Chapter 17
"Astha! Astha! Please listen to me. Astha!", he yelled after her, his voice laced with desperation but the lack of response on her part only added to his tension and perturbation as he anxiously saw her dashing out of the door and running blindly into the storm. Once again the things didn't turn out as he had expected. After all how could he have known the things would take such a drastic turn?
In the past few days he didn't fail to notice the fondness Astha held for him in her eyes. It didn't take him long to understand that the physical attraction he had been experiencing lately was mutual and even though he was reluctant to put his trust in his judgments, Astha's reaction forced him to think that it was a feeling much stronger than mere attraction from her side. He recalled another incidence a few weeks ago where he had witnessed the similar intensity of pain in Astha's eyes when he had met her for the first time after his refusal for the marriage. At that time he had wondered if he was the cause of her pain and if so then why. Now he had finally got the answer to his questions.
He recalled her expressive eyes as she stared fixedly at Swati, looking hurt beyond words could describe. The numerous emotions reflecting in her eyes, her face giving away the anguish and betrayal she felt as she heard their conversation, all were indicative of her heartache. He needed to clear this misunderstanding as soon as possible, he realised. Feeling helpless and frustrated at the same time, he ran his hands through his hair as he looked on through the glass door.
He bolted towards the door to go after the tiny soaking figure running through pouring rain, oblivious to the stormy weather but before he had taken more than a step, he heard a voice calling him.
"Shlok where are you going? And who's this girl you were calling?"
He turned around to see Swati standing in the middle of the reception area with bewildered expressions. He had almost forgotten about her presence in his concern for Astha.
"She's my wife", he heard himself saying. This is not how he wanted to break the news of his marriage to her but he least cared about it at that moment.
"What? Your wife?" Swati exclaimed in astonishment, her eyes flitting between him and the pelting rain beyond the glass door where until a few seconds ago a figure of petite lady could be seen. "When did that happen? When did you get married?"
Shlok who was feeling more restless and anxious by the second, finally reached the end of his patience and said, "Swati I can't stay and talk to you. I will explain everything to you later. Right now it is more important for me to go and find Astha."
Before she could say another word, he darted out of the door into the heavy downpour.
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Several minutes had passed but to his utter disheartenment, he had no success in locating Astha. An unknown fear started gripping firmly at his heart. What if something goes wrong with her? Just the mere thought of it wrenched his heart apart. He knew he would never be live with himself if she's harmed in any way esp. when he was the cause of her distress. Panicking, he was beginning to experience sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. While struggling to get a grip on himself, he tried to clear his mind and thought of places around the hotel where she could have possibly run off to. Looking around, it instantly flashed across his mind. He was almost sure she must have gone there...her very own personal haven in Goa.
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Just as expected, there she was: kneeling down on the sand a few feet away from the crashing waves, soaked to the skin, the loose strands of her hair plastered to the side of her face. She sat motionless , staring off at an unseen point in the horizon, oblivious to the rest of the world. By now the rain had lightened considerably.
Shlok let out a sigh of sheer relief as he dashed towards her. Acting impulsively on his compulsive desire to hug her, he dropped to his knees in front of her and wrapped his arms around her, clutching her tightly to him as if afraid of losing her. He felt her stiffen in response but to his surprise she didn't protest. She simply remained motionless. Soon his sense of relief was replaced by aggravation, as if remembering what all he went through because of her stunt. He parted from her feeling a surge of anger rising within him. He glowered at her.
"What the hell is wrong with you Astha? What were you thinking running away into the storm like some crazy woman? Do you have any idea just how worried I was? What if something would have happened to you?"
It was now that he took a good look at her face did he notice that, unlike before when he last saw her in the reception area, her face was devoid of emotions. Apparently she looked calm and composed, if only not for her eyes which betrayed the havoc of emotions she was currently experiencing. She gave him a long hard look and stood up.
"You don't need to worry about me. I can take care of myself well enough...even at my weakest state". Her tone was so indifferent that in a matter of a second, his anger melted away, leaving him disconcerted.
