Friday night turned into Saturday morning, but sleep just wouldn't come for Madhu. Deep inside her, she couldn't shake the feeling that something very wrong was about to happen. She felt suffocated as if she were drowning and couldn't cry for help. Yet, there was no evident cause for her restlessness. Perhaps it was being all alone at home tonight, as even Patil kaka was at his son's house instead of in the servant quarters.
Home.
When did RK's house, which hadn't been very different than a jail for her, become home?
Perhaps it was when Patil kaka had first called her bitiya and put his hand on her head.
Or perhaps, it was when she had slowly stopped being afraid every second and allowed herself to react, to breathe and to deliberately construct a bubble inside which she could survive.
Perhaps it was the moment when she had decided if this was the life her destiny had chosen, she would stop resisting pointlessly and focus on just living the moment.
Or perhaps, it was one of those nights when she had willingly snuggled into Rishabh's arms once he had already fallen into a post-coital sleep and allowed herself to be lulled to sleep in his warmth.
Rishabh.
She closed her eyes and tried to imagine Rishabh lying next to her the way he was the previous night. She touched his pillow, searching for his warmth, but it was missing the protectiveness with which his arms had wrapped around her. She hugged the pillow tight but it was a poor substitute for the beating hardness of his chest inside which she felt she could hide. She clenched her eyes as she tried to recall the precise movement of his lips on hers from the previous night. His tongue had licked her lips, she remembered as she felt them growing dry again at the mere memory of how his fingers had run all over her bare back. He tasted like ocean, she was reminded, but the saltiness now reaching her tongue from her tears was nowhere close to Rishabh's taste.
An ache grew at the tip of her breasts as she recalled how he had pushed her on her back and climbed over her with his hand squeezing her mounds inside her kurta and her lips nuzzling her neck. She tried to replicate his action by grabbing her own breast, but her touch did nothing to quench her buds that thirsted for his lips.
She gave up. Her body wanted him as her wetness was proof. Her soul needed him as her restlessness was screaming. And all she had was an interminable wait.
"I need to go to Bangalore" was all he had offered. Why? For how long? Was he okay? No answers.
Once again, RK's face from the previous night as he emerged out of the study flashed in front of her eyes and Madhu's heart grew heavier. He was disturbed, more disturbed than she had ever seen him sober, and that worried her. If only she had got a chance to talk to him before he left, maybe she could have offered him some comfort and reassurance.
Her attempts at comfort would probably not mean anything to him, but Madhu knew that Rishabh's pain was the thing that had penetrated the numbing, stoned envelope of silence that had solidified inside her the day she had been sold into prostitution by a man she had trusted. Somehow, seeing RK crumbling into pieces had pierced her soul. Somehow, compassion magically appeared inside her and she fervently prayed for him to heal. Somehow, watching him smile again was the most important thing in the universe.
In the bargain, she had lost the shield of numbness that had made her immune to her own pain. In compassion for him, horrifying memories of the butchering of her trust and innocence had leaked out of her defenses and were free to torture her. The quest for his smile had taken many silent unshed tears that Madhu had to hide behind a fake exterior.
But somehow, in what was perhaps the biggest mystery of the universe, it still felt worth it. She had seen the hurt, traumatized kid inside the man the world called a ruthless businessman, inside the man she had first encountered as a beast in a hotel room. Saving and nurturing that child was worth it.
And it wasn't thankless either, because over the last few months, Rishabh had given Madhu what she most needed. His arms had given her wordless solace that silenced her monsters, albeit temporarily. Intimacy with him had become a peaceful, safe place where she felt wanted instead of abused. Conversations with him had made her feel like a human being again, reminding her of the person of her own she used to be before her life became about what she wanted to do for others and what others wanted her to them. He gave her respect, he gave her a patient ear, he gave her a way back to her brother, he gave her friendship and he gave her whiffs of joy that seemed to promise that the worst in her life was behind her.
Most of all, he had given her a home.
For someone who had abruptly lost the sanctuary a father's protective shadow was supposed to provide on one moonless night and was thrown into a wh**ehouse, the sense of safe permanence that being here at RK's house provided was worth everything.
One day, whenever that day arrived in the future, RK wouldn't need her. But she was sure that he cared for her enough to help her build the life she had always wanted to build for herself. She would study, work and keep Manav close and safe with her at a place far away from the shadows of her past. Maybe then, she would have a real home. But that day was probably far. For her to even make it through to that day, she had desperately needed the island RK had provided. For that, she would be ever grateful.
But was gratitude all there was, Madhu asked herself, questioning her fast-growing complicated feelings for RK.
