Pictorial Review of worlds best movie- Jai Ho

Review of another superb movie- Jai Ho. Makers have marketed this movie in such a way that we are supposed to get some good message from the movie. Also this movie is about a common man against the system. So I hope we see something like A wednesday. Salmam and family took pretty long to make this movie and Salman is retuning to screen after 14months. I cant see anyway they can screw this up

So movie starts with a very bad song and some scenes which are not that important because like any other salman movie they will have nothing to do with the plot. Its just character building showing that salman a common man like you and me can alone take on 200 people at once.

If Salman's movies has taught us anything, its that after the opening fight sequence a song will follow. So its only 10mins in the movie and we are already shown a second song. I can see the movie going only uphill from here.

So Sohail you are telling me, you had 2 years to make this movie. Yet you couldn't come up with something original on how to introduce Salman's character? Awesome man. You rock. Rip Creativity

Anyways, lets find out more about Salman. Salman is named Jai in the movie. He apparently is an ex-army office and now a mechanic. How can someone fall in ranks like this one may wonder. He however lives in a multi million dollar home in some private secured residence. Maybe he is the richest mechanic in the world because even investment bankers cant afford a house like this. He has two more people who we will never find out whats their relation to Jai is. Are they his friends, relatives, free lodgers?

Like every India mom, Jai's mom also has only one aim in life. i.e. to get Jai married. Sohail tried hard to make a comedy scene to show us that Jai has a sister and her mother hates her. However, Sohail failed miserably to execute even the simplest scene in the book

Scene changes and we see a girl in navel revealing dress. You because thats what Indian audience likes. She doesn't look like someone who would even get a zandu chawanprash commercial but apparently we are forced to believe that she is the lead actress of this movie.

She also has a playful relationship with Jai's nephew who is 10yo and calls him Chotha Chooha because she once saw him taking a baht. And he calls her pinky because she wears pink colour undergarments.

Hold on, hold on a minute here. Sorry is this appropriate? Am I watching the right film here. Apparently to make us laugh Sohail has completely let go of his standards. How can we even take this joke sportingly. I mean the kid maybe is 10yo. This is seriously disturbing.

Moving on, we see Jai is dropping off his nephew (Kabir) to school. Kabir's teacher tell that Suman a disabled girl needs help to write her exam. The girl has no hands and his brother was supposed to come to write her exam. But brother cannot be contacted. Maybe brother is sleeping or watching cabaret or something. Who knows? Anyways, Teacher further tells that Suman is very intelligent girl who always comes first in the class. I mean there is no way a girl could be intelligent and come second. This is India bitches. She is very strong willed girl and never has made her disability to become a problem.

Well a new day and exam for another subject. Looks like even this time her brother couldn't make it to write his sister's paper. Clearly the brother cant factor in Mumbai's traffic in his commute. Sleep is more important to him. So sum an calls Jai but jai is help up in the same traffic. Coincidence bitch.

Apparently this intelligent girl cant find anybody to write her exam. I mean this is a school+college where maybe 5,000 students study. Yet she was unsuccessful. Why cant Kabir write the exam? Totally believable.

I don't know what Sohail Khan was doing for two years because clearly he failed to even research basic stuff. Every college has provision for Disabled students. If a student can prove that he cant use his hands, then his exam is taken orally. You are not allowed to bring any random person to write your paper. Toatlly f**k logic scene.

So exam is finished and Suman has failed. So she does whatever person who fails one stupid subject in India would do i.e. commit suicide.

Wait a minute. Lets recap. 2 Scenes back, this girl was billed as a very strong willed girl. She has only failed one stupid exam which can be retaken anytime. This can easily be explained to any future employer and seeing her past records, it will be accepted as well. Yet she commit suicide on such a small thing? Talk about constant character writing. Also why there in no one on the 3rd floor?

So Jai cries, her brother arrives and he cries as well. We find out that because Home minister's daughter was passing by, they had held up the traffic. So her brother blames home minister's daughter for death of Suman. He goes to file an FIR against home minister's daughter.

