Mystique.Kishi thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#1
This is my attempt of describing lakhan and what he might have felt. Reviews will be very much appreciated. And Zakura chan and CP senpai , You MUST comment!!!!!!

There was something soaring within his chest. He was happy. Elated. It was such an alien emotion. He has been trusted with an important job. Trusted. Granted an opportunity to prove his worth. He have always had to work hard. To gain opportunities. To gain trust. He was not born with Priyom's innate charm. Priyom was the blessed child of lady luck. She was always smiling down on him favorably just like all ladies do. Him. He have always had to work hard. Yearn for oppurtunities. Maybe lady luck was repulsed by him. Afterall that seems to be his talent. Scaring girls off. But still there was one time when the lady luck blessed him with something precious. His very own moon. Not many could boast of that.
There was a pressing need to make sure everything goes well. He will put his blood and sweat into ensuring that the job is well done.
Rrrinnnggg...rrrinnnggg
He heard the voice on the other end. There was more than a hint of smugness to it. He was not in the mood for small talk. His patience was wearing thin. He did not believe in interactions that serve no purpose. Wait. The voice was talking about her. How dare he? What was his business with her? How dare he even talk of her? A complete random stranger. He felt his anger simmering beneath the surface looking for an escape. He lashed out at the man verbally.
"HAAN TO?" Why should this stranger bother with her college?
"Kuch third year ke launde aapke hone waali dulhaniya ki ragging kar rhe he."
For a moment everything was still. His vision went dark, his mind refusing to acknowledge that anyone could dare.
Nobody could.
Nobody would.
Nobody should.
And then everything was red. He had always balanced precariously on the edge of insanity and humanity and now he was falling. Letting the insanity consume him. Letting the last dredges of humanity slip away. He let the bloodlust consume him and take hold of him. He would torture them and revel in their screams of pain. He would bathe in their blood. But first he needed to see her.
Jealousy. Oh yes. He recognised it pretty well. The feeling had been frequent in his life since childhood. Mostly towards Priyom. Priyom who was granted with the privilege of hearing her voice. But now there are others. They made her sing. The girl who have not even been able to form a coherent sentence in front of him. They listened to her voice. And now he can let it all out. The frustration, the anger, the jealousy...
But first he must see her. Reassure himself that she was fine. Maybe...just maybe she could take the edge off of the insanity. And maybe he could rein himself in enough to not kill them. He must find her.
She was alright. She was talking to her friends. She must be near him. He was burning. He needed to calm down. Calm down enough to maim them. But not kill them. He beckoned her with his hand. And then she was near him. And he was walking alongside her; outside till he spotted the bunch. Four. Good. Maybe they could restrain him and stop him from snuffing out the life of their leader. Though he doubted it very much. They were ragging some other first years. He could not care less whom they rag or how badly. That was not his business. She was. And so they will pay. He will make them regret the day they had laid her eyes upon his moon. Because his moon was his alone to look at.
And that was his last conscious thought before he closed the distance between him and the launda in the yellow shirt. His instincts screaming at him to tear his throat out.

P.S- Zakura Chan, I borrowed the moon from you. Will you sue me?

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_SenbonZakura_ thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#2
How can I sue you? Not even in my dreams.

Unres


Finally I am via lappy and I can say it out loud that I loved it.

His rage and madness. And how it completely envelops him.It was an amazing read Kish!
Edited by _SenbonZakura_ - 10 years ago
Vartika07 thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#3
awesome description of Lakhan Thakur's feelings!!!!!!! 👍🏼 👍🏼 👍🏼
Couch_Potato thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#4
reswa. 😲

unres-ing, issi saal mein, congrats to me and you and everyone around. 😆

Kishwa! How I love the detail you draw in, the dimensions you add. You took that one incident and so neatly tied in his insecurity, authority and position in the family business or lack thereof, jealousy, Priyom, and her silence. It was breathtaking.

This line especially:

Priyom was the blessed child of lady luck. She was always smiling down on him favorably just like all ladies do. Him. He have always had to work hard. Yearn for oppurtunities. Maybe lady luck was repulsed by him. Afterall that seems to be his talent. Scaring girls off.

Oh, how I loved this line.

And then more followed:

For a moment everything was still. His vision went dark, his mind refusing to acknowledge that anyone could dare.
Nobody could.
Nobody would.
Nobody should.

The sheer disbelief. The impossibility of it. Ah!

And my personal favourite:

And then everything was red. He had always balanced precariously on the edge of insanity and humanity and now he was falling. Letting the insanity consume him. Letting the last dredges of humanity slip away. He let the bloodlust consume him and take hold of him.

The balance between insanity and humanity? Brilliant stroke. I'm so tempted to take it and run away with it. Explore that dark tiny space. Ah, I might steal that idea in the future, just a heads up Kish!

There is more (I realise at this point, I have quoted almost all of your write up, but I can't help it!)

Priyom who was granted with the privilege of hearing her voice. But now there are others. They made her sing. The girl who have not even been able to form a coherent sentence in front of him. They listened to her voice.

Ah, that bit. It's true isn't it? Those strangers are luckier than he is. Why is everyone more favoured then him? Where has he gone wrong? What's his sin? Why is he constantly punished?

Also, I can see this happening. This right here:

Maybe...just maybe she could take the edge off of the insanity. And maybe he could rein himself in enough to not kill them. He must find her.

She must be near him. He was burning. He needed to calm down. Calm down enough to maim them. But not kill them.

If only she knew. If only she understood this. But she doesn't and can't. She probabily thinks he took her along to show her what happens when people get close to her, not to reign him in, the way her soft silent presence just naturally does. She's the most human thing about him but alas, she may never find out.

This was brilliant Kishi. I seriously can't wait for you to give us more! I want to take a moment to thank Begu Sarai team for getting amazing writers back from their self-imposed hiatus.

Jai ho Begu Sarai ki!
Edited by Couch_Potato - 10 years ago
Mystique.Kishi thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#5

CP senpai comment se humaara Matlab indefinite "reswa" nahi tha. You must unres while I still remember that I made this post.
Mystique.Kishi thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#6

Originally posted by: Mahak Sinha

awesome description of Lakhan Thakur's feelings!!!!!!! 👍🏼 👍🏼 👍🏼



Thank you for liking it😳
Mystique.Kishi thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#7
Thank you 😊
Mystique.Kishi thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#8
_BleuNoir_ thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#9
Very well written 🤗 i always love to read on my fav lakhanwa...described vey well 👏
tanvismile thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#10
wow what a way to describe lakhan s agreesive behaviour. Basically he is hot headed person who takes action without even clarifying. But I like ur style, from this post we can see dark passionate hero.

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