the patio while he concluded his call.

"Yeah, she's fine. Didn't you speak to her this morning?"

"I did. She was fine then. But what happened now?"

"The police did a raid at Tony's premises. They caught him and 8 of his men red-handed. The DIG told me they have enough evidence to shut the whole thing down and also jail him."

"Really."

"Yeah. A few girls were there too at the time. The police is sending them to counseling right now. I am going to ask the people from our NGO to go there and work with them. Tony and his men would be punished like they deserve."

Khushi's eyes watered at hearing Arnav's words as flashes of her time at Tony's place came back to her. "Khushi" Arnav softly asked, noticing the tears, and held her chin up.

"Are you okay Khushi? I thought you would be happy..." Arnav asked, perplexed. In response, Khushi simply hugged Arnav.

"Thank you. Thank you Arnav." She sobbed in his chest. Arnav wrapped his arms around her and patted her back.

"Shhh...stop crying Khushi." Arnav gently wiped her tears and after a minute or so she nodded too and stopped crying. Arnav, still holding her gently in his arms, asked her again "Are you okay?"

"I am very happy Arnav. What Tony and people like him do...it's heinous. When I was there I never thought there would be a day when I would be able to freely breathe again. I thought...I had lost myself forever. But you not only saved me, but also made sure he was punished for his sins. You did so much for me. I am so..."

"Quiet" Arnav kept his finger on Khushi's lips stopping her from saying any further. "We've had this conversation many times before so we are not going to repeat it, ok. Understand?" He said sternly though the instant smile on Khushi's face on his words made him break into a small smile too.

"Understood, Mr. Raizada."

"Good."

"Now give me your phone. I want to talk to Lavanya di."

"Sure. But I already spoke to her."

"When?"

"This morning when the DIG told me they were going to conduct the raid. I wanted to make sure she and other girls who wanted out were not there at the time of the raid. She is at our NGO's headquarters right now and is moving to Delhi tonight. She will be working at the Delhi office of our NGO."

"What? Why didn't you tell me all this before? And you knew the raid was happening in the morning itself and you're telling me now?"

"Well at the time nobody knew the result. If Tony would be caught or not, I didn't want to worry you."

"What kind of logic is that?" Khushi frowned, annoyed.

"Same logic as when you didn't tell me you had fever and nausea last night and that's why you didn't eat dinner."

"I..."Khushi caught her tongue, wondering how Arnav found out, then hid her eyes away. "It was no big deal, Anjali gave me a pill and it got all ok. See, I'm fine."

"Yeah but you didn't tell me"

"There was nothing to tell. You would have just worried unnecessarily. You're already so tense. Besides it is not the same thing at all." Khushi frowned stepping away from Arnav.

"It is exactly the same thing!" Arnav smirked and Khushi hid her eyes away, muttering under her breath as she started walking away. "Anjali you're so dead. Why did she have to tell him?"

She'd just stepped back into the living room when he called from behind. "It's not Anjali's fault."

She turned, only to see him grinning. "Don't fight with her. I gave her the pill to give you. If you don't care of yourself, someone has to."

Khushi opened her mouth to retort, but gave up. She couldn't muster enough fake annoyance to counter the overwhelming feeling inside her that was making her giddy. She had never felt so protected, so cared for in her entire life. She never had someone who'd understand her, notice her and interpret her unsaid words so beautifully. And now when there was this wonderful man with a devastating grin standing in front of her that made her heartbeat race wild, she just did not know what to do, or even if this was real. Her eyes communicated her desire to step back to him and fling herself in his arms but she managed to control herself. With a smile that pierced through Arnav's heart, she stepped back in the house.

Kho gaya main khayaalo meinAb neend bhi nahi aankhon mein
Karvate bas badalata hoon Ab jaagaa hoon main raaton mein
Ab duree naa sehni, har lamha kehta hai
Na jaane haal mera aisa kyun rehta hai

Dil ko...

******

"Who's this girl, Mrs Mehra, the one who is ordering the waiters?" A middle-aged desi aunty asked Mrs Mehra, Anjali's next door neighbor and a sore sight to Khushi since her first day here. It was her and some of her friends who had called her a servant a few days back and made a few other taunts in passing. In this small but dense Indian community within London, it seemed to Khushi that some of the worst traits from Indian neighborhoods had been preserved behind the spic exteriors.