Any Indian can tell you that they block the roads for maximum 10-15mins for VIP's car to pass. However, both brother and Jai arrived after the exam was over. So lets say college paper was 3 hours long. Even if there was no traffic jam, still her brother wouldnt have made it on time for exam. Moreover, how is it home minister's daughter's fault if her brother cant get up early and reach college before time. Sohail, whats going on?

Some random scene immediately follows where Jai rescues a baby from a beggar and takes it to the rightful parents. How did this scene suddenly pop up you ask? Sohail Khan direction bitches.

The family is happy and ask Jai how could they reward him

Jai starts preaching the bull crap concept which is not practical in todays world. The concept to start a chain. If someone helps you, instead of saying thanks you help 3 people. Then ask them to help 3 more people. Like a chain will form and in matter of weeks whole India will be helped once. Then we will move on to round #2.

I think Sohail never received those chain mails. Send this message to 9 other people otherwise a ghost will appear in your closet. I mean if people didn't bother to hit the click button, I totally see why they won't be enthusiastic to form this chain.

So 1/4th of the movie is finished and we just touched our original plot. Superb direction.

Remember that girl pinky? Well we get next scene with her trying to flirt with Jai. Some stupid 5mins later we find out why Jai was discharged from his army duty. Apparently he didn't follow a command to abort a mission and still went ahead to save the kids kidnapped. Obviously this scene will have a lot of fight sequences, bullets being fired and what not.

Well for some reason pinky says thank you to tabu, but tabu mentions about the chain. To be honest, I am not going to mention this again because every character in this movie preaches about this chain at least twice. So we hear some 30times that "no thank you, help 3 more people and tell them to help three more people".

After some pointless 20mins later which involves Jai helping some more random flop actors and preaching about the chain, we see that Jai along with Tabu, Kabir and Pinky has come to some childrens park or something. But Jai has to drop Kabir to tuition so he takes him leaving Tabu and Pinky alone. Now wait, they just showed these 4 just arrived at the park. Within a minute Kabir has to leave. So why come to park after all? Sohail Khan direction bitches.

Some Goons who wants to take revenge against Jai comes and asks tabu to call Jai. What are goons doing in childrens park you ask? Just Chilling bitches.

Jai goes all ape shit and starts beating everybody there. There are like 15-20 goons. Ha, easy peasy for Salman.

So guys this is how Sohail Khan views a common man. Totally believable.

The leader of goons calls Mukul Dev, who is home ministers son in law and tells him that one man single handedly beat the whole gang. So mukul tells him to bring Jai to nearby party office where he will have another 15-20men ready.

Wait, so Mukul is being told this guy is one man army. Yet he only will have 15-20men to fight him? That too without guns. Totally believable.

So after 15mins of mindless fight sequences, Jai beats everybody in the party office as well. So guys a common man single handedly finished 35-40 people. And that too goons. Somehow he is captured by the only three cops in whole of Mumbai. Yes apparently these three cops are everywhere. They come in discos to sort out fights, they control traffic, they take care of kidnapped babies and they break fights. No matter what area it is, these 3 cops comes everywhere.

Mukul Dev comes and he is all pissed off. He tells the cop to release Jai because he wants to beat Jai. See the number of people mukul dev brought to beat Jai. What could go wrong you ask

Apparently jai starts hitting everybody with one hockey stick. Yes guys one hockey stick. Also what kind of gang this is? Not a single person has a gun? Sohail, what are you showing us man?

All goons starts running away. I mean literally there are 200 people right there and Jai is alone. Lets not forget the cops are working for Mukul Dev. They can easily take out the gun and shoot Jai. Even mukul dev asks them for help yet they don't move. Looks like the whole production crew were on drugs when they were shooting this scene.

Its interval and I still don't have any idea what message are we supposed to take from this film.

After interval, a new character is introduced. He is home minister's son. Home minister is none other than Danny. Remember that Suman's brother. Apparently danny kidnapped him and killed him because he went to file an FIR against Danny's daughter. Danny's daughter is all pissed that her husband has been beaten by Jai and asks Danny to do something bad to him. Danny says he is going to Delhi and will deal with this matter when he returns.

