||Warrior-The Brave Hearts|| *Completed*Chck replies on Pg 67-71 - Page 7

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rose_taarey thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#61

Originally posted by: deepkriti


priyu..priyu..priyu..ratta maar lungi. Ok👍🏼
arre log hase na hase u should write what you feel... log haste hai kyunki vo dabar vajardanti se brush karte hai jiske kaaran teeth bilkul white rehte hai🤣🤣
I don't like the word perfect. Its stings me..so if you really wanna praise say nice..good...beautiful but not perfect
meri taarif sar ke upar se nikalti hai😕😆
aur criticism sar mein ghus jaata hai😊
p.s. I didn't find anything odd😊😊


thanq ratta marne k liye 😆
dabar vajardanti 🤣
itna +ive hote hue bhi criticism tere sar mey ghusta 😡😡 its wrong...sumtyms praises r also needed 😊😊 ...u shld accept wid open heart...🤗...praises happiness k harmones ko increase krte 😃😃 so nvr b afraid 2 get d wishes...😳😳
Edited by rose_taarey - 11 years ago
Crucio. thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#62

Originally posted by: deepkriti


I understand what you mean by flaws. I think its written in urgency, but still this thought is quite close to me as its my personal experience (90% of it) So I guess I forgot to put so much of mind in it. Even if it has flaws, I am all ok with it, cause I believe that a thing with errors is more beautiful😊 *that's my pov* And the thing you mentioned that was awkward like her moving on so easily, actually if you notice darling, in starting of every paragraph I said a line which meant a gradual increase in her confidence. The day she ignored him wasn't like she was just over him. She deliberately did that to start with and after wards as time spent, she started finding solace, his words stopped haunting her, she became more happy..as per me, I think I stated with each para such things which make it gradual change as moving on is not making instant maggi😆 *I have seen that* But ya! never feel hesitant to say what you feel about my works. Even If you find it bakwaas😕 because I should always be in check😊 I'll definetely try to improve my level of writing a bit😊

p.s. I'll tell my Bff your message😆


@red. I mentioned that the flaws made it shine. So yeah, we share the same POV.
Not found it bakwaas, just raw n unfinished.
But hey, maggi takes a lot of time to cook.

..Deepkriti.. thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#63

Originally posted by: Jhanvi_TaaRey


@red. I mentioned that the flaws made it shine. So yeah, we share the same POV.
Not found it bakwaas, just raw n unfinished.
But hey, maggi takes a lot of time to cook.


Its required to have the same pov as agar ek gaarfrand aur baayfraand ki thnking same ho to gaadi mast chalti hai😆
Tu kaunse zamane ki maggi khati hai, meri to 5 minutes mein ready ho jati hai😃
Yes its raw but I didn't get what it means by unfinished😕

Crucio. thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#64

Originally posted by: deepkriti




Its required to have the same pov as agar ek gaarfrand aur baayfraand ki thnking same ho to gaadi mast chalti hai😆 Voh toh already itni achi chal rahi hai 😉 Main idea, aap technology..apni patang bahot mast udd rahi hai 😳😃
Tu kaunse zamane ki maggi khati hai, meri to 5 minutes mein ready ho jati hai😃 meri waali 15 minute main hoti hai🤢
Yes its raw but I didn't get what it means by unfinished😕 chuck!! 😆


me @Bold.
Edited by Jhanvi_TaaRey - 11 years ago
..Deepkriti.. thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#65

A day old sister

Listen this song - Let It Go- Demi Lovato


"What are you doing here dumbo?? Did your guitar strings broke you..." He heard one of his classmates mocking him. He stood there blank trying to digest the words that just banged on his ear drums completely destroying his heart. He looked around. Standing in the mid of boys changing room of his school, he was cursing his destiny.

Was it really his fault, that his heart always chose music over sports. He was an ordinary student. Not much of a academic topper. His grades in sports were average, all thanks to his football coach who literally push him with other boys to play a few times, while the rest of the times, he is busy in hiding himself either in auditorium or music room.

He is not manly enough, they say. Is he really? He suddenly felt disgusted on his own choices. His legs moved straight to his cupboard in the corridor. No later, he took out his guitar from it and soon it was banged on floor. He broke it in his anger. While his eyes were flushing red, he left for finding solace leaving a broken guitar behind. Little did he knew, a pair eyes noticed his this act.

"The shortlisted students list who are going to represent the school in Beethoven Music Ceremony has been put on the notice board..." The speakers spread the announcement in the whole campus. Soon the notice board was crowded with people looking for the names of those lucky students. Oblivious to all this, he didn't bothered to give a single look to the list. He passed through the crowded notice board and head straight towards the library. His forwarding foot steps away from notice board are again noticed by someone.

His head was peeping deep inside the heavy encyclopedia. In a corner of library, he was sitting all alone. While his eyes were on the book, his mind wandered on the different events of his life. He knew he was selected for the ceremony. His music tutor had already informed him. But participating in that, would mean more criticism and handling it was no more in his wits. He had lost all his hope. He decided to draft back his name from the list.

