Chapter 3: Revaluation
After not so good first day in college, she decided to blend in with the 'it' crowd. She gave herself a makeover which she believed would suit the college ambiance. She gave herself a once over in front of the mirror and she wasn't looking too shabby. Her sister's reaction was however opposite to what she had been expecting. Payal tried to persuade her younger sister into change into her signature style of vibrant colors designed and created by both but Khushi was adamant to make new friends who didn't dress like her but looked, well, the opposite of her. Payal tried to sway her sister into changing her appearance but was in vain as Khushi adamantly refused. When Lavanya - their aunt's friend's daughter, commented how "beautiful" Khushi looked, Payal knew the day would end up in disaster. Khushi sincerely believed Lavanya was being honest and didn't believe her tone was sarcastic. Payal's continued insistence was ignored.
Khushi ignored the stares she received from her fellow peers. They were laughing behind her back and the mockery was evident on their faces. Still, she ignored them. She believed as long as she had the approval stamp of her friend, she should be okay. She would be okay. She trusted Lavanya's judgment when it came to fashion simply because when Lavanya dressed, heads turned and the confident gait of Lavanya even made people to clear the path. But it came as a shock when she overheard Lavanya was making fun of her with her friends.
All she had wanted that day was to fit in and make new friends. Her idea of making friends was fairly simple without any grand foreplay. Her principle was that likeminded people stuck together faster than the ones who thought with varying wavelengths. So she had concluded that by dressing like most girls in the college, she would be welcomed easily into their inner circles or at least people would start talking to her rather than throwing pitying looks of "that's Lavanya's friend from small an unknown small town". She was frankly annoyed with the fact that people didn't give her a chance to get to know her yet they branded her based on few words which they heard from third party.
It hurt her.
Since the college had just begun, the classes were not taken very seriously as there were many students still on vacation and students would get serious only after a week or two had passed. The lectures were nothing new but merely getting reacquainted with older lessons and talking about new college year. She really liked the vastness of the college and silently thanked her father again for getting her and her sister transferred to this college. Khushi had skipped a grade and Payal had had a slow beginning. Thus it had brought the both of them in the same class. In their town no one cared much for such a familial situation as it happened a lot, but in city eyebrows were raised, smirks were thrown at them and snickers followed. She had stopped explaining to her friends why her elder sister was her classmate. Though sisters, their thinking was diverse enough to take different streams and career choices thus rarely crossing their paths in college. As she walked through long corridors filled with students laughing, playing and running around, she was hit by a sudden sense of melancholy to find herself to be alone to experience much awaited college life. The pointing fingers who were laughing behind her back were now doing it on her face. She didn't like it and though it stung her, she kept her head held high and said to herself: "smile and bear it Khushi". It took a lot to break down her defenses and even cause a superficial scratch to her self-assured and confident persona but two days in new city collage had already made a dent. She had always dealt with people who declared war openly and stuck to rules. She didn't know how to deal with hypocrites and people who gave themselves a pseudo sense of security.
She found herself standing in front of computer room and checked her watch. She had ten minutes to go to her next class but she wasn't in a mood to deal with room full of people who stared at her and sniggered behind the hand covering their mouth. She sighed and decided not to go to next class and thought of gathering her wits and confidence to deal with them for the rest of the day.
As a reflex, she automatically opened her collage website and checked her personal page. She wasn't too surprised to find a comment from the only reader of her blog. She had written about the way she had been a part of a prank which had her immensely distressed.
Let my palm cover your ears and set your eyes on mine; see the truth in my eyes and hear the faint heart beat pulsing in my veins. And when I go, I leave you a souvenir of sunset during heavy monsoon etched permanently on your mind. Are you awake yet or are you still trudging through ashes?
-- Library_Guy
She didn't know what to make out of those words of sympathy, encouragement and which truly gave her a soothing feeling. Tears sprung to her eyes as she imagined the person who she had interacted with couple of times had managed to console her plight using few words of compassion and understanding. She hastily looked for a handkerchief in her bag and in her hurry she managed to topple the bag upside down which fell with a crash. Tears spilled, she wiped an errant tear hastily and started picking fallen items from floor when a pair of hands joined hers in picking her stuff.
