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aarwen

@aarwen

Dazzler

+ 4

Posted: 11 years ago

#81

Hey Indi di am glad I wandered over to this page. The posts above of the fight and the day before.. enjoyed immensely. We did speak of this earlier.. I love these few days of the show. Everything was alive again. Beautiful reminder of these episode after reading your posts. Do you have one for the missing day as well? tel maalish, night calls, aadat..Would love to read if you have something written..

I'll have to keep tabs on these pages in hopes of seeing more excellent stuff show up here.

Thank you!

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 11 years ago

#82

from crooner 1.11 awakening!

chocolate, icecream, awakening.
what a lovely invitation to get phangurling, get thinking, archu.

updating in the morning. got to go get ready, you see someone might come to snatch the phone from my hand.

update 1

dear crooner, love your look at awakening. so many kinds of awakening he seeks, so many we have seen in him, and a few in her too.

again she couldn't take her eyes off his lips, she was really troubled when he said she must be pleased that he fell, she was completely thrown seeing him without his shirt. no, she was all over the place because he was taking off his shirt, that too sitting on her bed. this was a first, and not a single possibility of what this might lead to didn't flash through her mind. he was so pleased with the situation his sweet ma-in-law had gift packed with massage oil and given him. buaji was right, tumhare haath... (she is all paused and hyper)... kaanp rahe hain.

naughty naughty. gosh don't you just love him.

at what did my eye say, you knew he had her. so he played. he knows what he wants. he wants her to want him. and show it. he is not going to give in to his desire that easily. he will flick her nose gently instead. while her heart, body, everything is screaming for him to go ahead.

but, wait, wait till she's ready to melt into him like butter on hot toast. archana, the quote was like a brief on the episode, only written beautifully unlike most business documents.

well madam used her dimag to get what her dil and possibly her gut, wanted. she kept making calls to him. till he came. did she plan that? or did she just leave it to dm, still not ready to face her desire?😆

what an experiment to watch the melting of all resistance, arnav singh raizada has devised.

may it all go his way, hey dm. because this time as suba said yesterday, it's for him, for her, for them their love and trust.

will update later, too many thoughts, got to find the words.

just posted my episode epistle on page 26. 😆

Edited by indi52 - 11 years ago

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 11 years ago

#83

from crooner 1.11: awakening... the episode take. achha hua ki hum gire.

i watched them intently last night. he reclined next to her, balancing his body with one hand on the bed, almost as though he wanted to make sure he was not touching her. bare torso gleaming, a peculiar hunger in his eyes, but no, it was not lust.

to her: yeh aap kya kar rahe hain? he said all he wanted to do was look into her eyes and read her heart. the very truth of it. the most melodious sequence of shots went by as he looked at her and she gazed back rapt. i forgot this was only acting. perhaps they did too.

kya dekha aapne?

achha hua ki hum gire.

gire, hum gire, fell, we fell.

i don't know exactly what arnav singh raizada meant. perhaps he referred only to their little tumble a few moments before. it afforded him a providence and ma-in-law bestowed chance to play his beautiful wife a wee bit more. it unsettled her and her real feelings peeped out. especially when he said her hands were quivering; even more, when he teased that she must have been happy that he fell.

first time i heard him speak of devi maiyya, that too to bug her. oh delicious intimacy. and how rattled she was when saw him sitting on her bed, unbuttoning his shirt, again a barrage of forbidden thoughts, she was flustered. he enjoyed breaking in a little past her cool, can do it all barrier. the awakening of her senses was such joy to watch. her lips sort of trembly, her tone unsure, questioning. smile, he commanded; in top form, heart throb raizada. when he pulled her close, her eyes found his lips, his lazily teased, then just a touch of finger tip on pert nose. wasn't that a kiss.

but arnav singh raizada is no ordinary man. that falling most certainly was also about falling in love. beyond the physical, within ourselves, love is an instinctive plunge into an emotion whose bounds we don't really know, and yet we can't keep ourselves safe from it, we just must fall, must let go, must go deeper, be submerged, must submit, only then we feel this is indeed love.

no logic, no rational measures. it just happens, never know who will ring your bell. lavanya was such a perfect match but he didn't fall. shyam had he been unmarried might have been considered ideal for her, even she might have thought so, remember her assertion that shyam was a finer man and had the kind of wealth you don't keep in banks. but did she fall for him? ah love.

gets under your skin.

