Hey RB,
Good to see you back. Am so glad to could get back to this story and what a story it has been.
I really dread whats gonna happen in the next chapter - for a moment when Arnav was thinking of leaving all this and starting a new life with Khushi I was so tempted to see that happen...but thats not whats going to happen is it?
Chapter 31:
"This isn't working," Keith grumbles for the fifth time. Shukla sighs and leans on pillar nearby and Deshmukh drinks lassi that's served by ashram's volunteers. The invites we received allowed us to watch whatever the deal was going on inside the auditorium. Khushi was sitting in a silver throne like structure, two men flanking her sides on smaller chairs. The hymn being chanted was in hushed whisper and Khushi had her eyes closed all the time. I am not sure what the f**k is going on. Khushi's parting words have been on repeat in my ears and seeing all these people in a single room is just...bad news.
"They say we have invite to watch, not to go inside." Deshmukh supplies dolefully. "So we will be watching the stuff that happens inside on screen here." Its hard to say if Deshmukh is being sarcastic or sincere. His voice modulation needs work. But he is the best when interviewing grabby housewives and pawing men and women.
"I want to go inside." Keith stands up from our designated seating and starts pacing. He manages to walk past two men in pristine white who try to stop him but cannot. The third and final man standing right outside the door asks Keith to leave. I can see Keith flashing his badge and the man merely scoffs in response. Three minutes later Keith is walking back to us, grumbling.
"He says," Keith jabs his thumb towards the door, clearly pointing to the security. "He says there are people in this very room who work in ministry and have a job that requires my boss's boss to salute them. As if that bit of info is useful." Its worrying. Khushi's stance is worrying all of us.
"Sit down and sit tight. There must be a reason why Khushi specifically asked us to come in civilian clothing. I don't understand it but I don't want to fight it." I wonder if I am convincing Keith to stop worrying or am trying to pacify myself.
"Wearing white is the necessary dress code that the ashram insists on people attending special ceremonies wearing. But I am more miffed that our weapons were confiscated at the entrance." Shukla is still annoyed at that. "I feel naked without it." None of us don't know how to reply to that. Even when he is going out to buy milk and seven in the morning, he carries his gun. He isn't a trigger happy man but he believes in protection.
"Why didn't Arjun come?" Deshmukh asks me.
"He said he couldn't come stand this place. Its the place that took his mom and the people who killed her are walking these hallways." There was apology in his voice when he said something along those lines. "I don't blame him." I add for good measure.
"What about you?" Deshmukh asks again, his eyes locked into mine. There is no judgment but there is something else that I am unable to identify. "I saw Anjali on the monitor."
"She is an important person here, obviously." I keep my voice careless and light. "That's why she is on the inside," I point to the monitor to prove my point. "And we are on the outside." I wave my hand around grouping the congregation of men and women in a large hall watching the ritual going in the other room via super large TV monitors.
"Its freaky watching this shit." Keith mumbles, eyes stuck on TV monitor.
Everyone is praying. Hymn is on repeat and everyone is humming in same tune. Its supposed to be meditative but its eerie and weird. My mind runs back to the conversation we had yesterday about cults in general. How cults in India are deep rooted in religion, mass hysteria and power welding machine. By the end of that discussion I was agreeing with what Khushi was saying the other day. Would it be too much to ask for the people to do their jobs and just cooperate with investigation and till then shut down the cult? But that's where the problem beings. There was no way we can prove that this ashram is just a platform to manufacture power and shape government, thus shaping the country. The simplistic solution attributed by the founder of this cult was amazing. Khushi's community helped people who wanted to gain power. This community made people with power. Months ago when I started this investigation I believed both to be the same. Now that I am sitting in this ashram watching past and present collide, I know well that they are different. Its not always in semantics. Sometimes the words mean much more than what they intend to. We just have to look harder.
My thoughts are broken when an announcement is made; whatever is going to happen next cannot be seen by anyone outside the room where the rituals were taking place. The giant TV monitors were now running some pre recorded prayers. People started fumbling around us - some wanting to stretch their legs and some in search of rest rooms. As there were no cellphones allowed inside the campus itself, there was a strange silent static in the air.
"Are they shitting us?" Keith, who else?
"They are very particular about traditions and rituals Kieth. Let it go. Its the day new members are initiated and Khushi officially takes the mantle of high priestess. They are shutting down the TV feed because Bramhananda Swami will be now inside that room doing - well - I don't know what. But that's the reason." Deshmukh replies patiently.
"How do you know all that? Are you part of this...thing?" Keith waves his hands around, flailing a little. Deshmukh lets out an amused snort.
"No, you dumbass. Its written in this pamphlet." He waves it in front of Keith's eyes and Keith bats his hands away. "You have the same pamphlet. Read it." Deshmukh says, amused.
I take the hint too and open the pamphlet. The redundant phrases heavily borrowed from old scriptures, Kant and some more are boring. I am halfway into reading about today's ceremony when a thin envelope falls on my lap. I am on my feet immediately and look for people who just passed so that I can figure out who the person is. There is a sea of men and women in front of me, all dressed in white and everyone, including us are wearing similar clothing. I swallow thickly and come back to my seat clutching the envelope tightly.
"Someone gave me this." I gesture my fist wildly that's clutching the envelope.
"Open it," Keith insists, urgent.
Its from Khushi.
