New SwaRon OneShot: Let Her Go

Swayam jolted out of his sleep as he rubbed his sleep-deprived eyes from exhaustion. How long had it been since he fell asleep? 23 minutes. Well, that had been quite a record even for him. He hadn't been able to constantly sleep for couple of days now. He rubbed his eyes as he tried adjusting to the dimly lit room. After sitting for couple of minutes for orienting his overworked brain, he shuffled out of the comfort of his soft bed and headed towards his alcohol cabinet.

He sighed as he poured himself a bit of tequila - probably not his best choice of alcohol since it will only make things worse for him. The more he drank to subdue his brain, to stop thinking, to stop remembering, the more his brain became active. The more he drank, the less sleep he got, the more likely he jolted out of yet another dream...about her. However, no one could ever blame Swayam Shekhawat for easily giving up because he kept on doing the same thing over and over again. He kept on dosing himself with more and more alcohol just so he could stop thinking, feeling, remembering - just so he could push all of his thoughts about her in the darkest corners of his brain where even he would never bother going.

He downed yet another shot of tequila, and inhaled a sharp breath. He coughed as he felt his throat sting at the sensation of the liquid and he closed his eyes again, willing the pain away. He had never previously believed that the body can actually hurt due to emotional pain. When his mom and dad had left him, he had only felt numb - unable to feel anything at all and unable to process anything quickly enough. Now, though, it felt like a completely different sensation. He had desperately wanted to go back to the numb sensation where everything felt too surreal to be real. But it was actually doing something opposite where he felt everything too much, with far greater intensity, and missed her way too much.

He felt another sting, this time from his inside. He closed his eyes more tightly and felt his head throbbing. When his vision got clear, he finally saw her again, her eyes that spoke to him even when she didn't. She would sometimes look up at him and smile wistfully and he had always wondered why she looked so melancholic. He never asked, never really got a chance or willed himself to. Now, he hated himself for not doing that.

He got up to go near her, but she disappeared. He clenched his teeth and abruptly walked towards his bed again. After taking deep breathes, he fell on his bed. The irony of the whole situation was that the more he tried to stop thinking about her, the more she had appeared in front of him. So, he gave up for the night and closed his eyes only to welcome dreams about the very eyes that haunted him every hour of the day and the very smile that clenched his inside in anguish. He welcomed it and reveled in it, because that was the only short while that he felt his insides easing up, his frown turning into a smile, his throbbing head clearing up to a soft buzz, and his breathing becoming calmer. That's the only time he felt content.

**

He jolted out of his sleep again when he saw her walk away. He had dreamed of the time when she had called out to him as he walked past her. He hadn't realized that she was calling out to him to give the envelope that he stuffed in his pocket hastily earlier in the day, which had just dropped on the ground as he was walking past her. When he had realized that she was calling on him, he had ignored her thinking that she was probably someone in need of his help (which he didn't mind providing but only if you proved that you were not just someone who was trying to go the easy route instead of working hard for it). She had abruptly grabbed his right arm and spun him around as he was about to sit in his car. Before he could've said anything, she pointedly poked the envelope at his chest and looked at him impatiently. He took it from her with a surprised jerk and watched her shake her head at him as she was walking away. He had tried to stop her, but she had been way too fast for him and climbed onto the 10 o'clock bus instead.

He had remembered that day very clearly because that was the first time that someone had voluntarily decided to help him, without asking for anything in return. She hadn't even known that the papers were immensely important to the deal that he was going to negotiate. She hadn't even realized the value of the paper she simply handed. She could've held that as leverage and asked him anything, because he knew that he would give her anything for them, but she had instead decided to give those to him and walk back to the hardship of a bus.

That was the first time that Swayam Shekhawat had felt a peculiar kind of itch at the back of his mind, and it wouldn't be the last.

**

Swayam looked into the overwhelming darkness and inhaled sharply. He ran his fingers in his hairs only to realize that the side of his pillow is damp. Tears. Those were tears. He had been crying in his sleep. He ran a hand on his face as well as he exhaled loudly. After some time of staring into the darkness, he started chuckling. Soon, the chuckle grew and he was laughing loudly as tears streamed from his eyes. Hollow. He felt hollow.