It was the same guy who had helped her when she was stuck in rest room. Her hands stilled for a moment as she observed the guy who looked calm and collected with his eyebrows knitted. He handed her the stuff he had picked up, offered a nod of acknowledgment and left the scene. She stood staring at his retreating back for handful of moments and finally shook her head after she realized what she was doing. He was sitting a few cubicles away from her and had come to help her when he had heard the noise of items spilling on mosaic. She cursed herself as she checked the items in her purse and failed to notice a handkerchief. The attire she was wearing didn't have a veil which she could have used to wipe her eyes as it was an emergency situation.
A tissue appeared in front of her eyes and she raised her eyes to check out its owner. It was the same guy who had helped her few minutes before who was now leaving computer room. She took the tissue with him wordless and before she could thank him for his help for the third time in two days, he left without uttering a word. She was a girl who could speak to a stranger for hours and make the shyest of the shy talk easily with her yet with this guy she wasn't able to find her own voice. She was again left staring at his retreating back and a confused expression on her face.
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He wondered why he met the girl at oddest of circumstances. Whenever he met her, she always seemed to be tearful and the way hurt played on her face he wondered if she sported every other feeling she felt so openly on her face for the whole world to see. She was looking like a clown but he didn't give a damn about how a person dressed or presented themselves as far as they left him alone. If they did barge into his business then he expected them to at least spar with him verbally. His reverie was broken by his mother who returned from work. He welcomed her with a smile and cup of coffee and forgot the broken girl for the time being.
When he logged in to his blog on college website, he was honestly hoping to find a response from the user ' Smalltown_Girl'. Her comments seemed that she was a person different from girls of their age yet there was an endearing naivety in her words. It was almost innocent and wonderfully untouched by cynicism of the world. A smile broke on his face as he saw the comment which he was awaiting for and let out a sigh.
A firefly caught in late evening monsoon drizzle unable to shine or fly disrupts your calm exterior by flapping it wet wings tickling your skin and making it smell of monsoon rain.
-- Smalltown_Girl
This small town girl had an odd perspective of things and had managed to answer his random question in quite interesting manner. Knowing that she was a girl, he had expected her to ask questions about the person on whom his words were based up on. But she had yet again broken the stereotypical mold which he expected most people were made from. This girl was interesting with a fresh perspective and had given him an answer in her own way. He couldn't disagree with the answer though. The girl in rest room and from morning was truly pitiful yet there was something about her which made her look strong. After having a bad first day she had actually took her first day experience as a challenge and had managed to go over a bad makeover and look truly silly in order to fit in. That took guts. And Arnav loved an independent woman.
The entry from small town girl was again a sad one and he wondered how she was dealing with bad times in their college. The attitude she was receiving from fellow students didn't seem like a good one and was probably ridiculed to no end.
Jilted by a kin and jeered by kith
Words become venom
Tears become comrades
Their laughter pierces my sides
And malice chokes my throat.
A pair of helping hands
Catch my flailing heart.
-- Smalltown_girl
He suddenly wished he was there next to her simply sitting and sharing her agony. They would need no words nor would he comfort her. He would sit by her side till all her tears were spent and her face was red from crying. He would then offer her a smile of encouragement and perhaps a few words of companionship. He suddenly pictured the girl from morning who always seemed to have a tear at the corner of her eyes. The words which gushed into his head annoyed him. It was second time in row since the girl from college triggered his zeal to write. So he did.
Her smile was forged with dry lips, half a tear and defeated expression. She was a humming bird unable to fly.
Before he could continue writing about her expression in detail, he posted his words and logged off from the collage website. He picked a random book from the bookshelf and drove away all the thoughts of the girl and immersed himself into joy of reading.
Music
02. Tera mera pyaar - Bombay Vikings
Am also writing this one the side, if anyone is interested.
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