Hello people! So here's the Update😃
Before reading this, you can read the NOTE above if you want to know why I was so late😳
Also, I will be posting two parts of chapter 14, PART A and PART B. I know that I said that I will be posting three but the third one stretched far too long and felt a little disconnected with the other too. Don't worry :) Because that means that CH-15 Will come soon<3
Do read and tell me your thoughts:)
Married to Darkness
CH-14
PART A
Crash.
Yes, that's exactly how it felt. Zoya's hopes were crashing. Once again.
And again and again.
Along with her hopes, she felt her heart sink as she sat curled up at one corner of her room. Amidst the darkness of the night, she felt the quivers of dejection. She had cried so much that she couldn't no more; silent sobs were her only companion.
How strong can one be?
She has had these days before but she had boldly faced them like a warrior. But now, her patience had hit the last straw; she no longer had the strength to fight.
She was living her fear.
Accompanying Zoya's suffocating silence was the storm that had enraged within Asad. Zoya's body shivered as she heard Asad constantly throwing things in his room, breaking them into pieces to satiate his anger.
This was probably the first time she was experiencing his wrath in its real form. She feared its intensity and what it was capable of doing.
Every time she remembered his furious eyes, the regret she saw in them, something ate her from within. His coldness towards her shattered all her beliefs and the possibility of happiness with him that she dreamt of.
But was it really Zoya's fault?
Yes she didn't stop him. Yes she did not want to stop him. Yes she loved the way he touched her, as if he could feel her every emotion. Yes she probably, for a second, found herself falling completely in love with him, she was sure.
But she didn't let all of it happen in the first place. It was him who landed both of them in that situation. The consequences of which, Zoya had to pay for.
In the middle of an internal war she was fighting, Zoya kept avoiding one single question. Why?
Why did he come close to me?
Does he feel the same way I do?
Or was that jut a weak moment? A decision that he will forever regret?
She shut her eyes close as she thought of the plausible answers. Some that could make her happy and some that could cause further devastation. She did not want the answers. Not right now, at least.
Blocking away her puzzling thoughts, she tried to get herself at peace. She had spent far too much time wailing for something she had no control over.
It will take some time to regain the power and will to fight again. To demand the answers she deserved but she had to wait for the right time to come.
Hence, she gathered her broken heart, all her shattered feelings and decided to let Allah decide the fate of her tomorrow.
She wanted to be in the dark for once, the difference of black and white, scared her.
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How could I? Asad sighed in exasperation for the hundredth time that night.
How could I have stepped over my boundaries?
Love, emotion, and relations- this stuff wasn't made for him. He was fully aware of that then what caused the slip in his judgment?
The last few days he had spent fighting the attraction that he felt for Zoya. He remembered thinking that he might just have fallen for her. Asad didn't want to believe that now. Love and happiness weren't inscribed in his fate.
No I don't love her; he kept repeating it over and over again. Trying to give his feelings a backseat.
He hated himself for making that mistake, for toying with someone's emotions. He had no right to.
Knocking a lampstand to the floor, he roared with anger. Now he will have to do things that would unleash the monster inside of him. She would hate him now.
Everyone who had come closer to Asad in his life have met a fate written in hell. He didn't want Zoya to join the victims.
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All night long Zoya had tried to fight her feelings, to let sleep consume her, but she failed every single time. After a long battle with herself she had come to realize that all her attempts to let things happen on their own were futile. Every time she closed her eyes, she was met with the same images of a reality, which now felt like a dream.
And when the rays of the morning sun hit her, she couldn't hold herself back anymore. She needed things to get in perspective to be able to function properly and live through every passing second that was haunting her.
Without deciding what she was going to do or say, Zoya made her way to Asad's room. She was only going to knock at the door but coincidentally Asad opened it before she could, shocked as he saw her standing firmly in front of him.
His shirt was loosely hanging out, his eyes bloodshot and his face as cold as ever. He didn't even bother to look into her direction, afraid that his emotions might lay bare for her to see.