"Some servant that ASR has brought with him from India." Mrs Mehra answered with authority.

"Who ASR?" Another woman butted in, curiously.

"Arey look there. That handsome guy. He's a billionaire in India, you know. Son of Manorama ji's sister-in-law." Mrs Mehra proudly offered.

"Wow. I didn't know they had such rich relatives also. Is he single?"

"Yeah. Apparently his wife left him for his step-brother some months ago. It was all over the news. Didn't you see?"

"No. But what difference does it make? These things keep happening with rich people. The wife's gone, right. So now he is available."

"Pammi are you eyeing him for your Sonia?"

"Why not? My daughter is a beauty queen."

"I thought she was dating some black guy" Mrs Mehra offered, sending everyone giggling and Pammi' frowning with fury. At a distance, Khushi heard the giggle of the gossiping ladies and sighed to herself. It was a solemn occasion - the final 13^th day prayer ceremony for Anjali's father and these women were laughing happily on petty things. If it was her house, she would have sent them packing but she looked at Arnav, Anjali and Manorama sitting at the front with the priest and she calmed herself, picking up a tray of water to serve those ladies.

"She doesn't look like a servant. Very nice hair and her clothes are also clean." Pammi aunty spoke up as soon as Khushi moved to the next group to serve water, not caring that Khushi could hear her clearly.

"Yeah, she's very friendly with him and Anjali also. Since last week they've both been living here only. But she is a low class girl only. No rich mannerisms, plain clothes. Over-pampered house-servant it seems." Mrs Mehra offered.

"She's probably serving ASR in more ways than a normal house-servant anyway. Look, how pretty she is. Rich handsome men like him probably keep a mistress everywhere they go." The third lady whose name Khushi didn't know spoke in a shrill voice that stung her heart.

"Why are you saying that?" Pammi questioned, her thoughts about setting Sonia up with ASR interrupted.

"Why not? There are only three bedrooms in Manorama ji's flat anyway. I bet she is sleeping with ASR in the only guest bedroom." Mrs Mehra speculated.

"Would Manorama ji let that happen under her roof?"

"Look at her state. Poor woman probably doesn't know what's going on. Besides, how can she stop her rich nephew anyway?"

"Makes sense. Especially as now he is divorced."

"Doesn't matter." Pammi confidently retorted. "These flings keep happening. They mean nothing. Eventually he has to marry right. And then he'll marry a cultured high-class girl only, not roadside trash used to warm the bed for some time. You see, the moment I introduce my Sonia, ASR will send this girl packing back to India."

The ladies broke into laughter while Khushi, no longer able to keep the tears from falling, slipped inside the kitchen. For a couple of minutes, she let the pain inflicted by their words and the semblance of twisted truth they hinted at. After all, until recently, she was Arnav's mistress. But then she composed herself remembering the circumstance and told herself that they were gossiping outsiders. She shouldn't take their meaningless words to heart. If Arnav had heard them, he would have ripped them apart.

******

(Later that night)

"Mom slept?" Anjali softly asked a while after Khushi had come and settled in the bed next to her and started caressing her head, knowing that Anjali was still awake.

"Yes, she did. You should sleep too. You have to go to college tomorrow." Khushi softly answered.

"I don't feel like going."

"I know. But you have to move on. How many days has it been since you attended your classes? First at the hospital for aunty, and now...you can't sit at home forever" Khushi coaxed. It had been a week since Arnav and Khushi had moved to their place. Khushi had been sharing Anjali's room and had consoled her every night as she cried herself to sleep. During the day, Anjali acted strong for her mother, but Khushi knew even better than Arnav how much was she still in grief inside.

"...I miss Dad, Khushi"

"I know" Khushi softly caressed her hair. "But you are Daddy's brave girl, no?"

"I don't want to be." Anjali sobbed. "I want Mommy and Daddy to take care of me so I don't have to be brave."

Khushi hugged Anjali as she broke down and tried to console her. "Anjali...shh...bas...you have to be strong bacha. For aunty. For Arnav. What will they think seeing you like this?" Anjali wiped her tears on hearing Khushi who passed her a glass of water as she calmed down. Slowly, Khushi patted her down to lie and go to sleep.

"I don't know what I would have done without you and bhai." Anjali said after a while, much calmer by then. Khushi who thought she'd drifted to sleep was surprised and reached out to gently squeeze out.

"You're not alone Anjali. You'd never be. Arnav is always there for you."