yet looking further still into the word "fall" and thinking of day before's episode and the crooner thereafter, i came upon another word that has come up again and again. ego.

arnav's ego, khushi's ego. ego isn't a bad thing, but if there's no opening of the ego how will love enter, or for that matter flow out? actually, love really strikes when we let the ego shatter a bit, i felt. if the sense of "i" doesn't fall away a little, how will "you" be allowed in? let your ego fall, let that feeling called love rush in, then plunge deep. no need for sarson ka tel malish, you will ache forever. and wish the damn pain never gets less. and don't worry about the ego, if it was strong to start with, it will build back seamlessly.

he has only 12 days, one is almost over. so why isn't he rushing a bit? why this laid back pace? left alone with khushi, he made her work and watched in delight every move of hers. "hurry up," he said but took his own sweet time. he had her at that "aapne kya dekha," (actually he had her way before, and when with that quizzical look and the galaxy's most tender smile he looked at her he had everything in that room and me) yet again he let her off with a sweet sexy touch your nose.

again i remembered their exchange just a day back. "biwi ho meri, huq hai tumhara... mujh..pe," and later in his office: just ask him for the money, it's her right as his wife, her huq, if she can't say it out loud, let her come closer and whisper it to him. is that what he is trying to do? give her a sense of her right? make her understand that she has the right to get as much as to give? does he know that his beautiful bride, orphaned at eight, has never been able to take a thing for granted, therefore never thinks of her place, her claim in the universe. does he want her to not just accept him as her pati but ask for what is rightfully hers as his patni. this is too stunning a thought, too too beautiful. i can't breathe.

i don't know what he wants her to realise. but it's far more than just a game to get khushi to give in. and maybe he too is longing for someone to exercise a right over him, make him a part of themselves. arnav singh raizada has allowed his ego to break and let khushi kumari gupta in. again and again he lets it crack and fall away, so that he can fall for her again and again. earlier it would happen without his knowledge, know he knows but doesn't put up much resistance.

the maximum wall of ego he allowed to build and blot out love was the night of the wedding. but we have traveled far from there.

but did you notice there fall was so reminiscent of the one on the day she was going to kill herself? that time he jerked her close then pushed her off him. divya wondered why when they collapsed to the floor today did they play the sad rabba ve. i wonder too. maybe because there is a sadness in the situation too. and what if 12 days aren't enough?

before i end, one last thought.

both arnav and khushi, lost a lot of their childhood, thanks to the severe trauma. khushi merely eight, arnav just a bit older at 14 or 15, but still a child. have you noticed how kiddish they get sometimes, both of them? are they both also living out unfulfilled parts of themselves with each other? and in doing so also is a beautiful trust growing?

too many thoughts today. if i flip through from crooner 1.8 to 1.11, almost every quote is in my head, every pondering we've all had. the story is getting more and more dense.

it is melting and sinking like butter into me.

ice cream chocolate malt whisky wine.

neruda's puma is stalking.

on anjali

i am confused. why must arnav have to show so much concern so much care? is there something we don't know? why does she not speak of khushi? why are we suddenly hearing arnav promise her: hamesha? doesn't disturb. only intrigues. i just know i don't know.

on garimaji

why the heavens make a mum. khushi may be an orphan but this is her mother, with all the raging yet giving love of a mother in her. she can slap khushi, but can she ever disown her or even say such a thing. khushi knows that, her little hurt part is not because garima failed, but because some hurts never mend entirely. and when mother likes the man you love, you're on a roll, babe.

😊 😊 😊 forgive the supreme and fairly all over the place ramble.

Edited by indi52 - 11 years ago

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 11 years ago

#84

from crooner 1.12: jeevan ki dor. the night he slept holding her hand.

he let his fingers trail gently over her palm and rested his hand on hers as he snuggled deeper into his pillow and lay for a moment just looking at her face. she slept on. a calm stole across his features, he inhaled long, his eyelids drooped shut, not a single line of tension or worry anywhere, only a quiet, a sense of coming home. her fingers curled over his as if on cue.

a silence fell. yet i strained my ears to catch the faint sound of music i thought i could hear playing beyond the silence. reminded me of those moments while listening to a western classical symphony when all sound is diminished: pianissimo, soft very soft, when you think there's no sound, but there is, under all the surrounding silence there it is, sweet, even, holding on resolute. and gradually the conductor picks up the thread of that barely audible strain and raises it all the way back to forte and crescendo and even above. that fine thread of sound, the dor of life, of continuity.