Zoya had shivers of fear rising through her as she took in his deathly presence. She longed to see the care and emotions his eyes once reflected.
"Mr. Khan" she almost whispered, lowering her eyes to avoid his indifference to affect her.
But he didn't reply, instead, he signaled her to move away from his sight.
"I need to talk to you right now ", Zoya was adamant.
"Just move away, I don't have time for this " he replied after what felt like ages.
"You don't have the time?" Zoya said angrily, " Who are you to decide for it yourself? I have an equal say in this and I need to talk to you right now."
He freed her arms that she had held across, against the door to stop him, " I have already made my decision and I am in no mood to TALK! Do you hear me?"
That hurt, a lot actually. But Zoya was firm in her actions, she couldn't let him control her life anymore and nor would she let him destroy his own by neglecting his feelings.
"You have to listen to me this time Asad," she said softly, holding contact with his eyes.
Asad saw how hurt she was. He saw how every harsh word he said took away from the light in her eyes. But he had no other choice; he had to make her realize that it was time for her to go.
"I am saying this for the last time Zoya, you are holding on to your false hopes! Nothing, absolutely nothing you would say affects me. And if you are here to enquire about last night then let me break it down for you; it was a weak moment and I made a mistake! So stop behaving like a child and realize that you are never going to get the answers you want!" he shouted, "Do you like the miserable life you are living? Do you want to share the rest of your life with a person who doesn't care about you, at all?"
"You are right. I don't want to share my life with a person who doesn't care about me. I hate the Asad Ahmad Khan standing in front of me right now!" she paused to gain composure, "But I know that there is this Asad who cares about me, cares about the little things I do, whether I eat or not, whether I reach home safely, cares so much for me that he keeps his promises...someone who hates to see me get hurt. I know the Asad who sings me Birthday jingles, who holds my hand to dance with me...all for my happiness. I know the Asad whom I met last night. The same person with whom I shared the most intimate moments of my life...and yes, I would like to give that Asad a chance. I would like to share a lifetime with him." With every word she said, her confidence strengthened to voice her opinions. She wanted to tell him about the kind of faith she had in him, wishing that he would understand.
"Zoya, yahan se chali jao. Yeh hum dono ke liye sahi faisla hoga." he said calmly this time.
She felt her heart crash again. She had hopes that he would understand this time but like every other time, he didn't.
Tears started streaming down her face, she couldn't hold her emotions any longer. The pain was just too much to handle and she couldn't do this alone.
She held his hand gently, looking into his eyes, "Please Mr. Khan don't do this," She walked closer to him, fighting his resistance, "Please don't do this."
He tried to push her away but she was holding on too strongly. She leaned against his arm, putting her head on his shoulder as she spoke between her silent sobs, "I will not be able to survive this alone. Please Mr. Khan. I have no strength to gather myself again. I need your support. I need you"
She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him closely as he resisted again. She held him with a force that never wanted to let go.
"Zoya leave me," he said in between his unavailing attempts to free himself.
On any other day Zoya would never have behaved this way. She would have never begged for his acceptance but today her will and vigor was falling apart. She needed a shoulder to cry on.
"Mr. Khan, remember what happened last night... don't you feel that there is something between us? Something that goes beyond a mere responsibility. Something that always manages to bring us close. Don't you want to give this a chance? Please, can't you for once forget about everything but you and me? And the feelings that we keep fighting away..."
She felt his body give up on resisting as he immersed into thoughts. Zoya lifted her face up to find Asad staring blankly at her, as if thinking over what she had just said. A flicker of hope started building inside of her.
She held his face in her hands, caressing the tensed lines, easing out all his worries with her soft touch. " I have started to like it here, Mr. Khan. Knowingly or unknowingly you have grown on me. When you are around I feel this strange comfort and happiness. We can share this together, if you are ready to give us a chance. Trust me, we need it. I can't keep fighting alone, I need you to be there" Zoya was too indulged in her emotions that she never realized that she was drawing too close. She hugged him again, listening to his steady heartbeat, "I like it here Asad, in the comfort of your arms. I feel as if my world is complete, nothing is amiss, don't you feel that way?" she asked innocently.
