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Nandini Murthy.
From the tips of her wet hair to the space behind her earlobe, she's marked by Manik. It's not just the soul who lost its home when Manik ridiculed all that she held dear, the very pores of her body lost the comfort of his touch. There's a certain beauty in the way her body still craves for his touch. The way she can't stop from her hands to reaching out to him. The way she her touch lingers on him for that one extra second which makes all the difference. How can she possibly forget him?
When I saw Nandini today, all lost and broken walking through the corridors of SPACE, I realized the loss she has gone through. Was I expecting anything else? No. She had to break, she had to break this way. If the night before it was her soul being ripped apart because of all that was lost, today it was her shell crying in pain. For she lost home.
That's why this girl has always been so special to me and will remain so. The way she's so human in all her needs. The way she is so dreamy in all her wishes. If her wish to trust and be trusted stems from her soul, the way she leans in to him and gets caught in the whirlwind which his touch causes in her is all her body reaching out to that one person who makes her feel at peace. She knows, she knows that the way her hand fits so perfectly in his is no coincidence. In her heart, she believed that it was meant to rest there for all the eternity. Of course, it was all before the same hands send her spiraling down to the depths from where recovery is very hard if not impossible.
She can be all logical and react with hatred and indifference but it's a constant battle for her. The heart wants what the heart wants. But here it's not only her heart which wants to leap towards him. So many times I've seen people battling either with their heart or their body. But Nandini's entire existence finds solace in Manik. It's easy for one to shut off one part of the existence which is hell bent on rebelling by concentrating on the other bits which are less affected. That's not the case with her. From her head to toe, she's known Manik. She's know what his self can do to her. She's known his hatred, she's known his care, she knows his bad touch, she's felt content in his good touch.
Touch.
She's known the way he looks at her, worshiping her, trying to drink her in. She knows the way he constantly reaches out to her, the way his finger gently touch her lips to quiet her. The way his gaze lingers on her and just that mere gaze tells her the tale of all that he's feeling. She's heard his words singing her the lullabies to calm the raging storms, she's felt his touch which makes sense of all the mysteries of the world.
The point is, in this very short time with Manik she's known what it feels to be alive. When her soul flies and her body rejoices. Just by being with him. It's joy, it's contentment, it's life itself. Only by being with him. Nandini Murthy is marked. She's known something which she can't get from anyone else. It's not an addiction, it's not a drug; it's like oxygen. She can try to forget all she wants but what can she forget? There's so much. For the sake of her own sanity, she'll turn around all their moments and paint them in hideous colors. But to what extent can it go? She can call his words a lie but how can she argue his gaze? How can all of that be a lie? The proximity, the closeness...the mere inches which used to separate them, their entire beings were joined in those inches. What can she deny?
Tera rang aisa chadh gaya
Koi aur rang na chadh sake.
Koi aur rang na chadh sake.
Isn't this the same case for her? Can she again feel those things? Those sensations? That sense of being worshiped with words, touches, gazes? We spend lifetimes wanting that and so many of us don't get it. And those who do, they never forget it. Rest is always compromise, that one time always reigns true. Will she compromise? She isn't the type to do so. Will she feel it again? No, not from anyone else. And all this makes me excited for her answer. When she'll be proposed to again, what will her reaction be? This marked Nandini won't allow anything else to even come close to that. Ye ab jhoot lagta hai, tab sach tha. And it's one truth which, whether she wants to or not, will affect all her decisions from now on.
(ye kya hai? buss..kuch hai. *headdesk*)
(ye kya hai? buss..kuch hai. *headdesk*)