i listened for that, and i fancy in the few seconds i was granted to look at them in that state of bliss on the narrow ridiculous bed , i did hear its quiet melody. it was in the ease of their breathing, the relaxed lines of their bodies as they lay together; in sleep forgetting all their troubles, all their ego, their sturm und drang.

just minutes before they were sparring, he was quite irritable in his sleep deprived state. she had slumped into deep into slumberland instantaneously at his bark of "so jao." after an initial "oye" and "what the f-" he'd cleaned up the mess, carried her to her bed, was not as gentle as you'd think he'd be when he saw her hand clutching his collar, was all set to tuck her in and leave the not so customary window way, when in her sleep she pulled his hand and with full ownership tucked it under her cheek refusing to let go.

he looked at her and knew he had to give in, he wanted to give in. he lay down without disturbing her and reached for her hand.

the music returned, growing louder but delicately. why does she sleep like a taekwondo queen here, he wondered in his head. why do you sleep like that here, you don't sleep like that at home, he asked her as she woke up. she was taken aback to find him before her, sharing her bed. caught her off guard, so what, she snapped back, it's my habit, i don't say anything to you about holding my hand and sleeping.

the charming discovery of his hand grasping hers. a funny joy just flitting across his face: i guess, it's a habit of mine.

the music moved up, only a notch though and as delightfully as the hint of a smile on her face at his "aadat."

he left with a forte command to her to go right back to sleep.

by the end of the episode the "amezing" building of a crescendo. where she grew more and more angry, she yelled, she threw things, she asserted she was the master of her own destiny, and all this in the board room of his newly acquired company. the angrier she got, the happier he looked, even offering to help her pick up and chuck the printer. he looked the happiest when she refused to give in to his threat and said she was not coming home with him, he could go ahead and do what he liked. in fact, he'd looked somewhat crestfallen when he misunderstood and thought she had taken his offer.

arnav singh raizada has worked a very asr plan. yell on, mrs raizada, in fact, now stomp out, while he holds the door open for m'lady.

just when you thought the climax had been reached, crash bang, another slap. how dare you call the lady "item," she is my wife.

but who can blame the hapless soul for not getting that? who passes indecent proposals to their own wife via staff? who razes their wife's family home to the ground? who cuts off the electricity and water in their wife's home where three elderly people live?

why, the man with a plan, of course. over whose hand her fingers curl without thinking. it's such a habit.

i am not imagining things, there is music playing beyond the silence, just where the pot of water waits. 😆

yeh shaam mastani, madhosh kiye jaay, mujhe dor koi khinche teri ore liye jaaye. ta ra ra ra ra lala la la lahmm hmm hm hmm hmhmmm

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 11 years ago

#85

from crooner 1.8: and khushi smiled... the kiss on the cheek that makes me feel thrummings in my heart even now. he in brown, she very pink.

hi priya,
moving crooner. every word true. it's been a crazy six months for a very young and innocent girl, and if she survives today, it's mainly thanks to her generosity of spirit and that endearing though at times baffling sanak.

but he will no doubt walk the talk, feel her need, know it isn't unjustified, and do what he has to do. in the meantime he will flirt, kiss, leave her with a smile and a stirring in her heart. he had said he'd never give her the "darja" of a patni but now he's insisting on her claiming her "haq." there are indeed no straight lines in the universe. i was abs astounded when i read your hesse quote. about 4 or 5 years ago i remember writing a piece in my blog on precisely that.

the way we insist on the straight line in our limited reality. how desperately we try to teach our kids to draw it, what shabashi we bestow when the line gets straighter, we don't notice the joy leaving the child's eye as everything in her or his life gets straighter, ever so rigid.

but in nature where is the straight line?

my thought had ended on, there's only one straight line that i could see: the one that connects our thoughts. yesterday his "tum janti ho," might be a good example of that. also the look on his face and hers after the kiss, yeah thoughts definitely connected there.

i really enjoyed the other quotes. the gibran one very intriguing. those who understand us do enslave us in a way, but if your madness is true blue genuine 110 percent, there's no fear of anyone figuring that out ever. hee hee.

also, in agreement about seeing what you like rather than dwelling on what's wrong. nothing is ever perfect the way you thought it would be. but in the net, if you prefer to hang around something or someone, look for what makes you happy in that or them, there will always be stuff you dislike.

that kiss was such a happy making moment for me, along with that air of yeah i scored on someone as he strode out, and of course that smile on madamji of utter haq's face. aw she lifted her hand to touch the spot, just as i told her to. uff what a straight line that was.

me in smiley loopy frame of mind. would love to discuss today, don't think there's a spec of analysis in me though, sab wo striding man leh gaya. so ha!, as promised, gandhari, nooo looong post.

