I seem to be becoming an advocate for Ishita, with this being another post in quick succession. But then again, I find that I would act and react in similar ways, albeit less dramatically in certain situations.
At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes " all you need is one.
Ishita's one person is Raman. And Raman's is Ishita. But after today, she believes she won't ever get her one person. To me Ishita's reaction is as true and real as it gets. We often forget that while we as viewers have been introduced to certain aspects of Raman's character, Ishita has not. She only knows and sees what is in front of her. Ishita today struck a chord with me, because I got her. I got why she had her breakdown, I got why she screamed at everyone in her way, I got why she felt helpless, and I got why she wants to give up.
Ishita has seen the Raman who left her to go to the party when she showed him how excited she was for him and to go with him. She searched for him at the party where he never showed any interest in her, to her. She was petrified of sharing the gift with him, for as she said, he will only scream more. She felt the comfort to make him wear the bracelet only for every emotion to be negated by him. She saw her fears of Shagun still being relevant in his life when he mentioned her, for good or bad, and she saw her deepest insecurity come true when she realized she was irrelevant for him. She was and continues to be only Ruhi's Ishima.
Today Ishita's biggest reality was that Raman just does not care, and therefore she must not care. I know I react the same way. When a partner, a best friend or a parent convince you, without doubt in your mind, that they do not care, you cry out to yourself, but tell yourself to not care, or at least not show that you do. You close yourself to those very people, because you don't know any other way. I know I am this way, and I only hope Ishita and I aren't alone.
Today Ishita broke down, and for me it was her breaking down for all that has happened the past few months. She has stayed resilient to Raman's taunt, his remarks and his actions towards her. She has served his family the best way she knows, always ready to correct herself and her actions when pointed out to her. She has learnt that she can love again, and she has embraced that with utmost joy. She has also been made aware that Raman will never love her, and she accepts that but with the hope he cares.
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up."
Today she didn't cry because he made Shagun relevant, she cried because she was made irrelevant. She didn't cry because she didn't get credit, she cried because she was discredited. She didn't cry because he made remarks on her and about her, she cried because she knew she had hit a wall, and it was never going to change. She didn't cry because he doesn't love her, she cried because her love would never be enough.
She has reconfirmed her place in Raman's life as only that of Ruhi's Ishima. Raman made it clear to her that she holds no place other than that in his, and while that hurts her like nothing else, she accepts her. After today I think she reached her breaking point, a point after which you close down and act the way you think others expect you to. I won't fault her for not giving Raman the answers he wants, he had his chance and he blew it. I won't fault her to believing he doesn't care, he made that evident to her today.
"What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction."
Anupamaa
