I will fix you.. Manik Malhotra // 18th Nov'14

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

When you're wounded, tears slip down your eyes.

But when love hurts you, it tears you apart.

And it is the heart that cries.

Nobody can see those wounds.

And yet there are people who can see through you.

Is it possible to have known someone for just three months and love them like that?

Some people say, you can fall in love in a heartbeat.

Or maybe it really is not a heartbeat. It is a lifetime of search.

And right that moment, the puzzle fits in.

Dear Manik,

When you couldn't stop yourself, after a million of endeavors, from falling for her.

How will you stop yourself from loving her more?

When falling for her wasn't in your control.

How can you think falling out of love will be?

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

When you look at her what is that you see? Nandini Moorthy? An ordinary girl you were physically attracted to?

Or do you see the bare heart? The open wounds? The emptiness?

"Lost earrings?"

You see all the missing pieces your words cut out. You see the pieces of your heart lying around the steel walls she's closed her heart inside. You see, deeply, the girl you'd madly fallen in love with.

And love, still.

You see her history and her future in every glimpse. You see every moment she had been yours and every moment she'll not be. You see her past and her present in a tangle. You see the bloodied imprints of your love; you see the faint scar tissues it'll leave in her future. You see a past where your fingers had painted a story of love on her skin, and you see the ugly marks they've left. You see another man coming and wiping them but you don't want it.

You don't want change.

You want those earrings.

You want your unblemished memories.

The untainted you and her.

To love is easy.

Because love chooses you.

But to let go of love?

To watch her but to not have her.

To smell her but not touch her.

To see her but not need her.

To find her but not bind her to you.

To love like a madman.

And be empty handed like a beggar.

"You are in love with her, Manik."

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Maybe, just maybe, denial will make it better.

Maybe deleting her texts will make it hurt less.

Maybe drinking the pain gain and again will lessen the effect.

Maybe, one day I'll see her and my eyes won't shimmer with unshed tears.

Maybe, one day I'll feel her, but my heart won't bleed.

Maybe one day her ears will be empty, but I won't care.

Maybe, one day she'll walk pass by, and I won't shudder.

Maybe, just maybe, one day she'll exist, but I won't care.

And I'll live a life, that won't be this hollow.

A world that won't be this black.

Maybe, just maybe, the darkness will no longer be a foe.

Maybe, light will simply disappear.

And I'll live the way I used to.

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Or maybe, none of those things will happen.

Maybe, just maybe, she'll pull you up from that hole.

Maybe, just maybe, she'll see through you, too.

Maybe, just maybe, she doesn't need you to be perfect.

Maybe, just maybe, hurting her will become the biggest lesson in life.

In love.

Maybe, she'll pick up the broken pieces and gift you.

Gift you with love.

With understanding.

With guidance.

With warmth.

With forgiveness.

Because, maybe, just maybe, you will never let her go away.

Maybe, just maybe, you'll stop lying to yourself.

And tell her that you made a mistake.

Of loving too hard and too much.

Of not knowing what to do with so much of it that you're drowning in it.

That you torn all the pieces of your soul apart and threw them to the ground because they sang your name.

And maybe, jus maybe...

Maybe she'll just put those pieces back together and fix you.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

"Who meri honahi sakti. Or isey kisi aur ka hone doon? Itni mujhme himmat nahi."

Rida.

P.S I LOVE YOU GUYS WOOP.