**

He remembered the first time he had met her in the office. It was more like he stumbled upon her sitting in the waiting area. He had paused just few feet from her to assess her. So she did come for something, he had smirked thinking that at that moment. He had gone to her and raised his eyebrows. At first, she hadn't noticed him at all as she was too engrossed in the magazine she was reading but she had finally looked up questioningly. They had both stared at each other for a moment when she had finally spoken up.

"Uh, can I help you?"

He had been completely taken aback from her statement. "Aren't you here to see me?"

"I think you may be mistaking me for someone else.." she had spoken up uncertainly.

"No need to pretend with me here, ok? I already knew this would happen," he had said while shaking his head and smirking.

"Excuse me?" She had just seemed more confused and looked onto him as if he had an extra arm.

Before their conversation could've gone any further, Rey had come and interrupted them.

"Oh yeah, Swayam there you are! Good!"

He had turned to Rey and smiled at him. Rey turned him towards the girl and spoke up again.

"This girl is our new hire. I was just about to go to you and inform you. Remember the one I was interviewing the candidates for? She is the one dude!" he had said excitedly as if he had won a lottery.

The girl had only looked onto him unimpressed and extended her hand in courtesy. He had merely shaken her hand and nodded at her in acknowledgement. After that, Rey had taken her and told her all she needed to know. When he saw her again later, he had asked her the thing that was bugging him the most.

"Did you know who I was before you came to join this company?"

She had raised her right eyebrow in confusion and simply nodded as if that was the most natural thing to know.

"Then you knew who I was when you gave me the paper back?" he had interrogated her.

She had looked onto him even more confused but nodded again.

"Did you take a look at that paper?"

She shook her head indicating she didn't.

"Why didn't you? Weren't you curious?" he asked her with curiosity.

She had simply looked at him as if he just asked her the world's toughest question.

"Uh, I just...No I guess I wasn't. I mean, I wasn't exactly thinking about the content of the paper when I was busy running after you to return it. From the looks of how you clutched onto it when I showed it to you, I assumed that it was important."

That's all she had said. Like it hadn't mattered to her at all that she had helped Swayam Shekhawat, that she had given him his company back in a platter that he was so ready to ignore in a hurry without wanting or expecting anything at all in return. He had chuckled so loudly at that, only to find her staring at him perplexed. Oh, she had no idea.

She had been the revolution the managing staff needed. She had been the change of pace the uninspired employees needed. She had been the breath of fresh air that he needed. They reveled in her. He reveled in her. Everyone reveled in the order she had brought without realizing. And, all the while, she just simply smiled.

The already soaring company expanded even more due to his cool head. He was thrumming with new ideas in her wake. Every morning, she would come to his office with a cup of black coffee how he needed (even though he didn't like black coffee), because that was the only thing that got him ready for his day. She never said anything, asked anything. He was the one who said things, who talked. She simply listened and gave her input when he needed it. It was nice. It was the calm he needed.

She was simple. She was uncomplicated. She was brilliant. And she was gone.
**

He woke up Rey's soft voice calling his name incessantly. He squinted his eyes in response to the blinding light of his office, as he shook his head a little. It had been few weeks since she had left, and he was still nowhere near getting a good night sleep. In fact, he was nowhere near getting a straight hour of sleep without jolting awake from her dreams. It had become so bad that he had to resort to taking naps on his couch because that was the only place that he could distract himself with other voices. The noise momentarily gave his brain a distraction so he could go in dreamless sleep.

"Swayam, this can't go on forever. You now that, right?" Rey had said sympathetically.

Swayam simply closed his eyes and inhaled a shaky breath. "I know."

"Then just go to her. Go get her man. Bring her back," Rey had said as if it was the easiest thing to do in the world.

Swayam chuckled humorlessly. "I don't think that real life works like that buddy."

"Why not?" Rey had pressed on.

Swayam took his head in his both of his hands and leaned in between his legs. "Because I let her go."

They hadn't talked about it again. He was glad for that, happy at the courtesy that Rey could manage sometimes.