Okay this is incredibly stupid now. Suman's brother just went to do an FIR. This FIR could have easily been handled by a mere lawyer, the corrupt policeman, etc. The family didn't even need to get involved being so powerful and all. But still they kidnapped an innocent man and killed him. But Jai has beaten the shit out of mukul dev, he embarrassed him in front of the whole world, every party worker saw what pussy mukul dev is, the whole family has been brought shame and Danny treats this matter casually. What sort of logic is this?

Pinky now gets a date with Jai. She wants to wear black clothes but has none. So she steals kabir's clothes. How can Kabir a 10yo boy's clothes fit a full gown fat women? Apparently it can and still it will be loose. Now for another face palm moment. Kabir is showing cross dressing. Seriously this is messed up. What sort of things is Sohail showing for comic relief?

Also this Kabir is a kid who knows nothing about how to talk to adults. What he needs is a good hard love from tabu so he can learn some good manners. What sort of example are these Khan brothers setting I wonder.

So the date scene was pretty pointless. Not a single person in the housefull show laughed so I guess they failed miserably. We see another song. Again more indecency shown like ass grabbing in front of kids and all. Epicfalepalm

Moving on Danny's daughter sends a truck to kill Jai's mom. Seriously? I mean if they are ready to kill someone, why not send hitman with a gun and kill Jai? Why attack an innocent family member? Moreover they know when Jai is mad, he becomes a mix of Hulk+superman+ironman+krish and can do anything. So why get him more mad? totally makes sense.

So after getting hit by a truck, we find out that instead of having external damages like skull crashed, deep cuts, broken bones, etc Jai's mom has none of these but only one internal damage i.e. Kidney. Seriously how is this even possible? So tabu's husband give his kidney and the family is united once again.

When Jai comes to know that Danny's daughter sent the truck, he goes apeshit all again but Tabu says lets go and ask for forgiveness because the family just got united. Danny's house is shown and there are like 500security people with guns outside. Danny starts telling Jai all his badass work. Why? Because why won't you confess your sins to some common man. We learn that everything which happened till now like jai getting released from army has some connection with Danny. Danny himself did attacks on India while he was defence minster so he can get promoted. W*F? How is this even possible? If attack happens under my government then the whole media would go crazy on me. I would be forced to resign. An full blown CBI enquiry will happen and I very well can end up in prison. But in Sohail's world you get promoted.

Jai gets mad and starts beating Mukul Dev again.

So guys Jai, a common man goes inside home minister's house. They have around 500 people with guns. He beats the shit out of mukul dev and leaves without even a scratch. He knows all dirty secrets about Danny and is a very big threat to him. Yet he walks out like someone walks out after eating a meal. And this is the same family who murdered a guy just because he filed a mere FIR. Sohail Khan, take a bow.

Human Resource guys Human Resource. That is why you should hire competent employees and not bunch of pussies like who works for Danny.

After another pointless 20odds minutes which involves the helping chain being repeated like 10times and more bad behaviour of Kabir is shown, Mukul dev kidnaps Kabir.

So another logic fail. Take 10 guys, kidnap Jai's family member instead of killing Jai. Because only 4 times in past 1hour has Jai shown that he can even take on 200people alone. So what can go wrong.

After 15mins of chase and fight sequence, Jai saves Kabir. Surprise Surprise. Mukul Dev is killed by Jai.

CM calls Jai and begs him to make truce with Danny. Wow man. So this guy Jai killed like 40people, attempted murder of 200 and killed a high level politician in full view of public. He should be the most wanted man in India but no. All those charges are dropped and he is being requested by CM of such a big state to make peace with Danny. Jai and CM goes to meet with Danny. CM knows jai is a murder but still trusts Jai blindly and won't take a single security person with him. Back at Danny's we find Danny has an ambitious plan of his own and has a funny way of breaking it. He like to print fake newspaper article. Really funny stuff

The master plan of Danny involves killing CM and putting the blame on Jai and becoming a CM himself. A 3rd grade kid can come up with better plan than this. So Danny tries to kill CM in a foolproof manner i.e. Stab him in abdomen . It takes 1hr28mins for a person to die after he gets stabbed. Shooting on head takes 1min7secs. Too bad Danny doesn't knows these facts. Jai kills some 30men present with Danny runs away with CM.

