Zara Zara Fitrat Badalne Laga Dil Mera - IshRa OS

Zara Zara Fitrat Badalne Laga Dil Mera

"Before, I wanted to say: "I found love!"

But now, I want to say:

"I found a person. And he belongs to me and I belong to him."
C. JoyBell C.

She is excited and nervous all at the same time.

There are butterflies in her stomach and she is scared she might just pass out if she does not get a hold over herself.

It is all so new, so ... different, and so weird for her.

She giggles a little feeling like a teenage school-girl all over again; as if she is gushing over her first crush.

She cannot stop herself from blushing as much as she cannot wipe off the smile plastered on her face.

"Calm down Ishita, calm down." She scolds herself a little, but nothing seems to be helping her with the jitters.

It's a first for her doing this and try as she might she can't help but feel goosebumps that appear on her arms, she is breaking in a cold sweat and she has to close her eyes, take deep breaths and calm down by counting till ten in her head to stop herself.

If she has a panic attack now she will not hear the end of it ever from Raman and she really cannot afford that. He is really perceptive as it is, handing him ammo for a lifetime of teasing and taunting would drive her up the wall or probably provoke her to murder him... well not really kill him but yeah she would wanna have revenge for sure.

She finally can feel her hands stable again and picks up the kohl pencil to add the last touch to her make-up.

Once the kohl is applied she walks two paces back and picks up the duppatta of her new churidar kurta and drapes it over her left shoulder, when she thinks it's set perfectly she walks up to her dressing table and picks up a safety pin placed over it to finish the job.

She looks herself in the mirror turning her face left and right and then twirling before it once and cannot help the fit of giggles that escape her mouth.

She thinks she looks good, really, really good and hopes he thinks the same.

Her face feels flushed as her pulse races and her heartbeats start beating faster as his thought crosses her mind.

She is dressed up for him today.

His words from the morning of the day of her first VarahLakshmi pooja ring in her head once again.

"Ab Punjaban ho tum, toh please look like one."

It hits her once again - she is a married woman now - a woman married to a Punjabi at that.

She had assumed she would never be in this place, it is amazing how long back that feels now, when it has only been a couple of months into their marriage.

Her love for Ruhi coupled with her Appa' decision, his rarely surfacing stubbornness had made her take this decision a couple of months back; one which she had left all up to fate. She had had no expectations from this marriage or the man she was to marry at all. Her only solace had been she would get to call Ruhi her own, the little girl who managed to make her heart beat again with her smiles and laughter, with her love and affection. Her hugs would make her feel alive and her kisses put a smile on her heart and face all at the same time.

She knew they were not bad people - only different and that had her scared initially as much as her Amma.

She had wondered how she would cope with these new people, their new and foreign customs and traditions. She might have lived all her life in Delhi, the hub of Punjabis but having them as friends, neighbors or acquaintances is nowhere near the periphery of being married into a hardcore Punjabi family.

Today though these are her people and slowly, steadily she is learning things about their customs and traditions thanks to the loving guidance of her mother-in-law. She cannot thank her stars enough for the kind of love her mummyji is bestowing upon her now.

Being in love with Subu for a better part of her life had mentally prepared her to be patient especially because she knew his mom and her ways - it had already registered in her mind she would face her ire and wrath every now and then given the kind of woman she is. Though for the man she loved she was willing to even tolerate that, strange how life had other plans for her.

She has found a mother all over again and it makes her feel blessed to have this kind of love especially when this marriage had not been something anyone had looked forward to back then except for her Appa, Papaji and Ruhi.

She wonders how strange it all can be sometimes, the woman who had hated her sometime back because then she had been the mother of a daughter is now the same woman who pampers and adores her, as the mother of a son.

Mummyji informed her two days back, she got really tensed when her license had been revoked and immediately prayed for her. She had there and then pledged to make votive offerings at the earliest should this problem be solved and her license reissued.

Today they are about to make good on that pledge, Papaji got in touch with the Granthisaheb of the Gurudwara, their family frequents and made arrangements to sponsor the Langar for a day by their family.

Things were arranged and they were given a Sunday three days from the day of the meeting for the same.

Mummyji informed her they would need to visit the Gurudwara for the same, offer their prayers and thanks to GuruSaheb, after which they would serve the first round of visitors personally.

It had really moved her to know she is cared for, loved so much by her new family, and had instantly agreed.

On the next day, she had informed mummyji she would be a little late coming home since she decided to go shopping after her clinic hours. It being the first ever visit she would make to the Gurudwara, she wanted to buy something new and special for the occasion. For a moment, it had occurred to her she should perhaps ask her sisters to accompany her for shopping but then she decided against it.