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 11 years ago

#86

crooner 1.9: what you will... a comment to priya.

priya,

that fountainhead quote is visceral and beautiful, both at once. the first part of the confession is on its way, and we've known it since he said to di, he loved khushi only after he got married. aww, even in the way he discovers his own love there's so much arnav singh raizada. the pearl reaching in past all the nacre to find his heart, delicate and raging and alive all at once.

the last lines of that breath stopping paean, so stunning and real and what it all comes down to between a man and a woman in love ultimately doesn't it. that wanting, that shedding of inhibitions, the dropping of the outer persona to be everything, good, bad, no judgement, before and for the one you give yourself, your being, mortal and immortal to.

given the medium and its limitations as well as our cultural concerns, perhaps asr won't say it in so many words, but we have two fine fine actors who may convey it all without a single syllable being uttered. i would really love that, because it would complete the portrayal of an awareness in all its wonder. actually the shot of him looking at her through amused, languid eyes while she raves, he in black, she in red, has elements of desire, of enjoying watching her shed the image that the world sees and move into a more intimate space, a couple of inhibitions dropped already, doesn't it. (garbled sentence, thanks to rush of feelings. afraid editing will kill, so letting it be.)

loved crooner. hopeless at decoding. never needed asr to redeem himself. he did that exactly at all those points you mention. most of all because he did love her from the beginning, perhaps of time itself (i do get carried away).

when you speak of peetal ka bartan, i presume you are talking of what is to come in the story. he will realise, unwittingly, he has truly harmed/hurt her, possibly in their past, and then will we see him in that phase.

i am pretty bad at decoding, whatever strikes me instinctively, i go on. but thanks to twelfth night, have been immersed in that comedy and its quotes whole morning, uff you're a better eng prof than most i've conned. you do get me to think and work and read o no help me shakespeare. won't blame you though, it was such a pleasure to slowly say his words. tactile, almost edible, just the perfect mood setter for that second half of howard roark's confession.

looking forward to your friday revelations. here's to 24 hours, 24 thousand rupees, and 1... 2... 3... 12 days and a night

Edited by indi52 - 11 years ago

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 11 years ago

#87

crooner 1.9: what you will... episode take. the "shayad" episode.

much ado about nothing?
strangely enough, that resonated, priya.
i am fairly certain i don't need another wedding for them; in fact, seems a bit unromantic if anything. a huge fussy wedding between cool and jhalli. they need hatke stuff if any more nuptials are required. bet man in black won't let it happen any other way, specially if you consider his current wooing technique.

good morning and good too see crooner 1.9, priya.

i was delighted yesterday when he asked her, "what's the matter?" and she said, "nothing." remember that one from crooner? oooh that's such an adorable utterly man woman thing. and you only say it to a man you've come to accept as your own, what say.

will wait for your post and update here later. me happy happy today.

adding on. 😊

when buaji asked if everything was ok and he stopped in his tracks, pausing for a long moment, with unbelievably a hint of hopelessness in his eyes and said in a low tone a flat "shayad," i felt a sadness making its way within me.

the mind is a funny animal, i instantly recalled in school this guy used to say, when a woman says, "no" she means "yes," when a woman says "maybe" she means "no." today i thought i heard that "no" in a man's "shayad."

he looked tired, confused. the usual swagger missing completely. i had never really seen him like this. the day both the women left him alone, he still had resolve in him, and he acted immediately to make things ok; brave, confident, karta that he is. but this was a different pain, one he hadn't felt before.

he had tried so hard since that fight that night. everything he could, sweetness, light, food, gifts, happy birthday declaration, flirting, old moments, flower bedecked path, whatever he could think of. he'd even taken nk's advice! he was gentle, tender, understanding as much as he could be, trying to keep a grip on that temper, his best friend; to a point where we were clamouring for him to go to work, be more asr. but for her, anything.

then she left to go to buaji's and he'd made four trips to see her on the same day. he just wanted her so badly. he loved her so much and longed to hear she'd accepted him as her husband.

