OS: Veritas: Paro

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javeria

@Javeria3991

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 11 years ago

#11

Awesome one shot
Love the way you describe parvati's perceptive of the whole family who were standing like a statue feeling pity n joyous on her desyroyed life which couldn't do anything better to her.
It's her fight n it's her responsibility to clear this mess.
I love the strong determination, faith in God n belief in herself that she will one day make Rudra pay of his deeds with interest.
Very true that he will regret the night he married her. His life is going to change now n he will not recognize that when n how his life will start revolving around Parvati.
Brilliantly written

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niyoti

@niyoti

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 11 years ago

#12

I'm back!😊

I loved this OS so much.Every time i read something, the immediate response is to picturise it in my head. Stories/Prose that stick with me long after I've finished reading are the ones that manage to maintain the flow of what i'm reading with what is visualized in my head. With this OS you've managed to paint a vivid picture in my mind.

These are a few of my favorite parts. I had a hard time picking. I think i would've quoted the whole thing.

She turned her head away from the satisfied gaze of Sumer, gazing upon her as Dhuryodhan had at Draupadi upon her disrobing in front of the court. She had denied him, and she was paying, his eyes said, a taunting smirk curving the edges of those crooked lips, a dark delight seeping into those beady eyes.

Very apt description of Sumer. I had the same thoughts running through my mind. Beady eyes indeed.

So she simply smiled quietly, accepting his token of apology with a soft, sweet blush and stepping into the golden pan shimmering beneath her feet. She held on to the sliver of happiness, the single moment of joy she had felt since that jallad had come home, wanting this ritual to go well.

This part added that something special which was missing from the show. That moment of brief disconnect where she collapsed and then was suddenly smiling did not quiet sit well. Very good job with getting into her head space! I think this proves that the written word can have an upper hand over simple visuals.

They didn't say anything, not one word to the man who had forcibly taken her. They had given her to him willingly, silently. So she would take him.

So she would take him...

I can vividly picture Goddess Kali stirring, waking, blinking into consciousness just beneath the serene surface of Goddess Parvati. The calm before the storm is unleashed. Loved it! I think it gave me goosebumps.

Keep writing!

Cheers!

Edited by niyoti - 11 years ago

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