Her question and their proximity jolted him out of his confusion, he was doing it again, letting her too close. "No, I don't" he pulled away, holding Zoya by her shoulders, "You are crazy to think that there is something between us. There is nothing nor it will EVER be! And why do you care so much? Why do you feel the need to make everything all right? I have already freed you from all the responsibilities of this marriage. You can go! Why the hell do you care so much?"
As she was jerked out of his embrace, she felt her heart sinking again.
Is it so difficult for her to achieve happiness in life?
Why can't he understand?
He pushed her aside and walked away from her, leaving Zoya dejected in her stand. She felt too weak to respond any further; her mind and body were completely drained out.
Leaning against the door panel, she spoke to herself, "Because I have fallen in Love with you Asad Ahmed Khan. I care because I love you."
Her voice was feeble but loud enough for Asad to hear as he was walking out of the house. Zoya was oblivious to the fact that Asad had heard her confess her feelings for him. Even though she was extremely bold in expressing her feelings, she could never muster enough courage to state them in those three words.
Her tears dried out as she sat there for god knows how long, trying to pick up the pieces. She wasn't new to this game; life has been such for very long. Only this time around, the pain that she felt overpowered the will to go on and fight for a bleak tomorrow.
She was tired.
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Asad had been driving aimlessly for the past three hours since his morning encounter with Zoya.
I care because I love you.
And since then, the words she had said, had been hammering inside his head.
She had confessed his love for him, something that he had feared for a long time. But hadn't he known all this long? Of course he did.
Asad brought the car to a sudden halt, slamming his head on the wheel, as he cried helplessly. He has never hated himself more in his life. Everything, her tears, her pleas, her love, kept coming back to him. The way she called out to him for support, his heart clenched when he thought of that. He left her when she needed him the most.
How did he let this happen?
It was his fault, all of it. He should have sent her back way before. Hell, he should have never agreed to marry her, only to ruin her life later.
She loved him.
In spite of all his imperfections, his behavior, his indifference- she still loved him.
But what about when she learns about the baggage of a dark past that he had been carrying on his shoulders? Will she love him then?
She would hate him.
And he did not want that to happen. He couldn't afford to witness her hate for him. He just couldn't.
He will have to send her away. He will have to become a distant memory for Zoya or else she would hurt herself more than she had thought.
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Asad had returned home around evening while Zoya was still in the office. For the past thirty minutes since his return he had been busy searching for his alcohol bottles that he kept hidden inside a certain cabinet in the kitchen. His ammi had always been furious at his drinking habits and hence he had to hide them secretly for no one to find.
He desperately needed to drink to forget about all the hurt and pain for sometime at least but for some reason he couldn't find any of them in their original location.
A while later, Zoya returned home, only to find a frustrated Asad slamming cabinet doors in the kitchen and breaking things in anger.
What is wrong with him?
Just when I decide to distance myself from him for a while, he does things that force me to do otherwise.
Fearfully she walked over to him to ask him about his sudden outburst, " Why are you behaving this way Mr. khan? What are you trying to find?"
He ignored her questions twice but the third time she asked, he answered in a dangerously low tone, "Have you seen the bottles I kept in this cabinet?"
She walked over to see which one he was pointing at and realized that he had been looking for his alcohol stack that she had thrown away a few days before. She couldn't believe this man. Instead of acknowledging and facing his feelings, he chooses to drown them out with his addiction.
Enraged at his mad behavior she confessed boldly, " I have thrown them out a few days before. For your own good!"
What Zoya hadn't realized was the fit of rage he would launch into. His eyes were staring at her with fury as his fists clenched tightly. He grabbed her shoulders and dragged her closer, violently, "How dare you touch my things!", he shouted at her.
Zoya couldn't help her tears from flowing, "Mr. Khan you are hurting me", she cried.
