Aditya Srivastava & Ansha Sayed B'day - Story Contest Rating

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LavenderBloom

@LavenderBloom

Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

#81

i appreciate and applaud the organizers for organizing this event beautifully and opening this thread... 😊😊😊😊👏👏👏👏

i appreciate the writers for their lively participation.. and for writing these beautiful,thrilling,outstanding stories... ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️👏👏⭐️👏👏⭐️
All the best..👏👏👏👏⭐️⭐️⭐️😊😊😊

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-SNEHAL-

@-SNEHAL-

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 11 years ago

#82

My review on Visrom di's story. Story no. 3

Story started of really well. Acp sir's stand for purvi and freddy's support and then the wife wala part gave a humorous touch. I loved you included shreya and abhijeet's relation and continued with what happened with adoption. Totally liked the way Daya confronted students(terrorists), being a vigilent officer nothing less was expected ofcourse.

DCP chitrole was like himself only. Sarcastic and somewhat stupid too. So i think you did justice with the character. Pankaj behaved like what he used to when he entered, somehow his behavioor was expected but hard to be accepted. You cleverly sent him out of the story😆using his love for food😉.

The later whole plot rushed. But i liked it. The plot of foreign national coming to india and though knowing he was mastermind behind terrorist activity, the helplessness of authorities and the murder of law for the sake of diplomacy and politics is a bitter truth.

Something which felt like a loophole , Abhijeet after checking german delegate totally forgot him and so did entire CID team, ACP sir also didn't even check for him or other delegates again.

Also the land, forest and terrorist, the hospital - everything felt so real. What we read in news paper, i liked the way you spawn the plot around it.

I felt it would have been better handled if you have got more time and also the length wasn't limited.

All in all, i will say this is 75% of what you always do with your stories so from me you have a certificate that you can still write the stories😆😉

Shreya and Ravi will read your stories too, soon. 😊

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beena1508

@-beena-

Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

#83

Story 1:The story was really entertaining.The narrative style of the story is really nice.With the scenes well arranged by the writer,the scenes were easily understandable.Suspense was well maintained till the end and the culprit was unexpected.Liked Purvi's efforts to free herself without anyone's help. The manner of narration of those scenes was excellent. The writer has well described the capabilities of an excellent cop here. The idea of Abhijeet of taking help from the security guard is very nice. The parts of Abhijeet following Purvi's clues is well described. But when Purvi is was not hurt how could she leave message for Abhijeet in blood?

Liked the part of Abhijeet finding out the farmhouse and the way he went about doing it.Between,Virar is known as Virar only and not as Virar Road. Actually in that region, only Vasai is known as Vasai Road. And on the other side, the scenes of Daya,Freddy and Sachin trying to reach Abhijeet and Purvi and the manner in which they inquired and followed the clues available are also nice. The part starting from Abhijeet entering the farmhouse where Purvi and the delegates were kept till the part where the leader was shot down by Abhijeet has been excellently portrayed. But how and when exactly, were the delegates kidnapped and how come even if not CID,atleast any other authority did not find out about that? The end conversation between Duo was nice.

Thanks a lot for the story.

Story 2: Excellently written. The starting scene at the bureau was a very casual and a nice one. Team distribution was good. Introduction of DIG was a nice idea.Team's support and concern for Purvi and Abhijeet when they were accused was well portrayed. The entire fight sequence of Purvi and Freddy was very good and well described. The scenes between them have been very nicely portrayed. The fact of Dr. Zalmanov being saved from being affected by cyanide since he was suffering from Hypochlorhydria was an excellent idea. Thanks a lot for the information.Towards the end, the parts of Duo's scene in the bar till the fight sequence between Duo and the miscreants is really superb and has been very nicely described.Overall,the story was very gripping and suspense was well maintained. The climax fight scene was nice as well. The ending scene of Abhijeet and Purvi being honoured by DCP Chitrole was very nice.

Thanks a lot for the story.

Story 3: The manner in which the story has begun is awesome.The conversation between ACP Pradyuman and Freddy has been nicely described.It reflects the normal life at any office.Liked the fact that Shreya has been introduced in the story.The idea of connecting Duo's trip to Panchgani with the place where the hospital was to be built is excellent.The flow of the story from the scene at the bureau towards the main part of the story is really nice.Well written.Liked how Abhijeet changed DCP's team arrangement and distributed the work among the team in his own manner.Thanks for the information about the adoption law in India.Investigation part was very nice.The idea of prosthetic mask,was superb.The culprit was unexpected.The ending with the mastermind going unpunished on account of diplomatic immunity reflects the real life where it does happen and people with political clout and money,walk away scott free and the guilty are rarely punished as they deserve.On the whole a very interesting story and gripping story.

Thanks a lot for the story.

Edited by beena.thomas - 11 years ago