He hadn't been wrong. She had told him of the offer in Goa. It had been a very good offer. She would've a better position, and it would mean a boost in her status and career. There was no denying it. And he had told her just that. If anything, he had helped her every step in the way so she could've have a comfortable stay in Goa. He hadn't let her worry about anything. He was happy for her. He really was. Even if that meant that his insides were contorting in the kind of pain that made it feel like he was slowly dying. He had still interacted with her normally, even though it had meant that it killed him inside every time he heard her laugh.

He had even wanted to see her off with a smile, but she had shaken her head in denial. She had smiled at him, with the same melancholic expression.

"Don't see me off, ok? I hate goodbyes."

He had wanted to cry at that, at the smile she gave. He had wanted to thrash and cry and tell her not to take that away from him. He wanted to beg her to let him look at her for the last time, to still have a chance to tell her not to go because he can't bear being away from her. But he had simply nodded and gave her a stiff handshake for a goodbye instead. She had simply laughed sharply at his gesture, but he could hear the brittle edge to it.

Swayam stared at the phone in front of him as he looked onto the new number she had given to Rey when she left. It still hurt him that she hadn't given that to him directly instead.

His hand shook as he clicked on the dial button and he waited for her the phone to reach. His heart thudded in his ears as he waited for her to pick up the call.

"Hello?" she had said softly.

Swayam had simply closed her eyes. It had been so long since he had seen her, talked to her, heard her voice that he couldn't help savoring it.

"Hello?" she had said again.

"Sharon?" he hadn't known what else to say, how else to continue. The moment stretched and neither of them said another word.

"Swayam?" She had finally uttered, completely surprised.

Before the conversation could've gotten any longer, he felt someone saying something to Sharon on her end of the phone and he hung up abruptly. He put the phone down and rubbed his shaky hands together as he tried to calm himself down. He sat there taking deep breaths and realized that he cheeks were damp again. He exhaled sharply and gulped down the water sitting on his desk instead.

Things didn't really get any easier after that phone call. Her voice didn't make it any easier for him. He heard it constantly in his head, replaying his name again and again. He had tried to stop repeating it but he had only thought of her more. He had only yearned for her more. He had tried so hard to keep things under control, even giving up alcohol so he could've natural sleep cycle instead. Nothing had worked. He still had to resort of sleeping on his couch. But he never called her again. She never did either.

**

He felt another wave of sleepiness as he jerked himself awake. He was the last one in the office. It was late and it was dark outside. He rubbed his eyes in exhaustion and sighed.

"You look like the grim reaper..."

His head shot up at the voice that his brain had been craving to hear. His eyes zeroed in on her and his heart gave a slight squeeze. Was she real?

She simply smiled at him. "You know, you could've just told me to stay instead of dosing yourself with tons of alcohol."

Her voice had sounded amused, yet caring at the same time. She had simply moved closer to him. Before he realized, he was standing up to look down at her.

She placed her hand on his cheeks and he closed his eyes at the calming sensation that he had felt instantly.

"I know. I missed you too," she had said as if she was reading him like an open book. She probably was. She was really good at that. She was amazing at that.

For a little while, neither of them moved. They simply stood like that with her tracing every curve of his face with her hands and him simply rejoicing in her touch. Then, he slowly opened her eyes to make sure he was not dreaming again.

"Welcome back," he said. "Home, I mean, welcome home," he finished off hoarsely due to the overwhelming emotions.

Her eyes lit up at him. "Yes, home. It's good to finally be back home," she finished off softly.

He took a shaky breath, and gently nudged her forward. She followed his gesture and wrapped her arms around his waist as he engulfed her in a hug. Yes, it was good to finally be home again.

This was sort of difficult to write, mostly because I had been wanting to write something on this song but never really got around to it until now. I like how this story came out, but I am hoping it wasn't that dark/angsty for all of you guys! Hopefully you guys could relate. Anyways, it would be much appreciated if you guys could just drop a review of any sort because I so love to read all of them. Also, need to hit the bed now so PMs will be late! Thanks so so much for reading! 😃