I dressed up for the mehendi today...It felt odd..There was a sense of loss, yet I felt excited. Sense of loss because...it reminded me of my own Nikah that never happened...or because I felt like something was being taken away from me...more likely to be the latter, because I have been having this vacant feeling for sometime now...I wish I could understand what this is about...
Excited because...it felt nice dressing up. I am not an extravagant person, but it felt nice to not stick out like a sore thumb amongst all the well dressed guests...Like I was not just an odd servant... I was really in awe of the people there...they are all so out of my league.
The function started..Oh! I forgot..Rehaan gifted me some flowers...he is such a sweet person. I guess this is how friends are to each other...I have been too busy all my life, to know anyone other than Badi Ammi and Haya. My life so far has revolved only around them, and my interactions at the Dhaba have all been professional. My only friend so far has been Haya...and now, I guess I can say Rehaan too...It felt good to receive a gift for no special occasion.
Begum Sahiba surprised all of us. She danced to make the day memorable...she almost tripped, and I caught her...and she did the sweetest thing ever. She made me dance with her. That felt good too...especially since I was feeling very conscious of my looks.
Aahil was in a bad mood. (When is he not!) He walked out of the mehendi, and Begum Sahiba had to go to get him...( I wonder what is wrong with this guy! Why can't he be normal?) I decided to ignore him anyway...
Then I am not sure what happened...there was a crash. The mehendi bowl slipped from Begum Sahiba's hands and fell down...seconds later, Naziya discovered that the mehendi had stained my hands...
Mehendi...I have my own issues with mehendi. It has not been long since my hands were delicately adorned too...and I really don't want to be reminded of that, for at least some time.
Mehendi! All of a sudden, everyone started discussing about how I was the bad omen in the Nikah...it felt terrible. I wished they'd stop...
Instead, it became worse...I have never been so humiliated in my life before. It took me completely by surprise. Nida- Aahil's bride to be- she pounced on me..wiped the wretched thing off my hands. She wanted me to get out of the house. (For what, may I ask? She did not employ me. I have a bond with atleast some people in the house. Badi Ammi is very fond of me... I admire Begum Sahiba, who has been nice to me on many occasions... Latif has grown to be a friend ...well sort of...and...sigh...Aahil...well, he did save my life twice... And I didn't even go near her precious mehendi! Why should I leave because it came and fell on me and she decided to throw a fit over nothing, like everyone else pointed out!)
I stood rooted...terrified by the accusations...
She went on and on...belittling me, scandalising me...
I wished there was someone to speak up for me...the same empty feeling came back and devoured me completely...I was lost.
...until...(Why do I feel disappointed when I remember this...)
Rehaan spoke up...he stood his ground...he defended me...
Everyone else seemed to silently agree with him...I am so thankful that atleast he spoke up...
...Aahil...Not that I expected any better from him. Why should I? Who am I to him?
Later in the night, I met Rehaan to thank him. He is really very sensitive. But from the moment I first met him in person...I have felt this. He carries a secret in his heart. I don't know if it is a bad or good thing...but I feel it is something that holds him in check. I know he is an orphan, adopted by Aahil's family. I wonder if it is something about his past that affects him so gravely...as a friend, I'd love to help him too...
A funny thing happened...
I extended my hand in friendship, and he returned the gesture...then he noticed the dark stain the mehendi had left on my hand...and withdrew...As if...
I don't know. It was weird. He stopped so abruptly... like... he ...was crossing a line...
It was weird because we have shaken hands before, and it seems absurd that Aahil's mehendi that made a mark on me by mistake would make me...out of bounds?...Isn't that weird?
Well...Not as weird as fact that Aahil Razaa Ibrahim stood silent through that ordeal I was put through...This man saved me twice from dying...yet did not raise a finger when I was insulted like that. Not that I should even expect that from him since he has made it very clear that I am a nobody, the very thought of who upsets him...
I am just an annoyance he would love to forget...
He gave me such angry looks of frustration at the dinner table. He did not want to be served by me...But he sat through the dinner...and now wants his dinner served with his precious Nida... Why should I care? I think the best thing for me to do is, to ignore him as best possible and stay out of his way!
Oh! And a very odd thing happened today, Ruksana drank the soup,curled up and died...just like that. Thank God, everyone else who drank the soup was fine. Or else, Madam Nida would have crucified me for that too! I guess the cat must have been already sick...or choked on something...and none of us noticed while Madam Sahiba was busy finding fault with me for nothing at all!
I hope I can just stick to my own business from now on...
...and somehow this empty feeling that makes me feel incomplete...I pray it'd just go away...I try to forget it...but it makes me uneasy...
..weak...
..sigh...
Part two:
Book Talk
