Bleeding love
I clutched the railing for support. Cold. Maybe its my heart or is this the railing shivering cold? I don't know. I closed my eyes only to see most beautiful face present on this earth with his million dollar smile. Maybe its his smile which makes him this beautiful or maybe my eyes are so filled with love that they can only see his beauty? I don't even know this.
He on his knees is proposing me. We are hugging. He kissed me...my first kiss which was followed by infinite kisses. I sitting in his lap while drinking coffee...he loved coffee. We playing thumb fight...he let me win intentionally. I pulling his cheeks...I loved that. I caressing his hair while he is lying in my lap...he loved it. My face in his hands...I felt so safe.
A small smile like thing made its way on my face as the memories flashed through my eyes. I cant do this. I cant cheat him. I cant hold someone else's hand...his cousin's hand. I will not do this.
My negative response was about to escape from my mouth when I saw him. Standing far away, he was discussing something with someone I don't care about, probably the coming fest's information. His hairs were disturbing him now and then...I told him to get a haircut but he was he.
He is going away from me. He left my hand...I hated it. He did not hugged me...I felt so insecure. We are fighting. He lied to me. We are shouting on top of our voices. I kept the truth from him. We didn't talk...I felt so incomplete. I broke up...he didn't stop me. He regrets us.
As my closed eyes witnessed everything again and left some water from them, I realized some facts. I can do this. I am not cheating him. I can hold someone else's hand. I will do this.
"kriya"
I heard the voice which gave me this realization check. I dried my small tears, took a deep breath and turned back facing him with a smile...a fake smile.
"viren I accept your proposal but I cant say I am in love with you right now but I definitely want to be in love with you. I will try my best but I will appreciate if you give me some space."
"this is enough for me. I know what happened and I respect your decision and I am really happy that you want to move on. Thanks a lot kriya. Main tumhe bahut khush rkhunga."
"I know."
I genuinely want to give this a shot. I want to forget him forever and after and viren will help me.
"then lets go and get some good lunch. I am hungry."
He said with a smile...his smile isn't as bad either. I tucked my hand in his as we went down the stairs and out of the college. I could feel him glaring at me angrily from far away all the time. He was following us all the way out of college. Before the heat rose to its peak, we were in viren's car and went far away from his piercing eyes.
*-*-*
We returned to college. Everything was so perfect with viren. A perfect first date. Nothing was perfect him. Our first date was a disaster. Viren gave a small peck on my cheek and left for some work.
I was going inside the college when some slow voice caught my attention. I turned back and the sight in front of me shot thousands of arrows in my heart.
"rey!!!!"
My insides screamed. I ran to the basket ball court where he was sitting leaning to the wall...broken. As I neared I saw blood oozing from his hand. I went on my knees to him when he pushed me away. He has seen viren kissing me and I know he being his angry self has punched the wall.
"rey please mujhe help karne do...its bleeding."
"my heart is also bleeding kriya...ye bleeding uske saamne kuch bhi nhi hai."
"rey bandage krne do please."
"leave miss. Ghai. Go to your viren."
He pushed me hard. This is enough. If he don't want help then I am no nurse. I stood up and turned to leave again. After only 3-4 steps, I heard him punching that wall again. I cant leave him like this. I turned back, took his other hand and pulled him with me with all the energy granted to me by universe ji.
After bandaging him in an utterly silent atmosphere, I took a breath of relief. It was surprising that he didn't spoke a word all this while. Maybe he was calculating something. His eyes never left me. Its been a while since I have seen this much love and care in his eyes. I was about to leave when his voice made me stop in my tracks.
"what happened to us?"
"sometimes some things remain unsaid, and sometimes there are so many unsaid things that there is barely anything said."
"I had told you to stop reading those philosophical books...hadn't i?"
"ya..."
And a small sad giggle left my mouth. He still knows to make me laugh when I feel like slapping him.
"kriya viren will keep you happy. He is perfect for you. Take care of yourself."
And before I knew, I was standing there alone still trying to catch my breath.
*-*-*
We were sitting in a coffee shop. Viren was telling something I gave a damn about. The waiter brought the coffee cups and kept it on the table. He loved coffee.
I was dancing with him. He was kissing my nose...I loved this. We were fighting with pillows. He was cooking while I was sitting on the slab. He was splashing water on me. We were making cold coffee with a shaker...we were shaking more than the shaker.
"kriya...kriya"
Viren's voice made me come back to the reality.
"are you fine?"
"no"
"what?"
"I cant do this...I cant. I am sorry viren but I cant. I always wanted you but I always needed him. You are perfect and sweet but I love imperfection. You make me smile, he makes me laugh. You call me gorgeous, he calls me beautiful. I like you. I love him. Choice is simple. I am sorry."
And I ran as fast as possible. I got my answers now.
*-*-*
I saw him sitting there with a guitar in the spotlight.
"rey"
I shouted as loud as possible and the next moment everyone was looking at me. He was on the stage and there are hundreds of people staring at me. MOTHER OF F**K...FEST!!!
"kriya???"
He spoke astonished. Why cant he shut that mike off. Ok. Abhi nhi toh kabhi nhi. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and ran to the stage.
"what the hell are you doing here now?"
"I am here to bandage your bleeding heart."
I looked down as the floor felt a water drop.
"I am sorry"
My ears witnessed his soothing voice and as and when I looked up my lips felt home after which felt million years.
i hope it was tolerable...
i think i have lost my touch...from past few time i am really getting a bad response. please do tell how this one turned out.
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