FF : Tere Mere Darmiyaan LAST PART pg-87 dt.10.10.14 - Page 20

Chapter 5

Even before she could open her eyes a familiar noise brought her unconscious mind to reality. It was the sweet chirping of birds that awoke her every morning. She sat up slowly and wrapped the shawl around herself more closely. He was nowhere to be seen, after waiting for him for hours unwillingly she'd dozed off to sleep. Her gaze scattered the empty room as her mind took in the surroundings. She was not in her shabby home but in PN and in his room in particular. Just the thought of him raced her heart beat as she recalled witnessing the miserable state he was in last night. It was a nightmare and definitely a very bad one that shook both of them to the core. She gulped and wondered what was it that terrified and traumatized him so much? Were these nightmares a regular thing? She hoped not.

She rubbed her drowsy eyes and thought, last night a lot had happened , a lot that even he must have never expected. Their lives connected at a point that they had never imagined and at the same time disconnected at a point that surprised her. It was a hard and a bad day for him, perhaps that's what disturbed him while sleeping. Moreover everyone gets nightmares once in a while, it is not that abnormal. She was surely over thinking, she didn't need to worry about it. She herself had bad dreams as a child and sometimes woke up scared and anxious but then they were only dreams , they weren't real and failed to harm her. She nodded her head slightly, yes this must have happened with him as well. But where was he? He'd left the room in haste and probably hadn't returned yet. She told herself there was no need to worry about him, he was a grown up man capable of taking care of himself. Also till yesterday he was doing the same himself so why was it different now?

It was really weird, his presence always made her jittery and weak kneed, somewhere his persona intimidated her but now when he was not around , she couldn't stop herself from thinking about him. She pressed her lips firmly and closed her eyes. His dark, deep and clear eyes stared back at her. It was just matter of time when he'd return and then everything would be the way he'd spelt out.

She let out an audible sigh, stood up on her feet and tottered toward her trunk. Retrieving a sari from the trunk she decided to take a quick shower before he came back. Hanging the sari over her shoulder she looked around , although it was her room as well still she felt like an outsider thanks to him. There was just one bathroom and she had to use it whether he'd like it or not. Pushing the door aside she entered the bathroom and once again her eyes began exploring the place. Like all rooms even the bathroom was quite spacious. To her left there was a huge mirror and she accidently saw her image in it. At once she dropped her gaze and turned away her head. There was no way that she could look at herself in a mirror. Last night was probably the longest time that she had seen herself in a mirror but even that was because of the vermillion on her forehead that had caught her attention.

Nakusha looked around for water tap, mug and bucket but found none. Instead there was glass cubicle before her. She slid the door and poked her head inside. There was a fountain shower on the top. She quickly hung her sari on the nearby towel stand stood underneath the shower to take a bath. She pulled the water faucet and water came gushing out. She washed herself thoroughly and was about to look for a soap when the water turned really hot. She shrieked in surprise and immediately pushed back the faucet. Even during extreme winters she was not used to of going for a hot bath, mainly because they couldn't afford to have a geyser and also Roopa didn't allow her to heat a bucket of water for herself. She was a sadist and derived pleasure from torturing nakusha in all possible ways. Nakusha pushed back her hair fallen on her forehead and looked around for a soap. She spotted a soap on the soap tray. She stared at it for a few seconds, the thought that he applied the same on his body made her extremely uneasy. Using something that was so personal embarrassed her. She pressed her wet lips together and attempted to control her heart that was pounding loudly inside her chest. There was nothing else that could be used to rinse and she couldn't stand under the shower all day. Thus she shut her eyes along with her mind that was thinking too much and running wild and picked the soap bar to clean her body and hair. Then with trembling hands she fidgeted with the faucet and hoped that this time the water wouldn't burn her and thankfully it didn't. Within minutes she draped the new sari, covered her hair in a red towel and stepped out of the bathroom.