"Besides, why were you looking for me? You should have been in the company of your girlfriend having a quality time with her," she said, her voice had a cutting edge to it.
"Astha!" Shlok exclaimed in disbelief as if he couldn't believe his otherwise sweet-natured wife could say such bitter words to him. "She's not my girlfriend."
"Oh really? Then what do you call the girl who you are in love with and date behind your wife's back? Oh yes, may be there is a better word for it. Perhaps I should use that for her, right?", she said giving him a meaningful look.
In spite of continuous attempts to keep his cool, her bitter words were enough to hurt and infuriate him. "Shut up Astha! Have you lost your mind? Is that what you think of me?"
Astha remained quiet. Her eyes, burning with rage, were boring into his. It was then he noticed that Astha was holding something glimmering in her hands. It was the charm bracelet he had gifted her just two days back.
He looked at her questioningly, confusion written all over his face. She understood his unspoken question from the movement of his eyes. Stepping forward, she took his hand in hers and placed the bracelet on his outstretched palm.
Bewildered, he asked, "What are you doing?"
"I can't accept this gift now. It holds no meaning anymore. I thought it was given to me by my husband but it turns out it was given to me by someone else's lover."
Shlok was left speechless. Her words pierced his heart. He couldn't believe she thought so lowly of him. Here he gifted her, the woman he was finally beginning to see as his life partner, something for the first time in his life with the love, confidence and trust that she will cherish this token of his love but instead she abandoned it at the first misunderstanding they had. And sadly what an idiotic misunderstanding it was.
In his frustration he grabbed her upper arms and pulled her towards him, causing her to flinch momentarily before gaining a control on herself and staring back at him with as much fierceness.
"Damn it Astha! Why are you behaving so damn insensitively? Do you know how much you are hurting me with your words?"
Astha who was struggling to loosen his grip on her, felt a bitter smile spread across her face at his words as she looked up at him. "Truth is always bitter Shlok. But I doubt if you have any idea what it feels like to be hurt because what I have endured is way worse."
To her dismay, she felt her eyes brimming with tears once again. She struggled to put up a brave front as she didn't want to appear weak and vulnerable to him but it was all getting too much for her. Before she knew it, her tough exterior collapsed and she broke down in tears.
Shlok's anger once again melted away. He realised it tormented him to see her in tears. He released her arms and as soon as he did, she dropped down to her knees at his feet and hid her face in her hands as she continued to weep. Perturbed by her sudden burst of tears, he kneeled down beside her and tried to console her. "Astha please stop crying! I..."
Before he could say anything further, Astha removed her hands from her tears stricken face and sobbed out, "How could you do this to me Shlok? How could you betray me? Were you so fed up of me that you felt the need to call that woman here in Goa? Am I such a pain for you that you can't even bear to spend even a week with me? And if that wasn't enough, you were having meetings with her behind my back. If that's what you were going to do, then why were you pretending to have a good time with me? Why did you assure me I hold a special place in your heart? Why did you get me this gift? Why did you care for me? Why did you give me the hopes that we could be? Why didn't you just let me be?", she sobbed harder as she spoke.
Shlok who was shocked to the core after listening to her assumptions and the lack of trust she had on him, held her gently by the shoulders and forced her to look at him. She didn't resist him, not because she didn't want to but because she didn't think she could summon enough energy to fight him off.
"Astha I just wish you had more trust in me. You have got it all wrong. You are jumping to conclusions without knowing the whole truth. And the truth is I haven't betrayed you for a single second since we have got married. I am as much committed to you as any husband can be to his wife."
"For God's sake Shlok, at least now stop lying to me.", she said as she removed his hands from her shoulders. "I have seen and heard enough to know what you and that woman has been up to. Haven't you two been meeting in my absence?" The tears were now quietly streaming down her cheeks. The rain had turned to drizzling now.
Shlok simply stared at her. He didn't want to lie to her and neither did he want to hide anything from her anymore. If only she would agree to listen to him.