Bala jiju had teased her as it is for referring to Raman as mere pati and soon her sisters too had joined the band to pull her leg, she did not want to give them any more fodder. She really has no other close friends to rely on and even though for a moment it had struck her maybe she could ask, Sarika to come along she dismissed the idea. Sarika and Romi were getting friendlier by the day and she does not know exactly what is cooking between them but she did not want to risk the news reaching Romi and from him spreading to everyone like wild fire.

She wanted to surprise Raman, for him to be the first one to see her in her new avatar.

Hence, just for that she did not want to take any chances.

Four hours of backbreaking, leg-ache inducing shopping trip had finally helped her achieve her desired result. She had bought a beautiful Churidar Suit that was subtle and yet beautiful for the occasion. For the turquoise-emerald attire, she then shopped for the perfect accessories ranging from bangles to earrings and even a little pendant caught her eye that she felt would help complete the look.

She had one goal and absolutely one in mind - to look like a perfect Punjabi bahu.

Only now that she sees herself in the mirror and finds herself glowing; does it strike her somewhere all of this, her dressing up, making all these efforts had been for her husband, for Raman.

Suddenly she feels breathless as the realization hits her- she wanted to dress up for Raman.

She feels weak in the knees and has to sit down as she copes with this new development.

Going to those lengths she did recently to get Raman his presidency back had felt the right thing to do, he had not even let on to her the condition he had accepted for her sake, much less the implications of it. If it had not been for Romi she perhaps never would have even figured out about his quiet sacrifice for her. Fasting for his long life, his prosperity had been a heartfelt gesture for her because she had seen the goodness of this man - after everything he had done for her, her family. He had proved her innocence when Parmeet accused her of being an immoral woman to saving Amma' life and even clearing the hospital bills all had been done by him without even any expectation of a thanks from her end.

This was the least she could do for him.

However, it dawns upon her - this... this is not gratitude or thanks, she feels now. Dressing up for him, the way he wants to see her as he expressed in that typical way of his is something entirely different.

It is not the daughter within her nor is the wife who is making her do this, it's the woman within her.

A woman who has dressed up for a man, as per his wishes...

She did this to make Raman happy, to please him.

It sinks in finally making her realize...she was not trying to present herself as a Punjabi bahu today rather she wants the man who is her husband to admire her. She dressed up for him, took efforts to look beautiful just to see that look on his face which always has presented itself whenever she has taken a special effort to look good on all those previous occasions.

That one moment where his eyes would widen, as he would look at her, her husband has never praised her vocally except on the night they were locked in when she wore that blue dress but involuntarily he has always let it be known, the effect she does have on him.

Her heart thumps as she recalls the occasions when this has happened before - the time he saw her wearing that green dress - the first instance where she dressed up for him that too in a western attire. The blue dress, Mihir' sangeet ceremony as she wore that net saree and saw him be speechless as his eyes checked her out from top to bottom and vice versa.

She blushes now as she recalls the look in his eyes each of those times.

It strikes her she had dressed up all those times to show him - to prove she can knock his socks off because he had provoked her enough, taunted her. Whether it was by mocking, she would not fit in a dress of a particular size, saying she needs all the help she can get for dressing up or saying she looks like his mother beside him. All of those instances had been a point of pride for her.

Today however it is not the cause.

Today she merely wants to do something for his sake...dress up the way he would like to see her.

She does not even want a word of appreciation from him - rather if he waxes poetic or says flowery words, she is scared she might just start laughing or pass out from the shock of it. She only wants that look which appears on his face as it always has - that wordless gesture which speaks volumes all by itself and means more than any amount of words could.

"Raman... it means that ... he is ...special to me?" She asks herself aloud in the privacy of her room.

A smile creeps up on her face as she shakes her head with the words spoken, and gives herself a little slap on the back of her head.

"No...it can't be...he is Raavan Kumar... Kud Kud Kumar... I... NO, NO, NOT AT ALL. It isn't even possible. All we do is fight almost all the time - he constantly taunts and bickers, he is so ... so... "

She tries to reason with herself she possibly cannot be falling for him, her husband Raman Kumar Bhalla...but cannot overlook the way she feels her heart speed up at the mere thought of him. Moments when he has cared for her be it applying a paste on her allergies, saving her as a pelmet was about to fall on her, the various things he did for her while her hand was still in a sling flash before her mind' eye.

For all his grumbling and taunting, his mocking and rude words - she realizes the man has always cared for her, stood by her.

He even noticed that saree which he gifted her - the one she refused to buy seeing that it was so expensive and bought it for her despite being embroiled with so many issues and problems.

A soft, sweet smile creeps up on her face as she thinks - beneath that exterior which is so coarse and rough is a tender heart that is so caring and giving. The man she is married too is such a wonderful person, such a lovely human being.