"I am sorry. I am sorry for not taking the chance when we last met. I am sorry for not believing in your sense of justice. I am sorry I didn't shut up and let you be. I am sorry I helped you when we first me. I am sorry we met. No, strike that. I am not sorry we met, Arnav, believe me. But I am however not happy that we have to part this way. I have thought for several days - before we even planned to get me here - to find a suitable ending to everything that's happened surrounding this place. I came to conclusion that it was perhaps my destiny. It is my destiny to end the thing that's started with my father. Somehow that moment of betrayal has triggered so much of heartache, death and immorality that the only way this path can be stopped is by doing exact same thing to same person.
Yes, Arnav, same person. Isn't it surprising that the cult's leader is an absolute recluse and no one has seen his face? Only his disciples give public appearances and the face of the leader is seen only by select few; read powerful few. When I saw him for the first time, I laughed. Because irony is a bitch and betrayal is its mistress. The swami is my father and suddenly so many things became clear; like why the cult wanted me so desperately. Why they had to wait for me to come to them and never forcibly doing anything against my will. Why they wanted to kill you - they knew where my affections lay. They did it with Shyam because he took the role. They tried with you because I chose you. I am so sorry for that Arnav. I wish it didn't come to this. I wish things were easier. I wish life was simply badly written angst drama with romantic comedy elements sprinkled generously. I wish things were easier to deal with. I wish we had met in different circumstances - preferably nothing to do with a case. I wish we had spent more time together. I wish I had taken you out on a proper date. I don't know why I feel I am the older and mature one in the relationship but roll with me today. Please. I am babbling. I am ranting. I am sitting on toilet seat to steal few moments of privacy and scribbling this with an erratic speed. I wish I could tell you what I feel for you. It may sound creepy and weird-ish but trust me I would have soften the blow with awesome meal and light music. I am sorry that's not going to happen. I am sorry I have to tell you this. I am sorry I couldn't see you. I am sorry we didn't get the life we deserved. I am sorry for what you are going to see. I am sorry that I made a decision for us on your behalf. I am sorry for the things you lost. I am sorry for the things you are going to lose. I am sorry for...leaving you. That's going to be my biggest regret Arnav. I am however not sorry for justice many families deserve; what Arjun deserves. I am not sorry for the ripple effect that's going to follow. I am not sorry for the closure the victims' family are going to get. I am not sorry for giving you a closure you and Shyam deserve. However I am extremely sorry for taking your sister away from you. I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me someday for that. I am truly sorry for that Arnav. When Arav grows to be a fine young man, don't blame your sister for her decisions. Blame me for her death. Please. Say good-bye to the team, yeah? I am sure they will read this the moment you see its from me, surrounding you and reading over your shoulder. Sorry guys our meeting was short. I wish there was more time but I cannot risk it. I am sorry to leave this mess for you guys to clean up. And Arnav - there are things in my apartment that I would want you to have. My private lawyer will find you once things have calm down. I will watch over you like a creepy ghost or something. And lastly...take care of each other, okay? You only have each other to trust. Be a family. Stay good. I love you all."
And then the cries began. The loud voices that started in corners of the room started becoming thunderous with every second. There was too much turmoil in my heart and Khushi's letter sort of confirmed what we were fearing. The voices around us became louder and then all hell broke lose.
*****
"This is the first time you have specifically rejected working on a case. Technically I should write it against you but I guess I understand where you are coming from." DCP is sympathetic. He came to the station minutes ago and asked if I can work with special task force assigned to investigate the mass suicide that took place in Bhramhananda Ashram. There were more than two hundred people dead along with the ashram's guru. No one knows how they were poisoned and the toxicology was undecided yet. If only they investigated further they would find out that similar toxin was found in just another case. Mine. But a huge thanks to non-centralization of information. Or should I be sad?
Identifying Khushi was hard. In the end it was Shukla who signed off for her body and the five of us gave her a quiet funeral. It was just us five on the bank of a river. It was Keith who lit the pyre. Arjun signed off the release form of her body. No one else needed to know who she was and what she had done. I didn't like her decision. In fact I hate the route she took. But a part of me understood the drastic decision she finally had taken. It was too much. And she felt she couldn't do anything. After leading a life of war, she wanted to end things before things went out of her control. I don't know how many lives she has saved with this. I don't know how many people are saved by this. I sure do know that her death isn't going to go in vain. Its a promise we all made that day.
"My condolences Arnav," DCP continues when there is no reply from me. Anjali was one of the victims. I wasn't too surprised but it hurt like a bitch. My last connection to family is gone. The only remnants of my family is dead. I even took out an add in newspaper giving her a proper eulogy and a moving obituary. Hopefully that should make online edition and Shyam can see it. Arnav deserves to know the truth.
"Thank you very much sir. I sure hope I can sit this one out. There is too much history, too much bad blood. I don't want investigation to be compromised." I reply plaintively. The DCP nods and walks out of my cabin. I am surprised how easily he let it go.
Its a conscious decision to take a step back from the investigation. I want to revisit this investigation when its closed. It will not be something that's going to be forgotten and pushed into archive because no one could figure out why. CBI will be involved and half a dozen other organization will work on it. It will take them a decade to find the first crack. But in the way things are so intricately tied and died in that suicide, I doubt if lead will ever see light. Every possible clue to solving the case will lead to dead ends. In the end there will be entangled mess, bureaucratic nonsense and government pressure to let this case go. It will be termed as mass suicide by the cult and it will be forever famous.
In the meantime my team and I will continue to investigate the members of the cult. Just because they are dead doesn't mean their agendas aren't in action. There is still a lot of work to do. Khushi has given up her life to get us that time. For that, failing in this assignment is unacceptable.
I owe it to Khushi. She will be always remembered.
RB, that was the best end to this story
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