"Yes we did." he saw her giving him a see-I-knew-it look so he added hurriedly, "But it wasn't what you are assuming and let me also clarify that I didn't invite her to Goa. I am surprised you could even think of such a ridiculous thing."
"What else am I supposed to assume? Even if you didn't invite her here, you did continue to meet her without my knowledge. That's what hurt me the most. And you know what? For the first time I've realised what a huge hypocrite you are Shlok. It's a problem when I even chat with the guys but it's justifiable for you to go around romancing with another women."
Now Shlok had completely lost it. His face contorted in an all-consuming anger. His eyes flashing dangerously, he stood up, pulling her up with him, making her gasp out loud, and growled through his clenched teeth.
"Enough Astha! I have had enough of your nonsense. You don't trust me..ok. But you have no right to accuse me for something so disgusting. You have known me all life. Haven't you understood me yet? I have never romanced any girl in my life, not even the one I, regrettably, declared to love. She has never known I harboured any feelings towards her but guess what? It turned out I was never in love with her. I was an idiot to assume so. Unfortunately for me, one girl I am sure I have begun to fall for, doesn't have even an ounce of trust in me." As he said this, he pushed her away from him in disgust, releasing her arm. She stumbled but managed to gain control. However her eyes didn't waver from his face. This time it was Astha who was left speechless. She stared at him as if she couldn't believe her ears.
Feeling hurt and devastated by her words, all he wanted was to be alone. He turned away, torn between his desire to be alone and wanting to clarify the matters. He realised if he walked away now, it would be another mistake on his part and he couldn't let the matters become even worse if he could help it.
He turned to face her once again, who still had her eyes fixed on him and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down.
Taking advantage of her silence, he told her everything right from the beginning...that they had never confessed their love to each other, how the attraction was from his side only, that he had never missed Swati in her company, in fact she hardly crossed his mind when he was with her, how after coming to Goa he had accidentally bumped into her, how he had gradually made the realisation that he wanted to spend his life with her and not Swati and decided to let her know about the same, and the way he found out about Swati's engagement and soon-to-be-held marriage with her cousin.
"I was so stunned to know about her marriage, only because I felt like the biggest idiot for having assumed that she too is interested in me, I left abruptly from there. She must have thought I wasn't feeling well. That's why she came to enquire about me to the hotel. But trust me there is nothing more than friendship between us", he finally finished.
Astha, who had been listening to him quietly till now, gave a mocking smile, taking Shlok by surprise. "You mean to say you wrongly assumed that she was in love with you? You are right Shlok. You are an idiot!" she laughed clearly mocking him. He couldn't help but feel more embarrassed, if it was possible. As she became sober eventually, she could feel nothing but pity for him. "You just don't get women's feelings, do you? You see love for yourself where it doesn't exist and where it does, you just tend to become ignorant to it." she sighed. "Anyways, what I don't understand is that why didn't you tell me all this before? Why didn't you tell me you bumped into Swati here and the fact that she's getting married?" she asked suspiciously.
"Because I knew how much just the mere mention of her name hurt you. I didn't want to ruin our holidays and the wonderful time we were having by bringing her up."
"So you thought it was better to hide it? Is that why you didn't feel the need to tell me about her marriage?"
"No I had a different reason for not telling you about her marriage just yet."
"And what was that?"
"I was afraid you wouldn't believe in the sincerity of my feelings for you if you got to know about Swati's marriage. I didn't want you to think I am showing interest in you because she is going to leave me. I wanted you to learn to trust in my feelings for you first. And considering how you reacted when you saw Swati, it looks like I wasn't wrong."
Astha remained quiet. Somewhere deep down she knew it was very much possible for her to think along those lines because she still found it hard to trust in him after how ruthlessly he broke her heart the first time.
"It still doesn't change the fact that you hid the truth from me and no matter what justification you give it doesn't make it right. I just wish you hadn't because then it would have been easier for me to believe you that there is nothing between you two. Now I just don't know", she visibly looked confused and conflicted.
He took a few steps towards her closing the distance between them. "Do you also doubt on the sincerity of my feelings for you even after everything I have told you and everything we have been through in the past few days? Can you deny our ever increasing emotional intimacy with each other?", his voice sounded husky.
