Chapter 2: Reappraisal
She had read somewhere that children were the cruelest creatures in nature and only as they grew older, they developed a heart and thus kindness. She remembered laughing at the statement and then take mild offense to it when Payal had given her pointed look that said you ARE a young adult.' Now, amidst her classmates, she was recounting that quote and pondered the truth behind it. The hatred she saw among adults came out of failure to recognize their personal loss. But how could one explain the animosity and vitriol of adolescents? How could an eighteen year old mentally break their peer? The thought befuddled her mind, making her grasp at whatever logic she could conjure.
Not that she was anywhere near successful at this venture.
It was her first day in college and from the moment she had arrived, everything that could possibly go wrong was going horribly wrong. For one, she couldn't understand the reasoning behind her peers biased antagonism. Surely there were many students who were new to the collage and surely more than half of them were at the party along with her the previous day. Yet she was the one who was in the spotlight. It was as if the entire student population was plotting against her and by the looks of it - it was working very well in their favor. She was publicly humiliated, embarrassed to death and wanted to get away from everyone as fast as possible and as far as possible. Continuing with the trend, luck was not on her side. Again.
It had all started a day before the college officially began when she saw an invite for a poolside party. An open invitation for the entire class posted on Facebook had gotten Khushi excited. She had dragged a weary looking Payal to the party in an attempt to befriend her soon to be classmates. She wasn't nave enough to believe everyone would be welcoming and friendly but she didn't anticipate they were going to be openly hostile towards her either. She understood the basic working of the world; for all the experience her age offered, she knew about the socioeconomic differences that existed between her and her peers. Cruelty, however, was a muscle that everyone carried beneath their breasts and unleashed it when empathy died. The cost of death is always high; be it death of kindness or death of empathy. But not for the person but the people surrounding that person, she thought idly.
At the party it was obvious everyone just wanted to have a good time. But she hadn't realized the said good times would come at the expense of her and her sister's embarrassment. She had rough skin that could endure their teasing and bump off insults for a while but her sister was far more delicate compared to her. It had taken only couple of moments for Payal's eyes to well up at the thinly veiled poisonous words thrown in her direction. Even Khushi was little stumped at the obvious hatred that was shown towards her.
She had managed to beat around the afternoon and somehow get through it. Her principle was quite simple; put up or shut up. By the end of the evening, she had resigned herself to the fact that she could never fit in with the crowd.
She had quietly apologized to Payal in wee hours of night when neither sister could easily fall sleep. She had slipped to Payal's bed and held her close. It was the closest thing to comfort she could offer her sensitive sister.
It was the last straw was when she was stuck in mens restroom and was locked in a stall.
Next day in college, she had maintained a healthy distance from every human that she could possibly come in contact with except perhaps her sister and couple of newbie students. She was all for small pranks that embarrassed people for few minutes or when they were made fool of; silly pranks which got over even before people got hurt - physically or emotionally. But in her case it seemed as if these pranks would leave behind some serious emotional scars.
It took her several minutes to process that the last of the classes were over, Payal was already home having finished her classes in afternoon and her cellphone wasn't activated yet. Once the thought settled, she screamed with all her might. Her desperate plea for help was ignored and she was shouting till her voice turned hoarse. Her nails broke and fingers bruised but the door didn't budge. It was then she heard a male voice on the other side of the door.
"Please stand still, I will unlock the door." She breathed a sigh of relief and shot out a humble thanks. Her luck was so miserable that day that the doorjamb was stuck. She could hear the guy growling under his breath to get the door open and all she could do was wait helplessly and sometimes pulling the door with all her might.
It took him few moments to get the door open and when it did, he was hit by flash of pink and blue, face hidden behind hands which had nails painted in red and was assaulted by sweet perfume, sweat and stifled sobbing. The girl was definitely scared and he had no idea what to do with her. She had rested her head on his shoulders and his arms were uselessly lying on his sides. It had happened so fast that he couldn't even catch a glimpse of the girl.
It took her a moment to assess the predicament she was in. When she peeked through her fingers, all she could see was warm sunset orange and smell of laundry soap. There was something earthy and grounded about the guy on whose shoulder her head currently rested. It was the guy who had opened the door for her, and she couldn't understand for the life of her why there was a lump in her throat and useless tears were trickling from her eyes. The helplessness she had felt when she was locked in the stall was slowly seeping out of her and she could feel her confidence returning inch by inch. She raised her head to mumble a thank you. And when she looked into his eyes, she was hit by a blast of calmness. There was nothing special about the guy but everything about him was different. There was a sense of serenity surrounding him and she felt herself getting pulled towards that. Her mind screamed her to run and her legs obeyed. She muttered a hurried thank you, an apology and then ran as fasts as her legs could carry her. She ignored the words forming in her head, threatening to spill out along with her tears.
When she realized that she was as far as possible from the guy she just met, she slowed down her pace and tried to catch her breath. She looked around and found herself near computer lab. She had imagined something like this would exist in her college given the status of it and was suddenly glad. She could find her release there.