She pulled the curtains and allowed warm sunlight to penetrate the room. She then proceeded to tidy the room. She picked up the garlands from the couch, folded and placed them in a corner and arranged the cushions properly. She kept her trunk next to a cupboard and then thought of making the bed.

Last night this bed had witnessed and showcased some startling revelations. She couldn't forget the way he was writhing in pain on this bed. And before that how blatantly he had declared that he'd never share the bed with her. As soon as she held the bed sheets, she froze at her spot as his words came hitting back. She immediately dropped the sheets and took a step back. His words that had ended up wounding her pride still echoed in her ears. It wasn't that she was desperate to have a relation with him but it definitely hurt that he wasn't prepared to give their marriage even some remote chance to flourish. After bringing her in this house he'd closed all his doors to her. His condition that they'd always remain strangers smothered their relationship even before it could breathe.

She curled her fingers, the nails dug into her flesh. A part of her wanted to shake and ask him that why had he decided to do this to her? If he didn't wish to pursue this relation then why did he marry her? what was her fault, why was she bing made to suffer? Tears glistened her eyes, she hung her head low in defeat as she knew she had all the answers. He had given them to her. He had made a mistake and by marrying her he had rectified it. There was nothing more that he had to offer her. And moreover he was not under any compulsion to give her more. In fact if he'd wished he could have walked out of her life and not cared to look back. But he didn't. He didn't leave her alone to face the brunt of the villagers. He didn't leave her to live a wretched life. Instead he saved her from the taunts that were capable of emotionally and mentally breaking her down. He saved her from all the miseries and gave her a respectful life. Something that he wasn't obligated to do but still he did. What he gave her clearly outweighed what he chose to withhold. She raised her hand and tugged the towel on her hair in irritation. Her tresses came cascading down. Once again she'd behaved selfishly and ignored his favors. Instead of seeing the glass half full she saw it half empty. Disappointed with herself she dropped the towel on the couch and ran out of the room. She rushed down the stairs, crossed the hall in a hurry and didn't stop till she reached the puja area and stood before the idol of Ganpati. She was breathing heavily as she closed her eyes and folded her hands before Him. She needed strength and support from Him. Life was hard and had always been tough for her. It tried to break her at every point but she didn't allow it to succeed. She was a survivor and had always been. Although in one day her world had changed considerably but somewhere it had changed for the better. It was definitely more livable than it was a day back. Even though today she was absolutely alone in this house and in this world still in actual terms she wasn't. She had her never say die spirit with her that helped her sail through all the storms in her life and above all she had Him to fall back on. If she could survive her past then she could definitely survive her present as well that was surely not worse than her past.

With peace and contentment in her heart she opened her eyes and gazed at Him. She wouldn't lose, she was sure of that because He wouldn't let her lose. Now with softened eyes she accepted her fate, perhaps not whole heartedly but surely devoid of grudges and complains.

Nakusha heard whistle of the cooker going off and dishes being washed in the kitchen. She slowly moved toward it and stood at the door step. There was laxmi and two more maids working in the kitchen. All of them had their backs facing nakusha who lifted her hand to bring her wet locks on a side so that her scar wasn't exposed, this was something that came naturally to her ensuring that the scar remained hidden. She then cleared her throat slightly to make her presence felt. The servants turned around at once. Nakusha gave them a soft smile. They joined their hands , lowered their heads a little and greeted her.

" Namaste vaheni."

Nakusha too immediately folded her hands and greeted them back," Namaste." The news had probably been passed on by laxmi that last night dutta had married her. Until yesterday nakusha was just one of them working for him, perhaps financially they were better off than her but now she was his wife. It felt really strange how positions changed overnight.