"I know. Bhai loves me a lot. He'd never leave me alone. You won't too, right?"

When Khushi didn't respond, Anjali spoke again. "You know when I was in India last month, I was so worried that bhai was all alone. But now I am not worried for him at all. I know you'd always be there for him."

Silence settled between them once again as Khushi contemplated the import of Anjali's words. She couldn't deny it. She herself wanted to be there for Arnav in any way she could for as long as he wanted. And yet, she couldn't say it aloud because she had no rights to claim something like that with Arnav and his life. Yes, they were friends but what they shared was much deeper than friendship. Yet, their bond was unnamed and impossible to explain. Between the two of them, words were not needed, but the rest of the world had questions to which there were no answers and no ready explanations for either their past or their future. A part of Khushi did not want to bother with any questions. She didn't want to care about the world and live in the moment without overthinking any more. That's why she was here, with Arnav's family in their home, doing what she thought was needed to help without any rights or obligations. It shut out any voices inside her that prompted her to question and wonder, until of course somebody else asked a direct question about their relationship like Anjali's mother had asked a few days back. Or the way those ladies had speculated earlier in the day. She had no answers for them and that hurt her but she suppressed the pain.

But there were another set of questions she had no answers for that arose out of an emotion Khushi couldn't suppress. The more she received love and care from Arnav and his family, the more she wanted it. The more he looked at her protectively, the more she wanted to run to his embrace. She was getting greedy because she wanted more of him even though she knew she had no rights to demand. Her affection for him was inappropriate and undeserved - perhaps, even, she was taking advantage of him - but it was getting more and more overpowering each day. Was it wrong, she wondered, yet again? Was it possible that it could be returned? Was she really irrevocably in love with Arnav?

"You love him, don't you?"

"Huh" Out of nowhere, Anjali's question seemed to answer the mess in her head and Khushi was stunned. "What?" she croaked, trying to get back to her senses.

Anjali turned to face Khushi and propped up one elbow to rest her head.

"Don't lie Khushi. I can see it in your eyes. You are in love with Bhai, aren't you?"

"I...uh..." Khushi stumbled. What was Anjali saying? "Anjali..." she struggled, then turned her face away lest her eyes gave away even more information than they'd apparently already betrayed.

"What are you saying? There's nothing like that..."

"Then why are you hiding away from me. Come on Khushi..."

"Anjali...nothing like that is possible, ok? Stop thinking this nonsense"

"Just because you're denying it, it doesn't become nonsense. Maybe both of you don't know it yet, but I am sure that you're in love with bhai just like he is in love with you."

"Anjali you're imagining things. Arnav and I are just friends. You don't...it's complicated...but there's nothing like this between us, nor can there ever be. We are both very different...our pasts..."

"Khushi, I told bhai this too when I was in India. The past doesn't matter, the future does. At that time, he denied it just like you're doing in now, but from the last few days I can see..."

"You asked him this when you had come?" Khushi interrupted.

"Yes."

"Why? Anjali you're...you don't know...Arnav is going through so much and you..."

"Ok ok don't start yelling at me. I am sorry baba. I am zipping my mouth. Ok?" Anjali pleaded as Khushi lost her temper and sat up. As Khushi nodded and laid back down, Anjali muttered "It's okay. Be in denial for longer. Can't hear a word against each other..."

"Anjali..."

"Ok ok. Final zip." She promised, chuckling to herself and Khushi tried to control her racing heart. How did Anjali guess things she hadn't even admitted to herself properly? And if she read her like that, was there also truth in what she said about Arnav feeling the same way? Immediately, Arnav's smirking  yet affectionate grin from a few days back came back to her. He cared for her and gave her everything she needed even before she asked for it. Could he...

No, we're friends, and that's the only way it could be. My love is too small, too impure for him.

With great difficulty, Khushi controlled the wayward thoughts in her mind and tried to get some sleep when Anjali spoke once again in the dark.

"Khushi...I'd love for you to be my bhabhi."

Khushi heard her but continued to lie still and pretended to be asleep. Her feelings, her desires and her new-found hope were all intimidating her. Arnav deserved a lot better than what her hapless, battered, contaminated, broken life could offer her and yet she couldn't stop herself from wanting him forever.

Aaj fir dil ne ek tamanna ki

Aaj fir dil ko humne samjhaya

Zindagi dhoop, tum ghana saaya