"Listen to me and listen good. You are no one to decide what is right and what is wrong for me, do you understand?"
Zoya freed herself away with disgust; her anger knew no bounds as he tried to intimidate her. "And you listen to me Mr. Asad Ahmed Khan, I am not scared of you. So stop trying to overpower me like that. And as a wife I did what I thought was best for my husband!"
"WIFE! WIFE! WIFE! Stop living in a DREAM Zoya! This marriage, you and me, it means nothing. I don't care whether you live or you die...you are nothing but an unnecessary trouble for me. And what do you think? They don't sell this stuff outside? Or you think that I would obey you because as a husband I have a responsibility towards you? Well, you are wrong!"
I don't care whether you live or you die. That's when she stopped listening. He really doesn't care?
Asad held her hand firmly, "I won't repeat myself from now on, just keep way from me!" he said slamming his hand unknowingly on a knife that was kept on the kitchen slab, which flew right past Zoya.
Everything happened suddenly, before anyone could react to it. Zoya stared at him blankly, scared out of her mind. Her body started shivering in his hold as she thought of what could have had happened.
Asad had taken it too far but he hadn't purposefully tried to hurt her. He was definitely trying to make her hate him with his irrational behavior but physically harming her was never his intention. There was a long silence that had set in as both of them stared at each other blankly.
Zoya's breathing was heavy as her tears started falling profusely out of fear. She had never felt this way around him before. For the very first time she had genuinely been scared of him.
"Z..Zoya...I didn't mean to-'' he spoke in broken words as he realized the extent to which she was frightened. Her hand that he was holding was shaking and felt cold against his skin.
As she felt that her body is going to give up, she ran away to her room, crying loudly to suppress the shivers rising up.
Asad watched her leave as flashes of her horror stricken face returned to him. He could have hurt her for real today. He ran a frustrated hand in his hair, wishing that he could die that moment for hurting her so badly. She didn't deserve the pain he had caused.
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"Zoya! Zoya! Please open the door!" Asad had gone after her but she hadn't let him in. She had locked her room from inside and had sat down against the door, crying her heart out.
She was aware that Asad could hear her. But this was her moment and she needed to be alone. She knew that Asad hadn't intended to throw a knife at her but the way the events played out had scared her beyond measure. Her heart was pounding, as anxiety kicked in, she wanted to shriek out. This time she didn't hold herself back and had cried.
I don't care whether you live or you die. Her mind kept reminding her of his words and the gnawing pain that increased with every passing second.
Asad heard her loud sobs; her cries stung him like knives piercing through his body. And this time because he was the sole barer of the blame, the guilt was unbearable.
He sat down, placing a hand on the door, "Zoya, I didn't mean to scare you like that. I really didn't. I hope that now you have understood the kind of person I am. I don't deserve your empathy. I just want to tell you that circumstances will forever remain the same, I can never change and you will end up hurting yourself if you hoped for any longer."
He sighed as he looked up, "I am really sorry Zoya...I had no idea that you would get so frightened by my actions..." saying the last few words, he got up and left. He had nothing more to say. He couldn't tell her about how it pained him to see her break down like that, he couldn't tell her that her tears, her miseries affected him more than she could ever imagine.
Zoya listened to his sincere confession and it would be wrong to say that she didn't believe him. She did. Even before he had spelled it out for her, she knew that Asad would never try to harm her in any which way. So what really broke her?
It was his words. How could he say that? I don't care whether you live or you die. A part of her knew that he didn't mean it but the other half kept rewinding his bitterness over and over again that she couldn't help but question herself and her beliefs.
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Zoya was tired. Tired of playing this game. She had stopped crying after a while but that in no way reduced her agony.
Her mind though kept forcing herself to think practically. And that was the best motivation she could wish for.
It questioned her; did she really have the time to waist on crying and repenting?
She knew that breaking his walls wouldn't be easy so how can she loose all her hopes so soon?
By now she was clear of a few things. She loved Asad Ahmed Khan. And she couldn't afford to loose him over a few harsh words he had said or the actions, which she knew, he regretted.