She logged in to the college homepage and checked if there was anything interesting going on. Who was she kidding? She wanted to see if her last entry had any replies. No, scratch that. She wanted to see if he had replied to her last entry. A smile crept on her face when she saw that there was indeed a reply for her last piece of scribble.
Time's up; wake up, get up, grow up and please, chin up.
And I still don't know if you are sleeping or burning?
--- Library_Guy
She stared at her screen for handful of moments. She was lost in a world where her words intermingled with his and created a beautiful symphony. The orchestra that was playing in her head was a soothing lullaby - one that was beckoning her to calm down and be realistic. She decided that both their words together painted a decent picture. She was however disappointed that there were no new entries from him since the last time she checked his page.
She decided to pen the words swirling in her heard; the words were raw and were filled with honest opinion that she wasn't sure would be wise on her part to post online. She finally let go of her irrational fear and typed down the words.
Their judgment scorched my delicate skin
Their biased views parched my throat
Purge my mind of cutting remarks
In dire need of some soothing salve
Lend me your shoulder and
Share your sunset.
--Smalltown_Girl
Before she could have any thoughts of correcting it by adding, editing or deleting, she logged off from the college site and went in search of her sister. She hoped her sister to have a better day than her.
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He started at the figure that was retreating very rapidly. Sure, there were many students who were intimidated by his presence but he had just helped this girl and she had run away from him after one look into his eyes. Or perhaps it was his face, he thought. There was residual ire in her eyes burning behind the wetness which he had a feeling would be unleashed soon. The girl had looked both strong and pathetic at a given point of time and his logical brain couldn't comprehend the coexistence of two opposites. Maybe that's what she was; a walking contradiction, his mind mocked. He shook his head to shake of invisible dust and also perhaps some irrationality when he was at it. He had seen the girl two minutes ago and he was already analyzing her actions and categorizing them in his brain. He shook his head again and glared at few guys who were looking at him as if he had lost his mind. He may be deemed as a college nerd and geek but that didn't mean he was a person who wouldn't leave a scar if anyone cross his path with intention of antagonizing him. Of course, the scars he left on others varied between emotional and physical. The sniggering guys now left him alone with his thoughts and he thought vaguely if those were the people who had locked the poor girl in there.
He found it very odd when people played pranks on others. He rolled his eyes at his mother when she asked him to loosen up and join in the fun. Pranks, irrespective of the scale in which they were classified, were in the end something that could hurt people.
No one really knows about anyone's state of mind. Even a harmless prank at one point can become fatal when executed at the wrong moment. He didn't think that it was a risk worth taking. Also it was one of the things that made him stand out amidst his peers. His legs carried him to the library as if he was on autopilot and he was fine with that. He started organizing his notes from the lectures which he had attended that day as soon as he found an empty table for himself. He always sat at the back of the library where people rarely visited as that section of library mostly served as archives for old magazines and college year books. It was only few moments till his concentration settled and after which he was lost in his own world of book reports and assignments and project presentation.
When he looked up from his work, he realized that couple of hours had passed by and he was ready to take a break. He decided to check his emails and walked towards computer room. As he got himself settled in front of a computer, his mind was suddenly bombarded with images of a girl in pink and blue, red nails and tear coated eyes. He sighed and shook his head. It was odd in the way a girl had managed to stick in his head for this long. He was surprised to see a comment on his poetry and that too by the same girl on whose poetry he had posted a reply on.
When you sigh with your shadow on the beach, follow the smoke signal which is right next to the sunset because that would be me, setting the sun ablaze.
-- Smalltown_Girl
His forehead broke into tiny beads of sweat. He could not deny the attraction that he found in her words. He could completely understand what she meant in her words. What blew him off was the fact she had understood the emotion in his words. It unwound him completely. He took in a shaky breath and re-read her words for a dozen times till he could imagine sand beneath his feet and warm sun on his face. As he closed his eyes to enjoy the warmth, his mind was haunted with images of a girl with wide eyes - furious and sad. He sighed. He had to get it out of his system before it consumed his sanity. His hands swept on his face in a way to refresh himself of his state and to reinstate some amount of sanity before the same hands swept across keyboard to translate the insanity of his mind to words on his blog.
Fire in her eyes, gabbing mouth and her stance to pounce,
Reddening cheeks, gasping breaths and her flailing arms;
Are you a firecracker or a humming bird?
-- Library_Guy
He didn't bother to put in a title to his work. He was surprised to find an entry from her though. He had gotten the idea that she was changing places by reading her previous entry and it had been hardly a day or two since she had last posted. When he read, he understood the reason for her urgency. Her words were raw, untainted with too many edits and reflected her state of mind. She was having a bad day at college and he could empathize with that.
He was taken aback when he felt pity flowing through his system for a girl with whom he had exchanged handful of pretty words. He simply labeled the day as insane and decided to go home before he made a fool of himself.
There was always next day.
Music:
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