more bollywood jokes

Akal badhi ki bhains?

"Circuit- Bhai ye bata Akal badhi ki bhains?
Munna Bhai- Pehele apun ko date of birth bata tabhi to bataega tereku, aisehi khali peeli time khoti karta hai sala."

"What is Ford?
Munna Bhai- Gaadi BAP aur kya?

What is Oxford?
Munna Bhai- BOLE TO Bail Gaadi BAP, itna bhi nahi janta!"

"Circuit- Apun ka Bapu bahut shana tha BAP, sher ke pinjre me ghus gaya !
Munnai Bhai- Bahar kaise nikla re?
Circuit- Waich tou lafda bapu bahar nahi nikla!"

"Circuit- Tu pareshan kyun hai? Munna Bhai- Sale mai bap banne wala hai!
Circuit starts dancing.
Munna Bhai- Nachna band kar sale, teri Bhabi ka bacha nahi hai."

"Lady Dr- Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade hokar auraton ko kyun ghoorte ho?
Circuit- Bai ji aapichh wahan likhe na - Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am"

Filmi Pyaar

When I am : Kareeb

There is only : Khamoshi

I want to speak : Dil Se

That's my kind of : Ishq

I want this to be : Gupt

As I always have : Darr

That I will loose you : Sajani

And that would be great : Sadma

I am your : Mr.Aashique

But sometimes bit : Deewana

Tell me : Hum Aapke Hain Kaun

As I feel : Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

In this : Duniya Dilwalon Ki

I told you : Maine Pyar Kiya

Maybe : Dil To Pagal Hai

Because : Jab Pyar Kisise Hota Hai

The whole world appears as : Dushman

But anyway : Pyar To Hona Hi Tha

Have you ever wondered what would be in "Titanic" if the same was made
in Bollywood?

The name of the movie would be "Goa to Bombay". Well here it goes!

* Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as JJJJJ JJJ
Jack.Madhuri's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man"
everytime he sees Shahrukh.

* Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain
and would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would
not
die.

* Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from
college plus 50 extras who are well trained with every dance sequence in
the world.

* The movie would only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of
editing,there would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in CD album.

* The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in
movies that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta.
The ship will start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of
excessive on-board population.

* The infamous lovemaking in the back seat of the car would be replaced
with
a song in the Swiss Alps.

* Best friend of Shahrukh will save his sister from being raped during
chaos.The sister will instantly fall in love right after this and she will
also get a song or two.

* Remember Rose changing her mind about jumping into the water? In our
case,Madhuri changes her mind, since...since... the ship is moving along a
creek and the water stinks!

* How can we forget the painting scene? Shahrukh would be painting
Madhuri's portrait with Madhuri fully covered minus the locket (Censors
yaar!).
This is to be followed by a dance number, with extras of course, in a
art
gallery.

* Shahrukh would eventually find his long lost mom Aasoo Devi on the
ship.Only during the climax would Aasoo Devi tell Shahrukh about how
Gulshan troubled them. Shahrukh would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon
peejaaoonga". The ensuing fight would only last for an hour.

* There would be an antakshari for the "drowners" conducted by Annu
Kapoor instead of the trio playing the violin.

* Most important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo"
would be yelled would be a record in the history of cinema.And the
masterpiece would be waste of time...ooops waste of money without...

* "Raaaabert...Captain se ja ke kaho ke agar apni maa or bahen ko zinda
dekhnachahte ho to naav ko Hindustaan kee sarhado se hamesha hamesha ke
liye bahoootdoor le le."