" main nashta banane mein madad karti hai." Nakusha offered to help however laxmi dismissed the offer at once and said," nahin ...nahin vaheni hum karlenge." Everything was well organized in the kitchen and laxmi felt that there was no need for nakusha to intervene or assist. Nakusha dropped her gaze and stared at the floor. She wasn't used to of resting and that too early in the morning. As far as she remembered all her life she had worked and only worked be it in the house or in the fields. The word rest' didn't exist in her dictionary or probably roopa had never allowed it to exist. What ever may be the reason the important thing was that she had to do something and keep herself busy or else she'd fall sick.

" vaheni , aapko kuch chaiye?" laxmi couldn't understand why she was still standing there. Nakusha shook her head no, then blinked her eyes slowly, she needed a clean cloth.

" Nakku ko ek saaf kapda chaiye."

Laxmi drew her brows together in confusion , why did she need a piece of clean cloth? Nakusha didn't budge and stood rooted to her spot. Laxmi nodded her head slowly , opened a drawer and took out a clean hand towel for her. Nakusha tucked the corner of her sari around her waist after taking the towel then went to the sink and soaked the towel in water and left the kitchen.

With the wet towel she carefully started cleaning the ganpati idol. It was huge and tall when compared to her height so she climbed on the marble counter to reach out. Within minutes the place was clean. She lit the lamp and saw a tiny box containing vermillion. She took a pinch of red powder and with her thumb placed a tilak on Lord Ganpati's forehead then looked around and found a small bell along with a packet of scented incense sticks. She took out two, lit them and then with the bell in her spare hand she began doing the arti. Laxmi smirked inwardly while kneading the dough, what was the point in ringing the bell now when her husband left her alone on the very first night! But then what else was this helpless girl expecting? Nakusha kept the bell back, fixed the scented sticks in a stand and folded her hands before the idol one more time. She took a pinch of the vermillion once again filled it in her parting before moving out.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The hall was still empty, he wasn't home yet, it was already eight still she couldn't see anybody else around. She staggered her way through the deserted place and reached the garden outside the house. The scene before her eyes pleasantly surprised her. There were several pigeons gathering a small boy in his pyjamas who was excitedly feeding them. He must be Annay, his nephew.

"aao..aao..aao." he called out the pigeons while extending both his hands that had food grains in his palms. It amazed her to see how friendly the pigeons were with him. She giggled when one came and sat on his shoulder and another one right on his head. She didn't realize when she automatically started approaching him and suddenly there was a minor chaos as some pigeons started flying away. Perhaps her presence disturbed them. Seeing a stranger frightened them. Annay turned around in annoyance and frowned at nakusha. Who was this new person in their house?

" darra diya nah?" his tone was accusing. Nakusha felt guilty, it was indeed her fault, she wished to apologize or lower her gaze in embarrassment but failed to do either. She couldn't stop herself from admiring the cute little child who must be around seven years and slightly resembled his uncle. He had a round and an extremely fair face with pink chubby cheeks and a small button nose. However his dark black hair, cleft chin and the way he was staring at her, reminded her of him.

" tum kaun?" annay asked as he pushed back his glasses with his index finger. Nakusha found two innocent looking black eyes examining her.

" main? Main..nakusha!"

He blinked his eyes and thought must be a new servant in the house.

" aur tum?" nakusha asked softly to which he rolled his eyes at her.

" Annay." What a silly question she'd asked? Nakusha thought the same, who else he would've been. She hadn't seen him often, perhaps once in a year, he hardly ventured out and thought maybe he preferred staying at home.

" yahin rahogi kya?" he wanted to confirm that she wasn't a guest and would stay here permanently. They hardly had any relatives and felt that his uncle must have hired one more keeper to look after the house. Nakusha simply nodded her head in response. Annay turned and began feeding again.

He glanced over his shoulder and found her still standing behind him. Maybe she wanted something or perhaps wished to feed the birds like him.

" tum daana dalogi inko?"

Nakusha readily agreed and answered, "haan." but feared that the pigeons would fly away. Annay gestured her to come over and as expected, the moment she stepped forward the pigeons flapped their wings and flew away. Annay took a handful of grains from the gunny bag placed next to him and offered them to nakusha. She smiled and began throwing grains toward the pigeons.