In spite of everything she went through, to her sheer frustration, her heart reacted to his proximity, his deep intense stare and his husky voice. It was enough to overwhelm her senses. She took a sharp intake of breath as she stared back. Unable to take it anymore, she took a step back and turned around to walk away. But before she could, he grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him. "Shlok leave m..."
It all happened so fast, she barely had time to register. All she saw was his lips swooping down on hers as she gasped in shock. His hands came to cup her face, as she stood motionless. Her eyes closed on its own accord. Her mind screamed to resist but it was quickly getting clouded by the deep love she felt for him.
It was a lingering kiss, a gentle touch of the lips. It was their first kiss...first kiss that they happened to share with each other. Both were hesitant as if they were taking time to memorise the feeling before they part. Shlok decided to take the initiative and softly moved his lips against hers while increasing his pressure on her lips. As he did so he felt her sigh. Both were lost in the moment as if the time seemed to have stopped for them. They could feel a tingling sensation in their tummy as the moments passed by.
Just when she thought she has gone beyond the point of no return, Swati's face flashed through her mind out of nowhere, its last defence mechanism, causing her to finally return to her senses. Gathering her entire energy and will, which she knew would leave her exhausted as hell, she managed to push him away. Taken aback and looking dazed and disoriented, he stumbled. Then realising what he just did, he looked at her, who was standing a few feet away looking anywhere else but him, with flaming red cheeks. Both were breathless as if they had just run a marathon.
Shlok didn't know what came over him that lead him to kiss her but he wasn't at all sorry for it.
"Do you still not believe me?"
Astha glanced at him but quickly looked away. Her mind was still lingering on their kiss. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure and finally said, "I don't know what I believe or what I don't at this moment. I need time Shlok. You can't just erase away all my doubts with your one action. You are right. I need to trust you first, which will take time to rebuild". Then as an after-thought, she requested in a soft voice but firm tone, "Shlok if you truly care for me then don't touch me again.", she saw a wave of hurt pass through his eyes as her words hit him. "Not until I can regain my trust in you or am ready to step into the next phase in our marriage."
She knew her words were the cause for distress but afraid that she may not be able to resist his advances again, she needed to put up this condition between them, esp. after what just happened between them few minutes ago.
"Fine. I won't deny you your wish. I won't touch you as long as you don't want me to."
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That evening they were on their way back to Pune. Astha didn't want to prolong their stay in Goa anymore. They had extended their holidays because they wanted to enjoy more time with each other but after the morning's incident, it was not possible. Their relationship took a u-turn, without the hostility of their past days. Both maintained a formal behaviour with each other...they communicated only when they needed to. As usual in front of the family they acted like a normal couple.
On the eve of his return to Mumbai, he went to meet Astha's parents with her. He went to Astha room to use her washroom. As he came out, he saw a familiar looking book lying on her study table. It dawned on him it was the same book she had been so keen to hide from him when he came to here after their marriage. Now finding this 'forbidden' book here, unguarded, had awakened his natural curiosity once again. He had a distinct feeling that it held a secret...a secret related to him, or else why would she have been so desperate to hide it from him? He walked forward towards the table and picked up the bright, colourful book. As he took a closer look at it, he could tell it was a scrapbook. It had a tiny leather strap which closed to secure the book. He unsecured the strap and opened the book.
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Ok so everyone who felt like it was a long wait, I apologise. Took me slightly more than a week but in my defence, it was an emotionally exhausting update. You see I often transport myself into my stories when I write them as I feel my writing is more realistic and of better quality when I do so. This chapter as u all know was high in emotions so there were many points where I actually got stuck and didn't know how my characters would react in such a situation. Finally this is what I have produced. I am sure my lack of experience will show here but I hope what I have produced is satisfactory enough 😊
Lastly, I'm sorry for not being able to reply to all ur comments for the last chapter. I will In Sha Allah make the replies tonight.
As always, waiting for your precious comments and feedback 😳
Dr Aarambhi
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