but now she'd told him to go away. after telling him she didn't want him to pay buaji's rent, no favours please. he was shocked, he thought he had a right to worry about her family. after apologising to him for lying, she'd said she just needed to get away, for this that and a bit of change. when he asked so lovingly why didn't she at least try telling him this. instead of tea, she threw a memory at him. remember how you were on my birthday? his face fell. go away, she said, everything will be fine after 13 days.

he was perplexed. what was this now. there were no explanations, she insisted he leave.

even at the last minute he tried, he came back in and said, i'm with you, tell me what's wrong. and she said, nothing; as women have said to the man they love for centuries. only and always when everything is wrong.

two beautiful lovers at such a strange crossroads. how will they reach each other.

soon enough i saw the effect of this separation on khushi. five minutes to twelve she'd lain silent, unyielding, to his poignant overture of love on her birthday. five minutes after twelve she sat forlorn and said to devi maiya, one more day gone. just 12 days and i won't be his patni anymore. sadness, tears, panic almost in her eyes. won't her saansey stop if she should cease to be what she is essentially? his wife.

some loves change us. they demand we mend our ways, bend backward, show how much we love if we say we do. and some loves set us free. they let us be, let us breathe, they know we aren't perfect, but yet that feels perfect, they delight in us being us. they get us instinctively, they know when we are we and when we are not.

maybe khushi could sense he was trying too hard, maybe she didn't really want him to be who he was not. how thrilled she was when he played his prescription for kiss trick, and delighted at his ramanchi kiss, his i never lose a sharth. she actually had to tell herself to focus. funny girl. look at her dream, he is all asr, chucking money at her, laughing at her meanly, oh how she loves him just like that just so bad boy.

thank the almighty for grandmothers. finally he realised why she'd left home. at last he had a clearer goal, past that confusion, realising the meaning of "nothing." and thankfully this time he decided that only one man could handle this challenge. raizada, my name is arnav singh raizada.

goodbye sweetness, hello sexy. welcome back.

and gosh, what have you done to your smile? thud. go away, got to write.

he is back, peremptory, unsympathetic, imperious, mocking, and in black. she's mad at him again, stomping into his office gorgeous in flaming red. demanding he explain his reason for withdrawing the cheque she'd categorically refused, snatching his phone from his hand when he talks to someone while she yells, making it quite clear without knowing that she has this haq... on him.

all their familiar storm and thunder music is on. "if music be the food of love, play on. give me excess of it..." from what else, twelfth night.

he has, as mamiji said, "one two," 12 days. this time it will all go as he thinks it will, well almost all for he has been true to himself and "it shall follow as the night the day," as polonius said to laertes in hamlet, if memory serves me right.

for me the epiphany at the the end: can't bear to see asr in "shayad" frame of mind. howard roark laughed. arnav singh raizada smiled. o yes.

😊

a few thoughts.

this is one of the most beautiful episodes ever in words, action, thought. i could right a song on that stepping back by her out of his hold on her shoulder, leaving his arms empty, still, surprised, yawning nothing he holds on to while she stands stiff, downcast.

anjali is either cheating and meeting snake on the sly or going a bit crazy, either way, trouble. no prob, bring it on.

the week has been full of hints and things, eager to see what it's all about. as long as you tell me a story well i don't fear the monsters in it.

buaji's dukhbhari dastaan snores, then mamiji's filled with what? kind of like our lal chhadi, something about her, there's a sense of right and wrong i can't not like. so cute that call to payal, i'm scared of ghosts and have been in mamiji's state many times.

priya, the second part of that howard roark confession that's what i want for our lovers, wedding or no wedding. for that is the physical manifestation of real love, love that laughs at the boundaries of time and space.

Edited by indi52 - 11 years ago

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 11 years ago

#88

hi rhea,

thanks so much for reading... okay went and got as many posts on those episodes as i could find on different crooners. if you like reading ipk stuff, crooners are a good place... honeypriya used to run that thread... her takes are always interesting and i used to particularly enjoy nandalala... many good writers there, omoraboti, gandhari, amisuv, archanan, dennisdmenace, and several others.

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aarwen

@aarwen

Dazzler

+ 4

Posted: 11 years ago

#89

ASR and Howard Roark in the same post.. I feel like have opened up Pandora's box..Will surely go read Crooners threads Indi di. Thank you so much for suggesting.

And yes these are the episodes I was talking about. Can't stop smiling after reading all that you wrote. And am glad you like these episodes too. WIll be fun to share once we reach there on our BFTP thread.. Looking forward to it..