His words could perhaps never be sweet but his actions - oh, they are a completely different matter.

Suddenly she hears a knock on the door of her bedroom as her husband yells,

"Hello Madam, are you ready now? Humme aaj gurudware pahunchna hai, Ruhi ke bachho ke saaath nahi haath mein chaddi pakadkar."

She has to laugh at his words... he will never change.

She springs up from the bed and in two strides is at the door and almost opens it too when suddenly it dawns on her... what his reaction might be. What if he mocks her... well she is used to it, but if he says something untoward today... she is scared she might just cry and lock herself up in the room for eternity or at least for an hour.

"Ishita..tum taiyyar hui? God these women, kitna time leti hai." Her impatient husband yells again.

"Hello madam, main tumse pooch raha hoon? Jawab dogi?"

She is suddenly too tongue-tied to answer him.

Suddenly she hears him speak to himself.

"Madrasan kahiin behosh toh nahi ho gayi?... Ishita tum theek toh ho na, dekho agar tumne jawab nahi diya ya darwaza nahi khola toh I am breaking this door do you hear me?"

Involuntarily she replies,

"Ha taiyyar hoon bas."

"Toh itne time se chila raha hoon jawab kyun nahi de rahi thi?"

"Woh...woh... main, ha main lipgloss laga rahi thi."

"Bhagwan bachaye tum auraton se aur tumhare make-up ke chakkaro se, ab jaldi karo maa ka phone tha, sab pahunch gaye hai, sirf hum baaki hai."

"Ha aayi."

Taking a deep breath, she closes her eyes as she summons all the gods for some courage and finally unlatches the door,

"Thank god darwaza khula toh sahi aaj ki tareek main."

Her husband is standing with his back to her and replies casually without even looking up lost in one of those mails that he is checking on his phone.

"Ha toh meri kya galti, society main water cut hoga yeh pehle thodi na pata tha, maine sabko aage bheja taki saari preparations ho jaaye, main yahaan paani bharne ruki thi na ki time pass karne."

"Ha, ha saari society ka paani tumhe akeli hi bharna tha na."

"Ji nahi bas hamare ghar ka, shayad aapko lagta ho yeh chhoti si problem hai par itni badi family raat tak bina paani ke kaise rehti yeh socha?"

"Main thodi na kuch sochta hoon, main toh kal paida hua tha hai na? ab ho gaya ho tumhara toh chale ya aur kuch baaki hai abhi bhi."

"Bus main paani pee leti hoon aur ek bottle car ke liye bhi le loon."

He shakes his head as he types something on the phone and she thanks god for it, had he said a word to her about her appearance right now she is not sure how she would react. Going over to the kitchen, she takes a bottle out first for them to carry along and then opens the drawers where they store the glasses.

Taking a glass out she reaches for the earthen pot placed in the corner of the kitchen and fills up her glass as she drinks it down,

"Arre jaldi..."

She hears her husband stop midway and slowly turns around as she notices he has gone quiet.

She feels a sudden rush of joy that wells up inside her as her husband' appraising eyes scan her form from top to bottom. His look spelling out she succeeded, his appraisal awarded to her without any words.

The fruits of her efforts reaped in a moment of unguarded admiration that she finds for herself in his eyes.

She places the glass in the sink, moves towards the platform, and picks up the bottle of water she had earlier placed.

Walking towards him she stops two paces ahead of her husband and finally speaks up,

"Chale?"

Still unable to take his eyes off of his wife, her husband doesn't seem to hear her and it gives her a sense of pride and happiness as she snaps her fingers to finally get his attention,

"Raman, maine kaha ab chale?"

"Ha toh main toh kabse taiyaar hoon tumhara time pass khatam hone ka naam nahi le raha tha."

Adopting a defensive stance her husband makes a run for the door and is out in no time.

Smiling at the turn of events from being the tongue-tied one to being the one who made her husband speechless, she shakes her head and walks towards the door, shutting it behind her as she heads downstairs to join her husband, who she knows would already be awaiting her in the car.

She is still gauging this change between them, trying to make sense of the newness of them, of what she is feeling for him but one thing she knows for sure is - she is happy, happy with the change that is transpiring in their relationship.

She is not sure of much at the moment but she now knows with that one look and the way Raman made for a run out the door - she is not the only one who feels things are changing between them; she isn't the only one sailing in this boat.

All she knows for sure is she is glad she is in this journey with him, that he is the one who she is going to share the rest of her life with. That without them even realizing or understanding when or how it happened there is a change in their equation now.

They are no longer two strangers who came together forced by destiny and circumstances to enter a bond of matrimony, instead they are so much more.

She thinks perhaps they are and always were two halves of a whole meant to cross paths and complete each other.