" aao ..aao." she imitated like annay , however the birds didn't approach her instead they happily pecked on the grains fallen on the grass far away from her. Just like the people around even these gullible little birds didn't enjoy being with her, like them the birds too didn't permit her to enter into their lives.

" abhi tum nayi ho nah isliye yeh tumhare pass nahin aa rahe."

She hoped that was the reason, birds are shy and it would take time to gain their confidence but somewhere being neglected and always ignored did hurt. She saw annay casually walking into a group of pigeons and holding one beautiful sparkling white in his hands. The bird didn't hesitate neither protest as he picked him up. He softly caressed his wings and brought him close to nakusha's outstretched arm and said," lo..ab khilao." To her utter surprise the pigeon began eating from her hand and the feeling was absolutely wonderful. She remembered the times when she starved the whole day because there wasn't much food at home or even when it was she wasn't permitted to have adequately. She could understand and feel what hunger was and how difficult it must be for these creatures to find food for themselves on a daily basis. Everyday it was a struggle to survive. But today watching these birds load their beaks with food not only filled their stomachs but hers as well.

" thode din mein tumhari bhi inse dosti ho jayegi." She smiled back at annay and wondered what a beautiful way to start one's day. The boy was young but his thoughts and his gestures weren't small in any way.

Just then annay saw dutta's sedan enter from the gates. He at once left the pigeon in the air and ran inside screaming," Maamu.". The poor bird fluttered his feathers and flew away leaving a rattled nakusha behind.

Dutta tossed the car keys at the guard to park before going inside the house. A strong forgotten yet familiar fragrance filled his nostrils as soon as he reached the hall, before he could make out what it was he saw annay running toward him. Annay leaped on to him and with one swift move dutta picked him up. Annay wrapped his legs around his waist and coiled his hands around his neck. Dutta stretched his lips slightly and hugged him close. He couldn't imagine what he would have been had Annay not been with him. He was precious, too precious to lose. Pulling back slightly annay batted his eye lids and remarked," yeh kya? Aaj phir se gir gaye aur chot laga li?" this wasn't the first time that annay was seeing him wounded like this and probably it wouldn't be the last time too but still on all the occasions dutta wished that he wouldn't have to face annay in such a state. Like always he didn't delve into the details and preferred to remain silent instead.

" dard ho raha hai?" annay made a painful face. Dutta smiled and shook his head. No, it wasn't hurting.

" maamu, yeh nakusha kab ayi?" his question startled dutta for a second. The little one didn't know anything about nakusha, last night everything happened so suddenly that he didn't have the time to tell him. The circumstances changed so unexpectedly that he couldn't share anything with annay and how could he when he himself was not prepared for them. But now annay knew that nakusha was at home, how much more did he know about her or them in particular.

" bataao nah..yeh nakusha hai kaun?" seeing dutta avert his gaze and turn his neck to the other side annay slowly tuned his face so that he looked at him. Dutta felt his throat go dry. He didn't know how to say it. He attempted several times and parted his lips but words failed to escape his mouth.

" woh..nakusha..woh.." he gazed into annay's curious eyes and fumbled with his words.

" tumhari maami hai." Nakusha completed the sentence for him. Both their heads turned toward nakusha in astonishment.

No, this wasn't true or was it? annay wiggled his eyebrows and looked at dutta, not asking but demanding a confirmation.

Good, she made it easy for him. A flicker of hostility flashed across his face at the sight of her as Dutta glared at nakusha for a moment before shifting his eyes at annay and nodding his head in agreement. He didn't know how his nephew would take this unexpected news and waited anxiously to see his reaction. He hoped annay would understand and accept nakusha even though he himself couldn't digest that now he was married. He wasn't willing to give nakusha space into his life but was expecting and hoping the little one to acknowledge and accept nakusha without any hesitation.

What double standard!

Thanks for reading.

Rose.