"Excuse me.." He heard a voice that made him turn behind. "Can I sit here?" The little girl asked. He simply nodded. She quietly settled herself beside him and started reading her book.

Looking almost 11, she was undoubtedly very beautiful. She reminds him of all those fairy tales princess- sweet, elegant, uniquely beautiful. But there was one question hanging in his mind, "Out of the whole library, why did she chose to sit beside a loser 16 year guitar playing boy. She should better be finding a seat beside sports stars." He thought. While he was in his deep thoughts, she looked at him in confusion.

"Do you wanna say something?" She asked. He quickly nodded in a no getting uncomfortable with her sudden look. "By the way, I am Elena and you.." She said.

"I'm george." He said with a small smile. To his surprise, she quickly write his name in his hand as soon as he spoke it. He was hell confused. She again started concentrating on her book. He was getting restless to know, why she wrote his name like this. Finally, not able himself, he finally threw the question.

"Why did you wrote my name in your palm?" He asked her impatiently. She smiled at his question.

"Cause I'll forget it a few minutes later.." She explained and left the place giving him a warm smile while he didn't get anything out of her words. Soon after her exit, another young boy came sat right opposite to george. While his hands flipped the pages of the book, his eyes gave cold stares to Elena.

"Hey! What was that maniac talking about?" He asked george who only gave him confused looks.

"Don't tell me! You sat with her and didn't even knew that she is mentally ill..She is a patient of dissociative amnesia." He told george who looked back at the door from which she left, in shock.

"C'mon, her story is famous all over the school. She is a freak. Her brother did suicide due to some foolish reasons and she being quite close to him, couldn't bear that..she got a mental shock..and hence now she behaves damn weird. Believe me! Stay away from her." He gave him the advice. George felt a pinch in his heart as realization struck him. Seeing her pain, his troubles seem so small and his complaints so selfish. He looked at the guy who was busy in flipping the pages of another book now.

"What's the name of his brother?" He asked. The boy giggled.

"Some say...its George.." He chuckled again before going back on his flipping work. George looked at him in shock. He hadn't even register this fact, when suddenly he noticed a small chit lying right where she was sitting a few minutes ago. He picked it up and opened it instantly.

'Best of luck. My all wishes with you.' It was written.

"I've heard that school authorities have talked to her parents to send her to an asylum. Moreover, she isn't safe enough to stay with us. You never know, what could a mad girl do." The guy said again. He was right. You never know, what a mad girl can do. As for george, she changed his vision towards his own life. He stood up marking his exit from library and heading straight to music room. He entered the room, only to find his music tutor reading some newspaper.

"Sir.." He grabbed his attention. He looked up. "I am all ready to participate in Beethoven Music Ceremony." He said with a confident smile.

"Well then..you'll be needing this." He said as he forwarded his guitar which was broken by him, days ago.

"Where did you find it...and it was broken, how come it became all ok??" He asked in shock.

"Well, a small girl came to me a week ago, asking me to get it repaired. I looked at it and knew it was yours, but then she said that its was of her brother..I didn't knew you have a sister George."He said.

"Yes, I have..just a day old." He said as his eyes glitter with his tears. He took the guitar from him like its some precious possession. It was nothing about the instrument but the feeling of Elena inside it that gave him Goosebumps as soon as he touched the strings. May be, those bullies will keep on with their comment. May be people would still think that he is not manly enough. But all these things matters least now, cause he has a sister out there, praying for him from all her heart. And many be she is now the only inspiration he need to make his guitar strings move.

Edited by deepkriti - 11 years ago
ankita_95 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#66
.. i was like this wen the girl enterd in the story.. !
This one is sho cute !! 🤗

Simply and utterly adorable. !

Its always the best to follow your heart and ignore the bad ones on the way.
Its not improtant how u r actually from outside but more improtant is the inside person.
People lack such analysis these days. They go on looks .. but the ppl wid golden heart like Elena are pure and precious..

A Tight Wala Teddy Bear Hug to YOU !! 🤗

*claps* .. ! 👏

Keep writing more..
coz it connects ❤️..
tuli_jayee thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#67
Wow, very nice one. It's such a cute story.
Sanju... thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#68
simply WOW..
touched my heart..
yet another beautiful os!
d line ..
"Yes, I have..just a day old."
brought me a smile with a glint of tears to my face 😳
SUPERB.. yaar ..
hw do u manage 2 amaze me every single time?!! 😆
keep goin n BE BRAVE!!😃
Amy21 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#69
Awww.. Such a cute story.. 😊
Good job... 👏
yoyoaishwarya thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#70
nice touching, emotional , loving os , I didn't kno u hav the capabilty to brought tears in my eyes , u did it m feeling truely happy ki two persons got they want , one a inspiring sis n one a lost bro , hatts off dear do write lots more

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