society still stigmatise divorcees! is it justified?? - Page 2

Originally posted by: always_a_TV_fan

Nice post... I will attempt to reply... 😳

Almost all societies are based on an inherent belief that God intended for marriage to be eternal. Different cultures progress at different pace & and have started to accept common/justifiable/necessary reasons for a marriage to end. But the fact still remains ingrained in a majority of minds: by ending a marriage you are ending something sacred. Something you were supposed to participate in "till death do us part".

Let's come to the show. Would Mr. & Mrs. Iyer have even considered Raman as a suitable match for Ishita had she not been 'broken'? THAT sadly is the truth of our society. You wouldnt marry a divorcee UNLESS there is something wrong you yourself OR if you had NO other choice.

Personally, my opinion is that, once you marry someone and live with them for some period (or even live together before marriage), you start learning more and more about that person. You may not like all of it, you may not like some of it, or you may fall in love with all of it. At that stage, does it really matter if the other person is rich/poor? black/white? tall/short? hairy/bald? has 6-pack abs/tummy like Homer Simpson ??? No, I don't think that matters. Then how does it matter if this man/woman was previously married ? You can only judge people by what they do/how they react in different circumstances, not by a pre-conceived notion of what they are. A divorcee is such a notion.

Having said that, one cannot predict how one would react given the same situation. Would I hesitate in reciprocating love of a divorced man because somewhere in the back of my mind, i can visualise my parents/maamas/chachas/daada/daadi hyper-ventilating? I honestly don't know. I know I wouldn't care much about the said relatives, but I would about my parents (and they would in turn worry about what relatives would say). How strongly one can overcome that challenge is something only one's familial environment, courage, faith (in love) can decide. That answer, unfortunately, cannot be generalised 😳

Originally posted by: Panoramic

Yes it is preconceived notion imo ... Basically a sudden change occurs in a person when he/she is told that whom they love or want to marry is a divorcee. The first question that would strike would be- why was their previous marriage a failure? The thoughts would revolve around if there's some fault in the person whom you love, or is it the other way around. And this very thing would raise doubts and wreak each other's trust in the relationship. If the partners are open-minded, then they could speak out and analyse if the reason behind the failed marriage is acceptable or not. There are a zillion cases, where couples were found happy with the second chance they gave to their life and the same, there are numerable cases where even the second chance resulted in a failure. So basically what I believe is- both the former and latter could happen.

. There are some taboos and superstitions which doesn't allow the minds to be liberated. If you look into the much more progressed societies , taboos related to marriages and all are not worshiped. Where as in some societies differ by a vast magnitude. People with failed marriages/careers are looked irrelevant. They squirm at the thought of a second chance to such person.But there's nothing sort of "shame" for such person.

Agree Parents have the thinking that you should marry someone who has never been married before if its you first marriage mainly because its a clean slate and can not be compared to a previous marriage. Failed marriage give them the impression that they don't take marriage seriously and didnt work hard t it. Parents have worked hard at their marriage so they expect the same for their kids. Yes they have to see what relatives will think n all ...

So what I feel is our generation is hesitant only becoz of Parents ...but we as such don't have any problem on guy /girl is divorcee if they r really good otherwise... this, in my opinion is a progression in the thought-process of our generation. My grand mother would think even discussing this subject is a GHOR PAAP... my mother would perhaps hope (&pray) that such things don't happen with her daughter... while I, the third generation wouldn't care about it, as long as I really have faith in the person I fell in love with... if that faith is stronger than the 'thoughts' that have been programmed into me since childhood, I will have hope.

@bold

But in future is there a chance that we will also become like our parents??? Even we will be hesitant wen our kids say they want to marry a divorcee who is otherwise a good person?
This, I can guarantee about. I always, (and not out of a blinded idealist zeal) imagine scenarios where I would (would like to think at least) NOT react the same way my mother did... I do really believe we, as a generation have been exposed to much more reality than the earlier one. While a lot of that exposure isnt necessarily good, I wouldn't want to deny the exposure to what I called the "thinking" or the "choice" process. And this is not out of thin air. I see changes in my own family dynamics and reactions of elders when it comes to marriages and choices of love😳 We have to accept that, as we, as children are growing more and more independent, our parents are also growing to be more and more accepting. At least, this is what I have personally seen.