why do some people look down at girls who have child out of wedlock or - Page 6

Originally posted by: Quixotic5

Originally posted by: Quixotic5

@ blue98 (Rini)

nope..not offended...😊

n also, FYI ur friend is only reiterating the words of Malayalam actor Prithviraj when he said "Matriarchy is the biggest hypocrisy of Kerala"...😆

that statement is true in a way bcoz as mentioned earlier a purist matriarchy is non existent...

however, i do want to point out that ur repeated insinuations that only Nairs follow this custom is FALSE !

I am a Thiyya (somewhat like kshatriya in north Indian terms), and in my grandma's time Marumakkathyam was followed in my dad's family... but by the time my dad got married , this custom was almost abolished but the traces r still there..

Tarvadu system is not related to Nairs exclusively, every family has a Tarvadu, it is as simple as that..

Moreover, the situations & injustice that u put forth with respect to daughters in Kerala is not exclusively reserved for daughters, sons too r expected to follow the same pattern ( that "dark skin" case is of course an isolated incident, didnt make much sense to me)...the only difference being, daughters r expected to get married early 20s whereas sons r expected to get married in late 20s or early 30s..

Originally posted by: -bLEu98-

Yeah I know Prithviraj said that. I read that article. 😛

But my friend said it before he said that. 😆

Okies...😆

Yes I maybe wrong in my assertion, but even your statement that entire Kerala Hindu society follow matriarchy is also false.

Nobody follows purist matriarchy..but the traces left by Marumakkathayam is present in the entire Kerala Hindu society, as was explained earlier, here,daughters & not sons are viewed as the one who carries forward the generation, so that makes daughters the rightful progeny which in turn has led to the enviable stats in Kerala..

And I had heard that it's important for girls to be born with fair skin, but yes it maybe an isolated case. Moreover our whole country is obsessed with complexion.

hmm..sadly, this might b true... the fair skin obsession is something that is widespread in the country..

But is it not also true that the amount of gold given by the girl's family during her wedding plays a major role in her marriage? And that society where the custom of dowry is rampant, daughters cannot be more sought after than sons. Sadly in the last few years, Kerala too has seen sex-selective abortions.

I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for bringing this up...this was once such an unsolvable mystery to me...as in how come girls enjoy such a relatively good life in Kerala when in fact it should have been worse when compared with other states in India coz in Kerala it is customary to load on heaps of gold during the marriage of a daughter?..wouldnt that make daughters a burden on parents & partial to sons?...I have my answers now but b4 that i need to clear up ur misconceptions... ur take on the role of gold in marriage is based on the role of gold in marriage elsewhere in India.. the gold here is NOT a part of the dowry system !... i repeat due to the influence of Marumakkathayam , it is the daughters & not sons that r viewed as the rightful progeny..so the gold given to daughter is out of parents own will & never asked by the groom..hence, the daughter's marriage is not seen as burden but an event!.. elsewhere in India this justification would make little sense since daughters r viewed as "paraya dhan"...that mentality is not much prevalent in Kerala owing to its roots in Marumakkathayam ...

However, as is the nature's rule, change is inevitable..Marumakkathayam is not practiced anymore..but its influence led to daughter's being cherished in Kerala but now that influence too may also b slowly wearing off leading to daughters being viewed as burden like elsewhere in India , which is reflected in the sex-selective abortions in last few years...

And sons are expected to marry too I know, and they too face the same pressure, but it is more severe in case of women because for them it's too early. And pressurising to marry, have kids, is not right either.

Yes, true!..

Also the gender roles in the domestic space- women taking care of kitchen, children, serving her husband is the same as other cultures. Even here the man is master of the household. He is the key decision maker.

Purist matriarchy is non-existent...

Kerala society too follows a patriarchal structure, unlike what you said. It too is a part of the typical Indian society.

Nope, Kerala is an exception, u dont get enviable stats for no reason... and the reason i believe has been explained..

Women in Kerala society are expected to follow an unwritten code of conduct that curbs her space, limits her expression like most of the Indian communities.

"Women & Men " are expected follow a code of conduct...

The indicators of women empowerment and development here are way ahead of other states but we must remember a high rate of literacy doesn't translate into high status.

Stats are there for a reason...and i beg to differ, an educated individual whether man or woman does acquire a high status regardless of the gender..

The Malayalee society continues to be conservative in spite of the matrilineal systems, educational reforms through the early arrival of the Christian missionaries and political reforms led by the communists.

'Conservative'...again very subjective...if taking care of daughter's security with due respect to her right to education & making a name for herself is seen as "conservative"...then yes, its a very conservative society...

Originally posted by: Quixotic5