She also knew for a fact that, Asad did feel for her. Loves her? She wasn't sure of this but he most definitely cared for her. He might have said that he didn't care about her at all but his eyes told a different story. Yes it was true that she was hurt, but in the deepest corner of her heart and soul; she still believed it to be a farce. A plain lie to mask his true emotions.
And lastly she was sure that there was something that was holding him back, something that was closely knitted to his past life.
All of this thinking brought her to a single conclusion. That her only priority at a time like this would be to know of what exactly happened to him. What made him into an emotionally scarred individual? She had to tie all the loose strings of the mystery. And this time she had to be smarter in her approach.
The last three months that Zoya had known Asad, she had incurred one final thing, that he was a very difficult man. Unpredictable and rigid. All he has ever asked her is to leave and go, as if it was the only answer to all his problems. Or at least he thought so.
What if I assure him that I would go away?
In that case he would let his guard down in front of me a bit at least.
If I assure him that I have realized that our relationship had no hopes to hold on to and I no longer want my answers, he would forget about the guilt, which holds him back always. He would be at a greater ease in his behavior once this belief is instilled in him.
Also it would be easier for me to find out about his past, if he is not careful all the time.
And more than all that, upon realizing that our togetherness isn't permanent, he might listen to his heart's true calling.
This way I would also come to know the extent of his feelings for me.
Zoya couldn't believe that in such a short time she had a perfect plan at hand. It had all worked out perfectly in her mind; she would no longer chase him for the answers. She would no longer be the docile and gullible person she had become. She would be rude to him and hurt him and make him believe that she had started to dislike him too.
Zoya was somehow sure that this would work. It had to work.
This was her last try and she sincerely hoped that this time she meets with success.
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Around 10:00 pm in the night, Zoya decided to go and meet Asad. If she had a perfect plan, she also had to execute it expertly.
Asad opened the door as she knocked, confused by her presence.
"What is it?" he asked.
"I am here to give you a good news. Something you wished for since the day I stepped into your house." she stated coldly.
Asad didn't miss the harshness in her tone; it lacked the usual compassion and politeness.
He looked at her questioningly. What good news was she talking about?
"I want a divorce." she said, her voice completely free of any emotion.
He felt his heart sink. A divorce?
But shouldn't he be happy? It was all he wanted, wasn't it? So why was he feeling adversely. Why was he feeling that his heart had been ripped apart and trampled upon? Why?
"So finally you realized. I am happy with your decision" he replied to her.
No you are not Mr. Khan. I can read your eyes.
"I knew that you'd be happy. So am I by the way. And I should thank you for my newfound happiness. If it weren't your real self to have come out before me, I would have believed that you are really a nice man. So thanks", she said rudely.
This was the first time Asad had seen her talk like that. This was not her. But maybe she did think that way. After all, every one's endurance has a limit.
"Very well Zoya. I am glad that you are putting an end to a relationship that never existed. I knew that one day it was bound to happen."
"I have more month to work at Sunrise before which I cannot leave. So we will have to file for the divorce a month from now. I am legally bound in a contract otherwise I would have left tomorrow if it were left to me." Zoya was acting along the way she had planned. She had purposefully included the one-month contract thing, because she obviously needed more time. One month seemed less if you think about it, but it was her challenge. In this one month either she manages to break through his walls or she leaves permanently, breaking all ties of her marriage with him. However, she didn't want to think about the latter because it was the only thing she feared.
So she can't even stand my presence for a day? Asad thought as Zoya expressed her will to leave as soon as possible. His actions must have hurt a lot, he incurred. But it's all for the better Asad, he told himself. You don't want to see Zoya grieve again.
It's all for the better.
"I will talk to my lawyer tomorrow. He will make sure that after a month's time we are separated without any hassles."
"Fine" she said, keeping a fake look of contentment intact.
"Fine."
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For PART B Scroll Down:)
Edited by McdreamyKSG - 11 years ago
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