Where do he run away you ask? Hospital, right? Well wrong. They go to some run down factory or warehouse something. Seriously? I mean why won't you take him to hospital? You know the only way you can prove your innocence is if CM is saved. So why, I mean why, I mean why in blue, Sohail why is your brother Jai who is the most intelligent person in the universe not taking the CM to a hospital?

Apparently Jai got his two friends who have no knowledge in field of medic to treat the CM. Also a common man has a van which has technologies that even Breach Candy's ambulance won't have. So two amateurs begin the treatment while Jai decides to go out and fight.

This time danny sends 1million people to kill jai. All are equipped with modern set of weaponry like 2x4, hockey sticks, candle sticks, baseball bats but no guns. Why? Because Sohail Khan direction bitches.

Meanwhile danny goes on national TV and says Jai killed CM and he is the new CM now. Yes, this is how Indian politics work. Danny is well aware CM is not dead and it will be matter of hours before CM is well again and will tell the world the whole truth. So instead of running to some place like Dubai or Bangkok where India has no prisoners exchange treaty with, he decides to stay in Mumbai. Really a great politician.

Finally the two failed actors tells Jai that we need to take CM to hospital because we just realised we are not doctors and we have no idea what we are doing.

Jai kills some 400 more people and we are down to final fist fight between Jai and danny's son. By accident Danny's son kills Danny's daughter.

W*F is danny's daughter doing here in the first place you ask? Morning walk bitches.

Tabu gets on national TV and says his brother is innocent and has not killed CM. Why? because how can a guy who makes some lame ass helping chain kill someone. RIght? I am convinced.

So Jai kills Danny's son as well. Everything is a piece of cake for Jai. But Danny is not done. He sends some more people to Kill jai. Damn man, how many people does Danny has on his payroll? Jai singlehandedly reduced India's population and they are still coming.

But Jai is all wounded and shit. So he is helpless now. Fear not. Okay guys get ready to see a scene which has never ever been shown in history of any movie be it hollywood, bollywood, chinese, russian or whatever.

We learn that Sunil shetty who was boss of Jai when he was in army saw the news piece. He had a gut feeling that Jai was framed. So to help him he brought the tanker. Okay so Sohail you are telling me, this guy who hasn't talked to Jai for more than 5 years, saw some news bulletin and without knowing any backstory or who all are involved in this abandoned his post, hijacked Indian army's tanker, rode it for some 500miles to save Jai. Save from what? New never showed that Jai is being chased by Goons. How did he find out where Jai was. How did he cover 500miles distance in matter of minutes. No one stopped the army tanker on toll booths and check posts? W*F man. I cant take it anymore.

So I stopped the movie here, went to sleep and continued this the next day.

CM is all well again. He goes to public to make a confession.

He tells everybody that Jai only killed some 1050 people, injured 2100 but he is a good man because he created that lame ass helping chain. So let the bygones be bygones, we should worship Jai.

Danny's secret is out and he is beaten by public.

Why was Danny here in the first place you ask? Sohail Khan direction bitches.

What about Jai you ask? Well he is all well again. Only got a minor bruise below his lips. I mean the guy was in a brutal fight for 4-5hours, nearly got killed but why won't everything heal in one day. He comes out to the balcony of hospital and sees millions of people who are cheering for him. Why? f**k this movie thats why.

Right so promotions said we are supposed to get some message. I still don't know what message were they trying to send across. So here is what I thought they were trying to say

-> If someone doesn't agree with your principles, beat the shit out of him

-> Common man can do stuff that even superman cant.

-> Friends shouldn't care about nation and all. They should help even if that means putting the whole nation at risk. Friends first, country second.

-> Its totally okay to raise your kids to misbehave with adults.

-> People will go and watch any shitty movies if Khan features in them.

Seriously Sohail khan should be embarrassed with this piece of work. Forget that even audience rejected this movie, Sohail khan show take a pledge that he will never direct any movies from now on. Leave the direction to guy who have IQ of above 1.

Khan brothers, jaanta tumhe kabhi maaf nahin karege.

My 3rd attempt so please give both positive and negative feedback. If you want to see more let me know which movies you want me to do.

Originally posted by: gameon