If gratitude was all there was, why had her heart started jumping with excitement of late when RK looked at her? If gratitude was all there was, why did the feeling of RK not being even slightly well made her panic in protectiveness the same way she had freaked when Manav had got typhoid after their mother passed away? If gratitude was all there was, why did she feel special when RK asked her to sit next to her and eat with him and why did the memory of his touch feel like a sweet torture? If gratitude was all there was, why had she wanted to scream and physically hurt Dipali when she had been heartlessly mocking RK last night?
It had taken every inch of self-control in Madhu's body to not claw her face when she had called RK a loser and gone on to humiliate and threaten him. It was between them - husband and wife - and she was a total outsider. The other woman. Even RK had pointed that out.
Yet, she felt like she was burning with an anger matching RK's himself when she saw that woman mercilessly trash her own marriage, RK's emotions and every single trace of humanity.
Dipali had everything - a good man who respected her, a real home, wealth and security, and most importantly her husband's love. Things Madhu never had and would likely never have either.
And she had thrown it all away in her greed and sadism! Madhu almost wanted to pity her. Was money everything in this world?
Her father had beaten her and tried to violate her in his greed for money.
Mukund had exchanged her love and her trust for his lust for money.
Dipali had trampled over Rishabh's heart for the power of money.
She was put in a trade where human beings were bought and sold each night for their body alone, just because the buyers had money.
Was money the only truth in the world?
The light outside her window told Madhu it was dawn. She stopped the tossing and turning that had been her night and decided to take a shower.
***********************
(Saturday night)
RK almost wanted to turn away and return as Patil kaka opened the door. He hadn't realized how time had passed between when he sat in the plane in Bangalore and when his car halted outside his home.
Home?
Was this really a home any more? he wondered as he stepped in the living room and looked around.
Was it ever a home after his father had passed away?
"Rishabh, my son, my pride, everything is up to you now. I trust you..."
His father had left everything to him - his family, his legacy, his business, his pride and this home. For years, RK had given everything he had and yet each of those things had either already withered away or was threatening to crumble into pieces soon. Where did I go wrong, dad?
RK sighed, feeling defeated, powerless and homeless.
His eyes went upto Madhu's room. Behind the shut door, he pictured her smiling innocence that had started to make him believe he could be saved, yet. But it was a lie, and now he felt that her innocence was silently mocking him, just like Dipali's shrewdity had openly mocked him. His breath constricted in his chest as the truth echoed in his ears.
"You can't save everyone Rishabh. You can't win this one."
Feeling light-headed with shame, RK steadied his feet and walked wordlessly to his room, not listening to whatever Patil kaka had rumbled behind him.
*************************************
"Madhu bitiya" Patil kaka knocked at Madhu's door. The sound woke her up, making her realize she had dozed over her books. The entire day had been a torture with no word from Rishabh. At least six times, she had picked up her phone and dialed Rishabh's number, desperate to hear his voice once and know he was okay.
"Call me only if there's an emergency" was the instruction he had given on her first day here. This qualified as an emergency, did it not?
She had tried to distract herself with studying, but her mind kept going to RK. At some point in the past hour, her mind had evidently shut down and she had dozed off on the chair.
"Ji kaka." she answered as she opened the door.
"I am going home. Have served your dinner. Please come down and eat."
"I'll eat when Rishabh ji..."
"He's saying he's not hungry. He looked quite tired."
"He's come? When?" Madhu immediately asked, her eyes darting towards Rishabh's room. The door was shut, but the lights were on. He was probably still working.
"Half an hour back. Anyway, he usually eats on the flight. You eat and then rest. You look tired yourself."
"I am okay Patil kaka. Don't worry. Go home and rest."
"Okay. But eat before you sleep." Patil said and turned away.
Madhu went back inside the room and washed her face erasing the tear stains on the face. She needed to see RK and know for herself that he was alright. She walked downstairs to make a cup of coffee for him.
****************************
RK stared at his phone for the longest time.
Then, he dialed the number, for the second time in the day.
"Tony, this is RK."
"RK sir. I was just about to call you. So what did you decide?"
"Hmm. Our contract for Mitasha was for three months, and it ends this week. You can come Tuesday evening as we discussed and take her. I will give her her share of money before she leaves."
"Great. I am confirming the Zest party then. I will be there at 8 pm on Tuesday. Keep her ready. Should I bring some replacement options along?"
"No need..."
The clatter of a breaking cup prevented RK from having to complete the sentence.
Instead, his words broke into a mere whisper as he turned his head towards the door.
"Madhu!"
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